01 Winters Thaw

by Mari Carr

He grinned. “Not that hard to figure out.”

  She sighed. “It’s been suggested that I have a conversation with Josh about his intentions for the future while he’s home this weekend. They think it’s time we nailed down some particulars. And Aunt Leah is also concerned about my all work, no play lifestyle. I’m sure I have Jade to thank for getting Leah riled up about that.”

  “So are you going to talk to him?”

  Sienna didn’t have a chance to respond before Vicky entered the room. “There you are, Sienna. Have you seen my red tablecloth? I’d planned to put it out on the dessert table.”

  Sienna frowned. “Vivi, you asked me about that a few minutes ago. I told you we don’t have it anymore. It was ruined last Christmas when Doug spilled grape juice on it. We threw it out, remember?”

  Vicky nodded. “Oh, that’s right. All this cooking has me worn out. It must have slipped my mind.” Though she played it off, Daniel saw the confusion on the older woman’s face as she left the room.

  Sienna ran her hand through her hair anxiously. “Damn. She didn’t remember that first conversation at all.”

  “No. I don’t think she did.”

  “She’s forgetting a lot of things lately.”

  Daniel shrugged. “Probably just a sign of age. Didn’t you tell me she was turning seventy this year?”

  Sienna glanced at the doorway where her grandmother had just left, her face pensive. “Yeah, she is. But she’s been forgetting too much lately.”

  “Alzheimer’s?”

  She frowned. “God, I hope not. While there have been some advances made in terms of diagnosing and treating different types of dementia, there’s still a long way to go. If it’s that…” Her voice drifted away as if she was frightened by the possibility. “I’m going to talk her into getting a checkup. There are some tests I’d like the doctor to run on her.”

  “That’s not a bad idea,” he said softly before her attention was captured by something else in the hallway. Daniel caught sight of Josh putting on his coat before going outside.

  He glanced at Sienna’s face. She didn’t appear too anxious to follow her boyfriend. “Looks like the time might be right for your conversation.”

  “Yeah. And here I thought the chances of me getting him alone today were slim to none.” Sienna made no move to leave.

  Daniel reached out. Sienna’s brow crinkled, but she took his proffered hand. He grasped her cool fingers and gave them a reassuring squeeze. She was visibly nervous. “Things are never as bad as you fear.”

  She didn’t try to release his hand. “Were you afraid when you got on that last bull?”

  He nodded. “I was afraid every time.”

  “Then why do it?”

  He winked at her. “Why not?”

  She laughed lightly. “God, there is something seriously twisted inside you.”

  “Turns you on, doesn’t it?” He pulled her closer, leaning down until his face was level with hers. He couldn’t resist teasing her, trying to replace some of the anxiety he saw in her eyes with humor. “I told you, See, if you want me to kiss you again, all you have to do is ask.”

  She dropped his hand and shoved him away, laughing. “You’re ridiculous. And conceited. And insane. I’m going to go talk to my boyfriend.”

  “Go get ’em, tiger.”

  She paused at the door, but didn’t turn around before continuing out. It didn’t matter. He heard her chuckling in the hallway.

  “Where’s Sienna going?” Doug asked.

  “She and Josh are headed to the stables to see the new horses your dad’s bought.”

  Doug tilted his head. “Josh hates horses. Is that code for having sex?”

  “No, it’s not code. Besides, what do you know about sex?”

  “I’m eleven years old, Daniel. I’m not a kid.”

  Daniel nodded in acknowledgement. Doug was constantly fighting to prove he was a man. “There’s nothing wrong with being a kid, Doug. Life’s a hell of a lot easier when you are.”

  Doug wasn’t buying it. He shrugged, his face becoming far too serious for someone so young. “Maybe. Do you wanna have sex with Sienna?”

  Daniel choked. “What? Why would you ask me something like that?”

  “You two look at each other all the time.”

  Jesus, all this time, Daniel had been worried about letting Seth see too much. Turns out he should have been shielding his interest in Sienna from her baby brother. Then, something Doug said clicked. “She’s looking at me?”

  Doug rolled his eyes, taking on the long-suffering tone of someone trying to explain something that’s obvious to an idiot. “Only all the time. When she sets the table for supper, she puts your place next to hers, instead of mine, like I tell her to. And she comes to the stable to talk to you after work. She never did that before. James said it’s ’cause she’s got the hots for you. I’m not stupid. Hots means she wants to have sex with you, which is pretty gross, by the way.”

  “Thanks for the definition.” If Daniel wasn’t so floored by Doug’s revelations, he’d fist-bump with the kid. Then he realized Doug didn’t look very thrilled by the prospect. “Would it bother you if I was interested in Sienna?”

  Doug didn’t answer immediately. Instead he tilted his head, lifted one shoulder. “I dunno.”

  Doug, for all his rough and tumble ways, was very protective of his older sister. Suddenly the boy’s disdain for Josh made sense. Doug didn’t like the idea of his sister with any man.

  Before Daniel could figure out how to set Doug’s mind at ease, they were interrupted.

  “Hey, Doug,” Austin, one of Doug’s cousins, yelled from the hallway. “We’re going outside to shoot targets with my new BB gun. You comin’?”

  Doug’s eyes brightened, and it was clear the sex talk was over. “See you later, Daniel.”

  The young boy sprinted toward his cousins without a backward glance, leaving Daniel alone again. He drifted toward the front window and glanced at the stable. For weeks, he’d gone against character and left Sienna alone to sort out her life instead of pursuing what they both obviously desired. Hell, he hadn’t even given the upper hand to her. He’d given it to Josh, the tool.

  Time was up on this bullshit. Daniel was about to toss his own hat into the ring.

  Sienna drifted out to the stable, searching for Josh. He’d been quiet most of the day. While it was hard to get a word in edgewise whenever all the Comptons got together, Josh usually made at least a bit of an effort.

  She suspected he was feeling the same strain she was. After all, Josh—despite growing up in ranch country—was not fond enough of horses to brave the cold just for fun. Time to bite the bullet.

  “Josh?”

  It was quiet for a moment before she heard him say, “Over here, See.”

  She followed the sound of his voice and found him sitting on a bale of hay, his back against the stable wall. He looked tired.

  “What’s up?” she asked.

  He patted the hay bale next to his. She sank down, her heart aching as she realized just how badly the next few minutes were going to suck. She’d been so wrapped up in all the things she wanted to say to him, practicing her speech for days, that it never occurred to her that Josh might be as unhappy as she had been lately.

  “Listen, Josh—”

  “No. Wait, Sienna. I have something I need to say and I’d just like to get it out, so let me go first, okay?”

  She nodded.

  “I haven’t been the best boyfriend lately.”

  She started to brush off his words, even though they were true. Josh waved her denial away. “Don’t. Don’t pretend like I haven’t hurt you. I have.”

  “I wish I knew what was going on inside your head, Josh. We always used to be on the same page. I never had to work so hard to figure you out.”

  He chuckled, the sound holding no mirth. “I wish the same thing. I feel like I’m floundering around these days, constantly trying to find a way to make you and my parents hap
py while deciding what to do. Unfortunately, I’m failing at everything—school, life, you.”

  “It’s okay. You just need—”

  “I need a break.”

  Sienna paused. “A break? From what? School?”

  He shook his head. Realization dawned hard.

  “Me?” she asked.

  “Sienna. I’ve loved you since I was fifteen years old. We grew up together, always as a couple. I have no idea what it means to be my own man.”

  She’d known what was coming the moment she entered the stable. So why was it so hard now that he was saying the words she’d anticipated? The words she’d even planned to say herself? The stubborn part of her—the part with no sense—reared up. “I don’t understand. I’ve been with you for seven years too. I know who I am.”

  “Do you?”

  Such a simple question. Two words. And yet they set Sienna’s world on end.

  Did she?

  Daniel would say no. Hell, he’d only known her for a week and he’d seen right through her. Calling her out for her fears.

  “So you’re breaking up with me?”

  Josh shook his head. “No. God no. I don’t want to lose you. I just think we need a break. A few months to find out who we are without each other.”

  She frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “I plan to spend my whole life with you. I swear that hasn’t changed for me. We’re going to be happy, I’m sure of that. But I’ll always wonder what else there was. What if there’s an experience I miss because I never had a chance to look around?”

  Sienna’s sadness gave way to annoyance. She’d put her life on hold for Josh. Made excuses for him, defended him to her family and friends when they said he was being irresponsible. She felt like she was stuck in a game of Freeze. Josh had yelled the word and she’d stopped in place, not moving a muscle while he ran around and did whatever he pleased. It rubbed against the grain. “Spell it out for me, Josh. What exactly are you asking for?”

  “To be free. To take a break from having a girlfriend for a little while.”

  He was being purposely obtuse. It was so like him. To speak in generalizations and hope she wouldn’t call him on it. After so many years together, he should have known better. “So you plan on sleeping with other women.”

  Josh winced, but he didn’t deny it. “Haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like with someone else?”

  A couple of months ago, her answer would have been an unequivocal no. Then she remembered Daniel’s kiss. The way he cupped her face as he pressed his lips to hers. That simple touch had rocked her to her core and she’d spent too many nights since then waking up in a cold sweat, her body aching for more.

  Suddenly, she felt very tired. In the past, she would have fought with Josh, refused his request, pushed him for all or nothing. It was probably what she should do, but she didn’t have the energy. She wasn’t sure she felt like struggling for this relationship anymore. And that thought hurt more than Josh’s desire for a break.

  His request was preposterous, the idea that he was actually sitting next to her asking for permission to screw around completely obnoxious. And yet, she was going to let him get away with it.

  She was going to give him this timeout because she needed one too. He wasn’t the only one with a bit of soul searching to do. “Fine.”

  “What?” Josh’s shocked expression almost made her laugh.

  “We’ll take a break.” She didn’t put any parameters on it because she couldn’t think of any. Josh’s silence proved he was waiting for her to plot it all out, discuss the details, point out the fine print, but no words came.

  “That’s it?”

  She nodded.

  “But what about—”

  “Josh. We don’t need to think this to death. Let’s just go with the flow.”

  Josh blinked several times. She assumed he was studying her face to make sure it was really her. She resisted the urge to reassure him she hadn’t been abducted by aliens. When she didn’t add anything more, Josh stood. His stiff posture proved he was still waiting for her to pull the rug out from under him.

  “I decided to go to Florida with my roommates for Christmas.”

  She nodded, rising to stand next to him. “Sounds like fun.”

  He frowned. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

  She reached out and grasped his hand. “I’m fine. Honest. I should probably get back inside or my family will send out a search party when I don’t show up for Vivi’s pumpkin pie.”

  Josh squeezed her hand. Then he used it to drag her forward for a kiss. The kiss, though gentle and sweet, didn’t move her. It didn’t make her heart race. It didn’t do anything. It was passionless, platonic, boring. Then she realized Josh’s kisses had felt like this for a long time.

  “I’m coming back for you,” he whispered. “I swear it.”

  She nodded, but she couldn’t find it in her heart to promise to be waiting when he did. She honestly wasn’t sure she would be. Her eyes were wide open and seeing too much. Everything.

  “I should head home and spend some time with my parents since I won’t be back for the holidays.”

  “Okay. Goodbye, Josh.”

  “I’ll see you over spring break, Sienna.”

  He turned and left, but Sienna remained in the stable. For the first time in her life, she didn’t have a clue what she was supposed to do next.

  Daniel stepped into an empty stall as Josh passed. If he’d been any sort of gentleman, he would have walked away as soon as he realized Sienna and Josh were still talking. Unfortunately, he couldn’t make himself leave. He didn’t trust Josh not to hurt her and if he did, Daniel intended to be close by, ready to catch her if she fell.

  Only she hadn’t fallen.

  He stepped out of the shadows and walked to where Sienna stood, motionless. Her gaze lifted when she caught sight of his face. He must have given away too much because she rolled her eyes.

  “Eavesdropping, cowboy?”

  She clearly wasn’t angry, but her voice didn’t carry the usual teasing tone he liked so much. It just sounded empty.

  “I didn’t mean to.”

  She snorted. “It’s not hard to avoid. You just turn around and walk away.”

  He didn’t bother to deny how much he’d heard. “Are you okay?”

  She nodded. “Josh wants a break.”

  “Yeah. I heard. That doesn’t bother you?”

  She bit her lower lip, a line forming in the center of her brow. “I don’t think it does. Maybe it will tomorrow, when I’ve had time to process it all. Right now, I’m kind of in shock. At some point, I’ll have to figure out what it means, what I’m supposed to do now.”

  Daniel took a step closer. “Or you could do what you suggested to Josh. Go with the flow.”

  She gave him a sad grin. “I have a feeling I’ll hate that.”

  “Depends.”

  “On what?” she asked.

  “On who you’re flowing with. Josh asked for his freedom and you gave it to him. There’s something you need to remember about that. You’re free too.”

  She crossed her arms. Daniel assumed the gesture was more for protection than warmth as the stable blocked out most of the chilly November air. “I guess so. Only problem is I didn’t necessary want to be free.”

  Sienna walked back to the hay bale and kicked it—hard—stirring up dust. “God, I’m such an idiot. The man I plan to marry just asked for permission to screw around. And I gave it to him. I must seem like the world’s biggest fool to you.”

  Daniel didn’t like seeing her so hurt. Walking behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist in a gentle embrace. “Turn around, Sienna. Look at me.”

  She twisted in his arms slowly as her face lifted.

  “The only jackass in this barn was Josh. He’ll figure that out one day, but it’s going to be too late.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  Daniel placed a soft kiss on her f
orehead. “Because by the time he’s finished sowing his wild oats and ready to come home, you won’t be here waiting for him.”

  She frowned. “I have no intention of leaving Compton Pass. Josh or no Josh. This is my home.”

  Daniel ran his finger along her cheek. “That’s not what I meant.”

  She started to question him, but Daniel wasn’t willing to waste the time explaining. Better to show her.

  His first kiss was brief, but powerful. Sienna needed to understand there was a world of difference between him and the man who’d just left.

  Their lips parted for only a second.

  Long enough for her to whisper, “Oh.”

  Then he kissed her again, refusing to hold back any of the desire he’d spent weeks stifling. Sienna Compton needed to go wild.

  And he intended to be the man who really set her free.

  Chapter Five

  Sienna glanced out her window, studying the moonless night sky. A week had passed since Thanksgiving, and she’d taken the coward’s way out. She’d holed up in her bedroom every night after work rather than risk seeing Daniel, too afraid of succumbing to the temptation he provided.

  She’d given seven years of her life to Josh. Wrapped her world around him, and it wasn’t easy to let go of that. Despite how much Josh’s need for a break hurt, there were still too many good years—memories—to mourn. When she added the recollection of Daniel’s amazing kisses to her mixed-up thoughts, it felt like she was on system overload.

  Her family was worried about her sudden retreat, though they’d allowed her the space. Mom brought her dinner on a tray each night, offering a soft kiss on the brow and her assurance that things would get better. Doug usually kept her company for an hour or so before his bedtime, filling her in on his school day and his rodeo lessons with Daniel. Even her dad had stopped by two nights ago to check on her and to tell her he loved her. His sweet words had been her undoing and she’d curled into his arms and cried out all her pain against her daddy’s strong chest.

  Despite the love and support of her family, Sienna still struggled to pull herself out of her funk.

  “Knock knock.”

  Sienna spotted her grandmother at the door. “Hey, Vivi.”