A Mother's Secret

by Amy Clipston

“Andrew and I left you too, but you aren’t treating us the way you’re treating Mamm. You’re breaking her heart. Can’t you see the pain you’ve caused her? Jesus told us to forgive and love one another. Why can’t you forgive Mamm?” Amanda held her breath while her twin stared at her.

  Soon Lily’s expression softened. “I’m the one who was left behind. You have to understand that I’m grieving.”

  “We still love you, and we’re still your family.” Amanda touched her sister’s hand. “Please tell me that you’ll pray and try to forgive Mamm. Can you do that for me?”

  “I don’t know.” Lily shook her head and cleared her throat. “I can’t make any promises.”

  Amanda suddenly remembered a Scripture passage the minister read at church the previous week. “A verse from Ephesians really touched my heart last week at church. ‘Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’ I think that applies to this situation. You really need to forgive Mamm.”

  Lillian wiped a tear off her cheek. “I’ll try. I promise.”

  “Danki.” Amanda looped her arm around Lily’s shoulder and hoped she would keep her promise.

  Rosemary sat beside her friend Naomi on a grassy hill while they watched members of Rosemary’s youth group play volleyball. Rosemary tried her best to act happy, but she was holding her true emotions inside. Deep down, she longed to cry as disappointment drowned her. She’d been at Eve’s for more than an hour, and she hadn’t spotted Daniel King yet. She’d told Naomi all about her encounter with Danny at the barn raising, and she’d confided that she’d been praying that he’d come to see her today at the singing.

  “He’ll be here,” Naomi whispered for the twentieth time since they’d arrived at Eve’s house that Sunday afternoon. “Maybe he’s running late because he’s talking to his parents, or maybe he had to help clean up after lunch.”

  Rosemary grimaced at Naomi. “The buwe never help clean up in the kitchen after service. They just eat and leave.”

  “I know.” Naomi sighed. “I was trying to make you feel better.”

  “Danki.” Rosemary pulled a blade of grass. “I know I’m acting gegisch and immature, but I can’t help it.”

  “Rosemary—” Naomi began in a whisper.

  “I just like him so much.” Rosemary kept her eyes fixed on the green grass. “Have you ever had a crush that fogs your mind? It feels like you’re dreaming all the time and it’s the same dream. Danny is all I think about. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop how I feel.”

  “Rosemary, you really need to stop.” Naomi moved closer to Rosemary, but she kept talking.

  “I wonder if he likes me too.” Rosemary sighed.

  “Rosemary!” Naomi grabbed her arm. “You need to pay attention. There’s a boy right over there who fits your description of Danny. Is that him?”

  “What?” Rosemary looked up and found Daniel talking to Benjamin near the row of volleyball nets. She gasped, and her heart raced. “He’s actually here.”

  Naomi grinned. “You can stop whining and moaning now.”

  “I don’t whine and moan.” Rosemary studied Daniel. “I hope he comes over here.”

  “He will. Just be patient and give him a chance.” Naomi squinted in the sun. “It’s the perfect day for volleyball.”

  “Ya, it is.” Rosemary kept her eyes trained on Daniel. When he looked over and waved, she thought her heart might explode in her chest.

  Daniel and Ben began walking toward them, and Rosemary swiped her hands over her dress and then touched her prayer covering to make sure it was secure.

  “They’re coming this way!” Naomi said.

  “I know,” Rosemary responded through gritted teeth. “Stop being so obvious.”

  “Wie geht’s?” Daniel sank down onto a patch of grass beside her while Benjamin sat beside Naomi.

  “You made it.” Rosemary smiled over at him.

  “She was beginning to think you weren’t coming,” Naomi said, and Rosemary jabbed her elbow into Naomi’s side.

  “I got here as quickly as I could.” Daniel turned toward Rosemary. “I have a question for you.”

  Her pulse raced with anticipation. “What’s your question?”

  Daniel pointed toward the row of volleyball nets. “Why are we sitting here when the sun is shining and volleyball nets are beckoning us?”

  “Oh.” Rosemary’s cheeks heated.

  “You want to play, Ben?” Daniel asked as he stood.

  “Ya. I love volleyball.” Benjamin started toward the net. “Come on, Ro. I know you like to play too.”

  “Okay.” Rosemary stood up and glanced at Naomi. “Are you coming too?”

  “Why not?” Naomi hopped up and walked with Rosemary toward an empty net.

  Rosemary stood next to Daniel while he held up a ball and winked at her.

  “Are you going to be on my team?” he asked her.

  “Absolutely,” she said as her heart turned over.

  Rosemary rushed into her house after she and Benjamin arrived home from the youth gathering. She couldn’t wait to talk to her mother and tell her all about Daniel. She rushed into the house and up the stairs to her room. After changing into her nightgown and brushing out her hair, she walked down the hallway to where her mother was reading in bed.

  “Rosemary, I thought I heard you get home.” Her mamm placed her book on her lap. “Did you have a nice time?”

  “I did.” Rosemary stood in the doorway. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

  “Of course I do. I always have time for you.” Mamm patted the quilt. “Come sit with me.”

  Rosemary climbed into the bed beside her mother, and she felt like a little girl again.

  “Did your brothers come home too?” Mamm asked.

  “I think they were dropping off a few friends. They should be here soon.” Rosemary lowered her voice. “I wanted to talk to you alone. Is Dat gone?”

  “He’s out in the barn working on a project. I’m sure we have a few minutes alone, and we’ll hear him when he comes up the stairs.” Mamm placed her book on the bedside table. “What did you want to tell me?”

  Rosemary paused and gnawed on her lower lip as the confidence she’d felt earlier evaporated.

  “What is it?” Mamm asked. “You know you can tell me anything.”

  “I’m embarrassed now.”

  “You don’t need to be embarrassed when you talk to me.” Mamm smiled. “Does this have something to do with a bu?”

  “Ya. He’s so handsome and nice and funny.” Rosemary couldn’t stop a sigh from escaping her lips. “Oh, Mamm. I feel like I’m floating when I’m with him.”

  “Mei boppli is growing up.” Mamm pushed Rosemary’s long hair away from her face. “Tell me about this special bu.”

  “His name is Daniel King, and he works with Ben and Joshua Glick at the horse farm. He’s tall and he’s strong. He came to our youth group tonight. We played volleyball, and we talked and laughed. Oh, it was perfect.” Rosemary flopped back on the bed and stared up at the white ceiling. “I can’t wait until I can see him again. He said he’d come to youth group again next week.”

  “How old is he?”

  Rosemary hesitated. “He’s nineteen.”

  Mamm’s smile faded a little. “He’s too old for you, Rosemary. Three years is a big gap when you’re a young person.”

  “But, Mamm, he’s really nice and he’s respectful,” Rosemary said while hoping to temper her mother’s concern. “You don’t need to worry. I just want to get to know him. Next year I’ll join the baptism class, and I won’t date him until after I’m a church member. You can trust me.”

  Mamm nodded. “I do trust you, and he sounds like a nice young man. But I need to warn you. Your dat is very worried about you.”

  Rosemary grimaced. “He’s still angry about the barn raising? All I did was talk to Danny. We were in public, and we didn’t even sit next to each other. Ben introduced him to me, and then
I invited him to come to the youth gathering. I don’t plan on meeting him in secret or spending time alone. I just want to see him at youth gatherings. You have to believe me.”

  “I do believe you, and I’m glad you’re telling me about him. You’re not keeping any secrets from me, right?”

  “I would never keep secrets from you, Mamm.” She thought about her parents. “How old were you when you met Dat?”

  “I was seventeen, and your dat was eighteen.” Her mother smiled as she suddenly got a faraway look in her eyes. “It was love at first sight. I’d gone with my cousin to her youth group, which was in this community. I saw your dat across the barn while we were singing, and I knew I had to meet him.”

  Rosemary smiled. “That’s so sweet.”

  “Ya, it was. He came up to talk to me after the singing, and he asked me if I wanted a ride home. We were inseparable after that. We married four years later.”

  “So you were only twenty-one when you were married.”

  “Now, now. Hold on a minute. Don’t get any ideas. Not every couple is ready to be married when they are that young.” Mamm shook her finger. “Your dat was already working for your daadi on his farm, and there was a little haus for us there. Don’t get any ideas about running off and getting married.”

  “I’m not.” Rosemary shook her head. “But I hope I can get to know Danny better.”

  “Take your time. You’re young.”

  Her father’s boots sounded on the stairs, and Rosemary jumped up.

  “Gut nacht, Mamm.” She headed for the doorway. “Danki for talking with me.”

  “I enjoyed it. Ich liebe dich.” Mamm waved at her. “See you in the morning.”

  Rosemary jumped into her bed, snuggled under the sheets, and fell asleep dreaming about when she would see Daniel again.

  FOURTEEN

  The following Tuesday Carolyn was baking pies while her mother was mending a pair of her father’s trousers.

  “Carolyn!” Rosemary burst into the kitchen and huffed and puffed as if she’d run the length of the back pasture. “You need to come with me.”

  “What’s going on?” Mamm asked. “Why are you so out of breath?”

  “I just ran from the barn.” Rosemary leaned on the counter and caught her breath. “Daadi is heading out to the hardware store, and he said he wanted to stop by to visit Ben at Josh Glick’s farm on the way back. Do you want to come with us?”

  “He’s going to see Ben?” Carolyn wiped her hands on a towel.

  “Ya, that’s what I said.” Rosemary beckoned for Carolyn to come. “He wants to leave now. He’s hitching the horse to the buggy.”

  “Ach.” Carolyn looked at her mother. “I don’t want to leave all this work for you. The pies—”

  “Go.” Her mother waved off the comment. “Have some fun. I know you like to go to the farm.” She gave Carolyn a knowing smile. “I can handle it. I’ve been making pies for forty years.”

  “Okay. Just give me one minute.” Carolyn rushed to the bathroom and checked her reflection. She brushed her hands over her apron to remove any stray flour, checked to make sure her prayer covering was straight, and pinched her cheeks to give her complexion some color. She felt silly for being so worried about her appearance. After all, vanity was a sin. At the same time, she felt as giddy as a teenager who was on her way to a singing and hoping to see the boy she liked.

  Carolyn met her niece in the kitchen. “I’m ready.” She looked back at her mother. “I’ll be home soon.”

  “Take your time.” Her mother winked at her.

  Carolyn ignored the gesture despite feeling her pulse race when she thought about seeing Joshua.

  “I can’t wait to see Danny,” Rosemary said as they made their way toward the waiting buggy.

  Carolyn smiled at her. I know the feeling.

  Joshua stepped into the stables and found Daniel and Benjamin shoveling. “How’s the work coming?” he yelled toward the back of the stable.

  “It would be faster if you helped,” Daniel responded from a few stalls away.

  “I can’t help right now. I have to balance the books.” Joshua leaned on the door frame.

  “Did you hear that, Ben?” Daniel asked. “Josh has to balance the books. That sounds like a lame excuse to me. I think he just doesn’t want to do the real manual labor. He leaves all the fun stuff for us.”

  “Isn’t that what bosses always do?” Benjamin stepped out of the stall and wiped his brow with the back of his forearm. “Josh, you brought me on so you can do easier stuff, right?”

  Joshua laughed at the joke and then added, “You know that’s not the truth.” He motioned for Benjamin to approach him. “Come here and talk to me for a moment.”

  “What’s wrong?” Benjamin looked concerned as he walked over to Joshua.

  “Nothing is wrong. Actually, I want to discuss bringing you on board permanently.”

  Benjamin’s smile was wide. “That’s fantastic. I’d love to work for you permanently.”

  “Gut. I need to discuss it with your parents. Would you mind talking with them first and then letting me know what they say?”

  Benjamin paused for a moment and then nodded. “Ya, I’ll do that.”

  “Great. We’ll discuss the details later, and then you can talk to your folks tonight.” Joshua hoped that Benjamin’s parents would accept his offer. He not only appreciated having Benjamin’s help, but he had also enjoyed getting to know the boy. Ben had become like a nephew to him. While he could never replace Andrew, he made the pain of that loss more bearable.

  His thoughts were interrupted by the clip-clop of a horse heading up his driveway. He wasn’t expecting any visitors today. No customers had called to make appointments.

  “Who can that be?” he mumbled as he headed out to the driveway where a buggy came to a stop.

  When his mother and Lena climbed out of the buggy, Joshua swallowed a groan.

  “Hello!” His mother hurried over to him.

  “Hi, Mamm. Lena.” He nodded toward Lena and then looked at his mother as irritation nipped at him. “What brings you out here today?” The question was courteous, but his expression was pointed.

  “Lena came over to visit me this morning, and we were just discussing quilting.” Mamm motioned toward the house. “I wanted to show her the quilt your mammi made for you before she passed away. That quilt means so much to me.” Tears prickled her eyes, and Joshua wondered if she had stood in front of a mirror and practiced her dramatic performance before she came over to visit him.

  “You know where the quilt is. You can take Lena upstairs and show her.”

  “No, no!” Mamm shook her head with emphasis. “I want you to give Lena a tour of the schee haus.”

  Joshua studied his mother. “I don’t have the time to give a tour right now. I need to work on the books and pay some bills so I can keep this farm running.”

  “That’s fine,” Lena said with a pleasant smile. “You can give me a tour some other time. I know your work is important to you.”

  “Don’t be gegisch, Lena,” Mamm insisted. “Josh has a few minutes. We’ll go inside so Josh and I can show you the haus before we look at the barns and stables.” She took Joshua’s sleeve and pulled him toward the house. “Let’s go.”

  Joshua followed his mother and Lena into his house. He couldn’t stop wondering how he was going to get through to his mother and make her realize she didn’t have the right to force Lena on him. He could tell Lena was interested in him by the way she looked at him. Although Lena was a nice young lady, she wasn’t the one who consumed his thoughts.

  Carolyn sat in the front of the buggy next to her father while he guided the horse away from the hardware store and toward Joshua’s farm.

  “I can’t wait to see the farm, Daadi,” Rosemary said while the buggy moved down the main road. “Ben talks about it constantly. I’m certain it’s just as schee as he says it is.”

  “I can’t wait either.” He smiled at Rosemary
, and she returned the gesture.

  Carolyn couldn’t wait either. In fact, butterflies took up residence in her abdomen when she thought about seeing Joshua.

  When they arrived, Carolyn spotted another buggy in the driveway and wondered who was also visiting.

  Dat stopped the horse behind the first buggy, and they climbed out.

  “Oh wow.” Rosemary made a wide gesture. “Look at the pasture and the stables and barns. They are so very schee. And those horses, Daadi. Aren’t they magnificent?”

  “It’s very nice.” Dat looked at Carolyn. “Should we go out to the stables to find Joshua?”

  “I think we should look in the haus first,” Carolyn suggested.

  “I’m going to go find Ben,” Rosemary said before heading out toward the stables.

  Carolyn started toward the porch with her father in tow. They climbed the steps, and Carolyn knocked twice before stepping into the mudroom.

  “Come in!” Joshua called.

  Carolyn pushed open the door, and she heard voices and laughter in the kitchen. Who was in the house with him? She walked into the kitchen and found Joshua talking with Barbie and Lena. Carolyn’s mood soured as she stared at the two women. Barbie scowled at Carolyn, but Lena smiled.

  “Titus. Carolyn,” Joshua said, moving over to them. “What a nice surprise to see you. I’m glad you came by.” His expression seemed guarded.

  Barbie continued to glare at Carolyn, and Lena gazed at Joshua. Carolyn felt as if she’d interrupted a private meeting. She suddenly felt out of place and silly for pursuing Joshua. And, all at once, it became clear to Carolyn that she had no chance of winning Joshua’s heart when a pretty, single woman, who certainly didn’t have a sordid past, was interested in him. Lena had every right to try to get to know Joshua, while Carolyn was only kidding herself. She didn’t belong with someone like Joshua, who had an entirely clean slate. She was more suited for a widower who could handle starting a blended family.

  Carolyn was overwhelmed by the urge to flee. “Excuse me.” She backed up toward the door. “I’m going to go see what my niece is doing.”