Girl in Love

by Quinn, Caisey

  “You can come give me some pointers if you want,” Steven said, giving her a squeeze. “So the guys don’t take all my money.”

  “Nah. You have fun. I’m gonna spend some time with Lu and Hannah. Do some girly stuff.”

  “Sounds good, babe. I’m going to go find out everything I can about who bluffs and who—”

  “Ty won’t make eye contact when he’s bluffing. And Lenny Vasquez, the roadie with the naked lady tattoo, he starts twitching in his seat when he has a good hand.”

  Steven chuckled. “See? That’s why they don’t let you play.” With a quick kiss to the side of her head, Steven followed the rest of the band to the area where the buses were parked.

  Kylie walked to her bus alone. She pulled out her phone and texted Lulu.

  Where are you?

  She waited a few minutes but no response came. So she texted Hannah.

  You busy?

  Her response was instant.

  Just catching up on emails. Do you need something?

  Kylie sighed. Yeah. She needed something. She just didn’t know exactly what it was.

  Just checking in. Want to grab some food or something?

  Again, Hannah’s response came so quickly Kylie wondered how she’d had time to even read the text much less type out a reply.

  I already ate. Is everything okay? Want me to have someone go get you something to eat?

  She typed out a quick no thanks text, telling her that she was good and to have a good night.

  She’d only take a few steps onto the bus and back toward her room when she heard it. The moaning. The unmistakable sounds of people having sex. It sounded like extremely good sex from what she could hear.

  She gasped out loud without meaning to. Her hand flew to her mouth to cover it.

  Inexplicable tears filled her eyes instantly.

  Trace was having sex with someone. On their bus. And not discreetly either.

  “Yes, harder. Oh god don’t stop,” she heard a muffled female’s voice cry out. A hard thumping sound came repeatedly from the back of the bus.

  A sob choked its way out of her throat. She gripped the door to stay upright. She couldn’t fall apart. Not here.

  But her world was spinning and it was too much pain to keep on the inside. She let the tears fall freely since there wasn’t anyone around to see.

  She caught a glimpse of the bananas he’d gotten her and wanted to slap herself. She’d thought he still cared for her. All because of some stupid bananas. And because of the words he’d whispered in the darkness.

  I swear to God, if I ever get to hold you again, I will never let go. Ever. I want to be inside you so damn bad. I fucking need to be inside you.

  Obviously he’d found a replacement. And she’d lost an entire night’s sleep because she’d felt guilty that he’d seen Steven kissing her on the forehead.

  He probably wouldn’t give two shits that she’d heard this. Clearly he wasn’t too concerned when it came to being faithful to Gretchen either. She wasn’t sure how that aspect of it made her feel. Or what she believed about him and Gretchen anymore.

  She wiped her sleeve under her nose as those awful sounds chased her off the bus. She would never forget those sounds.

  Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she scrolled through Chaz’s messages until she found the contact info for the guy who was responsible for keeping up with her daddy’s truck. His name was blurry through her tears but it was the last message Chaz had sent so she knew that had to be it.

  She was just about to dial the number when she slipped on the top step and crashed into something hard.

  Whoever it was grunted at the impact and wrapped strong arms around her so she didn’t fall on her face. Strong, familiar arms.

  She looked up into hazel eyes watching her from under a dark ball cap.

  “Trace?” Well now she was just plain confused.

  “Hey there, Kylie Lou. What’s your hurry?”

  The sight of him made her want to kiss his face. But she restrained herself. Instead, she wiped the remaining moisture from her cheeks and pulled herself together. Straightening out of his grip, she shook off her temporary insanity. “Sorry, I was just, um, going to check on my truck.”

  His face scrunched under his cap. “Uh huh. And you were crying because…” he prompted.

  “I wasn’t crying,” she answered quickly.

  Trace climbed the bus steps, forcing her backwards. She didn’t hear the moaning and thumping anymore, so she figured whoever was getting it on must have been finished. She was kind of curious to see who it was.

  “Yes you were. Is someone on the bus? Steven do something to you?” His tone went from concerned to lethal in a split second.

  She waved her hand between them. “No. Not at all. He’s playing poker with the guys. I’m fine.”

  “Fine minus the crying part?”

  Before Kylie could deny her breakdown, the bathroom door opened and Lulu stepped out with Trace’s bass player close behind her.

  Kylie couldn’t even begin to contain her shock. Or her laughter.

  “What the hell, Mike?” Trace didn’t seem to find the situation nearly as amusing as she did.

  “Um, hey, man. I was looking for you.”

  “Oh yeah? In my bathroom with Kylie’s friend? How long did it take you to figure out I wasn’t in there?”

  Kylie watched Lulu’s face turn ten shades of red. She couldn’t resist embarrassing her friend a little more. “Sounded like they were looking really hard. Like slamming cabinets and everything.”

  “Cabinets, huh?” Trace glared at Mike, who shrugged apologetically and yet didn’t appear to be the slightest bit sorry.

  “I was going to see if Kylie wanted to grab some food and then I ran into Mike and…” Lulu’s eyes met hers.

  Kylie nodded. “Well I’m here now if you’re still hungry. Sounded like you worked up quite an appetite.”

  “Yeah. Starved. Let’s go.” Lulu ducked past all of them and was off the bus before Kylie could blink.

  Kylie grinned and shook her head. She felt fifty pounds lighter. “Well, boys, care to join us for dinner? Might be a tight squeeze in my truck but I’m guessing Lu could sit on Mike’s lap.”

  “Sounds good to me.” Mike took a step toward her but Trace’s hand on his chest stopped him.

  Trace glared at his friend. “Thanks, but I think we’re gonna stay here and have a chat. And Mike’s going to sanitize my bathroom. Now.”

  Kylie nodded. “All right. We’ll bring something back in a doggie bag. See y’all later.” She practically skipped toward the exit. Until a hand on her upper arm and his voice in her ear stopped her in her tracks. She hadn’t even realized he’d been following behind her.

  “You were crying,” he said. An uncontainable shiver danced up her spine. “Because you thought that was me in there. You really think I’d screw your best friend? Right next to where you sleep?” His face told her exactly how much that assumption had hurt him.

  She glanced over his shoulder to where Mike was sitting on the couch and turning on the Xbox. Clearly he had no plans of cleaning Trace’s bathroom. Once she was sure he couldn’t hear them, she met Trace’s wounded gaze.

  She sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to drop it. “It caught me off guard, is all. I had no idea who was in there. I didn’t even know it was Lu until they came out.” A faint smile hinted at his lips. “I know it wasn’t in the contract or anything, but I thought we had enough respect for each other not to do that on the bus.”

  “So you were crying because you thought it was me in there with someone? Why do you care?”

  Kylie’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I want to know. I want to know what bothers you and what makes you cry. Just like I want to know what makes you happy and what makes you laugh.”

  She huffed out a breath. “Why do you care?”

  “Why do you think?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Well t
his is getting us nowhere. It was fun playing twenty questions, but I’m starving and Lu’s waiting.”

  She turned to leave but Trace surprised her by reaching out once more. Strong hands pulled her to him and she didn’t fight it. After Steven ditching her, her own band not wanting to hang out with her, and hearing what she thought had been Trace with another woman, she didn’t have the strength to fight it anymore.

  Breathing him in, allowing herself to savor the warm woodsy scent she hoped would linger on her skin, she struggled to hold herself upright. She trembled in his arms as he lowered his mouth to her ear.

  “For future reference, you don’t have to worry, darlin’. If I make anyone moan on this bus, it will be you.”

  His lips barely grazed her earlobe and her knees went weak.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered.

  “Just being honest. I’d hate for you to waste any more of those sweet tears of yours for no good reason.” He straightened up and winked at her.

  For a moment, all she wanted was to kick Mike Brennen the hell off that bus so Trace could make good on his promise.

  “Kylie, you coming?” Lulu’s voice startled her out of her trance.

  “Not yet,” Trace answered just loud enough for her to hear. Her body responded to the heat in his words but she forced herself to ignore him.

  “Yeah, on my way.”

  She practically sprinted off the bus. She’d had to, or she wouldn’t have been able to control herself for one more second.

  “SO…I think I maybe still have feelings, deep feelings, for Trace Corbin,” she told her friend as they got into her truck.

  “No shit,” Lulu answered on a laugh. “Remember how you said it felt like everyone was in on this big joke except you?”

  “Yeah,” Kylie said slowly as she cranked her truck.

  “Well, welcome to the party. You two are like…I don’t know. This couple that’s toxic and combustible but somehow need each other to function. And everyone can see it, Ky. And everyone can see how hard you’ve both been trying to fight it. But no one really understands why anymore.”

  “You know how bad it was,” she said softly into the dimly lit cab of the truck. “You saw me…after. I can’t go back to that, Lu. I can’t be like that again.”

  Her friend sighed loudly. “I know, hon. I do. And I don’t want to see you get hurt again. But unless you two plan to live on different continents, I don’t see how you can keep avoiding it.”

  “He has Gretchen. And Steven and I—”

  “Mess around every now and then,” Lulu finished for her. “And you’re friends. But believe me, Steven Blythe knows exactly what the two of you are and aren’t. And he’s cool with it. If you walk up to that boy tomorrow and tell him you don’t want to hook up anymore, he’d be just fine. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of girls waiting in the wings to soothe his wounded pride…among other things.”

  It was the truth. She knew that. And she also knew that it should’ve bothered her, at least a little. But it didn’t.

  “Okay, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I tried with Trace before. I tried hard. I put myself out there and he chose someone else. Period.”

  The neon lights of a strip of fast food restaurants caught her eye so she pulled into the nearest one.

  “See, that’s the thing. Mike and I have been talking,” her friend began.

  “Uh, sounded like y’all were doing a whole lot more than talking.”

  Lulu shook her head. “Let’s order our food first. I need a full stomach for this conversation.”

  After they’d gotten a sack full of tacos and demolished nearly half of them on the way back to the lot the fleet was parked at, Lulu began her in-depth analysis on Kylie’s situation.

  “I have a question for you. My revealing the top-secret intel I’ve uncovered is dependent upon your answer.”

  “No pressure then,” Kylie said after taking a large swallow of her soda.

  “Right. So here’s my question. When were you happiest? Like the absolute happiest you’ve ever been.”

  Kylie tried to think while focusing on not getting lost as she drove the unfamiliar roads. “Um, happiest as in…in my entire life?”

  “Ky, I don’t want to sound like an insensitive ass here, but let’s be realistic.” Lulu paused to give her friend a sympathetic smile. “Happiest as in since your dad died. At what point in your adult life have you been happy, truly happy, since then?”

  The answer presented itself in Kylie’s mind in vibrant Technicolor. It was a brief period of time in her life, but it was amazing. Full. Everything since felt faded out. Even performing had lost a bit of its spark. Not that she didn’t still love it. She did. It just didn’t give her that same high it once had. She told herself that it had nothing to do with him. That the newness always wore off. It was totally normal.

  “Your silence is more informative than you think,” Lulu said softly. “And honestly, I think your music is too.”

  A small, sad laugh escaped her. “All my songs are about him or my dad. I didn’t even realize it until I had to pick one for the benefit.” Kylie shook her head. “So what am I supposed to do? Beg him to dump Gretchen and try again with me? I can’t, Lu. I just can’t. I don’t know what it’s like to be an alcoholic. I can’t understand him like she does. Can’t be there for him like that. I tried…He wouldn’t let me.”

  “I know. I know you did.” Lulu scooted slightly closer on the bench seat. “But I think now you have some understanding of what it’s like to want something that you know you shouldn’t. Of having that want feel like a need. And that need being more powerful than reason, than sense.”

  Yeah, she was a recovering Trace Corbin addict. This much she already knew. One day at a time and all that.

  “Are you going to charge me for therapy sessions in addition to the stylist gig?”

  Lulu regarded her with a straight face. “I’m like a bartender with a makeup brush, my friend.”

  Kylie laughed. “I love you, Lu. I do. And I appreciate what you’re trying to tell me. I think deep down I know how I feel about him and that, to some extent, I’ll probably always be kind of mixed up inside where he’s concerned. But the truth is, I’ve also learned my limits. And putting my heart through that kind of hell again…It’s just not something I’m willing to do.”

  Lulu sighed. “I promised Mike I wouldn’t say anything because Trace made him promise to stay out of it.” She bit her lip and then took a deep breath. “But Kylie, I think you deserve to know. Trace and Gretchen—”

  Before she could finish, Kylie’s phone rang loudly in the cab. She glanced down to the center console where it was glowing. She answered and switched on the speakerphone.

  “Hi, Hannah. We got tacos if you want some. What’s up?”

  Her manager’s voice sounded strained when she spoke. “Um, hi. I’m good, but thank you.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  In the moment that the woman hesitated to answer, Kylie’s chest felt like it was seizing up. She had the strangest sensation that Hannah was about to deliver terrible news. Her traitorous heart prayed it wasn’t anything to do with Trace.

  “Um, not really. Can you just get here as soon as possible?”

  “Hannah, you’re freaking me out. What’s wrong? Did something happen to someone? Is someone sick or hurt? Should I call 911?”

  “No, nothing like that. Just come see me when you get here, okay?”

  “Okay, be there in a few.” Kylie pressed her foot down on the accelerator as she hung up the phone.

  “What do you think the deal is?” Lulu asked while buckling her seatbelt.

  “I have no idea. But something’s definitely up. Hannah sounded really stressed out.”

  “Chick’s kind of uptight anyways. It’s probably nothing.”

  Kylie nodded in agreement, but the tight bundle of nerves in her stomach didn’t feel the same way.

  “I’M TELLING you, it was him. I sa
w her come out from behind the bus and then he came out right behind her. And he was adjusting his zipper. His zipper, dammit!”

  “Trace, we’ve been over this. What goes on in her love life, or any aspect of her life, really, is none of our concern.”

  Trace yanked his hat off and raked a hand hard through his hair before replacing it. He paced outside the bus his band road in. “Pauly, swear to God, I don’t care if it’s my concern or not. If he’s screwing a Tailgate Twin behind her back, I’ll fucking end him.”

  “And what do you think that will solve, huh? You think she’ll come running back to you if you defend her honor?”

  Trace sighed and leaned against the bus. “No, but at least she’ll know.”

  “That her boyfriend cheats on her? How’s that helpful?”

  He shook his head. “No, then she’ll know that I care about her and won’t let anyone or anything hurt her if I can help it.”

  His manager frowned at him for a long minute. “I need to make a call. Promise me you’ll stay out of it for now, okay? It’s dark. He could’ve been taking a leak. Or it might not even have been him. At least wait until you know for sure.”

  “Oh, I’m going to find out for sure. I’m going to go ask his sorry ass. I’ve known that kid since before he hit puberty. I’ll know if he’s lying.”

  Pauly sighed. “Anything I can say or do to stop you?”

  Trace was already turning to head toward Kylie’s band’s bus. “Nope.”

  The entire walk over, he tried to calm his nerves. Pauly had a point. Steven could’ve been taking a leak. But there were bathrooms on the buses. Or maybe it wasn’t him. Except Trace was nearly one hundred percent positive it was.

  Adrenaline pumped through him fiercely as he marched up to the bus door and rapped on it. His pulse ramped up so intensely it felt like his entire body was throbbing.

  The door opened and Kylie’s drummer greeted him. “Hey, man. Come on in. Want us to deal you in?”

  He didn’t bother with an answer. Because his eyes had already found their target. Steven Blythe was sitting in one of the captain’s chairs around the card table. And he was showing his cards to one of the Tailgate Twins. Not that he could’ve avoided her seeing his cards since she was on his lap and all.