A Mother's Secret

by Amy Clipston

  “It’s getting late.” Carolyn sidled up to Joshua. “Rosemary needs to get home, but I want to stay and finish the garden. I’d like to get it seeded before the storm hits.” She turned to Benjamin. “Rosemary needs to be home by five.”

  “It’s time for you to go too, Ben.” Joshua turned toward Benjamin. “You can go hitch your horse.”

  “Would you please take Rosemary home?” Carolyn asked Benjamin. “I’ll head home after I finish planting.”

  “Okay.” He disappeared from the barn, leaving Carolyn and Joshua there alone.

  “I think she’s getting ready,” Joshua said, nodding toward the horse. “She seems really uncomfortable. I hope it’s her time now. She’s been suffering for a while now.”

  “I hope it’s soon for her too.” Carolyn grimaced while watching the horse move back and forth. “I feel so bad for her.”

  Joshua faced her. “I’m glad you and Rosemary started on the garden. Danki for lunch.”

  “Gern gschehne.” Carolyn nodded.

  His expression softened. “Even though it was really Rosemary’s idea, not yours.” He winked at her.

  Carolyn laughed. “Ya, it was. I didn’t want to come at all.”

  “Now you tell me the truth.” Joshua shook his head. “You’re something else, Carolyn Lapp.”

  Carolyn looked into his blue eyes and again remembered the tenderness of his touch earlier in the day. She knew at that moment that she loved him, and she prayed he’d someday return that love despite her past.

  She pulled herself back to reality. “I better get back to the garden. I’m certain that storm will be here soon.” She jammed a thumb toward the door.

  “I’m going to stay here with Daisy. I’m worried about her.” Joshua leaned on the stall door. “Be sure to say good-bye before you leave.”

  Carolyn stepped out of the barn and waved to Rosemary as she and Benjamin rode in the buggy toward the road. She then returned to the garden and finished up the weeding. She tilled the dirt and then began to plant the cucumbers, broccoli, and lettuce seeds. She was finishing up when the wind picked up and the sun began to set.

  “Carolyn!” Joshua’s voice bellowed from the stable. “Carolyn, I need help!”

  “Okay!” Carolyn’s heart thudded in her chest as she jogged toward the stable. “Was iss letz?”

  “Daisy is struggling,” Joshua yelled toward her, his face full of fear. “Something is wrong. I need some help.”

  “What can I do?” She moved toward him, wringing her hands.

  “A vet named Cameron Wood lives in the blue house directly across the street.” He pointed toward the road. “Would you please go get him? I think Daisy and her foal are in trouble!”

  “Ya, I’ll go. You stay with her.” Carolyn ran down the rock driveway and crossed the street. When she reached the blue house, she found the driveway empty and a note stuck to the front door. She climbed the steps and read the note, which said, “Out of town. Be back Sunday night.” The date for his return was listed, and it was nearly a week away.

  “Ach, no.” Panic seized Carolyn as she rushed back to Joshua’s farm.

  She found Joshua in the stable, watching the horse pace.

  “Cameron isn’t home.” Her words came in short bursts as she worked to get her breath back. “A note on his door said he’ll be gone until Sunday.”

  “I was afraid of that. He’d mentioned to me that he planned to visit some family out in Michigan.” Joshua shook his head. “Danki for checking. She was just straining and then it stopped again. I’m worried that the foal is in trouble.” He blew out a sigh. “I would call mei dat, but he went to his cousin’s haus in western Pennsylvania today and won’t be home until late tonight.”

  “I’ll stay.” Carolyn walked toward him.

  “No.” Joshua shook his head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “I can help.”

  “You can?” He looked surprised.

  “Ya, I helped mei daadi deliver a foal once. The horse was in trouble, just like Daisy, and I was the only one home. I can help you.”

  Joshua walked over to her and touched her arm. “You don’t have to do this.”

  “But I want to help.” She looked up at him. “I want to.”

  “This could go on well into the night. Horses can stop the contractions at any time and then start again.”

  “I know. I’ve been through this before. I’ll stay.”

  Joshua paused and then nodded. “All right. You can stay, but I will take you home. I don’t want you driving yourself home in the dark.”

  “That’s fine.” Carolyn said a silent prayer for Daisy.

  Rosemary held the picnic basket on her lap while Benjamin guided the horse down the road. She and Benjamin talked about their day as they made their way toward the dairy farm. When they arrived, she helped Benjamin unhitch and guide the horse into the stall before stowing the buggy.

  Rosemary headed out of the barn with her cousin and found her father waiting for her with a frown creasing his face. She prayed that his anger wasn’t directed at her. To try to brighten his mood, she forced a smile as she approached him. “Hi, Dat.”

  Dat looked at Benjamin. “You need to go into your haus. I want to talk to Rosemary alone.”

  “Okay. Bye, Ro.” Benjamin gave Rosemary a sympathetic expression before rushing toward his house.

  “What did you want to talk about, Dat?” Worry gripped Rosemary as she looked up at her father. She felt like a small child facing a giant as he glared down at her. “I’m on time, right?”

  “You’re almost thirty minutes late.” He shook his head. “You were supposed to be home by five.”

  “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. We were trying to get the garden seeded before the rain came, and we lost track of time.”

  “Don’t let it happen again.”

  “I won’t,” she promised.

  “Where’s Carolyn?”

  “She was going to finish planting before the rain comes. She said she’d be home as soon as she was finished.”

  Her father nodded. “Go help your mamm with supper.”

  “Ya, Dat.” As Rosemary made her way to the house, she felt a cold drop of rain sprinkle her nose. She hoped her aunt would have a safe trip home despite the storm.

  EIGHTEEN

  Carolyn stood beside Joshua as they studied Daisy and rain pounded the stable roof. The horse lay down on her side, rolled over, and then stood up. Joshua explained the horse was trying to make the birth happen. For more than an hour, they stood and watched the horse struggle while the rain beat a steady cadence in the background.

  Carolyn glanced toward the barn door and realized it was getting dark. She lit three battery-powered lanterns and hung them on hooks around the stall. Joshua left the stable for a moment and returned with a pile of blankets and a box of surgical gloves. She could tell he was consumed with worry about Daisy.

  “Tell me about your childhood on your dat’s farm, Josh,” she said in an effort to help him relax. She knew they could be there for hours yet. “My brother did a lot of hunting and fishing with our dat and daadi. Was it like that for you and Gideon too?”

  Josh didn’t take his eyes off Daisy as he answered. “Ya, we did a lot of hunting and fishing.”

  “And were you any good at it?” she teased. This time he looked at her and grinned.

  “Was I good at it? Let me tell you about the time I beat all the men in my family in a fishing contest.” Her effort to distract him worked. They both shared stories from their childhood, but Carolyn was careful to avoid her teen years. Even if she found the courage to finally tell Josh about Ben, this was not the time or place.

  When Daisy began to snort and seemed to be straining, Carolyn was surprised to see on the clock in the stable that two hours had gone by. Her heart thumped in her chest as she watched Joshua approach Daisy.

  “It’s okay, girl,” Joshua whispered to the horse. “Everything will be all right. Just relax. It
will all be okay. I promise you, girl.” He rubbed her neck as he murmured encouragement to her.

  Carolyn was overwhelmed with admiration for Joshua as she watched his gentle hand move over the horse while he mumbled sweet words into her ear. It was clear Daisy trusted him. The scene was so heartwarming that it caused tears to sting Carolyn’s eyes.

  As another hour passed, Carolyn crossed her arms around her middle and wondered how she could help. She felt useless, but she knew she had to stay in case Joshua needed her.

  While she watched Joshua soothe the horse, Carolyn wondered how her family was at home. She prayed Rosemary was able to make it home before five. Carolyn silently berated herself for not getting Rosemary home sooner. She should’ve watched the clock instead of worrying about planting the garden before the rain came.

  Then Carolyn noticed the foal was showing. “Joshua,” she said, pointing. “Look!”

  “It’s time,” Joshua said. He stood by Carolyn for a few minutes and then his eyes widened. “Oh no.” He moved toward Daisy. “It’s red bagging.”

  “What do you mean?” Carolyn asked as her heart raced with worry. “What’s wrong?”

  “The placenta detached.” He looked closer. “And the foal is backward. This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. This could be bad. Really bad.”

  Carolyn motioned toward the door. “What should we do?”

  He rolled up his sleeves. “I’m going to have to help her. I have to turn the foal the right way or Daisy could be injured.” He washed his hands and arms at a nearby sink and then pulled on a pair of the surgical gloves. He slathered lubricant from a tube onto the gloves and then rushed back into Daisy’s stall.

  Carolyn held her breath as Joshua reached into the mare and turned the foal.

  “Get the blanket ready,” Joshua said.

  “Okay.” Carolyn stepped closer and held up a blanket. She held her breath again and prayed for the foal and Daisy.

  Joshua assisted Daisy with the birth, and when the sack didn’t open on its own, Joshua had to open it. The foal lay motionless.

  “Go ahead and cover it,” Joshua said, his eyes fixed on the foal.

  As she did, Carolyn wiped away some of the blood. The creature still remained motionless. Her blood ran cold and worry filled her. No, no. It can’t be!

  “Josh?” She looked up into his concerned eyes. “Something isn’t right. Shouldn’t the foal be moving?”

  Joshua lifted the foal into his arms. “I’m going to have to do CPR.” He covered the horse’s nose and mouth with his and then blew three times.

  Carolyn silently prayed the foal would make it while she held the blanket against its tiny body. Please, God, breathe life into this boppli. Please, God. Place your healing hand on this poor little creature.

  “Please,” Joshua whispered, his voice shaky and his eyes wide. “Please live.” He tried CPR once more.

  Suddenly, the foal jumped up and wobbled.

  “Hallelujah!” Carolyn clapped her hands together as Josh hooted, quickly removed the gloves, and wiped his hands on a towel.

  Then he pulled Carolyn into his arms. She lost herself in the warmth of his hug. She felt as if she belonged in his strong, muscular arms. His body was warm, and she could feel his heart beating close to hers.

  “It’s a miracle,” he whispered into her ear, his voice sending electric pulses through her body. “That’s what we’ll name him!” He looked into her eyes. “Miracle.” His soft voice mixed with his body heat sent electric throbs dancing up her spine.

  “That’s a great name.” Her voice was soft and full of her overwhelming emotion.

  Joshua suddenly jumped up, and taking her hand into his, he pulled her to her feet.

  “Watch.” Joshua rested his hand on her shoulder as Miracle made his way over to Daisy and began to suckle. “Isn’t that a miracle?”

  Carolyn nodded. “Ya, it is.” Her heart swelled with renewed love and admiration as she watched Joshua study the horses with love in his eyes. She marveled at how caring and gentle he was with his horses. He treated the animals as if they were his own children.

  As they silently watched Miracle suckle from Daisy, Carolyn considered the beauty of God’s creation. She was thankful she could help Joshua and witness the amazing beginning of new life.

  “It stopped raining,” Carolyn said as she glanced toward the stable doors. She shivered, and Joshua turned toward her.

  “You’re cold.” He picked up a blanket from the pile and hung it over her shoulders like a shawl. He leaned down close to her, and Carolyn held her breath. She braced herself for a kiss, but he quickly stood up straight.

  His eyes scanned her, and he grimaced. “You’re a mess. I shouldn’t have hugged you.”

  “It’s okay.” She glanced down at her soiled apron. “That’s what an assistant is supposed to do, right? I’m supposed to get dirty.”

  He laughed as he examined his stained shirt. “And I’m a mess too.”

  “Aren’t we a pair?” Carolyn glanced toward Miracle and Daisy and then noticed the mess on the ground. She motioned toward the hay. “I’ll help you clean this up.”

  “Okay.” He nodded. “But after we’re done, I’ll change and then take you home. It’s late, and I can feel the chill in the air getting colder. I don’t want you to wind up sick because of this.”

  Carolyn grabbed some rags and they cleaned up together before heading into the house. She washed her hands and wiped off her apron at the kitchen sink while Joshua disappeared toward the back of the house. She scanned the kitchen and then stepped into the doorway separating it from the family room. Her thoughts wandered as she took in the sofa, coffee table, chairs, and grandfather clock. She wondered what it would be like to live there as Joshua’s wife. The idea sent her insides flipping with excitement.

  Carolyn thought back to the hug he’d given her in the barn. The feeling of his arms around her had left her breathless. His body was warm and his arms were muscular. His sweet voice in her ear nearly made her dizzy. She was falling deeper and deeper in love with him, and she prayed their friendship would continue to blossom.

  Joshua appeared in the doorway. “Are you ready?”

  “Ya.” She stood up straight and smoothed her hands over her damp apron. “Is it a little cleaner?”

  He grinned and shook his head. “Not really. I’m sorry about the mess.”

  “It’s okay. That’s what happens when babies are born.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “I can say I’ve only witnessed horse births.”

  Her cheeks heated, and she turned toward the kitchen. “We’d better go. It’s nearly eleven.”

  “Uh-oh.” Joshua headed toward the back door and then held it open for her. “I hope your dat isn’t upset with me.”

  “I’m sure he’ll understand when I explain what happened.” Carolyn clasped her hands together and hoped she was right that her father and, more importantly, her brother would understand why she’d been out so late.

  Joshua quickly hitched the horse to the buggy while Carolyn talked about how beautiful the experience of watching Miracle’s birth had been. He guided the horse down the driveway. As he steered onto the main road he passed another buggy and waved.

  While Carolyn talked, he glanced over at her and smiled. She was even more strikingly beautiful in the low glow of the streetlights. He was captivated not only by her beauty but by her strength and helpfulness when the foal was born. He’d never met a woman who was so comfortable around nature. She didn’t shy away or say the process was revolting. Instead, she stood beside him and helped him when he asked.

  Joshua had been so overwhelmed when Miracle responded to the CPR that he had lost himself in the moment and hugged her. Holding her close was like paradise. He’d never experienced such an emotional rush, and he hoped it would last forever. He’d felt her respond to the touch and move closer while holding on to him. Although he knew it was inappropriate for him to touch her, he didn’t want to let go. He caugh
t himself before he almost kissed her. He’d been close to giving in to temptation, but he didn’t want to ruin his chances with her by being too forward.

  He was captivated by her as she talked, occasionally responding to her questions about the horses. He longed to remember every detail of her. He attempted to memorize her voice, her dark chocolate eyes, and her beautiful round face. He felt himself falling deeply in love with her. His thoughts drifted as he realized he wanted to spend all night talking to her and learning more about her. He wanted to know everything about her, and he wanted to make her his.

  “Joshua?” Her voice broke through his trance as he guided the horse up the rock driveway toward her house. “Are you listening to me?”

  “Ya.” He gave her a sideways glance. “You were talking about Miracle and how beautiful he is.”

  She laughed. “No, I wasn’t. I was asking you how many mares you’ve foaled before. I knew you weren’t listening to me for the last few minutes. You’re in your own little world.” She swatted at his arm, and he was thankful that she felt comfortable enough to tease him.

  He grinned at her. “I heard you. I was just testing you to see if you remembered what you said.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense.” She sighed. “You’re not very gut at fibbing.”

  “That’s a gut thing, right? You’ll always know you can catch me in a fib. So If I tell you I was working in the barn, and I really went fishing, you’ll know the truth just by looking at me.” He raised his eyebrows, and she shook her head while gracing him with another beautiful smile.

  She tilted her head. “Does that mean you’re not going to answer my question?”

  “What question?”

  Carolyn blew out another frustrated sigh. “I asked you how many mares you’ve foaled before.”

  “Oh.” He considered her question. “Honestly, I’m not certain how many horses I’ve foaled because I’ve helped mei dat with a few also. I’d say probably two dozen or so.”

  “Wow. That’s a lot.”

  “Ya. It is.” Joshua stopped the buggy near her brother’s barn and then turned to face her. “I guess it’s time to say gut nacht.” Sadness consumed him as he spoke the words. He didn’t want the evening to end even though he knew it had to. He felt like a teenager again, and the realization astounded him.