Downcast

by Cait Reynolds

  "Speaking of Miss Jones," Haley said, breaking the thick silence. "Did you see her before you left town?"

  Zack shook his head. "No, but I could sense she was handling things. It probably wasn't easy, but she's the only one of us who could handle a flood on that scale without revealing her true form."

  "She won't be able to do this indefinitely," Haley observed. "We need a plan. Soon."

  "I don't suppose just talking to Stephanie's mom would do anything?" Helen asked, depositing the dogs on the floor, only to have them all try to sit on her feet at the same time.

  "Highly unlikely," he answered with a bitter smile.

  "I've never seem Mom this angry before," I said, quickly moving to block out the rush of fear and despair at the thought of what she had done to me and tried to do to me. "Usually, she will get annoyed at me, even angry, but she eventually calms down."

  "This isn't the usual," Zack sighed. "We somehow have to figure out how to stop the goddess of life."

  "Without destroying her," Haley added. "I could end her existence, but that would instantaneously kill off every growing thing on the planet. Somehow, I think that might be a bad idea."

  "A very bad idea," Helen agreed tensely. "Zack, can you do anything? I mean, you're Zeus, right? You're supposed to be the most powerful of the gods."

  Zack gave her a sheepish smile and cleared his throat.

  "Yeah, well, about that. I am more powerful, in my own way. But, I have to be really careful of when and how I get involved. Otherwise, I end up screwing things up more. Managing the life force of every plant and tree on Earth is not my area of expertise, so if I try to stop Deborah and mess up, I could kill off harvests around the world and leave billions starving. So, that kind of leaves me out of this one. It’s up to Miss Life and Mr. Death here to fix this. I can help, but that's about it."

  "Technically, Stephanie could stop Deborah if she had to," Haley said slowly, his gravelly voice full of caution.

  I looked at him, shocked. He nodded at me, his expression somber.

  "You could," he assured me. "You could...do to her what she tried to do to you earlier...you could absorb her essence into you."

  "But, you said that it would, that I would..." My voice cracked as my mind thrashed about in rejection of the memory of his words.

  "It would rip apart her human body, though her elemental self would continue to exist within you," Haley articulated. "There's also a danger that because you have no control, it could backfire, and you could also be destroyed—both your human self and your essence."

  "Goodbye life on Earth," Zack muttered, grim-faced. “And the rest of the universe.”

  "Again, a very bad idea," Helen whispered.

  "I can't kill my own mother," I said flatly. "No matter what energy or essence or whatever is there. I can't, and I won't. I couldn't live with myself, even if I am going to live for a billion years or whatever."

  "No one is asking you to," Haley reassured me. "We simply have to go through all the bad ideas before we find a good one."

  Silence fell on us again, and dread squeezed my heart.

  Helen wandered off to stare into the fire that was cozily crackling in the stark, modern fireplace at the far end of the room, Cerberus tripping daintily along at her heels.

  For the first time, I looked around at the simple open floor plan of Zack and Haley's house. It was comfortable but sparsely furnished. All the wood, stone, marble, and leather suggested nature and peace.

  The one clearly unnatural item was the huge flat-screen television that bristled with video game wires and consoles.

  Haley followed my gaze and sighed. "He's catching up on thirty years of gaming. Apparently, the last time he was here in human form, Pac-Man was all the rage."

  I tried to smile, appreciating his attempt to lighten the atmosphere, but, all I could do was grimace cheerfully. I shivered, my entire body shuddering and wobbling.

  "Time for that hot shower, I think," Haley said softly, gently picking me up in his arms and carrying me up the stairs, down one of the corridors, and into a large room with soft lights.

  There were huge windows with heavy, navy blue, velvet drapes that were pulled aside to reveal the endless darkness of the night outside. The bed was a low, modern platform, wide and piled high with pillows in muted grays and dark blues.

  My mind instantly latched onto the endless possibilities of such a bed, and I couldn't help but blush. Just because I was a virgin didn't mean that I couldn't think of all kinds of decidedly non-virginal things to do in a bed like that.

  Haley's chuckle rumbled in his chest and vibrated against me. He set me down on my feet and took my hand, turning me around and leading me to a corner of the room I hadn't noticed yet.

  On top of a sleek desk sat a computer with an enormous screen. An expensive-looking camera sat next to it, along with a scanner. Pieces of camera equipment were scattered over the rest of the surface, as were prints with wax pencil circles on them, handwritten notes, and a smorgasbord of pens and pencils.

  “I took your suggestion,” he said. “You were right. I needed to find the way of capturing everything I see.”

  Behind the desk, the entire wall was covered with photographs. Some in color, some in black and white. It only took me a fraction of a second to recognize the subjects of all them.

  "You take pictures of Darbyfield?" I asked him wonderingly.

  "Yes," he replied. "I had no idea that photography was so amazing. To think that human beings have actually harnessed electricity and chemicals into a machine that reproduces an image of reality is fairly impressive."

  "Huh. I, uh, never thought of it like that before."

  Haley smiled sheepishly. "Perhaps I'm easily impressed. This is my first time in mortal form. Zack does it all the time, but it takes much more power to pull Death into a living body and keep it alive."

  "I...suppose you're right."

  He laughed softly, a low, whispering sound that wrapped around me and thrilled my heart.

  "You are taking all this very well," he said, going to his closet.

  "Oh, I don't think I've really processed anything yet. I'm just going with the flow. I figure I'll wake up screaming in about thirty-six hours."

  He frowned at my words and muttered, "Thirty-six hours."

  I raised my eyebrows at him, then forgot everything at the sight of his perfect closet. It looked like one of those ads for a closet where they only have about ten things hanging up. I recognized every single piece he owned. Everything was hung up perfectly, pressed, and neatly arranged.

  He pulled open a drawer and rummaged through it for a pair of boxer shorts, and then pulled a black shirt off the hanger. He turned and handed both to me.

  "Here," he said. "You can put these on after your shower. I will put your clothes in the wash in the meantime."

  A highly inappropriate giggle escaped me.

  "What?" he asked.

  "The god of the dead does laundry?" I replied a little wildly.

  "Yes, and he does it better than the god of thunderbolts," Haley smirked. "I've also been known to buy groceries, do the dishes, and take out the trash."

  "Wow, you really went whole hog on this mortal existence thing. Chores and all."

  "I had never truly realized how much maintenance human bodies actually require," he admitted. His gaze turned feral on me, and he closed the distance between us, yanking me to him. "But, I'm beginning to see the benefits, as well."

  I swallowed hard against the lump of desire in my throat and made an awkward sound that was between a laugh and a gasp. He gave me a swift kiss then released me.

  "The bathroom is down the hall on the left," he said. "I'll meet you back here."

  ***

  Hot water rained down on me, and for the first few minutes, all I could focus on was scrubbing the layers of grime off my body and shampooing the heck out of my hair. The grunge, though, had been a kind of protective shield against the reality of everything. With cleanlin
ess came clarity, and with clarity came pain.

  I couldn't think about myself as an alien energy mutant or whatever. I knew what I felt, and I knew the power that flowed within me. But, I was still in the mind and body of Stephanie Starr. This was all I had ever known.

  And it was beyond devastating to know that my own mother had tried to kill me.

  Bewildered tears began to fall, turning into begging sobs, as I huddled in a ball on the floor of the marble shower.

  What had I done that was so terrible to deserve her anger and her hatred? I had truly tried to be a good daughter. An obedient daughter. A respectful daughter. I had tried to make her happy by being everything she wanted me to be.

  I had loved her.

  I loved her still.

  Even now, she was my mother, and I knew her and loved her, even though it hurt my broken heart.

  Was what I had wanted, as just plain old high school senior, Stephanie Starr, so terrible? A little freedom? A little room to be myself? Why couldn't she still love me if I grew and changed?

  The answer was sharp, instantaneous, and terrible.

  She had never loved me. She never loved her mortal daughter Stephanie.

  She loved the adoration and veneration I gave her. She loved the feeling of being the one to ”give birth” to such power, to control it, even to end it.

  She didn't love Stephanie Starr because she had no use for Stephanie Starr. She only wanted to possess Persephone, goddess of new life, the first spark in the universe, the only creature with a power equal to Death’s.

  Exhausted, I leaned back against the warm marble, sobs slipping into silent tears.

  I still didn't know what to do, and the pain was fresh and bleeding freely in my heart, but the blade of sorrow had finally sliced away the knot of guilt that had held me prisoner for so many years.

  I no longer felt guilty for wanting what I wanted, and in the face of all my other problems, having one less issue felt like a major achievement.

  Shutting off the water, I got out and ran a towel over my hair. I loved how my new short hair was so quick to dry. It even looked decent all wet and sticking out every which way.

  I put on Haley's black shirt and black boxer shorts, feeling more like a love goddess as I inhaled his scent that clung to the fabric. How much had I drooled over him in this shirt? The feel of the fabric against my skin filled me with anticipation.

  Barefoot, I padded back to Haley's room.

  And almost passed out from want at what I saw.

  Shirtless and wearing only black pajama bottoms, he stood in front of the windows, looking out into the night. My eyes approved of every line of muscle in his lean back.

  My heart skittered around in my ribcage as he turned around to face me. Bare-chested, he looked like an alabaster statue with burning black eyes. He deliberately walked across the room to me, towering over me as he stood before me. His lips curved up in the slow, devastatingly sexy smile he had dropped on me during the first few days of school—was it only last week?

  "I have wanted to see you in my shirt very badly," he said, his voice low and rumbling as he undid the top three buttons, leaving it much looser around my shoulders.

  I barely had enough breath to breathe, let alone speak.

  The next few moments were a jumble of lips and hands and movement, and I only vaguely noticed that we were now on his bed.

  He had pulled the shirt off my shoulders and was kissing my neck and collarbones. I grabbed at him to bring him closer to me. I wanted to feel every inch of his body pressed against mine. New, almost scary, sensations were spiraling out through my body as his cold hands searched out my skin.

  I took every chance I could to touch him, to learn the subtle pattern of his bone and muscle.

  "Oh, my love," he groaned as I trailed my fingers up his spine. He then attacked my lips with a renewed vigor, and our bodies began to rock with a tentative but tense rhythm.

  "More," I gasped with the tiny bit of breath I could catch between kisses.

  His hands found new places on my body, and I whined in frustration because it was thrilling and scary and not enough all at the same time.

  He broke our kisses to stare deeply into my eyes, and I happily drowned in his darkness. Then, with an aching precision, he undid the rest of the buttons on my shirt. His fingers traced the exposed line from my neck to my belly and trembled at the edge of the fabric.

  "I wonder how many times we can do this before midnight on Saturday," Haley whispered with a grin.

  "Wait, what's Saturday?" I panted, logic barely surfacing from all my desire.

  "That's when we shed these mortal bodies and return to the Underworld as gods," Haley replied matter-of-factly.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  WELL, THAT WAS a mood-killer.

  Clutching my shirt closed, I wriggled upright. Haley sat back on his heels, looking mildly surprised, but still mostly interested in our previous activities.

  "Shed these mortal bodies?" I exclaimed. "Return to the Underworld? Hang on, I didn't sign up for that part. I mean, you can't just make plans for Saturday night like that without asking me first!"

  Haley's expression fell, and he looked away from me. My brain was fully reengaged now, and another realization popped up.

  "Wait, that's why you repeated that 'thirty-six hours' I said earlier," I stated. "Saturday night is thirty-six hours from now."

  "It's also the fall equinox," Haley added quietly. "It's the moment the Earth tilts away from the sun, beginning the cycle of death and winter. It's when my true nature grows too strong to be contained in a mortal body."

  I stayed silent, fear squeezing my heart until I could almost see my vision jump with my pulse. I didn't want to say out loud the awful guesses I was making.

  Haley saved me the trouble.

  "Remember how I told you that I might not be around for long?" he asked with a sad smile. "You can’t just put Death into a human body and expect the body to be happy about it. It took all of Katie Jones' power to contain me. The best she could guarantee was a month. It took me two weeks to get used to being a mortal, and then once school started, I hoped two weeks would be enough time to convince you that you belong with me."

  "So, basically, what you're saying is that you're going to die on Saturday night?" I whispered hoarsely.

  Haley shook his head. "This body will 'die,' but I will not. I am a god. I will exist until the end of time. So will you."

  "Okay, so, maybe, I technically understand all that," I said carefully, fighting to keep my tears at bay. "But, I hate the idea of it. I don't want you to die at all. I don't want to 'die' or leave this mortal body or whatever. It may be all I know, but I like it. I'm not done being Stephanie Starr, even if I am immortal Persephone. Up until a couple of hours ago, my life plan included college, some kind of career, getting married, having children, watching them grow up, and growing old with my husband. I can't just flip a switch and not want that just because I found out that I’m something other than human."

  Haley rubbed his hand over his jaw, frowning.

  "I know," he said. "But, at least for me, I don't have a choice. Katie Jones' magic will only last so long.”

  He sighed, and I could see his jaw tighten as he added, "I have no choice, but you do. After all, you're the goddess of life. Nothing is wrong with your mortal body. You could live out your biological lifetime just as you planned. I wouldn’t be here with you, but I’d be waiting for you."

  The thought of losing him sliced my soul in half, and my joy bled out in ugly tears.

  "Well, it's a shitty choice," I said. "I want it all. I'm a goddess for crying out loud! If I can't have it all, then who can?"

  "Ah, yes," Haley replied ruefully, reaching out and taking me in his arms, pulling me onto his lap as he leaned us back against the pillows. "I forgot to mention, one of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing can ever be perfect."

  "The universe sucks," I whispered. I simply couldn't think about an
existence without him. It was too painful, a fundamental agony that ripped me apart.

  He ran his hand up and down my arm soothingly, and said, "There’s the one part about the myth of Hades and Persephone that I always thought was the most interesting."

  "What part?"

  "The pomegranate seeds," he replied. "The myth only states that Persephone ate the seeds, but not why she chose to eat them."

  "Maybe she fell in love with Hades?" I mused. "Wait, hang on. Was that the necklace that you gave me? The rubies represented the pomegranate seeds?"

  "Perhaps it was a small nod to the myth," Haley acknowledged with a laugh that echoed pleasantly in his chest. "But mostly, it was a small talisman to help protect you—both from your mother and yourself."

  "From myself?"

  "Yes, it held a small amount of my power which balances yours. I had hoped it would be enough to contain you safely if you accidentally unleashed yourself.”

  “How would I do that?”

  “Remember this morning?"

  "Yeah?"

  "From what I can tell, your mother revealed part of her true form to you last night. Just like the Greek myths say, a mortal cannot see the true form of a god and survive. She almost destroyed your mortal body by doing that. She mostly ended up stripping away a layer of the protective magic that helps keep your godliness in check so that it doesn't destroy the body. That meant that your true form was beginning to show through. The more it showed, the more your human body would have weakened until it died, releasing all your power, which incidentally would have put everyone else around you in danger of dying as well."

  "I could have killed Helen and Morris," I exclaimed, horrified.

  "And everyone in first period, in the halls, and on the stairs, had it gone any further."

  "So how did Katie Jones fix me?"

  "She used a basic man-from-clay spell to 'reapply' that protective layer over your humanity."

  "Man-from-clay? Oh! That's why she used the dust and the water, right? She was making clay?"