Heartless A Shieldmaiden's Voice: A Covenant Keeper Novel

by S. R. Karfelt

  “I’m Lincoln, Captain Robert Lincoln, do you remember?”

  “Of course, Captain.” There was something uncomfortable in Ted’s voice, but he shook the hand offered to him.

  The former leader of the Pact still looked strong, catlike and athletic, though Carole was certain the team had disbanded long ago. Lincoln wore white cotton trousers and a tunic, pegging him as a tourist.

  “I recognized your polite reprimand. Only you would respond to almost being run down with ‘whoa’. I’m here with my wife, a second honey—” his voice trailed off as his eyes fell on Carole, standing in Ted’s shadow. “Blank?”

  “White,” Carole said, and hesitantly offered him her hand. “It’s nice to see you, Captain.” I think, she added mentally.

  Lincoln’s grin was suddenly brilliant. He didn’t seem to notice her hand as his dark eyes swung back to Ted’s face.

  “You sly old dog you! That’s why you were hunting her down! Good God, I thought you wanted—well, never mind. I sure had it wrong,” he turned his eyes back to Carole. The smile stretched so widely that it was impossible for Carole not to return it. Though she had no idea what he was grinning about. He grabbed both her hands, squeezing them.

  “I’m glad I didn’t lie to him about where you were. Though I admit I regretted it afterwards. Spent many nights wondering why he was hunting for you.” The former leader of the Pact was obviously delighted despite Ted’s tight lipped frown. Then Lincoln’s mouth dropped open, and he looked from one to the other, dropping Carole’s hands.

  “No way! That baby was yours?” He stared at Ted as though thunderstruck, then threw his head back and laughed a loud ha.

  “Was it a boy or a girl?” Lincoln looked at Carole for that answer.

  “We have a daughter. She’s almost twenty-four,” Ted quietly supplied.

  Lincoln practically danced in the street. “I’m so glad I ran into you. I thought about you over the years, Blank. Wondered—never dreamed.” Shaking his head back and forth he made a tsk sound while looking at Ted. “You know, General, we wondered how you managed to save her from the Judas Judge sentence. There was a wild rumor that you’d called in a favor from the President himself. Maybe it wasn’t so wild?”

  “Robert?” A woman’s soft voice called from across the street. She stood in the doorway of a shop, in a pretty pink dress, arms loaded with packages. Lincoln looked over at her, then back at Ted and Carole.

  “Well. I suppose introductions are out of the question.” His eyes flitted back and forth for a moment. Then he nodded at Ted, looked at Carole and put his hand over his heart.

  “All the things we could never say, huh? I’m glad you found a guy who really loves you. You deserve it.” With that, Lincoln simply turned and walked away.

  TED TOOK HER reluctant hand and started walking towards home. Carole ignored her burning feet and followed at his side.

  “Looks like you had more than one admirer in the Pact,” he murmured.

  Though moments ago she’d planned never to speak to him again, she said, “I thought he hated me in the end.”

  With his free hand Ted scratched his nose, glancing around at the few passersby. They turned off the busyness of the main street and into the shadows of a narrow road.

  “Hatred is a strange emotion. Very transitory, don’t you think? Exhausting, too.”

  “Did you really call the President over my Judas Judge violation?”

  “I told you long ago that I had to pull strings—He used to play golf with my Dad, and of course he knew who I was. Everyone in Washington did back then.” Ted gave a short humorless bark. “My mother had an affair with my fiancé. The Washington rumor mill always got that part wrong because my dad took the rap. He was in politics. Mom drove off a bridge with my fiancée the day before my wedding. Investigators said she did it on purpose. I think the President was one of the few who truly felt for me, rather than delighted in the gossip.”

  “I never knew the details. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  “It wasn’t something I liked to rehash. I loved Beth very much. I loved my mother too. I was thrilled they got along so well.” Ted rubbed his palm roughly against his forehead. “Obviously I had no idea how well. By the time I got to a place where I could have talked about it, there didn’t seem to be any point. You felt what it did to me, and you lived with my reaction.” Ted avoided her eyes.

  “It was a long time ago.”

  “You can recover from betrayal, but it does leave a mark. I imagine you know that.”

  Carole tried to squeeze his hand, but Ted pulled free.

  “I saw your face when you looked at Lincoln. Took you back, didn’t it? Your eyes never light up like that for me.” Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his shorts, he glanced at her sidewise. “The world is full of men like Lincoln. Men who’d hunt with you through the jungles of Borneo if you wanted it, men who’d let you do that heart thing—”

  “Why are you saying this?”

  “Because I want you to be happy. I’m telling you to go find what you need. If you ever want to come back, I’ll be here—alone. I’ll wait for you. It seems fitting, doesn’t it? After all the years I made you wait?”

  Carole darted in front of Ted and stopped walking. He almost bowled her over. She put her hands on her hips, holding her ground, invading his space. “So just like that, after all this time you want me to go?”

  “You were thinking it yourself a few minutes ago. What changed? Does it matter how I got the Judas Judge violation dropped? I told you long ago that I’d done it.”

  “You also told me you didn’t know why you did it, and that you just happened to run into Lincoln who just happened to mention I was pregnant.”

  “I’ve lied to you from the first. All the more reason to leave, isn’t it?”

  Standing in the middle of the narrow alley, Carole crossed her arms. “What’s important is why you lied. Why did you never tell me you hunted for me?”

  “Because you scared the hell out of me! The truth is I tried to find you not long after I left you in The Marshall Islands. My helicopter flew over you on the way out. You were standing on the beach. I wanted to turn around, but it wasn’t even an option at that point. I forced myself to wait, first a day, then a week, because I couldn’t even admit to myself how I felt, or why I needed you. I was still furious with my first Beth! With my mother!”

  “Do I still scare you?”

  “This morning you tore apart a concrete fountain with your bare hands and then jumped out a third story window. Usually you try to hide those things from me. None of that compares to what I know,” Ted touched his chest, “you could do here. You’re completely other, of course you still scare me.”

  “Do you want me to go?”

  “No. I—” Sorrow filled his beautiful eyes. “I love you, Carole. I always have. I can’t offer you a single reason to stay, but I don’t want you to go.”

  “Then I won’t.”

  Ted took her hand again, threading his fingers through hers. “Thank you,” he whispered, and they continued walking home.

  THE CHAOS AND noise in the streets of New Delhi helped to revive Beth. It smelled like good spicy food, decayed flowers, and livestock, washing the fancy luncheons, hot house flowers, and airplane air out of her lungs. On the busy streets mismatched rickety shacks leaned against each other for support. Laughter, arguing, and traffic melded into a cacophony of white noise in the hot sun. Beth felt like she’d been starving to death in posh sky-rises and board rooms as an International Stock Broker. The people she worked with loved making money, and she couldn’t care less about it, but she was very good at it. At least she was very good at knowing how to make money, and who could be trusted.

  Beth stopped beside a brightly painted stall selling fabric, running her fingers over turquoise silk threaded with silver. Dad and Mom paused beside her to wait. She loved the way they held hands, the way Dad tugged Mom close and whispered in her ear. Mom sipped a green smoothie
from the edge of a paper cup, and tried to act casual while Dad sneaked a kiss alongside her ear. Dad draped a fold of blue material over Mom’s shoulder, contemplating it. Mom offered him a sip of the sludge from her cup, and Dad backed away in mock horror. Beth laughed; she couldn’t imagine Mom in a sari. She couldn’t imagine Mom in anything but her drab olive shorts and plain boring T-shirt. The entire trip Beth had been trying to get her into something with color in it.

  Beth had been thrilled to shimmy into traditional Indian clothing. Rich folds of magenta fabric caressed her, though the bold colors shamed her pale hair.

  “Are you happy?” Mom’s voice sounded sharp and she looked right through Beth. Mom knew the answer. Instantly Beth’s peace evaporated. Anger sizzled hot from the tips of her hennaed feet to the glitter she’d paid a street woman to paint into the part of her hair. Why did Mom have to do this? Of all people, she knew Beth had to answer honestly, and now Dad would be upset.

  Glaring at her mother she gave her honest answer. Dad’s eyes, the most gorgeous shade of blue she’d ever seen, widened in alarm. He took her arm, tugging her close. “But why aren’t you happy, Bethy?” Suddenly the street noise became a headache inducing roar.

  “Oh, Daddy!” The truth shot out her mouth. “I hate working with money. I don’t care about money. Why would I? We never had any and I had the best childhood ever.”

  Dad smiled briefly. Mom pressed, “What would make you happy, Beth?”

  The answer surprised Beth, though it shouldn’t have. Even now she had a notebook in her hand, and she’d already jotted the locations of some of the treasures of India.

  “I’ve always wanted to run a general store. I know that sounds dumb, but I mean a place that sells the kind of products we use, Mom. The things that nobody would be allergic to: local honey, eggs, organic foods, natural fabrics, and homeopathic supplies. You know that tea I gave you, Dad?”

  He nodded. “That stuff can’t be legal. I dream about that stuff.”

  “Where would you sell it? Online?” Mom asked.

  “No!” Beth shuddered. “This is the part where it gets financially stupid. I just want one store, in a small town someplace, maybe in Scotland or someplace picturesque. I don’t care about making money, just enough to survive on. I just want a quiet, boring life, and I don’t want to move again—ever.”

  Dad chuckled at that. “Good thing, I think you’ve run out of new places.” A dog raced past so closely its toenails scratched Beth’s feet. Mom jerked Dad out of the way as a blue monkey followed, racing after it. Without missing a beat, Mom continued her interrogation.

  “Why don’t you do it then?” Mom persisted. They were going to have words about this next time they were alone. Mom could be thoughtless about Dad’s feelings and Beth was tired of it. If Mom wanted the truth, she’d give it to her, privately. In the meantime, the truthful answer to Mom’s question popped out.

  “Dad loves Skopelos, and what I have in mind would never work there. I don’t want to be in Scotland alone. I hate being so far from Daddy as it is.”

  Always a softie, Dad’s blue eyes filled with tears and he squeezed her tightly like she was still a little girl, resting his cheek on top her head.

  “I could live in Scotland, Beth. Your mother is right, so stop giving her the evil eye for asking you. You two must think I’m blind! I wish I’d realized you weren’t happy. Do you have any idea what that does to a father?” He lifted her hand and pressed it right against his heart. Peace slid through Beth’s body, there was nothing like the reassuring touch of her father’s heart.

  “I say Scotland, here we come. You know what? I’ve never been,” he said.

  “ONE MORE MOVE, Carole? I hope it’s my last,” said Ted. The comment shot a shiver up her back. Ted tugged the scratchy blanket over her shoulder, and moved closer towards her in the hotel bed. “I only meant I’m sick of moving. I’m not that old. Sheesh. I’d just like to be settled in one place.” Carole burrowed against his big chest, and not because of the cold. He smelled good.

  “It’s a cool night. This Indian weather is all over the map.” He pressed his lips against her forehead. “Mmm,” sounded deep in his throat. He smelled like some type of scented soap Beth had picked out. It was surprisingly pleasant. Carole pressed her hand against his chest, and then pulled it away when Ted’s sound of pleasure abruptly faded, but he took her hand and put it back in place.

  “I like it,” he whispered. “I’m sorry it can’t be more. If it’s any consolation I’ll always regret not allowing it in the early days when it was possible.”

  “You let Beth in,” Carole whispered. It seemed safe to voice the jealous thought in the dark of the small hotel room. “That doesn’t bother you.”

  Ted wrapped her in his big arms and pulled her tightly against him, nuzzling her hair. “Her touch bounces lightly,” his voice turned husky, “Yours probes like a spear. I’ve both wanted and feared it from the first time it pressed against me. It would be better than sex, wouldn’t it?”

  “I think so.”

  Ted paused. “Just do it then.”

  Carole froze for a moment, and then sat straight up in the bed, snapping on the bedside light. It illuminated the garish striped décor.

  “What? What happened to it will kill you? And kill me? What happened to leaving Beth alone in the world?” She glared down at him.

  “I’ve taken so much from you. I can’t deny you the only thing you’ve ever asked from me. Not anymore. If you want it and I want it, damn the consequences, Beth will be fine in time, she’s tough.”

  Pulling her knees up, Carole put her face in her hands. “I’m not sure she would be. Oh, Ted, I thought this was settled.”

  He slid a hand up her leg. “I think sometimes you forget I’m a marine too. My heart argues with my head all the time, but I’ve learned to listen to my heart. You still haven’t. I don’t think you ever have. Don’t think. For once just listen to your heart.”

  “Take him. Claim him for your own.”

  In that instant Carole understood exactly where the voices came from—her own heart, all those things she’d known instinctively, all the times her heart had argued with her mind. All her life she’d ignored her own heart. Not any more, not with Ted. She needed no further inducement. In one swift movement she jerked the scratchy blanket off and tossed it onto the floor, straddling Ted’s torso. Digging her fingers into his hair she yanked his head up so his lips met hers, a groan of victory low in her throat. She kissed him roughly, biting his lip. Ted grabbed handfuls of her shorn hair, and wrestled her onto her back.

  Carole barely noticed when they slid off the bed and onto the matted floor. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered but this. Grabbing Ted’s hands, she kicked against the side of the bed, sliding them across the floor and rolling Ted onto his back again. This would be done her way, and she wanted to be on top.

  “You’re mine!” she growled, sitting on him. “Mine.” Threading her fingers through his, she lifted his hands and slammed them against the floor, hard. “You will never go with another woman again! Mine!”

  “Carole! You know I won’t!” Ted protested.

  “I don’t care! Once I claim you, you can’t! You couldn’t bear to!”

  “I couldn’t bear to anyway,” he gasped and she knew he meant it.

  “But you did! And you’re wrong about your heart. When the women in your life betrayed you they didn’t leave a mark on it. Your cheating did! It left holes! It destroyed and took what should be mine.” Angrily she lifted his hands only to slam them against the floor again. “You tried to punish your betrayer by hurting me, and now I’m going to punish you for that. I will not take, I won’t kill you, but I will leave a mark you can never forget.” Ted fought back, not allowing her to slam his hands against the floor again. He squeezed her hands so hard it almost hurt. Carole closed her eyes and focused, shifting into position to take him. She couldn’t survive killing the man she loved—the voices—her heart told her that, but s
he could claim him. She took a deep breath and concentrated. One slip would be too much and cost his life and hers.

  The noise from the busy street outside faded until all she heard was Ted’s heartbeat. She could feel it beating outside her own, strong but out of sync with hers, it had its own rhythm. In her mind she could see it, the heart of the man she loved. It was human and frail, ragged and wounded, but in places it was whole. It seemed as though it beat within a silver cage. Carole’s heart circled his, closer and closer, searching for space. Ted moaned; she felt the vibration with her entire body. Then she found a place, and leaned forward, taking him and pressing her heart against his. She cut a shape into his heart, a shape she didn’t recognize but instantly knew to be her mark. To enter his damaged heart was impossible, but this much would be hers.

  Absorbed in the intimate task she shivered with intense pleasure. Years of pent up desire rippled through her. She threw her head back and felt it, the remnants of his heart. He’d wasted it whoring and running long ago, but this much she could have, and it was enough. After decades of waiting, this was enough. She finished rocking before she heard Ted’s screams of pain. Carole opened her eyes, and squeezed her thighs to hold on. His back arched and his mouth stretched open wide. Fine hairs rose all over her body. Was there anything more horrible than the screams of a man in pain? In the hallway outside, she heard running. Someone banged on the door, shouting in Punjabi. Still Ted screamed, and tears ran down his face and hers. The sound went on and on, but Carole felt no regret for causing it. The simple mark would have been relatively painless once. It was Ted’s fault his heart was damaged, it was his fault this hurt. Dishonor had a cost, and he was still paying it.

  He shook when he finally stopped screaming, but when he opened his eyes he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against him.

  “Thank you,” he groaned. “Thank you!”

  BETH SLID THE salt shaker across the table towards her Dad and smirked.