Lost and Found

by Natasha West

  ‘Well, then I think I’m done here,’ Barry said.

  April got up to show him out. ‘Thanks for telling us.’

  ‘Yeah, well,’ Barry bumbled. ‘Sorry, anyway.’

  April opened the front door. ‘You’re doing your best. I know that.’

  Barry left without another word. April knew him; he was embarrassed because he felt he’d failed them. He never said anything like that, but she knew he dreamed of telling them one day that her whole family was locked up, and she was free to start her life again. Though she’d stopped dreaming of it for herself, she wanted it for him. The win. He’d waited a long time for it, since before April had reached puberty.

  She went back into the living room and tried to put a smile on her face for Sophie. ‘Well, we’re no better off, but we’re not really any worse off, either,’ she said lightly.

  Sophie didn’t smile. She walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. ‘You don’t have to do that for me. This sucks.’

  April let herself be hugged, though she was still trying to be cheery. ‘It’s really just another day in the programme for me. It’s you I’m worried about.’

  ‘You’ve done that since we got here, been the rock. Why don’t you let me worry about you for a change?’ Sophie said, still holding onto April.

  April didn’t want to accept that offer. She had a duty to be the strong one, she felt. But she was sick of trying to behave as though this didn’t affect her. She slumped into the hug. ‘You’re right. This is shit.’

  Sophie stroked her hair. ‘Yeah. But we’ve got each other. So it could be worse.’

  April leaned back to look at Sophie. ‘You’re amazing, do you know that?’

  ‘I’ve been whining for weeks,’ Sophie said, trying to brush off the compliment.

  ‘A couple of weeks of complaining is the least you were due. And now you're propping me up.’

  Sophie ran a hand down April’s cheek. ‘I don’t know about that. But you know what? I feel stronger now, somehow.’ She smiled. ‘Probably because of last night. Maybe… maybe we’re stronger together.’

  April gave a smile she didn’t need to force. ‘Yeah. Maybe we are.’

  They held onto each other.

  Ninteen

  Sophie poured a pint of Captain’s Bottom and handed it to Old Red Nose, AKA Bert. ‘There ya go.’

  Bert inspected it. ‘Perfect. Cheers, darlin’.

  Sophie watched him sit down with his pint and a newspaper and enjoy both of them. Though she didn’t love this job and couldn’t foresee ever doing so, it was nice to see an old man made happy by the simplicity of a properly poured pint. It had taken some getting used to, but she could handle the basics of this place now. She knew where most things were, how to change a barrel, how to tell when the bag for the Pepsi needed changing.

  But the best thing was her breaks, because she could see April. Though she had to be careful to call her Mel around the place, they could have their lunch together (brought from home, they both knew better than to eat what this place served), talk together, maybe even sneak off around the back for a cheeky snog. Her days now, mundane as they were, felt injected with something, a magic she hadn’t known in a while. Funny, she could almost swear she was happy.

  At the back of her mind, though, she wondered how long all this could last. Not because of how she felt, that seemed like a fixed aspect of herself, part of who she was. She loved April, no matter what. No, the variable was the situation that followed April like a shadow. Sophie worried about that. She worried that the peace she and April had found would be shattered by it somehow.

  Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Sophie wished that the street April had talked about, where all her terrible blood relatives lived, would blow up. But of course, she didn’t really wish for that. There were probably plenty of innocent lives on that street. Partners and children who had nothing to do with the family business and were probably as clueless as April had been. So Sophie would happily accept those promised arrests being made, the rotten Gardeners locked up while their shitty little empire crumbled to dust.

  Sophie supposed that what she really wanted was for them to lose the power she felt they wielded over hers and April’s lives. It was funny, she’d never met or even seen a photo of any of them, her own contact had been the peripheral Kenny. But they loomed so large.

  ‘Hey,’ April said, sneaking up behind her and slipping her hands around her waist. Sophie glanced about her in case of prying eyes, but it was a Tuesday at eleven-thirty, and the place was dead as disco. She snuck a quick kiss. ‘How’s life in the trenches?’

  April sighed. ‘Dan’s trying to cut corners again. Thinks we should start using Smash.’

  ‘Smash? I didn’t even know you could still buy that. He can’t be serious. There’s got to be a line somewhere,’ Sophie said, pouring April a drink and handing it to her.

  ‘If there’s a line, Dan hasn’t found it yet,’ April said, taking a swig. ‘How’s life at the top?’

  ‘The usual thrill ride of high society banter. Last night’s peak was an argument over whether saying that Shakespeare created Coronation Street is worth half a point on the quiz.’

  April chuckled. ‘Yeah, stupid. Don’t they know that Shakespeare created EastEnders? Hey, I was just thinking, you know what we haven’t done?’

  Sophie thought about that. ‘In the bedroom? I can’t think of anything. Unless you wanna go full fifty shades. But can you take it easy on my bum? It’s quite sensitive.’

  April tutted and swatted Sophie. ‘We haven’t been on a date.’

  Sophie raised an eyebrow. ‘What are you talking about? We’ve been on a non-stop date for the last three weeks.’

  ‘We spend every night in the house. We never go out.’

  ‘Like dinner and a movie?’

  ‘Maybe. Or you know what? They’re switching on the Christmas lights in the town centre tonight; we could go check that out and then maybe do dinner,’ April suggested.

  ‘Forlorn’s Christmas lights? Woah, slow down, your gonna burn us both out.’

  April rolled her eyes. ‘I know it’s not gonna be amazing or anything. But I just thought it might be nice to go to things like that since we’re here.’

  Sophie found it hard to say no to April. That didn’t mean she’d make it easy, though. ‘Who’s hitting the button?’

  ‘Martin Stamp.’

  ‘And who in the fuck is Martin Stamp, if I may be so bold?’

  ‘Local actor. Been in Holby twice. Non-speaking.’

  ‘Well, why didn’t you say it was such a star-studded event? Do you think I’ve got time to get my mink dry cleaned?’

  April started to get quite peeved. ‘God sakes, do you want to go or-’

  Sophie grinned and kissed April on the cheek. ‘Of course. I’d go anywhere with you. As has been proven.’

  April gave a half-smile. ‘So, it’s a date.’ She finished her drink, put the empty on the bar, and turned to the door that led downstairs. Sophie gave her a quick smack on the arse before she could exit. ‘Hey! My bum’s sensitive, too, you know!’ April exclaimed.

  ‘Then our safe word will be Smash,’ Sophie told her. She watched April toss a quick grin over her shoulder as she left. She sighed with satisfaction. Seeing April, if only for five minutes, gave her a buzz.

  She turned back to the bar, still empty except for Bert. A young woman walked in, looked around, and walked straight back out again. Sophie thought the woman must have mistaken the place for somewhere she actually wanted to be and corrected her error sharpish. Sophie could relate. This place was OK for now, but she wondered if it would be possible to find something else in a few months. Would Barry allow her to find her own job, help her with the fake credentials? Maybe. But she wasn’t sure she was that arsed about leaving anyway. The perks of the job, namely a hot blonde called Mel, who worked in the kitchen, were just too good.

  Twenty

  April checked herself in the mirror one last ti
me. Her date was in the next room and had seen her half a dozen times today, but she still wanted to look nice when she saw her in a few minutes. It was their first real and true date since the old days. April was surprised at how excited she was because things felt so natural with Sophie. Them coming back together had happened so organically, she’d felt comfortable with Sophie again very quickly. And yet still, those little butterflies still turned up in her tummy sometimes.

  She checked her hair - she was starting to get quite keen on the new blonde look now she was used to it – and left the room. Sophie was just coming out of her door too. She looked gorgeous. She always looked gorgeous because she was gorgeous. But she was wearing a bit more makeup than usual and a nice new top that plunged just far enough to get those butterflies flying south for the winter. April nearly suggested staying in to give that safe word a test run.

  ‘Well, hello,’ Sophie said, looking April up and down. ‘You look…’

  ‘Nice?’ April suggested.

  ‘I was more thinking edible,’ Sophie said, grabbing her hand. ‘Come on, let’s look at these lights and eat dinner so I can get you back home as soon as possible.’

  April grinned and followed.

  ***

  ‘Oooh,’ went the crowd as Martin Stamp flicked the switch, and a few hundred twinkly lights illuminated the twenty-foot tree. It wasn’t going to win any prizes, but it was making people happy, April included. People were in good spirits with the approach of the festive season. Even Sophie was smiling and clapping, and April thought it was only about twenty percent sarcastic.

  April examined the tree, and she understood what it was about it that she liked. It was not a special tree; it was what the town could afford. But people had decided to love it, and that made it special. It was like a mirror to April’s life. Because she hadn’t chosen this life, and likely wouldn’t have. But when she stripped the facts of her new life back, she had everything she needed in Sophie, and that made everything else good enough, because April was choosing love, optimism. That had been a mistake once. But somehow, April found herself wanting to try again. She couldn’t help it. Sophie made her happy, and April couldn’t resist that happiness. Never could.

  The crowd began to thin and apparently, the fun was over. Sophie turned with a hearty clap of her hands and said, ‘Grub?’

  ***

  It was a cheesy Mexican restaurant. The staff were wearing sombreros, which was doubly ridiculous because they kept getting knocked off every time they came out of the low doorframe that led to the kitchen. But the food was nice, and Sophie was devouring it. April had always loved watching Sophie eat.

  ‘Hey, you gonna save me some of that guac?’ April asked as Sophie scooped about half a pound onto one chip.

  ‘If you want it, you gotta come and get it,’ Sophie said with a cheeky smile.

  ‘We still talking about guacamole?’ April asked.

  ‘Stop trying to distract me,’ Sophie said, mouth full.

  ‘Like anyone could distract you from food,’ April said, grabbing a tortilla chip and loading it up with as much dip as the tortilla could bear. But she’d miscalculated and halfway to her mouth, the chip snapped and fell down her front. ‘Oh, wonderful!’ April said, trying to clean herself up.

  Sophie laughed at her. ‘Amateur.’

  April tutted as she dabbed at herself. ‘I can never keep myself nice.’

  Sophie grabbed a napkin and began to help with the clean-up operation. ‘You always look good. You’d look good covered head to toe in salsa.’

  April paused her cleaning. ‘If that’s a fantasy of yours, you can forget it.’

  ‘I’m not saying it is, but theoretically, why wouldn’t you want to make my salsa dream come true if that’s what I wanted?’ Sophie asked.

  ‘Because salsa is spicy. Can you imagine if it got in a delicate area? I’d be on fire.’ April shuddered at the thought.

  ‘How about sour cream, then? That’s mild,’ Sophie suggested.

  April began to dab at her top again. She realised there was some guac she couldn’t get to. ‘Oh, great. It’s in my actual bra.’

  Sophie peered over, interested. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll get that later.’

  April laughed. ‘Why am I only just finding out about your Mexican dip fetish?’

  ‘I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a fetish. It’s more like combining interests: food and your body.’

  April looked down at her bra and let her top fall back into place. ‘Fine. I’ll leave the guac where it is. But you better get it all,’ she warned.

  Sophie smiled slowly. ‘I’ll get it all.’

  ***

  They took a slow walk home, which April was glad of. She needed to digest a bit. She wanted to feel as athletic as possible for the remainder of the evening. She and Sophie had been flirting hard all night, and April was absolutely going to rip her clothes off the second that front door was closed behind them.

  At the door, Sophie scrabbled for her keys. ‘Well, end of date. You gonna kiss me on the doorstep?’

  ‘Depends, will you invite me in afterwards?’ April asked.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve got much choice in that one. You live here.’

  ‘Still, it would be nice,’ April said with a coy grin.

  Sophie chuckled. ‘Alright, fine. Would you like to come in for a coffee?’

  April leaned in and kissed Sophie passionately. When they eventually pulled apart, April said, ‘Yeah. Coffee. Let’s go.’

  Sophie opened the door, and they stepped into the hallway, switching the light on. Sophie locked the door behind them and turned. ‘Are we really gonna drink coffee, or shall we just stop messing about?’

  ‘I wouldn’t mind a coffee,’ said a voice at the other end of the hall. Sophie and April screamed. Kenny walked out of the living room and waved. ‘Hi, girls.’

  Twenty-One

  Sophie froze at the sight of Kenny. His face hadn’t fully healed from his burn, and a dark circle was still visible. He was wearing the same baseball cap and cheap tracksuit as the last time they’d seen him. Funny that this cheap, fashion-challenged little man could be so terrifying. But he was. Sophie felt like a goldfish in a pond with a piranha. Frightened. Powerless.

  ‘So you gonna make me that coffee or what?’ Kenny asked with a horrible leer.

  Sophie turned to April. But April seemed to have taken the shock and worked through it. ‘Kettle’s in the kitchen. Shall we go through?’ she asked Kenny casually. Sophie was stunned at her normalcy. Like he was a builder who was asking for a brew.

  Kenny stepped back to allow them through the doorway. April went in. Sophie didn’t know what she was doing, but she had no choice but to follow her, Kenny bringing up the rear of the party.

  In the living room, Kenny sat down on the sofa while April headed over to the kitchenette and filled the kettle. ‘Hey, if you’re thinking about chucking a hot coffee over me, I’ll stab your girlfriend in the throat. Fool me once,’ Kenny said, slipping a switch knife out of his pocket and clicking a button to reveal a glinting blade.

  Sophie’s throat felt suddenly tight. But April only nodded. ‘Fine.’

  A minute later, Kenny was sipping his coffee. ‘Mmm, nice. What brand?’

  ‘Can’t remember,’ April said. She looked a lot calmer than Sophie felt, but there was no way she could be. This was April’s survival instinct kicking in, Sophie had seen it once before in the supermarket carpark. Cool as ice. Meanwhile, Sophie’s instinct was also the same as last time. Her body was locked stiff in fear. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t think. She was useless.

  Meanwhile, April was sitting back in her chair, watching Kenny sip his coffee. ‘I heard you’ve been telling people I gave you a handjob.’

  Kenny nearly spat coffee, laughing. ‘Lawyer’s idea. That guy will say literally anything.’

  ‘And people will believe anything. I mean, not very likely I’d go anywhere near your crotch, is it?’

  �
��What, because you’re a lezzer?’

  ‘No, because you’re disgusting,’ April replied.

  Kenny wasn’t offended. ‘I reckon it’s not that unlikely. You’d have done anything to save your neck. Probably could have gotten a bit more than that.’

  April looked like she’d just tasted dog shit. ‘I think I just got gayer.’

  ‘Did you know your mum paid for my lawyer?’ Kenny asked abruptly.

  ‘How would I know that?’ April asked calmly.