Lost and Found

by Natasha West

  April shrugged. ‘Or maybe I just love a good eater.’

  Sophie took another bite, and April realised she’d said the word, ‘Love.’ Even indirectly, she felt embarrassed. Mainly because it was true. She was falling for Sophie. She wasn’t saying it, though, just in case. She didn’t want to scare Sophie off if it wasn’t returned.

  ‘Hey, Becky texted me today,’ Sophie said, rescuing the potentially awkward moment. Becky was Sophie’s best friend, since forever. April had been introduced to her last week. April awaited a verdict. ‘She liked you,’ Sophie finished.

  April let out a sigh of relief. ‘Whew, thank god.’

  ‘Did you think she wouldn’t?’ Sophie asked, surprised.

  ‘You never know. And if the bestie hated me, not great,’ April said.

  Sophie was flummoxed. ‘That’s crazy. Why would anybody hate you.’

  April was deeply touched by the casual compliment. ‘If that’s true, maybe I could meet your parents next?’ she asked.

  Sophie had just been about to eat the last bite of her dog, but she stopped, mouth open in surprise. She slowly lowered the food, and April awaited her response with bated breath. On the list of things April could have said at that moment, it ranked a few places behind the other thing that might have come out. But asking to meet her parents was a good halfway mark. Wasn’t it? Or maybe it was still too much?

  But once Sophie had gotten over her surprise, she didn’t look that freaked out at all. Actually, she looked kind of happy. ‘You wanna meet my parents?’

  ‘If you want.’

  ‘God, my mum’s gonna get the baby pictures out,’ Sophie groaned.

  ‘Is that a yes?’

  Sophie nodded and said with uncharacteristic shyness, ‘Actually, I’m having Sunday dinner with them, and I’d kind of been wondering if you’d like to come.’

  April was relieved. ‘Sounds great.’

  Until Sophie added, ‘That reminds me, I was wondering, I’ve met your friends at the flower shop, but what about old friends? Family? I know you’re not from here, but are they visiting any time soon?’

  April felt a pang in her chest. ‘No plans to anytime soon. But I’m sure we’ll do something like that in the future.’

  Sophie nodded uncertainly. ‘Oh, yeah. OK.’

  A gargantuan firework banged in the distance, and they both flinched. ‘Jesus!’ Sophie cried. ‘That’s too much.’

  But April was glad of the distraction. Because old friends? Family? They were difficult subjects, putting it lightly. But there was time to figure all that out later, April told herself. If things went the way she hoped, maybe they could talk about all that. April felt pleased to even be considering it. Scared too, but mostly pleased to feel like the possibility of talking about her past even existed.

  As the fireworks rocketed overhead, April, feeling romantic, grabbed Sophie and kissed her deeply. The biggest firework of the night went off with a bang that shook the ground. April and Sophie didn’t even notice.

  ***

  April was at her front door, dropped off by Sophie. They’d wanted to spend the night together, but Sophie had a preposterously early viewing the next day, and she said she hated to wake April at such a time. So they were being chaste tonight. It was nice in a way, April thought as she put the key in the door. Sure, they’d had sex before – a lot of it - but tonight had felt like a big step, and it would be nice to go home and miss Sophie and let herself dream about what might happen for them in the future. She let herself into the flat with a satisfied smile that was always on her lips these days.

  ‘April, it’s me, don’t-’ said a voice from the darkness of her flat, and April screamed.

  ‘I was going to say scream,’ the man finished.

  As April’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, she could just about make out the identity of her uninvited visitor. It was only Barry. April glared at him for a moment before shutting the door behind her and shouting, ‘What are you doing waiting in my locked flat with the lights off? Are you trying to make my heart explode?’

  Barry was incensed. ‘I didn’t mean to be waiting in the dark. Think I tripped the breaker when I let myself in. I have keys, remember?’

  April went to the cupboard and flicked the breaker back up. The flat was illuminated, and she saw Barry’s face. It didn’t look happy. ‘What’s going on?’ she asked miserably.

  ‘I think you already know,’ Barry said unhappily.

  April shook her head. ‘Barry, no. Please.’

  ‘You think I’m doing this lightly?’

  ‘No, I don’t. But are you sure it’s absolutely necess-’?

  ‘My informant was sure they were zeroing in,’ Barry said firmly. ‘So we gotta go. Now.’

  April leaned back against her wall, the wall of her lovely flat, a gift from Sophie, who she loved. And would never see again.

  Three

  Two Years Later

  Sophie put the key in the door to the three-bed house and let the straight couple in. ‘Yeah, so, nice area. Good bus links,’ she said, trying to keep the boredom out of her voice. These words, she’d said them a thousand times. They didn’t get any more interesting. ‘It’s two reception-’

  ‘Did I see a pylon as I was driving past?’ the man asked abruptly. ‘Because that sort of thing is dangerous.’

  Sophie didn’t know about any pylons. ‘Do you mean the telephone tower?’

  ‘Isn’t that the same as a pylon?’ the man asked suspiciously.

  ‘I don’t know. But with that thing on your doorstep, your Wi-Fi will be insane. You could download all of Breaking Bad in about three seconds.’

  The man looked somewhat swayed. ‘I’ll have to look into it.’

  Sophie nodded. ‘You do that.’ Her phone rang, Becky. She cancelled the call quickly. ‘Sorry about that. Let’s take a look at that second reception, shall we?’

  ***

  Sophie watched the couple get in their car and drive off. Would they take the place? Who knew? Who cared? Her ambivalence about her job had only deepened in the last couple of years. She could barely summon the will to say, ‘No pets allowed.’

  Her phone beeped as she got into her car, and she checked it. Becky had left a voice message. Weird. She was a strict texter. Sophie dialled the answering service and listened. Becky’s excited voice jumped out of the line. ‘OK, erm, oh my god, I don’t know… Well, I can’t really not tell you this, can I? It wouldn’t be right. I mean, it’s up to you what you do with the information.’

  Sophie wished Becky would stop blithering and spit it out.

  ‘You’re probably thinking, ‘Stop blithering and spit it out, Becky!’ Becky said, and then she took a deep breath. ‘OK. So I was up north, in Yepton. I was visiting Jay; he broke up with his girlfriend. He needed… consoling.’

  ‘Oh, Becky, no, not that twat! He’s done nothing but mess you about,’ Sophie muttered at the recording.

  ‘Yes, I know you hate him, but anyway, let’s not get into that,’ Becky said. ‘But the point is… I saw April.’

  ‘What?’ Sophie screamed.

  ‘She was working in a shop, a supermarket. On a trading estate off the A56. Stacking shelves. I don’t think she saw me. Anyway, so now you know.’ The message ended there.

  Sophie was having palpitations. April. She never expected to hear anyone say that name again. Because the day after Bonfire Night - or as she’d come to think of it, the night April had let her think they might have a future by talking about meeting parents - Sophie had tried to ring April. A recording told her that the number she was trying to reach wasn’t available. So Sophie emailed April, expecting a response with some simple explanation about the missing phone number. The email bounced back. Sophie had begun to freak out a little by this point. So she’d gone ‘round to where April worked, at the flower shop. ‘She didn’t turn up, can’t get ahold of her,’ the boss told her. Sophie was frightened by now, and she’d raced round to April’s place. She knocked and knocked, but
no answer. She went to the office, got the spare keys, and let herself in. What she found there was shocking.

  Nothing.

  The place was empty. Cleaned and stripped of all personal possessions. April wasn’t just gone; she was insanely gone. It was like she’d never existed. She rang the office to be told that notice had been delivered by a courier. Not only that, but the last three months of the tenancy had been paid up, cash in the envelope. Done and dusted.

  Sophie was confused, heartbroken, angry. How could you be so enmeshed with someone the way they’d been, and then vanish overnight? It was lunacy. And there was no one Sophie could get any details from because the only people April had introduced her to had been new in her life. A neighbour, a workmate, someone from a book club she’d just started going to. And they knew exactly jack shit. April had never talked about her life before she’d moved to the area in anything but the vaguest terms. Whenever Sophie had attempted to press for more, some distraction had always come up. She had no way to track down even one person who might know April’s location.

  It was the ghosting of a lifetime. Nothing in Sophie’s life could prepare her for it. She couldn’t see a hotdog for quite some time without feeling hurt and angry.

  But that had been two years ago, and Sophie supposed she’d moved on, let go of the hurt. Except no she fucking hadn’t, because April’s name had just come out of her phone and she was filled with all that emotion again like it had happened two weeks ago instead of two years.

  In the main, she was angry. April was just living her life up north. Nothing bad had happened to her, which had always been a possibility at the back of Sophie’s mind. No, she was fine. Probably breaking more hearts for the pure fun of it.

  Sophie drove to the next viewing in a state of complete agitation. She found a middle-aged guy waiting outside. He was forty, struggling to look thirty. ‘Hi, Kevin. I’m Sophie. Let’s go in,’ she said quickly, storming into the flat, into a living room.

  Kevin jogged to catch up with her, ‘Yeah, alright.’

  ‘So, living room,’ Sophie said, gesturing quickly before she marched to the adjoining corridor. ‘Kitchen,’ she said, throwing open a door. Kevin just about got his head in, and Sophie was off again. ‘Bathroom,’ she said, flinging another door open. Kevin barely got a look before Sophie was off again, opening the last door off the corridor. ‘And the bedroom.’

  Kevin was panting by this point. ‘Bloody hell, love. That’s a serious whistle-stop tour.’

  Sophie put her hands on her hips. ‘You know what, Kevin? Life’s short. Or no, it’s not, is it? It’s actually pretty long. Especially, when you meet someone, and you start to think it could be the real thing. Then boom! They run off in the dead of night, Kevin, leaving you to slowly shrivel up inside. And you’re now just a husk that has to go around trying to pretend you’re OK after you thought you’d found what might well have been the love of your damn life-’

  Kevin nodded, unphased. ‘I get it. I got divorced last year myself.’

  The wind went out of Sophie, and she slumped against a doorframe, trying to catch her breath. As oxygen returned to her brain, she knew what she had to do. ‘Kevin, I’m very sorry. I’ve got to go. Let yourself out when you’ve looked, can you? The door locks behind you.’

  Kevin nodded.

  Sophie left the flat and got in her car. She phoned her boss and lied about a family emergency as she joined the motorway. She was going up north. And when she got there, April was going to explain why she’d done this to her.

  Four

  April placed the six-pack of beer on the high shelf, her back screaming. She hated stacking shelves. She hated everything about this job but she didn’t have a choice. She reached down for another six-pack.

  ‘Psst,’ said a voice in her ear. She turned to see Maggie, a well-meaning colleague who drove April up the wall. She’d decided April was her buddy, and there wasn’t a lot April could do about that. ‘I’ve got to tell you something,’ Maggie announced.

  ‘Yeah?’ April asked, pretending to care.

  ‘Yeah. You know the new girl on the meat counter, Sarah? I’ve heard she’s a lesbian.’

  April internalised her irritation. ‘Congratulations to her.’

  Maggie didn’t hear the sarcasm and blundered on. ‘Yes, so I thought you and her might…’ She left it there.

  ‘No thanks,’ April replied.

  ‘But she seems very sweet.’

  ‘I’m sure she is.’

  Maggie was flummoxed. ‘But you’re single, aren’t you? So what’s the problem?’

  April stopped stacking and turned to give Maggie full eye contact. ‘Trust me, Maggie, it won’t go anywhere good,’ she said with more emotion than she meant to.

  Maggie nodded as though she understood. ‘OK, then. I can see your mind’s made up. So I’ll give you a day to think about it, and we’ll talk tomorrow.’ She walked off.

  April picked up another case of beer, swearing under her breath.

  ***

  April chucked her tabard into her locker and slinked out of the break room, past chattering, laughing co-workers. She walked out of the front entrance of the supermarket and headed through the carpark, in the direction of the bus stop at the end of the road.

  She followed the pedestrian lane through the cars, pulling in and out of spaces at speed. She didn’t notice the blue car drive up behind her, and kept trudging, in her own world.

  HONK!

  April jumped and turned to see who had honked at her, intending to give them a few choice words. She was using the pedestrian crossing, after all. She didn’t care if some pillock didn’t feel she was going fast enough. She turned to the car, ready for a row. But then she saw the driver of the car, glaring at her, the fires of hell in her eyes. April couldn’t believe who she was looking at.

  Sophie.

  April froze for a moment, unsure what to do, how to react. Should she say something? Should she wait for Sophie to say something? As the moments passed, April’s panic seemed to engulf her. After something like fifteen seconds had gone by, April landed on a reaction. She turned heel and ran.

  Through the carpark, she sped off, at a serious clip. She heard the car rev up. Sophie was coming. But when April tossed a look over her shoulder, she saw the car trying to manoeuvre past numerous other vehicles with little success. Despite the obvious advantages of the combustible engine, the carpark was busy. On foot, April had the lead.

  She found herself away from the carpark, out on the road. Only then did she wonder what she was doing. Why was she running? From Sophie? She didn’t have time to figure that out now. She just had to run.

  But out on the street, April wasn’t so sure she could win this race. Sophie could easily catch up on a normal road. If she got out here in the open, it was over. Unless that light on the horizon… It was a bus! She was saved.

  April hopped on the number twenty-two and sat down at the back, sweating, panting, scared. She could barely comprehend what had just occurred. What were the odds that Sophie would just happen upon her like that? Equally confusing to April was her own reaction to Sophie’s appearance. But it was too late to change that now.

  HONK HONK!

  April turned in her seat to see that Sophie was by no means out of the game. She’d obviously spotted her getting on public transport, and she was chasing the bus. They made eye contact again through the windows of their respective vehicles, and Sophie didn’t look quite as angry now. She looked more hurt. ‘What are you doing?’ she mimed to her.

  April sighed to herself. She got up and pressed the bell, getting off the bus at the next stop. She couldn’t keep running like this. A large part of her didn’t want to. She was going to talk to Sophie, and she was going to have to try and explain something that made no sense.

  Five

  Sophie watched April climb off the bus. She pulled her car into a layby and got out to watch the woman she hadn’t seen in two years trudge slowly toward her. She looked more
tired than when they’d seen each other last, that night of the bonfire. She looked sadder.

  She reached Sophie at last, and they looked at each other for a moment.

  ‘Hi,’ April finally said. ‘You look well.’

  Sophie unclamped her jaw. ‘Oh, do I? Thanks very much,’ she said sarcastically. ‘So, shall we catch up over tea?’

  April bit her lip. ‘I mean, we could.’

  ***

  They were back in the supermarket, in the cafe, actually drinking tea. Now they were here, Sophie didn’t know where to start, what to ask, how to be.