Gee meets my gaze in the mirror. Please don’t say anything, I will her. Please don’t.
‘Oh yeah, right, sorry, Willow,’ she says eventually.
‘It’s OK,’ I say confidently, and Dustin squeezes my hand.
Gee says nothing more until we reach the shop. She pulls into the car park but there are no other spaces and she’s blocking another car. She grabs her purse from the front seat and chucks it at Dustin. ‘Can you get me a bottle of wine, please?’
Dustin nods his head and smiles. We are going to have drinks and games at my house tonight, as Gran is out with friends. I go to open the door. ‘Oh, Willow,’ Gee says. My stomach drops. She turns around, and plasters a fake smile on her face. ‘Would you be able to wait with me? I need advice about that boy I was telling you about.’
‘Of course,’ I mumble, letting go of the door. I look up to Dustin, hoping he’ll save me.
Instead he kisses my cheek. ‘I’m a big boy, I can handle going to the shops on my own,’ he jokes.
I watch him carefully as he walks further and further away, feeling Gee’s eyes driving into me. I finally give in, turning around to look at her. She is still turned around in her seat, glaring at me. ‘So why did Dustin react like that?’
Is there a way out of this? I consider lying, but I know it’s pointless. Gee seems to be able to see right through me at all times.
‘I might have let Dustin believe my mum and dad aren’t around any more … ’
Gee looks at me blankly.
‘As in, he thinks they died.’
She sighs. ‘Willow … ’
‘I didn’t say they were dead,’ I add hastily. ‘I just didn’t correct him when he assumed.’
‘And what if he asks how they died, what are you going to say?’
‘He won’t ask.’
‘What if he does?’
‘Then I’ll tell him they died in the fire.’
There is silence. Georgia drums her fingers on the steering wheel and inhales deeply, eyes closed. When she opens them again her gaze is softer.
‘Willow—’
‘It wouldn’t be that much of a lie really.’
‘It would, it would be a very big lie.’
I avoid her eyes, starting to pick at my nails. ‘It just doesn’t seem worth going into all that; it’s not like it has anything to do with my life now.’
Gee looks back at me, eyes wide, patronising smile. ‘OK.’
‘Georgia.’
‘I said OK.’
‘You’re not going to say anything, are you?’
She turns back to the steering wheel. ‘It’s nothing to do with me anyway.’
I breathe a sigh of relief.
‘So you won’t tell him? You promise.’
‘No, Willow, I won’t tell him,’ she snaps, clearly exasperated. ‘But for the record I think this is a mistake. Lies always get found out.’
My phone pings. It’s Dustin.
Forgot to ask you what you want. Red, white? Xxx
I smile, grateful for the interruption, and tap back a reply. When Georgia speaks next she’s so quiet that I can pretend I haven’t heard her.
‘You need to let him see all of you, Willow. Not just hide the pieces you don’t want anyone else to see.’
Chapter 27
Dustin
It’s been two weeks now. Two weeks, and still nothing from Willow.
‘Morning, sweetheart!’
I smile at Mum. It’s five a.m., I’m only awake because Zara woke me up, as she likes to most mornings. So, just like most mornings, I’ve clambered downstairs, sorted her bottle and now she’s on my lap, bottle in mouth, knitted blanket clutched in one little fist. And sure enough, Mum appears five minutes later, claiming she just happens to be awake at this time.
‘Want me to help with that?’
‘I’ve got it, Mum, thanks though,’ I respond, as though we don’t have this exact same exchange every morning.
Nodding, Mum starts making herself busy, popping the kettle on, getting out bread for the sandwiches she makes Elliot and Alicia every morning to take to work and college. I notice that they don’t always take them. But Mum always makes them.
She sits down, popping a cup of tea in front of me.
‘So I was talking to one of my customers from work, and she said her baby was slow at developing and she took her to a homeopath who really helped.’
I grit my teeth, moving Zara closer to me. ‘The doctor said not to rush her. And anyway she’s not slow, the doctor said lots of children take longer to speak and then there’s no difference between them and others when they finally do.’
‘Oh I know, honey, I’m not saying she’s slow but, you know. I just thought it might help.’
‘Ok.’
There is a silence. Mum sighs, before speaking again. ‘Where did you say you worked in Brighton?’
I stare at her. I never said, but good try at being subtle, Mum. ‘I was an estate agent.’
‘Oh yes, I remember,’ she says, taking a sip of tea. ‘You know there’s a really nice independent one in Woking.’
I know where this is going. ‘Is there?’ I still haven’t told her I haven’t actually quit my job in Brighton. Though unless I decide to go back next week I’m probably going to have to. Despite all their messages about taking as much time as I need, I had an email from my manager yesterday asking when they could expect me back and whether working remotely might be an option.
‘Yeah, where the ice cream shop used to be, they got shut down by hygiene standards or something. Shocking, that is. All the kids that used to go there, could have made them really ill.’
I nod my head, rubbing my eyes. ‘I’m not thinking about a job right now, Mum.’
‘I know, hon, but it’s good to think about your options and plan how you’re going to get your life back on track.’
‘I will, Mum, when … ’
When Willow comes back.
But what if she doesn’t come back? Will my life just stop? I realise I haven’t pictured the future at all since she left. How can you get back on track when the path you were so sure of has suddenly reached a dead end?
‘No rush, hon, I just thought it might help you to think about these things. And you know I will always look after Zara. Work would let me bring her—’
‘I know, Mum, I appreciate it.’ She walks over, holds her hands out to Zara and I pass her over. Mum works in an independent gift shop near town and they are very relaxed, of course they’d let her bring Zara. And of course that’d work just perfectly for Mum.
‘This little one and I can catch up on missed time, can’t we?’ she coos. Then she pauses awkwardly and I look down, not wanting to catch her eye.
‘I’m going to my friend’s tonight, by the way, if that’s OK?’
I look up at her in surprise. Mum never had much of a social life. ‘Yeah, Mum, of course, why wouldn’t it?’
‘I just wanted to check you’d be OK on your own, sweetie. I’ll make food so you’ve got something for dinner.’
‘Oh no, honestly it’s fine, it’ll be nice to cook actu—’
‘Nonsense,’ Mum says firmly. ‘Look at you, you’re wasting away. You need some proper home cooking.’
‘OK, well, thank you.’
I remember now. It’s always easier to just say yes.
Chapter 28
Willow
Then – April 2018
‘It’s so nice to finally have you round, I’ve heard so much about you, Willow.’
After the conversation in the car, Dustin finally texted me last week with an invitation to his for dinner. And though I was relieved in a way, this quickly gave way to dread. Why the hell was I pushing for this? I was meeting Dustin’s mum for the first time, and what if she hated me? What if I got there only to find I had nothing interesting to say? Conversation isn’t exactly my strong suit. Would Dustin’s opinion of me change as a result? And, oh dear God, dinner. I’m a really messy eater.
Would she judge?
I also spent ages deciding what to wear. In the end I went for my dress with the stars and moon print. It’s not too short and paired with tights and my DMs it felt like a safe choice. Nobody hates a dress and DMs, right?
So far though, so good. Dustin’s mum, who tells me I should call her Carol, is all smiles and friendliness. She’s a tiny bit overpowering, I guess, asking all sorts of questions and not really giving me a chance to answer, but still very nice. I don’t see what all the fuss was about. She looks nothing like Dustin with her pale skin and short blonde hair.
She has made shepherd’s pie for dinner and she hands a plate to me now, piled so high I don’t know how I’m ever going to eat even half of it.
‘Yes,’ Carol says, sitting down now that everyone is served. ‘He’s always on about you.’
I know for a fact this is untrue because Dustin told me that asking if I could come to dinner was the first time he’d ever mentioned me to his mum. Still, she means it nicely so I smile.
‘He probably doesn’t talk anywhere near as much about his old mum, does he?’
I laugh and take a forkful of shepherd’s pie. Only in the ensuing silence do I realise my mistake. Carol gives Dustin a tight smile and looks pointedly down at her food.
‘I mean, of course he does … ’ I begin to say, but it sounds so unconvincing and Dustin gives a little shake of his head as if to say ‘leave it’.
I pick at the skin on the side of my nails. My hands are raw from where I scrubbed at them earlier. I know I should address the hand-washing thing at some point.
Dustin is sitting next to me and Alicia, his sister, is sitting opposite me, which is quite comforting, because I’ve already met her a few times at parties. Dustin’s mum is opposite him.
‘So,’ Carol says eventually, ‘Dustin says you moved from Brighton?’
I nod my head, one too many times, relieved the silence has been broken. ‘Yeah. I think.’ Carol looks at me, obviously waiting for me to elaborate. ‘I do miss it though,’ I continue nervously.
‘Not a fan of Surrey, are you, love?’
There’s a definite edge to her voice. ‘Um, well, no, that’s not—’
‘Brighton was what Willow was used to, obviously,’ Dustin interrupts and I throw him a thankful smile.
‘This is really nice, Carol, thanks,’ I say, my voice slightly shaking, and to my relief she smiles.
‘Don’t worry if you can’t eat it, dear, but I gave you a big serving, because it does look like you need feeding up a bit.’
‘Mum,’ Dustin says with a warning tone.
She looks at Dustin, her eyes wide and innocent. ‘What? I’m not trying to cause offence. I’m just saying, you’d look lovely with a bit more meat on your bones. Not that you don’t look lovely now.’
I feel myself stiffen in my chair. I want the ground to swallow me up. ‘Thank you—’ I begin to say – what else is there to say? – but Carol carries on.
‘But if Dustin was that weight, I’d worry, that’s all. But maybe that’s just a mum thing.’
I look towards Dustin. Is she being really tactless or am I just being overly sensitive? I do have a tendency to be too sensitive.
Then Dustin puts his hand on my thigh, stroking my leg, and I instantly feel warmer. He flashes his eyes at his mum, but she continues, oblivious.
‘So, Willow, you moved from Brighton with your parents, didn’t you?’ she says.
‘Her gran,’ Dustin replies stiffly.
‘Oh – so did your parents stay in Brighton?’
The room is silent. Everyone has stopped eating. Dustin and Alicia exchange glances, while I try to think about the least awkward way to smooth this over. Dustin obviously hasn’t told his mum – well, he probably didn’t have the time, seeing as he only mentioned me last week.
‘Umm, my parents aren’t around any more,’ I say, hoping that will be an end to it.
‘Oh, darling – I’m so sorry. What happened?’
‘Mum,’ Dustin hisses. ‘You can’t ask people that!’
Carol looks thoroughly put out by Dustin’s reprimand. ‘Well, Willow doesn’t have to tell me if she doesn’t want to. But I happen to think it is OK to ask.’
Before Dustin leaps to my defence again I place a hand on his to let him know I’m fine. ‘There … ’ I take a deep slow breath. ‘There was a fire.’
My stomach sinks as I say it, and I lower my eyes to the food I now don’t have the appetite to eat. I’m praying this is enough information and there won’t be any more awkward follow-up questions.
‘I’m so sorry, dear,’ I hear Carol say. And she does sound really sorry. For all her awkward questions, she’s clearly very kind-hearted. ‘You poor lamb.’
‘I didn’t realise that was how they died, Wills,’ Dustin says quietly.
‘It’s OK.’ My eyes are focused on my fingers; I’m now aggressively picking the loose skin around my nails. Dustin places a firm, discouraging hand on mine before squeezing it reassuringly. I give him a weak smile, trying to ignore the bubbling in my stomach.
Thanks to some excellent conversational skills from Alicia, the rest of the dinner is OK, and I happily eat one-handed, my other hand still clutched in Dustin’s, while she chatters away. It seems both she and Dustin are both very good at that. They are weirdly alike in lots of ways.
‘So Willow got accepted into Reading Uni, Mum,’ Alicia says, winking at me.
Carol eyes open wide. ‘Oh good, going this autumn?’
I nod my head, proudly. ‘Hopefully.’
‘Hopefully indeed, maybe that will encourage Dustin.’
Dustin’s face darkens.
‘I keep telling Dustin he should be thinking about the future more. Oh, I know for now he’s got you and that’s important, obviously, but I do say he shouldn’t let himself be held back.’ Dustin sighs, and I stare at her, trying to comprehend what she’s just said. Is it true? Am I holding Dustin back? I have never thought of it that way.
Carol carries on talking. ‘After all, you’re both so young. You can’t miss out on opportunities in life at your ages, can you?’
‘No,’ I reply quietly.
‘Mum,’ Dustin says sharply. ‘Not now.’
She glares at Dustin. ‘I know you don’t want to hear it, Dustin, but—’
‘Mum … ’ Dustin practically shouts.
Carol shakes her head, her face suddenly compressing. Alicia, Dustin and I clear away the plates, and I can’t help but steal glances at Carol. I can’t tell if she’s furious, or if she’s on the verge of tears.
‘I really like your nose piercing, Willow,’ Alicia says, taking the plates from my hand.
‘Thanks,’ I say, moving my hand to my nose self-consciously.
‘I really want to get mine done,’ she says, and she and Dustin disappear into the kitchen.
‘Oh no you don’t,’ Carol calls after her. ‘It can look a bit chavvy.’ She looks at me. We are alone in the living room. ‘Not saying it looks that way on you, Willow. I’m just saying, it can give the wrong idea, you know?’
I don’t know. And I don’t know what to say in response to that. Later, after dinner, Dustin and I go up to his room and I’m grateful to escape his mum for even a few minutes. Dustin’s room has album posters all over the wall, and magazines and old vinyl records are strewn everywhere. But my favourite thing is the knitted blanket lying on his pillow, the one he discovered half finished the first time he came to dinner with Gran and me.
Dustin flops down on the bed, looking up as I stand in his room uncomfortably. He leaps up, grabs me, and pulls me down on the bed with him, so that I’m forced to laugh. As the laughter fades, Dustin starts apologising for his mum’s comments.
‘It’s OK,’ I say, gently tracing patterns across his chest with my finger.
‘No, it’s not, she’s always like this these days. It’s like she doesn’t know social boundaries any more.’
‘She means well,’ I say, which I
do think is true, though she made me so uncomfortable. At least, she means well when it comes to Dustin. I feel like she’d quite happily push me – the foil to all her son’s potential, apparently – under a bus given half a chance. But I don’t want Dustin to think I have a bad impression of his mum, especially as he’s only just let me meet her. I pause and prop myself up to look at Dustin. ‘Why didn’t you tell your mum about us until now?’
Dustin lets out a heavy sigh. ‘Wasn’t it obvious from tonight? I love my mum, but she’s overprotective. It gets intense.’
‘Has she always been like that?’
Dustin frowns. ‘Um, well, sort of. She got a lot worse after my dad left. And she’s not as bad with Alicia. Sometimes I worry that … ’
‘What?’
‘Well, that she thinks I’m like him. That I’m just going to take off and leave her one day.’
I am quiet. Under my hand Dustin’s chest rises and falls sharply.
‘But I’m not my dad. I just wish she would see that.’
‘Of course you’re not.’
‘And she can be so bloody judgemental sometimes, it drives me insane.’
I stare at him. ‘Judgemental of me?’
‘No. Not at all. I don’t mean that. She’s just got an opinion on everything. She just likes to be involved, I guess. Anyway, I wanted to wait to introduce you to her until we were more settled, so it wasn’t overwhelming.’
I look at him carefully for a few seconds. It wasn’t because he was embarrassed by me, it was because he was thinking of me. He always seems to be thinking of me. I smile, before planting a kiss on his nose. ‘What would I do without you?’
‘You would carry on living your life,’ he says as I lie down on his chest.
‘No, I couldn’t. Not any more.’
‘Don’t be stupid,’ he says, stroking my hair.
He doesn’t get it, does he? He doesn’t get how he came at the right time. How much I needed him. ‘I think I’ve only started living properly now I’m with you.’ I sit up. ‘I have never felt this before.’
He smiles, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me on top of him again. ‘Neither have I, Willow.’
The Missing Pieces of Me: Discover the novel that will break your heart and mend it again Page 11
