Broken Dreams (Broken Series)

by Pendleton, Dawn

  “What is it?” I asked, panicked.

  “I – I can’t say for sure, man, but let me talk to Rainey, okay? Maybe I can convince her to tell you whatever it is that’s ailing her. You deserve to know,” he commented. He closed his eyes for a minute and when he opened them, he looked almost angry, but he didn’t say anything.

  “Thanks, dude. I’ll let you get back to work. I’ve got to head over to the bar, anyway. Let me know what she says when you talk to her,” I said. I stood up, left my unopened can of cola at the table, and made my way back to my truck.

  I worried Luke might know more than he was letting on, but if he did, I knew him well enough to know he would want to confirm his suspicions before he said anything to me. As much as I might hate that about him, I also appreciated the part where he didn’t get me worked up over a possibility.

  An hour later, I sat in my office at the bar, rubbing my temples. Even though business was picking up, I was still low on funds and couldn’t pull a paycheck for two more weeks. And that was only if the summer crowd flooded the bar for the next ten days. I sighed, trying to figure out how I was going to make rent. I would have to work for JP on Monday and Tuesday in order to pay my household bills. I sent out a text to Luke and asked if he could use someone at the beginning of the week.

  His reply came quickly, assuring me that JP could use another guy anytime I wanted. I breathed a sigh of relief and called Jimmy into my office.

  “Hey , boss, what’s up?” he asked from the doorway.

  “Can you cover the full dayshift on Monday and Tuesday? I’m going to work for JP,” I explained.

  “Sure thing. I was planning on being here for most of the day, anyway. Will you work the nightshift, or do you want me to work doubles?”

  “No, you can go home around five-thirty. I just need the dayshifts covered,” I said. As much as I didn’t want to put in two sixteen - hour days back-to-back, I couldn’t afford to pay Jimmy to work doubles those days, either. So I would have to suck it up and just work. I was already tired just thinking about it.

  “I wanted to ask you about time off,” Jimmy said after standing there, staring at me for a full minute. I looked up at him and raised my brow in question. “My brother’s wedding is the Saturday before the F ourth of July. I’d like to take that weekend off. I’m in the wedding, so I need that Friday night and Saturday, at least.” He looked afraid of my answer.

  “That’s not a problem. I’ll plan on bartending those nights so we don’t get backed up. Has your brother picked a place to do his rehearsal dinner?”

  “No, not yet,” he replied.

  “Well, tell him to give me a call and I’ll give him a good deal if he comes here. And I promise you won’t be required to work,” I laughed.

  Jimmy smiled and then took off to clean up the bar and set up the stools so they weren’t still on the table tops. In an effort to clean more efficiently, I recently dictated that the floors had to be washed thoroughly every night and then mopped with fresh-scented wood cleaner every morning. It gave the wood floors a stunning glow and the cleaner was enhanced to help protect the wood against spills and damage, which was most important.

  I was just about to give up on the spreadsheet I was working on when my cell rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, man. It’s Wolfe. What’s the plan for tonight? The girls are having a girls ’ night, apparently.”

  “How do you know? I only found out this morning,” I wondered.

  “I ran into Mallory and Rainey at the grocery store. Rainey suggested I give you a call and we hang out,” he explained.

  “Sounds good. Why don’t you call Luke and you guys meet me at my apartment around seven?”

  “Can do. See you tonight . ” H e clicked off.

  I tossed my cell on the desk and mentally dreaded the night ahead.

  Chapter Five

  Rainey

  I spent that morning unsure of what was going on with Baker. He seemed interested in a morning quickie, but then he turned away without a second glance my way. I was pissed, but I figured he had a lot on his mind with the bar.

  I’d been shocked when I walked into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of my back in the mirror. I was covered in bruises. As much as I didn’t want to, I called my oncologist and explained that I was bruising easily again, a sure sign that the leukemia was back with a vengeance. He told me to come into his office that afternoon.

  I showered and then grabbed a cup of coffee from Baker’s kitchen. I had to pop it in the microwave for a minute before it was drinkable, but I sucked it down, still only lukewarm , and sat on the couch to lose myself in some television before my appointment.

  That afternoon, I made my way to the mini-van.

  My mother hadn’t even noticed that I took her mini-van, but I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She was probably passed out from the pills and if she had any booze, she’d be down for a while.

  I started the van and drove straight to Doctor Hansen’s small practice. His receptionist greeted me and then took me right into one of the examination rooms. She held up a gown and instructed me to undress and put it on.

  Doctor Hansen was a short, balding man with a knack for making me laugh. Despite his humor, though, I always felt safe and informed whenever I saw him. The doctors in Boston had made me feel insignificant , so it was nice to have a doctor who actually wanted me to know as much as I possibly could about leukemia.

  “Good morning, Lorraine,” he greeted me by my given name, claiming he would never call me Rainey when I asked him to. It was one of the quirks I adored about him. “Let’s see those bruises, ” he said. I pulled the back edges of the gown forward, keeping the front of my body covered and allowing him access to the discolored skin on my back. “These are pretty bad, my dear. What happened and when did they form?”

  “I fell last night and they were like this when I woke up this morning,” I explained.

  “Alright. Let’s do some blood work. These will heal, but the quickness with which they appeared worries me. I want to see what your white blood cell count is,” he said. He sat at the computer in the office and moved his hands across the keys. After a few moments, he turned back to me. “So, what else is new, Lorraine? Are you seeing anyone?”

  How he knew, I would never know. “Yes, sir. I’ve been dating Chris Baker for a couple of weeks now,” I told him.

  “Chris Baker. He’s the fellow who bought The Landing, isn’t he?” At my nod, he continued. “He’s quite the hard worker. What does he have to say about the bruises?”

  “He doesn’t know,” I said. “He actually doesn’t know about the leukemia at all.”

  Silence.

  “It’s just that I don’t want him to get upset over nothing. I mean, the blood work I had done in Boston last month showed an increase in white blood cells, which is good, right? I’m getting better,” I said, desperate to defend my decision not to tell Baker.

  “You were getting better, Lorraine. Things looked good a month ago, but with these bruises, I can only imagine what the blood work is going to show. We may have to discuss chemotherapy,” he explained.

  I groaned. The last thing I wanted was for the cancer to be back. Not to mention losing my hair would seriously damage my self-image. I mean, I knew how necessary it was, and how not doing it could be seriously dangerous, but I’d spent the bulk of my life being overweight. My hair was the one thing that hadn’t changed – it was a long and soft, a gorgeous shade of blonde that a bottle couldn’t replicate. It wasn’t fair.

  “I don’t see any other choice,” Doctor Hansen emphasized. “Now, let’s get the blood work done and we can get you out of here for today.”

  I knew he was right. Whether I was okay with it or not, chemo was the final step in my road to recovery. Although, if the cancer was back, there wasn’t much that could be done after chemo, which meant all my dreams in life weren’t going to be realized.

  I tried not to think abou
t it as I had my blood drawn. I thought about my perfect summer with Baker and how it might be my last. Having an inkling that I could die was like a revelation about what mattered in life. And it wasn’t my blonde hair or the fact that my mother was a druggie. All that mattered to me, at that exact moment, was Baker.

  I left the doctor’s office and drove straight to Mallory’s house. I needed to talk to her about what the bruises meant for me. I called Gabby on the way and asked her to meet me there. It was convenient that we’d planned a girls ’ night, since I really needed the only two people in Casper (other than my doctor) to know about the possibility of my cancer coming back. Doctor Hansen promised I would have results in twenty-four hours, and it would be a rough day for me.

  I pulled into the driveway of Mallory’s home and thought of her father. Joe Wells was one of the most amazing men I’d ever known. In the short time I’d spent with him last month, I’d grown very close to him, probably because of our common cancer-filled bodies. He’d been supportive of me when I told him about the leukemia.

  Mallory was grief-stricken and I felt helpless. Her father was going to die soon and there wasn’t a damn thing any of us could do about it. When she went to Luke’s apartment, determined that a sexual romp would release some of her pent-up anger, I went into Joe’s room.

  “Hey, girl. How’s it going?” Joe’s voice was weak and he was far too skinny. I stared at him for a moment without answering. This could be my future.

  “It’s going, Mr. Wells,” I tried to joke, but ended up sounding more despondent than playful.

  “Sit down, Rainey. Tell me what’s wrong,” he demanded.

  I swallowed hard and took a seat in the chair next to his bed. “I don’t know where to start,” I admitted.

  “Start at the beginning,” he replied. He placed his hand over mine and I was immediately comforted.

  “Well, I guess that would be when my dad died. And I don’t need any reassurances or comfort about his death,” I said quickly, when it looked like he was going to say something about my dad. “I’m okay with his death. But after I went back to LA, I found out I had leukemia.”

  “Well, I didn’t see that coming,” Joe said.

  “So my aunt encouraged me to stay there, where they have some great doctors, and I wouldn’t be burdened with trying to keep all my friends happy and not worried about me. It was easier to deal with everyone long-distance. Gabby is the only one I told about the cancer. And now, I’m afraid to tell Mallory – she’s not exactly handling the news of your cancer very well.”

  “I agree that you should keep Mallory in the dark. She’s still dealing with my sickness, and soon, she’ll have to deal with my death. But there will come a time when she’s going to need to hear it and you’re going to have to tell her. And I think you’ll know when the time comes. But back to you. Are you afraid of what the leukemia will do to you?” Joe asked.

  “Yes and no. I mean, so far, it’s under control and the doctors haven’t told me to say my goodbyes or anything, but it’s still there, lurking in the shadows. I’m afraid to say goodbye.”

  “It’s hard, Rainey, but not impossible. Once you accept your fate. You can help others deal with your death, even before it happens. Cancer patients have the coveted advantage of knowing they’re going to die, whereas most people don’t. You have a chance to inspire the people around you, not to mourn your death, but rather celebrate your life. And I think that is something worthwhile,” he said.

  His words really hit home. I wanted to talk to him some more, but he fell asleep. It was the last conversation I had with him.

  Joe was the one person who understood my issues completely. Eventually, I told Mallory about the leukemia, and she and Gabby were supportive, but they didn’t understand the disease. They didn’t know how many times I had to force myself to get up in the morning when I would rather lay in bed and sleep all day. They didn’t understand that drinking alcohol usually made me violently ill or that I often got extremely tired for no reason at all.

  This life was a burden, one I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I didn’t have to wish it on someone else, though; it was just for me: my own personal hell. I tried to ignore the facts and focus on living whatever life I had left to the fullest. I didn’t want to count my chickens before they hatched.

  I pulled into Mallory’s driveway and made my way inside. The house still smelled a little like Joe and I smiled at the immediate memories his scent brought to my mind.

  “Hello?” I called into the seemingly empty house. When I got no answer, I checked outside for Mallory’s car. It wasn’t there. Instead of leaving, I made myself comfortable. I sat on the couch and pulled my smartphone out of my purse, clicking through the apps until I had a book on the screen. I had a distinct love of reading and tried to get in as much time as I could with a good book.

  It was a while later, when the sun was just starting its descent into western horizon that the front door swung open. I jumped.

  “Hey , Rainey,” Luke said from the doorway.

  I turned toward him. “Hi , Luke. I’m just waiting for Mallory,” I explained.

  “I figured. She had to work at the bank late, but I just got off the phone with her and she should be home in a few minutes. Actually, do you have a minute to talk?” He walked through the living room to the extra-large recliner in the corner and sat down.

  “Sure,” I said, putting my phone back in my purse and giving him my attention.

  He locked his hands together with elbows resting on his knees, a gesture that reminded me so much of Joe.

  “What’s going on, Rainey?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t play dumb. I watched cancer slowly kill Joe for years. Do you really think I wouldn’t recognize the signs? I’m not letting it go anymore. You either tell me right now or I take my suspicions to Baker,” he threatened.

  “No! Please don’t,” I begged. Tears welled up in my eyes and I tried to reign them in. “It’s not what you think.”

  “Oh? Then tell me what it is,” he suggested.

  “Uhh,” I tried to think of something, but my mind came up blank.

  “Don’t lie to me, Rainey. I’m your friend and I don’t really understand why you’re hiding this from everyone,” he said. His blue eyes turned sad, almost fearful.

  “I’m not hiding it from everyone,” I emphasized. “I just don’t want Baker to know. It’s not wrong of me to want one perfect summer before…”

  “Before…you die?” Anger flashed in his eyes and he stood. “Tell me what it is.”

  “I have leukemia,” I whispered, not looking at him.

  Luke sat back down. “Rainey, I’m sorry that you are going through this, but all of us care about you, and we should have known. You need to tell Baker.”

  “No! I can’t,” I said. “He won’t understand, Luke. You remember how it was with Joe – he couldn’t tell Mallory for years because of the guilt he felt. That’s how I feel now. I don’t want Baker to know.”

  “You’re being selfish,” he said, rising off the recliner again. “I won’t let you do this to him, Rainey. He’s already half in love with you and this will cut him deep when he finds out. And he will find out. He’s not an idiot – he already came to me wondering what was up because of the bruises. Not to mention that this is a small town, which means eventually someone will let it slip to the wrong person and everyone will know. And how will that make Baker feel to find out about you from the gossips in town instead of you? You’ve got a choice to make. I’ll give you a week to tell him the truth or I will,” he said. He stomped out of the room, effectively cutting off any other arguments I could summon.

  He was right; I needed to tell Baker. I hoped he would understand.

  Chapter Six

  Baker

  When I finally made it back to my apartment, I was exhausted and definitely not in the mood to deal with a guys ’ night. But Luke and Wolfe were already waiting for me, so I couldn’t exactl
y kick them out, as much as I wanted to. They were standing in front of Luke’s truck in the driveway, deep in discussion when I pulled in. I opened the truck door and nodded to them.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I asked as I climbed out. I slammed the door closed, more out of habit than frustration, but they both raised a brow at me. “It closes hard.” They both looked appeased.

  “What’s on the agenda?” Wolfe asked as they followed me up the stairs into my apartment.

  My apartment was above a small pool hall, and although I sucked at the game, I didn’t want to be stuck at my place. I needed a beer and a little bit of relaxation.

  “How about we play a few rounds of pool?” I suggested.

  Both of them looked amused. “Trying to take your mind off Rainey?” Luke asked. I rolled my eyes but didn’t comment. He was right, of course, but I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing.

  “Let’s go,” I said instead. I left the apartment without so much as a backward glance and walked into the pool hall.

  I order three beers from the bartender and then paid for a table. I had the balls racked up and beers waiting by the time Wolfe and Luke made it downstairs. No doubt they took an extra minute up there to discuss me. I took a long swallow off my beer and grabbed a cue.

  “You going to girl-talk all night or play pool?” I grinned at them, lining up the break. Of all my lacking pool skills, I could break like no one else I knew. It was my best chance at winning.

  “Who said you get to break?” Luke protested as I slammed the white ball with the cue and it went sailing into the group of colored and striped balls, spreading them out across the table. Two dropped into a corner pocket and I laughed.

  “I break because I never get any balls after the break,” I admitted. Both of them were aware of my shitty pool skills and were probably wondering why on earth I would choose to play pool instead of poker or something.

  The truth was, the loud music in the pool hall drowned out my thoughts of Rainey and the loud cracking of the balls slamming together filled my head instead of thinking about Rainey’s secret. She was important to me, but I didn’t want to allow myself to get too close. She’d made herself very clear at the beginning of our little arrangement, informing me that this was to be just a summer fling and nothing more. It didn’t matter that I had feelings for her; she wouldn’t have it.