Broken Dreams (Broken Series)

by Pendleton, Dawn

  I really wanted to be alone, but I couldn’t tell her that. So I went along with her plans and we spent the day out and about. The doctor’s visit was actually very routine, and not quite as heartbreaking as my visit to Doctor Hansen in Maine. I already knew what they were going to say before they said it, which made it only fractionally easier to deal with.

  Brittney lived on the southern tip of LA, so we drove to the San Diego Zoo, my favorite place. It was nice to just forget the real world for a while and enjoy the animals. Once upon a time, I’d wanted to become a veterinarian. I always wanted to go to zoos, wherever I was, but there was only one in Maine and my mother never wanted to take me.

  Mallory and I went to it when we were seventeen, but she’d been distracted by text messages from Luke, so she didn’t really get lost in the animals like I did. My favorite exhibit was the Siberian tiger. They only had one, but she was gorgeous and I could stare at her for hours.

  The San Diego zoo had several tigers of different breeds. I spent as much time as I could with the Siberians, but the white tigers were just as pretty. Brittney didn’t talk much while we were at the zoo, but as soon as we were back in the car, she started up again. It was after five and I knew I should feel hungry. Instead, I felt nauseous. I rolled my window down a little as we got onto R oute 5 N orth. The breeze helped calm my traitorous stomach.

  I shuffled out answers to Brittney’s questions, as much as I didn’t want to, and she was appeased. When we got back to her house, I was tired from walking around so much and went to the guest room Britt set up for me. It was elegantly decorated, with a brightly colored flowery bedspread on the queen bed that matched the stenciling on the white walls. The night stand housed a small lamp for late-night reading, which I’d done a lot of over the years.

  I lay on the bed, fully clothed and utterly exhausted , and promptly fell asleep.

  ***

  I didn’t wake up until after the sunrise, something that was gorgeous to watch if I was up early enough. I would have to set an alarm for tomorrow. Sunrise on the west coast wasn’t as good as back east, but it was still beautiful. I stopped in the guest bathroom and then made my way downstairs to the kitchen. I needed coffee.

  I thought about how much I missed Baker already. He had so quickly become a constant in my life. Leaving him had been difficult but necessary. Time apart would save him from any kind of heartbreak that would accompany my death. Putting that distance between us was my way of not getting too attached to him, I knew. Not that it mattered. I was already half in love with him. And his outburst the other day confirmed my suspicions about how he felt about me.

  It wasn’t enough, though. I was going to die and if we admitted our love to one another, it would only make the next few months harder to deal with. And after I was gone, he would have to deal with the pain every day, just like Mallory was doing. Watching her father die had broken her. She wasn’t the same person anymore, and I didn’t want my death to change Baker. He was funny and smart, outgoing , the life of the party. He deserved to be that way for the rest of his life, not to have his personality altered by the death of someone he loved.

  I rubbed my eyes, willing myself to wake up; my body ached, my bones creak ing in pain as I walked. I entered the kitchen without looking around , walking with tunnel-vision for the coffeepot, which was already brewed and deliciously hot. I grabbed a cup, poured some , and then added creamer before taking a sip and turn ing around to face Britt’s dining room . My hip leaned against the counter while I grasped the cup in both hands and held it close to my nose, inhaling the sweet aroma.

  When I looked up, I noticed two things. First, I wasn’t alone in the kitchen. Second, the person in the kitchen with me was Baker. He was sitting on the far counter, his legs swinging back and forth as he waited for me to notice him. I took in the sight of him, memorizing every inch of him.

  His feet were bare, as were his ankles and knees. He wore khaki shorts that hugged his hips but were lose around his thighs. His favorite light blue T -shirt adorned his torso; it clung to him, on the verge of being too small but actually fitting him perfectly. His hands rested on the edge of the counter and I could see the white of his knuckles as he gripped the counter, fighting for a casual appearance , but he was either nervous or angry. His dark sunglasses were pushed up over his head and rested in his cropped blonde hair, which was spiky and hot as hell. His eyes were pools of silver fire as he waited for me to speak. His lips pulled at the corners and I knew he was fighting a smile.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “I’ve always wanted to visit LA,” he replied casually. He folded his hands in his lap . His smirk appeared and I felt my heart clench.

  Perfectly white teeth reflected the light and my stomach hitched, causing a bout of nausea. I set my cup down as easily as I could and ran to the sink. I heaved several times and nothing came up, since I hadn’t eaten in over twelve hours. Baker was at my side in an instant, gently pulling back my crazy bedhead hair and pulling several paper towels off the roll on the counter. He ran the water, wetted the towels, and pressed them to my forehead.

  “You’re burning up,” he whispered.

  I took several deep breaths before standing straight again. I had to be in control of myself before I did something stupid , like faint. I gripped the counter and slowly raised my body. Baker stayed close, his right arm around my waist and his left hand on my left shoulder. I turned to him even more slowly and met his eyes.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he blurted. His eyes widened as soon as he said it. “Well, not like right now, you know, with nearly puking all over the place, but in general.” He smiled wide.

  “You’re crazy,” I whispered.

  “Crazy about you,” he retorted and leaned his forehead against mine.

  I didn’t fight him. My arms went around his waist and I moved my face away from his, scared to death my morning breath mixed with coffee and dry-heaving would repulse him. I rested my cheek on his shoulder and just held onto him. He was the support I needed more than anything in the world. When he was near me, I felt like I could overcome the looming darkness. I heard his sigh of contentment as his arms gathered me closer to him.

  He lifted me up and set me on the counter, my thighs spread around his hips. He nuzzled my neck, his lips kissing my skin.

  “I’ve missed you,” he whispered against my throat.

  I tilted my head to the side to give him better access and groaned. “Me too,” I admitted, my fingernails digging into his back while he worked his magic on me.

  I was lost to everything but the sight and feel of him against me. He smelled incredible, too. I inhaled his scent and let go of everything. All the stress that had been weighing me down was lifted, just by his presence.

  His hands crept under my shirt and lifted it, exposing my breasts to his watchful gaze. I watched his gaze go dark as he spotted the bruise on my shoulder, but he didn’t stop. He covered each breast with his hand and gently rubbed my distended nipples. I sucked in a breath, my earlier nausea gone as desire filled me.

  I undid his belt and popped the button, slowly sliding the zipper down , reach ing in his shorts and grasp ing him fully. I was rewarded with his harsh groan. He sucked on my neck more and dropped one of his hands to my panties. I was already wet and he groaned again when he felt it.

  “I want you,” he whispered against my ear, dragging my underwear to the side so he could touch me. He didn’t waste any time with preliminaries; he thrust two fingers deep into me and I arched against him.

  “Yes,” I whispered back, lost to everything but him.

  He yanked my shirt off and tossed it on the counter beside us , then pulled himself free of his shorts and boxers. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom , rolling it rolled on before I could do any more than stare at him. When he pressed himself against me , I scooted to the edge of the counter, anxious to get closer to him.

  All thoughts fled, except for getting as much of h
im as I could. It didn’t matter why he was here, or what he wanted from me; all that mattered was this – us. My breathing picked up again, and although I wasn’t as limber as I would have liked, Baker did all the work and pushed into me, filling me so completely I cried out.

  He stayed there for a moment, his eyes closed in ecstasy as he savored the feel of me. When his eyes opened, he looked at me intently and pulled out just a little. I instinctively brought my knees tighter around his hips, afraid he would leave me. His signature smirk greeted me and then he thrust in again. I threw my head back and his mouth came down to my neck again, suckling the sensitive skin.

  “Rainey, is everything okay?” Brittney entered the kitchen and stopped short at the sight of us. My eyes flew to hers and she covered her mouth. “Sorry,” she mumbled and fled the room. I heard the distinct click of her bedroom door down the hall and then I lost it.

  I laughed so whole-heartedly that I hardly noticed Baker’s horrified expression. He pulled completely out of me, ripped off the condom , and tossed it in the trash behind him.

  “Tell me I’m not standing here in your aunt’s house with my dick out,” he grit out. He gently tucked himself back into his pants while I let out all my pent-up laughter. He tried to look at me seriously but eventually broke out in a grin.

  “I blame you for this,” he accused.

  “Me? I was just itching for some coffee when you attacked me with your hot body a nd devilish smile,” I defended.

  His lips parted at my words, his pupils dilated. He had an incredibly hungry, sexy look on his face. I was almost drawn in again as he moved toward me.

  “No!” I playfully slapped him away. “I am horrified that Britt just found us like that . ” I jumped down from the counter, grabbing my shirt and slipping it on. “I have to go get dressed. Try to keep it in your pants, okay?”

  “Hurry back, or I might attack your aunt with this thing . ” H e wiggled, thrusting his crotch out at me. “It’s got a mind of its own!”

  I made my way up the stairs with a chuckle, unable to get the picture of Baker waving himself in front of me. Regardless of how much I might have believed he and I should stay away from each other, I was glad he came. I hurried into my room once I cleared the stairs. Even though I knew he would never make a move on my aunt, I didn’t want to leave the two of them together alone for too long.

  Chapter Twelve

  Baker

  I shook my head in disbelief over my own behavior. I was there to reprimand her, to demand to know why she left and to make her feel guilty. Instead, I tried to jump her at first sight. It was as if not seeing her for three days ruined me. I wanted nothing more than to be with her as much as I could for the rest of our lives. Granted, I knew hers wouldn’t be much longer, but I still wanted every moment, every smile.

  “Are you decent?” came a voice from the hallway.

  I stifled a laugh. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good,” she said as she came around the corner into the kitchen. “Let’s have a chat, shall we?” She sat at the dining room table and I meekly followed.

  “I know we met earlier, but maybe I wasn’t clear before. Rainey is not to be hassled or attacked, even if she wants it. I won’t have my niece put under undue stress,” Brittney addressed me.

  She was only a few years older than me, but she scolded me like a child. When I showed up at seven that morning, I had explained who I was and she welcomed me into her home. She let me know that Rainey was still asleep and that I could hang out until she woke up. Then Brittney went into her room and left me alone.

  I had wandered the living room, smiling at the number of pictures of Rainey and Brittney together. They always looked happy together, which was nice to see. I knew Rainey’s mom was hardly a good role model. Maybe being in LA had been best for her.

  When I heard Rainey’s door open, I hid in the living room and waited for her to turn her back. Then I jumped up on the counter and waited for her to notice me. It had been fun. I never suspected it would escalate so quickly, though.

  “Do you understand me?” Brittney asked when I didn’t answer her fast enough.

  “Yes, ma’am. I apologize for what you walked in on, and I take full responsibility for it,” I told her.

  “Don’t be so dramatic, Baker,” Rainey said from the stairs as she walked down. “We’re both adults and we don’t need to apologize for anything.” She glared at her aunt.

  I had to bite my tongue in order not to laugh, but then I noticed what Rainey wore. If I thought she was adorable in an oversized tee, she was absolutely stunning in a pair of short jean shorts and a tiny pink tank top. Her long legs were bare, but tan. Long, dangly earrings hung from her ears and she’d even put on some lip gloss. I tried not smile.

  “Don’t talk to your aunt that way, Rain,” I admonished her. “She’s just looking out for you.”

  “Exactly. Thank you, Christopher . ” Brittney smiled at me. I winced at her use of my full name. No one ever called me Chris anymore, let alone Christopher. I let it slide, though.

  We both turned to Rainey, who had picked up her forgotten coffee cup. “Okay, I’m sorry! Geez, you act like you never did anything when you were young . ” Rainey rolled her eyes.

  Brittney shook her head. “I did. But now, I have to get to work. Try not to get her pregnant, okay?” She looked at me and I went into a coughing fit to hide my laughter. The woman was a force to be reckoned with. I now knew where Rainey got it from.

  She stood, blew Rainey a kiss , and was out the door before I could say goodbye. Once I heard her car pull out of the driveway, I turned to Rainey, who stood against the counter looking sexy and edible.

  “Don’t even think about it,” she warned when I moved to get up. “You stay away from me until you explain what the hell you’re doing here.”

  I sighed. “I came to see you. I wanted to ask you why you left . ”

  “You ever hear of this new invention called the telephone? Apparently, you can talk to people thousands of miles away without jumping on a plane to see them in person . ” S he glared at me.

  “Oh, right, because you answered every single one of my texts,” I ground out through clenched teeth.

  She had the decency to flinch at my words. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Do you want some coffee?”

  I nodded. She brought me a cup and sat in the chair her aunt had been sitting in. “I’m sorry, Baker. I know I should have told you, should have said goodbye, but I just couldn’t do it,” she rushed out.

  “Why did you leave?”

  “I don’t know . ” S he abandoned her coffee and stood up , waving her hands around while she spoke. “I was afraid if you knew the truth, you’d leave me, so I left first. And then I got the news that I only have a few months left – it’s like a damn death sentence. Leukemia is hardly something I ever wanted to deal with, but the treatments were working! I was better. And then the bruises started again, along with fevers and night sweats… I was scared,” she finished, looking at her hands, standing in the middle of the kitchen.

  I had to turn around to follow her movements with my eyes. She paced while she talked and when she finally stopped, I stood.

  “It’s okay to be scared,” I said, walking over to her in the middle of the kitchen. “Hell, it’s not even happening to me and I’m scared.”

  “Really?” She looked up at me with tear - filled eyes.

  “Of course. It’s not every day I fall in love with a woman who’s dying,” I joked half-heartedly, taking her hands in mine.

  “You’re really in love with me? I mean, you said so back in your apartment, but I kind of thought it was just the heat of the moment.”

  “I said it before? I don’t even remember that. But I will remember this. I love you , Lorraine Daniels.”

  She gulped. “You shouldn’t love me, Baker. I’m no good for you.”

  “What are you talking about? You’re the only woman who can stand my quirky sense of humor . ” I smiled at her, try
ing to hide my disappointment that she didn’t say it back. She wasn’t ready, and I promised myself I would be patient.

  “I’m going to die.” Her voice broke, and along with it, my heart. “If you love me now, you’ll just be heartbroken later, and you’ll be alone.”

  “I’ve been alone before, Rainey. While you were in LA, I spent several years trying to find happiness, using women like playthings to fill a void in my soul. But it was you – you are the only one who can fill that void. When you came back, I knew right away that you were it for me. And knowing that you have a shelf life,” I paused, waiting for her smile , “ w ell, that just means that I’m not going to let you go again. Not if I can help it. If I had the choice of a hundred healthy years to live or twelve short weeks with you, I’d choose you, every single time.”

  I leaned forward and kissed her sweetly. Tears escaped her eyes and I wiped them away with the pad of my thumb. She smiled sadly at me again.

  “When did you get so sweet?”

  “I’ve always been sweet. You just never noticed me. In fact, you pushed me away then, just like you’re doing now. But let’s get one thing straight . ” I leaned down to look her in the eye. “I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere.” I gave her a quick peck and then went back to the table, picking up my coffee and heading into the living room to look at photographs again.

  She didn’t move for almost a full minute as my words settled over her. I tried not to grin as I eyed all the photos again. When she finally moved, she came into the living to look at pictures with me.

  “This one was taken at the airport, right after I moved here . ” S he pointed to a frame that sat on a shelf about shoulder height.

  I took in the photo, memorizing every detail. This was the Rainey I remembered. She was tall, with shorter blonde hair and those same fiery green eyes. The only thing different was her size. In the photo, her hips were fuller, round er , but still delectable. Even her breasts were plumper, filling the tattered T -shirt she wore more fully. She looked like a kid, and in many ways, she was. I turned to look at her next to me.