What You Left Behind

by Len Webster

  “Whenever you’re lost, Stephanie, just look at the sky and the stars. They’re your direction, and they’re your hope and inspiration. They were witnesses to what we shared here.”

  No use. Thoughts of Thailand came back in waves and she tried to control the stinging sensation in her eyes. Stevie had taken two long breaths before she gazed back at Julian’s raised eyebrow.

  “Can you just… Argh! Don’t be difficult, Julian. Just help me move in and then leave,” she said, frustrated.

  “You never used to have such a short fuse, Stephanie,” Julian pointed out.

  Before Stevie could reply, she felt someone bump her. Turning her head, Jarred flashed her a smile as he held up a power board and a receipt.

  “Thought your room would need one. Don’t worry; I don’t need your money. Your treat for breakfast next week.” Jarred craned his neck and stared at Julian.

  Stevie could feel herself sweat and get nervous. If Jarred ever found out who Julian really was to her, then it wouldn’t end well. The only time Jarred ever lost his composure was when it came to the ‘unknown Thailand guy.’

  “Hey, you’re Julian, right? Max pointed you out to me at the wedding. I’m Jarred, Stevie’s brother.”

  Julian nodded his head. “That’s me. I’d shake your hand, but my hands are full of your sister’s shit. Nice to meet you.”

  Jarred let out a laugh. “That isn’t even half of her stuff. She still has boxes left at our parents’ place.”

  “You’re on my side, Jarred!” she reminded him as she pushed past Julian, dragging her stepbrother by the arm and towards the apartment entrance.

  Note to self: don’t let Jarred and Julian get close.

  “Your sister-in-law is sweet,” Julian stated as he set his plate on the counter.

  “Ugh! Don’t remind me that she is,” Stevie said as she took a big drink of her 7 Up.

  “That she’s sweet?”

  Stevie shook her head and placed her cup down. “That she’s my sister-in-law.”

  Julian let out a laugh as he settled on the barstool. After spending most of the day moving in, Stevie was beat. She had made sure that Julian and Jarred weren’t alone together for very long, and if she had to, it meant talking to Julian longer than she would have liked. As the day progressed, one by one Stevie lost her labour help. Alex wanted to take Keira to the beach, Max had an emergency meeting with a client, and Jarred and Annie had just left to have dinner with Annie’s parents. But for whatever reason, Julian didn’t take the hint for him to leave and now Stevie was alone with him.

  Taking him in, she was annoyed that she still found him attractive—it was impossible to think otherwise. But it was the fragility in his pale blue eyes that had her heart wanting more. To heal him… to purify him.

  “Reckon they’re doing it?” Julian asked, breaking through her thoughts.

  Stevie closed the pizza box and moved it away from her. “You’re sick!”

  Julian leant forward and gave her a grin. “How long do you reckon it’s going to be until we hear Clara moan?”

  “You better shut it, Julian,” Noel warned. Stevie noticed that Noel had walked into the kitchen, shirtless.

  Yeah. Clara definitely married well.

  Seeing a shirtless Nolan Parker was one of the benefits of her best friend marrying him. She thoroughly enjoyed the sight. Noel rounded the kitchen counter until he stood next to Stevie, staring at Julian.

  “That was quick. Don’t last long, do you?” The playful tease in Julian’s voice had Stevie letting out a small laugh.

  Noel shook his head as he picked up his phone off the counter and grabbed a slice of pizza from one of the opened boxes.

  “Man, that’s my wife! And she’s asleep. I’m going to bed to join her. If Stevie kicks your ass, then I’m not bailing you out. And Julian…” Noel said before taking a bite out of his slice of pizza.

  Stevie glanced at them both. She knew it was banter, but she couldn’t be entirely sure.

  “Yeah,” Julian said.

  “Don’t talk about my wife like that. Gonna have to get over this crush you have on her. I’m her husband, and I have no problems taking you out if you cross a line,” Noel warned.

  Julian crossed his arms over his chest and chuckled. “God, you’re so whipped. But relax, tiger. I’m not after your wife. Go to her… or I will.”

  “I forgot how annoying you can be.” Noel sighed then shifted and faced Stevie. “Good luck with him.”

  Noel waved and exited the kitchen, leaving Stevie alone with Julian. Panic had already begun to overtake her body. She shouldn’t be left alone with him. Her foot started to tap as she thought of a way she could escape. But curiosity had gotten the better of her.

  “What was that all about?” Stevie asked.

  Julian gave her a shrug. “I was her first kiss.”

  “What?” Stevie blurted out, shocked.

  “He’s pissed about it. But Clara could have had it worse. An idiot could have kissed her first.”

  Stevie picked up her cup and then gazed up at him. “Well, technically an idiot did kiss her first, it seems.”

  Julian untangled his arms and placed a hand on his chest. “Shit, Blondie. You really know how to hurt a guy.”

  “Are you in love with Clara Parker?” The question had slipped out before she could filter it. Julian flinched and the shock on his face didn’t surprise her.

  “No. Look, I grew up with her. I was closer to her because I saw how people treated her. I took one for the team. I’d rather be her first kiss than Mark Hill. That fucker. I’ve only ever been in love once and it wasn’t with Clara Parker,” Julian explained.

  “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that,” Stevie mumbled into her cup and then took a nervous mouthful.

  “What about you?” Julian asked.

  “I’m not in love with Clara Parker, if that’s what you’re asking.” Stevie set the cup down.

  “No. Are you in love with Robert Moors?” This time Stevie flinched. But it was a fair question.

  “No. Rob and I got close because of Noel and Clara. We connected but I’m not someone for him. I don’t fit into his little rowing world. Although I wanted to love him, I just couldn’t. I’ve only ever been in love twice, and it wasn’t with Robert Moors.” The ache in her heart exploded. For the first time in two years, she’d acknowledged that she had loved twice in her life.

  Silence surrounded them, neither of them saying a word. She couldn’t face him. It was a confession she had never really admitted to out loud before. A hum from Julian had Stevie finally meeting his stare. He was mulling over her answer, but she wanted him to stop; she wanted him to avoid diving deeper into her past.

  “Thanks for helping me move in,” Stevie said appreciatively.

  His lips curved upwards into a smile. His blue eyes flashed with excitement. And it seemed too honest and kind to be directed towards her.

  “You couldn’t keep me away.”

  Stevie let out a laugh as she stacked the pizza boxes on top of each other. “I know. I tried, remember?”

  “Are we ever going to talk about that kiss?” Julian asked as he hopped off the barstool, walked around the counter, and opened the fridge for her.

  Though she shouldn’t have, Stevie smiled at his gesture. Then she placed the leftover pizzas in the fridge. “Not a chance. And you should go home.”

  “Then I guess I don’t have to go anywhere.”

  Stevie looked up at him as he closed the fridge for her. “What?” she breathed.

  “Stephanie, you’re as close to home as it gets for me. Back in Thailand and even now. You’re what feels like home.”

  Stevie took a step back, startled by his reply. “I’m no one’s home, Julian. I’m not a sound structure to be one. I meant for you to go back to Max’s apartment. Everyone’s left so…”

  “All right,” he said, defeated. “I’ll go but there’s one problem.”

  “And what’s that?”

&nbs
p; “Max was my ride. The asshole left me here. You mind calling me a taxi?” he asked. Stevie could hear the slight sadness in his question.

  Before Stevie even realised it, she had reached over for her car keys on the bench. Annie had been the one to drive her BMW to the apartment since Stevie had gone out to breakfast with her father.

  “Fine. I’ll take you.”

  Both his eyebrows rose in surprise by her offer. “Shotgun front seat!” he yelled as he walked over to Stevie and looped his arm around hers.

  She looked up at him quizzically. “You’ve got no competition, Julian.”

  “And that’s how it should stay,” he said, missing the fact that she meant the front seat of her car and nothing else.

  “I meant—”

  “I know what you meant, Stephanie. But I’m all in.”

  All in.

  The coin.

  Our promises.

  We can’t be all in.

  Stevie removed her arm from his. She searched his eyes, and when she couldn’t see any form of a lie in his blue eyes, she breathed out.

  “Then you’re going to lose, Julian. House wins this game. Not you.”

  “Can you do me a favour?” Julian asked once Stephanie pulled over by Max’s apartment. Then he turned his head to see her eyeing him.

  Stephanie cut the engine and let out a sigh. “Depends.”

  “Could you do a lap of the area?”

  “Why?”

  Julian tugged his seat belt so it wrapped around him more tightly. “Don’t want to go home yet.”

  Stephanie let out a short laugh. “The hell we’re going for another lap. Petrol isn’t cheap. Go inside, Julian.”

  “Make me,” he said, defiantly.

  He let a smirk cross his lips. Stephanie shook her head and leant towards him. His heartbeat sped up as she kept her eyes on him, her lips inching closer to his.

  God, I want those lips.

  The click from Stephanie’s seat belt broke through the tension in the BMW. A challenging smile tugged at those lips he wanted.

  “Get out of my car, Moors,” Stephanie said slowly and pulled back.

  “Do I really have to?” He pouted.

  She nodded. “Yes, you do.”

  Then the BMW purred to life and Stephanie wrapped her fingers around the steering wheel. She raised her brows as she waited for him to leave the vehicle. “It’s a series of actions,” Stephanie stated.

  “What?” he asked, tilting his head, mystified at what she said.

  “A series of actions. First, you take off your belt. Second, you thank me for the ride. Third, you place your hand on the handle and open the door. And fourth, you get out of my car.”

  He laughed at her instructions.

  If only it were that easy, Stephanie.

  “You’re missing five.”

  Her eyebrows furrowed. “Five?”

  Julian unbuckled his belt and said, “One.”

  Then he leant forward so his face inched closer to hers and breathed, “Two, thank you.”

  His hand was on the door handle before he pulled it open. “Three.”

  Stephanie’s lips formed a fine line, as she waited for him to go through with four.

  “But you have the order of things wrong,” he stated.

  There was no grin or humour. Julian kept his eyes on those blue ones he had dreamed of for the past four years. Confusion swept the vibrant colour as the light from the roof illuminated them.

  “I have?”

  Julian leant in closer, not taking his eyes off her. Stephanie took a sharp inhale as he inched his mouth closer to hers.

  “Julian, I don’t—”

  His lips pressed to hers, silencing her.

  Electricity ignited his body as his lips touched hers. Before he could pull back and make it a sweet chaste kiss, Stephanie’s hands cupped his jaw and she moved her mouth, kissing him back. Her lips moulded around his as a short kiss turned into a full-blown one.

  He groaned and attempted to inhale oxygen as her mouth sent his heart into a frenzy. Sensations he hadn’t felt for years returned. Sensations only she could bring forth in him.

  Stephanie pulled him to her as her back leant against the driver’s side door, shaping her body to accommodate his.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she mumbled against him.

  His tongue found hers, dancing in a series of movements he hadn’t known for a long time. Only her. Only with her.

  “Please.” He had paused for a second before he placed a kiss on her lips.

  “Don’t.”

  Pause.

  Kiss.

  “Figure it out.”

  Another pause.

  Deep breath.

  Another kiss.

  “Just yet,” he whispered. He quickened the pace and tangled his fingers in her blonde hair.

  “Okay,” she moaned her reply.

  Her hands left his jaw and made their way down his neck, to his shoulders, and then down his chest. He shivered the moment her fingers made contact with the bare skin of his stomach. Light touches had his blood pumping, making his head spin. Stephanie’s hands resting on his hips had him snapping back to reality.

  He broke their connection to see her lips swollen and red, her cheeks reflecting the same colour. Her blonde hair was messy from his exploring fingers. Then he witnessed her lick her lips and swallow hard.

  “Are you comfortable like this?” he asked with a chuckle as he tried to comb her hair back.

  “Hell, no!” Stephanie replied, her fingers digging into the side of him. “They make it look hot in the movies.”

  “They never show the brake handle digging into the guy’s bits, do they?”

  Stephanie laughed and pulled him closer to her. Then she gave him a soft, lingering kiss. “Your bits doing okay?”

  Julian dropped his hands from her hair and let the pad of his thumb run against her lips. Stephanie pursed them, kissing his thumb.

  “They’re in pain but not caused by car instruments. More like the ‘I want you’ kind of pain,” he explained.

  Her eyes widened, and she cleared her throat; her hands immediately left his body. “That was, umm… thanks for helping me move into Clara’s apartment.” Stephanie sat up, causing him to pull back from her.

  “No,” he said as his eyes left her lips and met hers. “That was number four.”

  We’re going to have many number fours together, Stephanie.

  He knew just what he had to do. He had to tease her as he had back in Thailand. Slowly draw her into more with him. Have her fall in love with him one more time… or for the first time. Whatever way had her loving him. Whether it was the first or second time—he knew it would be the last.

  Julian took one last look at Stephanie then got out of the car. He bent his knees and peered back inside. The first thing he noticed was the conflicted expression on her face and the frown her mouth made.

  “Stephanie,” he called, gaining her full attention.

  “Yes,” she answered in an unsure voice.

  “This, me standing outside your car, is number five. Number six is me saying good night. So good night, Stephanie.”

  She swept her blonde hair behind her ear and said, “Good night, Julian,” before she shifted her gaze to the windshield.

  Julian closed the door and waited for her to drive off. But Stephanie didn’t make any attempt to. Then he saw her sigh, and he knew she might regret what had just happened. He knocked on the window once, and she wound it down.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

  “I know.”

  “Then why’d you do it?”

  It was his turn to sigh. “Because I couldn’t help myself. It was a need not a want.”

  Stephanie sniffed, and he noticed her wipe a tear from her cheek. He didn’t have to think; Julian pulled open the door and got into the car. Once inside, he took her hand in his.

  “I didn’t mean to ma
ke you cry,” he said in a soft voice.

  She laughed. “Are you trying to flatter yourself? I have allergies.”

  His other hand covered hers. “Let me guess, Julian allergies?”

  She finally turned to face him. “They’re a bitch lately.”

  Julian smiled at the playful tone of her voice. Then he let go of her hand and gently kissed her cheek. “Sorry to be an allergy. I promise I’ll do better next time.”

  “It’s not you, it’s me.”

  “Are you breaking up with me with corny clichés?”

  She nodded. “Totally.”

  “I hear make-up sex is really great,” he pointed out.

  “You ruined the niceness of this moment.”

  “But I made you laugh.”

  “That you did,” she agreed. “Good night, Julian.”

  He smiled at her then got out for a second time. The cool air relieved his scorching skin. Julian turned around and looked back into the car.

  “I have a question for you,” he said.

  “Okay,” she said, cautiously.

  He took a deep breath. “How do I get you to kiss me again, Stephanie?”

  There was silence.

  “Get away from the car, Julian, and go inside,” Stephanie instructed.

  “But—”

  “The answer is that you can’t. We just got lost in the moment. A one-time thing. I have to go home and you do, too.”

  Julian took a step away from her BMW. Then Stephanie drove off before he could even say a proper goodbye.

  “Home is you, Stephanie,” he whispered as he dug both hands into the pockets of his jeans.

  I follow you.

  You before me.

  Always.

  What is wrong with me?

  She’d wondered the exact same question from the ride back from Max’s apartment last night. Stevie wasn’t even sure what had happened or how it all came about, but she’d kissed him and he’d kissed her. There were moans and groans. Some tongue and skin contact. For staying away, she had done the complete opposite. This morning, she woke with the same thought. She needed to keep away. It was so simple. But around Julian, simple was tough. Around Julian, an ease she didn’t like existed. It would leave her with less control. And control was what she needed.