The Definition of Icing: A Dallas Demons Hockey Romance (Dallas Demons Series)

by Ellis, Aven

  “But even if my family hadn’t broken up over an affair, I wouldn’t do that,” I say softly, continuing. “I couldn’t do that because I care about Nate so much.”

  Holly continues to stare at me, but the anger is gone. I can tell she’s viewing me with new eyes.

  “Your brother,” I say, my voice thick with emotion, “is the one man, the only man, who has ever seen past my exterior to find the real me. I’ve been betrayed in the past, by a man who lied to me. And I was devastated. Like Nate, I threw up a wall to keep people out. I didn’t want anyone in my life, but then here comes your brother, and suddenly I’m rethinking everything.

  “And do you know why?” I say, continuing. “Because the more I got to know him, I realized how special he is. And I fell for him. Not Nate Johansson, the wealthy, famous athlete. I fell for Nate Johansson, the man. And he fell for the person I am on the inside, too. And while he might not share everything with you as he had before, I’m sure it’s because of what happened in his past.”

  I notice Holly’s eyes have filled with tears. I feel my own eyes well up.

  “I adore Nate,” I say, my voice thick. “He’s protective and smart and soulful. I fell for the man who likes his chocolate plain and will tweet an animal picture to try and find it a forever home. I fell for the man who loves his family. The man who is passionate about the sport he plays. That’s the man I’m crazy about, Holly. That’s the Nate I know and cherish. And I consider myself blessed beyond measure to have him in my life, and I will never, ever, take him for granted like Megan did.”

  Holly stares at me, her eyes wide. I swallow hard. I didn’t intend to reveal all of that to her, not when I haven’t even said it to Nate himself.

  “I’m sorry,” Holly says, blinking back tears. “I was wrong about you. I . . . I can’t even tell you how wrong I was. And you have no idea how sorry I am. I saw how devastated Nate was, how eaten alive he was by what happened, how he fell apart behind the scenes. And then this happened so fast and so unexpectedly, and I was terrified he was rushing into something that wasn’t right for him.”

  “I promise you,” I say firmly, “I will never hurt your brother. Ever.”

  “I know you won’t,” Holly says. “And I think I might be wrong about Nate, too.”

  Then her expression changes to one of horror.

  “Oh my God,” she gasps, her hand flying up to her mouth. “Shit. Shit.”

  I furrow my brow. Holly’s face has gone white.

  “Holly, are you okay?” I ask, concerned.

  “Um,” Holly shakes her head like she’s trying to process something, “I have to fix something.”

  “What?”

  “Never mind,” Holly blurts out. “But I have to take care of something now, it’s important.”

  She grabs her purse off the countertop. “Um, I’m truly sorry, Kenley. I was wrong. I hope you can forgive me.”

  Now she appears panicked, but why?

  “Of course I can. You love Nate,” I say. “I love that you care about him so much.”

  Holly looks stricken. “Thank you,” she says. “But I . . . I’ll be back.”

  Then she hurries past me, toward the door. But before she leaves, she stops and turns to me. “I can tell you meant what you said. And that makes me happy for Nate.”

  I feel a lump rise in my throat. “Thank you.”

  Holly then dashes out into the hallway surrounding the suite level, disappearing into the crowds.

  I’m still confused by this conversation. Something I said rattled her, but what?

  Maybe I’m overthinking this, I tell myself. I’m good at that. It might be something unrelated that has Holly wound up like that.

  Besides, the main thing is that I’ve turned Holly around. She’s going to be okay with us, and I feel nothing but relief in having won her over.

  But now I feel the need to do something more.

  To tell Nate how I feel.

  Unfortunately, he’s leaving right after the game, on a flight for an extended road trip. I’ll get to see him for a brief minute in the hallway, thanks to the credentials he gave all of us, but it’s not nearly the time or place to tell him that I love him.

  But I know, without a doubt, he’s ready to hear it.

  Nate’s made that clear this week. He’s been taking the steps forward, big ones. Whatever CiCi said that rattled him has suddenly made him determined to make me a permanent part of his life, I feel that with all my heart.

  Now it’s time for me to meet him halfway, by sharing what is in my heart with him.

  And I will do that the second he returns from his road trip next week.

  This has been the longest week ever.

  Nate is almost through his road trip, and the Demons are continuing to rack up the wins. Nate and Harrison have combined to make a powerful duo in the league and everyone is buzzing about it. Nate, in fact, has scored in the last two games and is one of the leaders in scoring in this early start to the season.

  I measure my maple syrup for my pecan pie truffles I’m testing. I was asked to teach a class on Autumn Pie Flavored Truffles for a gourmet grocery store, so I’m working on this while I’m waiting for Nate to check in from St. Louis, where he has an off night.

  Lexi walks out into the living room, her yoga mat bag slung over her shoulder. “I’m headed out for class,” she says. She comes over to me and peers into the bowl I’m using. “Mmmm, smells like pecan pie.”

  “Pecan pie truffles,” I announce. “And I’m also doing glazed pecans because I had so many left over.”

  “Love glazed pecans. With that sugary outer layer . . . yum. Okay, I’ll do extra cardio tomorrow at the gym so I can have those tonight,” Lexi says, grinning at me. “See you later.”

  “Bye, Lex.”

  Lexi heads out the front door, and I hear her lock it behind her. I take my filling and open the fridge, setting it inside so it can chill for fifteen minutes.

  Just as I shut the door, my phone rings. I know it’s not Nate because we video chat, so I wipe my hands on a kitchen towel and glance down at the number.

  It’s CiCi.

  I frown. I hope she hasn’t gotten wind of my dinner plans with Dad and Emily, his new girlfriend, next month, so I can introduce them to Nate. Never mind the fact that she’s going to have dinner with me and Nate first. She’ll be furious that “THAT CHILD” will be present at such an important event in my life.

  Sighing, I pick up the phone. “Hello?”

  “Sweetheart, are you okay?” CiCi asks, the words flying out of her mouth in a rush.

  I freeze. I hear nothing but worry in my mom’s voice.

  “Mom, I’m fine, why?”

  CiCi gasps. “You haven’t seen it.”

  A feeling of foreboding sweeps through my body.

  “Seen what?” I ask.

  “Honey, I promise you it’s going to be okay,” CiCi says firmly. “Nate is a horrible, horrible man. He’s not worthy of you. I was always skeptical about him. But at least the truth is out there now. You can move past it and your bad decisions about him. I know it’s hard, with him being the second man to deceive you like this, but Kenley, I’m here for you.”

  What? Nate is a horrible man?

  Oh shit, she’s been on Tumblr again. I relax and the sense of foreboding is gone.

  “Mom, please quit reading crap on Tumblr,” I plead. “Nate and I don’t read it. It’s not real. And we’re fine, I promise you that.”

  “I’m not on Tumble. I’m talking about Dallas Details.”

  Wait a second. I know Nate recently did an interview for their online magazine—in fact, that’s the photo shoot he was coming back from the day of CiCi’s party and the infamous cupcake disaster.

  “Mom, Nate told me
about that interview,” I say in confusion. “It was a Q&A thing.”

  “Oh did he?” CiCi roars, and I’m taken aback by the raw anger in her voice. “Then answer me this, Kenley. Why is the article titled ‘Dallas’ Hottest Bachelor Looking For Love,’ if he’s so syrupy sweet in love with you? Why did he say he was single as his status? He is a fake. And he used you!”

  I shake my head. I know CiCi has this all wrong, as usual.

  “Mom, I’m going to read it and call you back. But you have nothing to worry about as far as Nate is concerned.”

  “Oh, I know I don’t. Because after you read this article, Kenley, you will never in your right mind ever want to see this awful, lying, fraudulent man ever again.”

  Chapter 30

  Fighting: Just what it sounds like — Nate

  I hang up with CiCi and pick up my iPad, which is resting on the kitchen table because I’m waiting for Nate to check in with me soon.

  “Okay, Mom, what drama are you manufacturing this time?” I ask myself, sinking into the couch and accessing the Internet on my device. I key in Nate’s name and Dallas Details and the article is the first thing that pops up. I click on the link and begin to read:

  DALLAS DETAILS PROFILES: Nate Johansson

  Dallas’ Hottest Bachelor Looking for Love in the Big D

  Age: 24

  Occupation: Hockey Player, Dallas Demons

  It’s easy to see why Dallas Demon Nate Johansson has taken the city by storm since his arrival from Minneapolis. The superstar winger has been paired with Captain Harrison Flynn on the ice, and their instant chemistry together has resulted in the creation of one of the top tandems in the league. We were lucky enough to sit down with Nate, and later speak to his sister, Holly, about his personal life here in Texas.

  Dallas Details: Nate, let’s start right off the bat with your status. Do you check the married or single box?

  Nate Johansson: I’m single.

  Dallas Details: The ladies certainly seem to approve of your addition to our city. Do you know your female fans are called Johanssonistas?

  Nate Johansson (Looking embarrassed, laughing.) Um, no, I didn’t know that. It’s very flattering, though.

  Dallas Details: How have you found the women of Dallas to be so far, Nate?

  Nate Johansson: There’s no doubt there are lots of beautiful women in this city, I have noticed that.

  Dallas Details: Are you ready to settle down? What do you see in your future as far as your personal life is concerned?

  Nate Johansson: I can’t speak to that right now.

  Dallas Details: Tell us about your life off the ice during the season.

  Nate Johansson: I enjoy taking my dog to dog parks when I’m off. But I’m boring. Pretty much a homebody these days. Just me and Marabou, hanging out and watching movies, that’s my life when I’m not playing. When the season is over, I do plan to go back to Minnesota for a while. I have a cabin up there and I’m looking forward to fishing. I love fishing and being outdoors when I’m home.

  Dallas Details: What is the way to your heart?

  Nate Johansson: It takes a lot to get there, that’s all I’m going to say. The truth be told, only one person has actually ever gotten there before.

  So ladies, if you can put a worm on a hook and don’t mind sharing your time with a puppy named Marabou, Nate Johansson might be your man. We recently interviewed his sister, Holly Johansson, via email, and here’s what she had to say about her older brother:

  Holly Johansson: My brother will make a great husband to some lucky woman. I think he’s getting close to the point in his life where he’s ready to share it with someone, but he hasn’t found the right woman yet.

  Dallas Details: Oh, really? Why do you say that?

  Holly Johansson: When Nate is in love, he’s expressive about it. He will tell that woman and anyone within earshot how he feels. He wears his heart on his sleeve. That’s how I know he hasn’t found The One yet, LOL. But when he does, the world will know how much he loves her, that’s for sure.

  Dallas Details: So your brother shares those things with you?

  Holly Johansson: Absolutely he does. If Nate hasn’t told me he’s in love, then he’s not. I know that as much as I know my own name, LOL.

  And there you have it. If you love dogs and the outdoors and enjoy movie nights at home, you might want to check out Nate Johansson. And apparently the whole world will know if you’ve captured his heart in your hands, because this expressive hockey player will let everyone know that you have his heart. (Awwwwwwwwwwwwwh)

  I’m fighting back sobs by the last sentence. I feel as though Nate, with his words, has leapt through the screen of my iPad and ripped my heart right out of my chest.

  CiCi was right.

  Nate doesn’t love me.

  Only one person has reached his heart.

  Megan.

  He can’t make it any clearer. That sentence says it all. He’s only been in love once. The woman he told the world about is the one he loved.

  Holly was right. When Nate’s in love, he says it.

  Which is why he’s never said it to me.

  I’m so stupid, I think as the tears fall down my face. I thought he was over his past. I thought he could love me. When he held my hand at the dinner table, when he protected me against Holly’s comments, I thought that was because he was falling in love with me.

  But maybe he was trying to convince himself that he could care for me on that level. That if he tried to act like he loved me, he might just fall in love with me.

  But obviously Nate can’t.

  It’s happening all over again, I think, sobbing so hard I can barely breathe. Another man acting like he has feelings for me when he doesn’t.

  And CiCi could see what I couldn’t.

  Once again, my horrible judgment of men has torn me apart. I wanted to believe Nate’s actions; I wanted to believe he could fall in love with me.

  I wanted to believe he was The One.

  And while I’m here planning to tell him I love him, Nate can’t speak to what he wants in his future. Instead, he’s talking about going back to Minnesota this summer. Something he’s never mentioned to me before.

  Of course, when you’re not in love, you don’t have to consult with someone on your plans to return home.

  A huge sob escapes my throat with that realization.

  He’s calling Minnesota home.

  Not Dallas.

  And Nate’s heart—and his home—will never be with me.

  My phone goes off again.

  And I don’t even have to pick it up to know it’s Nate. He’s been blowing up my phone for the past two hours.

  Because that’s what it has been since my world fell apart. Two hours since I read that interview. Two hours since my heart was destroyed by Nate’s painfully honest words, two hours since I realized Nate will never love me or want to build a life with me.

  And I can’t cope. I just can’t.

  I’ve retreated to my room, isolating myself from the world. I’ve ignored Nate completely tonight. I didn’t respond to his Connectivity Video Connect request. I didn’t answer his texts asking if I was around for chat. I didn’t respond to the ones that followed, asking if I was okay. Probably because I never missed an arranged video chat time while he was on the road. His texts sounded increasingly alarmed, but Nate can worry about me without loving me.

  But the truth is I can’t face him right now. I can’t deal with the fallout that is going to come from the interview.

  Because there’s only one option for me.

  I’m going to end it.

  I’m going to tell him I thought he was over Megan, but he’s not. Or at least I’m not the girl who makes him feel that way. I can’t
be with a man I love who doesn’t know what he wants for his future, who is planning a summer without me, who calls another city his home, who can’t verbalize things he doesn’t feel in his heart.

  My phone rings again, but this time I glance at it.

  It’s Amanda.

  I swallow down another sob stuck in my throat and answer the phone.

  “Hello?” I manage to say.

  “Okay, I have confirmed you’re alive for your boyfriend,” Amanda quips. “Now will you please tell me why you are ignoring Nate this time? Because he’s freaking out because he can’t get a hold of you.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” I manage to get out.

  “Why are you crying?” Amanda asks with urgency.

  “I . . . I’m going to break up with Nate,” I say, forcing the words out.

  “What? Have you gone mad? Why?”

  “Read his interview in Dallas Details. You’ll know why I’m doing this. But . . . I’ll do it now, so you’re not dragged into it further.”

  “No! Don’t do anything yet,” Amanda commands. Then she’s silent for a moment. “Wait a second. Has CiCi done something? She has, hasn’t she? I can feel it. She’s done something to make you question Nate. Whenever your confidence is rattled, it’s CiCi driven. I know I’m right!”

  “For once, Amanda, CiCi is right,” I admit, hanging up the phone.

  But before I can even put the phone down, another call from Nate is coming through.