Different Senses

by Ann Somerville

  Vik fled to put the kettle on. I pulled up my chair. “You guys all okay?”

  “We’re all safe and well, except for worrying like mad about you,” Hamsa said. “Please accept my sympathies about your brother.”

  “Thanks. It’s been tough for all of us.”

  She nodded. Prachi flushed, exuding discomfort. Madan, grim-faced, was worried underneath it. Terrific. I was about to make it all worse for them. “Vik? Leave the chai. We need to talk.”

  He stood in the doorway. “Water’s nearly boiled.”

  “I know. Come in anyway, will you?” He stepped back into the room. “The fact is, I’m taking leave. I have no idea for how long, or if I’ll ever come back. I feel bad for abandoning you, but until we catch the people who did this, I won’t be able to think about anything else.”

  “You're rejoining the force for real?” Madan asked.

  “No. My father doesn’t want me to go back into uniform. Doesn’t mean I can’t help. These people tried to kill my family. They did kill a little girl.”

  “I’d do the same,” Vik said. “I’d never stop until I found out who and stopped them.”

  “Yeah. So...you understand?”

  “Of course,” Madan said as the others nodded. “Not saying you won’t be missed, but we know why you have to do this.”

  “Good. Then we should talk about workloads and such.”

  We spent an hour splitting up client files and deciding who would take what. But I couldn’t ignore Prachi’s continued discomfort and nervousness. Finally I turned to her. “Is something bothering you?”

  “No. I mean, yes. Boss...people are saying it’s us who did this. The Nihan. No udawa would do this, you know that, right?”

  “I haven’t made any assumptions at all. I can’t stop other people speculating.”

  “I know, but...what if it is? One of us, I mean. Can you work with us again?”

  “You work with me, don’t you? After all the Kelons have done to your people.”

  “Yeah, but this is personal.” She bit her lip and looked down. “Sorry for bringing it up.”

  “Don’t apologise. The answer is, I don’t think it will affect me, but this is new for me. I hope you guys will be patient, but I won’t blame you if you can’t be.”

  “We just want to help,” Vik said. “If we could catch these people for you, we would.”

  They were such great kids. “You never know. You might be able to. Whoever did this, is no friend to any of you, or your people. If you have any idea, hear anything, it’s to your benefit to report it. My father will come down hard on anyone harbouring terrorists—and so will I.”

  “None of us would do such a thing,” Madan murmured.

  I realised how threatening I’d sounded, and made an effort to smile. “Sorry. I know that. See why I need the time off? Being normal, thinking clearly, isn’t easy right now.”

  They all tried hard, and so did I, but I was glad to finally escape, even if it made me a coward. Would I ever be able to go back? Even if the criminals behind this spate of terror were caught, it would be so easy for someone else with a grudge against Dad or the government to take it out on Yashi or me. If Dad left politics, then it would be different. But I didn’t want him to do that unless there was no alternative. He could do more good as governor than I could as a private investigator. I’d changed careers before. I could do it again.

  Agent Tordwel peeled himself off the wall as I exited the back way. “Back to the residence, sir?”

  “Yes...no. The hospital, first. And do you think it’s safe to visit Sri Kirin Nel at his work place?”

  “No, sir, I don’t. Sri Nel could come to the hospital, or to the residence. To be honest, the less time you spend outside and in unsecured areas, the happier the governor will be.”

  “Then to the hospital, please.”

  Hegal’s main hospital was modern and well-funded, but the private wing was a level above again in service and luxury. I’d always been conscious that Dad’s position had given me access my job and income couldn’t afford, but all the nice furnishings and leather chairs in the world didn’t make a difference to whether Yashi would live or die. No one raised the slightest objection to me going to the intensive care unit, and when I asked to see my brother, a polite medic took me to the treatment room without delay.

  The guan gel tank was as alien and disorienting as I remembered it, Yashi barely recognisable through the garish goo surrounding and supporting him. Healing him too, though that couldn’t be seen. By mercy or accident, the less injured side of his face was the one turned to me, but I knew what the other side looked like. Now we were different. All our lives, the fact we were identical had been something that had amused us, comforted us, sometimes confused us, always something we took for granted. But it wasn’t Yashi’s body I worried about so much as what would go on inside his head once he came out of this tank and was allowed to wake up. Disfigured, almost certainly disabled, facing rebuilding his home, and realising that all of our family could be now under a permanent death threat. He’d be returning to a nightmare.

  I wished that mythical bond between twins was real, that I could read Yashi’s mind as once I could so easily read his emotions. But Yashi was as dead and closed to me as the pane of glass on which my forehead rested. “See you soon,” I whispered, then turned away. I shouldn’t have come. It didn’t help.

  As we exited the lift, I heard my name being called. I looked up in disbelief but yes, someone stood there who was as familiar to me as my brother. “Shardul? What are you doing here?”

  Agent Tordwel moved in front of me. “Sir?”

  I waved him back. “It’s okay, he’s a...friend. My father can vouch for him,” I added irritably as my guard radiated suspicion. “Let me talk to him, will you? I’m in no danger here.”

  “Sir,” Agent Tordwel said, disapproval clear.

  Shardul eyed us warily. I took his arm carefully and steered him away from the lift. “How are you? Why are you here? Is someone sick?”

  “Harinakshi. He was attacked last night by a couple of chuma men, wanting revenge for the fires.”

  “Sanity, that’s foul. How is he?”

  “He has a skull fracture, broken ribs, dreadful bruising. He’ll be in here a while. Roshni-ji’s very upset.”

  “I bet. Please, uh, tell her I’m sorry. Both of them.”

  He nodded, and looked down at his feet. Shardul never used to be diffident. “I heard about your brother. You have my sincere sympathies. A terrible thing.”

  “Yeah. I was just visiting him.”

  Clearly uncomfortable and tired, at least he wasn’t trying to get away from me. Not yet, anyway. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot over the last few days,” I said. “Since the Denge decision, and with the riots and everything. I wanted to help.”

  “You can, if you’re serious.” He was suddenly, surprisingly eager. “Your father. You’re on good terms with him now, aren’t you?”

  “Sure,” I said, confused by the sudden switch of topic. “We worked on the Denge case together. Didn’t do any good, though.”

  “Of course not, not with a Kelon jury. But you can still help, if you can talk to him. Our community is being clamped down on, our people arrested and questioned, treated like criminals—”

  I took a step back, rejecting his words. “Some of them are criminals. You want to protect the animals who did what they did to Yashi, to the judge’s grandchild? Them?”

  “No, of course not, but if you could ask the governor to go gently—”

  The rage inside built so fast I didn’t have time to stop it spewing out of me, all over him. “You’re out of your fucking mind. My dad is trying to catch these bastards before they kill or maim any more fathers or children, and I’m going to help him. Go gently? You make me sick.”

  “Javen—”

  “Tordwel, I’m done.” I stalked off towards the exit, leaving my guard to catch up.

  “Javen, please just lis
ten—”

  I didn’t look back. Shardul’s anger and shock followed me out of the hospital, but I didn’t care. How could he ask that with Yashi lying a couple of floors above me, his life and body in ruins? Sure it was tough to be indigenous right now, and I didn’t want the innocent harassed, but terrorists depended on the silence of their community to do what they did. Somebody knew who these people were, and I wanted them caught. I didn’t much care how.

  ~~~~~~~~

  I felt a bit of a shit later, but Shardul was less concerned about the harm done my family than the inconvenience his community might suffer. That pissed me off as much as it disappointed me. He made no attempt to contact me. That pissed me off even more.

  I did my best to keep my feelings hidden, and make the evening as pleasant for the children and Tara as I could. My mother ate with us, and my father dropped in for chai and to play with the boys, but couldn’t stay for long. He excused himself before the boys went to bed, but I doubted he would see his own for many hours. Mum stayed longer, but though she put up a brave act, I sensed her thoughts were with Dad. She kissed my cheek as she said goodnight. I hugged her, wishing I could do more than that.

  I slept badly, nightmares waking me three times. After rising at three and reading for an hour, I managed to get back to sleep, only to be woken by a frightened little cry in my ear.

  “Uncle Javen, fire!”

  I jerked bolt upright and had Madhu in my arms and ready to run, before I woke up properly and realised there was no smoke or smell. Madhu’s terror was real enough, though. “Where’s the fire, kiddo?”

  “On the screen,” he whispered. “A house on fire. Like ours.”

  “Let’s turn the screen off then, okay? You don’t have to watch that kind of thing.”

  It was only six in the morning. The boys must have turned on the media screen—something they were normally not allowed to do at this hour, but the normal rules had been thrown out a little—and Madhu had seen some kind of news report. I found Harshul staring at the screen in the living area. Madhu wouldn’t look, burying his face in my neck.

  “It’s all right, Madhu.” I reached for the controller to turn the picture off, but froze as a stream of Nihani hit my ears, and a man’s masked face came onto the screen.

  Blinking, I realised the Nihani had become Kelon as a reporter interpreted what was being said. “The terrorist in the video claimed responsibility for the arson attacks over the previous days and this morning on behalf of the ‘Justice for Nihan’ group. No one was hurt in this morning’s attack in the shopping precinct, but three premises were extensively damaged. More attacks have been threatened, and the police have issued warnings urging all citizens to be vigilant—”

  So much for keeping the Nihan connection quiet. I switched off the picture and sat on an armchair, settling Madhu on my lap. Harshul turned around. “That bad man had a mask, Uncle Javen.”

  “Yes, he did.”

  “There was a fire, just like our house.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “Javen, is everything all right?” Tara came in, holding Nita. “Boys, did you wake up Uncle Javen?”

  “It’s all right. Madhu was frightened. There’s uh, been more arson attacks.”

  She clutched Nita a little closer. “We can’t live like this. I won’t raise a family in a war zone.”

  “What will you do?”

  Her lips thinned as she nodded slightly at the boys. “Let’s talk later.”

  “Later” meant while the boys were being tutored, a task Tara would have normally taken on, but in the circumstances, she had too much on her plate. She asked me to come to Mum’s office, for privacy. Dad wasn’t there. “Your father is holding a press conference, announcing a state of emergency,” Mum said when we sat down. “There’s been rioting and appalling violence overnight.” She looked even more tired than the day before. “I’m sure he’ll find time to talk to you both later.”

  “We understand,” Tara murmured. “But this is exactly why I have to make this decision. I’m going back to Kelon, to Gawarchi where my parents live.”

  Mum bit her lip. The intensity of her shock sent a stabbing through my left eye, but she didn’t respond.

  “Tara? Without even waiting to—”

  She put her hand on my arm. “Javen, stop. I know what you’re about to say, but it’s Yashi I’m considering. The best reconstructive surgeons on either planet work at a specialist unit near Gawarchi. He’s going to need months of rehabilitation, but why not let it be under the hands of the experts? The doctors here actually suggested it.”

  “I didn’t know you’d talked to them about it.”

  “Last night. Only briefly but...after the news this morning...Mum, my own parents have never seen my children.”

  “I know, dear, but would you go...permanently?”

  Tara glanced down. “I don’t know. A lot depends on Yashi, and how things go here. I’ve been so very happy here, and I love you all so much. But I miss my Mum and Dad...and if we have to live like prisoners....”

  Mum drew herself up and gave Tara a smile that almost looked real. “You must do what feels best for you, Tara, and whatever you want to do, Rajan and I will support you to the hilt. As will Javen.” She eyed me with resolve that wasn’t faked in the least.

  “Yes, I will. Yashi can’t travel yet, though.”

  “No, not for several weeks. I...I thought I’d decided. But now I’m not so sure.”

  I took Tara’s hand. “Darling, there’s no hurry. You and the kids are safe, and Yashi’s getting good treatment for now. Think about it, and whatever you decide, we’ll help.”

  “Thank you. Thank you both.” She wiped her eyes. “Excuse me. Sorry.” She stood and left the room in a rush.

  I waited only to look at Mum who made an impatient shooing gesture, then I raced after Tara and caught her in the hall. “Wait, darling,” I said, sweeping her up into a hug.

  She broken down, and I could only pet her, and whisper soothing words until she calmed a little. “Oh Javen, I’m going to miss everyone.”

  “And we’re going to miss you, dear. So much. But you have three kids and a sick husband to think about. Do that. We’ll be fine. Really fine.”

  That set her off again. “It’s all right, Tara love. Shhh.”

  “It’s not. What if Yashi can’t walk again? Or do anything?”

  “He will. I know he will. The Ythen boys are tough. Look at yours.”

  She sniffled and laughed. “They are. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be silly.” I stroked her hair back. “Want me to come up to the apartment?”

  “No, I’m okay. But Mum....”

  “I’ll go back.” I kissed her cheek. “My brother’s a lucky, lucky man. When he comes back, I’m going to remind him every day.”

  “You do that.” She rubbed her eyes and straightened up. “Thank you. Go on. Mum looked terrible.”

  I obeyed, and found my mother still sitting at her desk, staring at the window. She jumped as I closed the door. “Oh...I though you’d go with her.”

  “She says she’s okay. How are you?

  My mother would cut off an ear before she ever admitted how she felt. “I wasn’t expecting that, were you?”

  “No. But I don’t blame her. It’ll be rough for everyone.”

  “Yes. Rajan will take it hard, though he won’t stand in her way, of course.” She put her hand on her throat. “I don’t know if I can bear all this, Javen. Yashi, Tara leaving, our family being under threat. It’s never been like this before with your father’s career.”

  Mum had never ever opened up to me like this. She must be nearly drowning from stress. “You want him to resign?”

  “No! I won’t allow these...these hateful people to force him out. We’ve both worked too hard for that.”

  “I know. I don’t know if I can help, Mum, but I’ll try.”

  “Just having you here in the residence helps, darling. Tara and the children too, even if
for only a little while.”

  Her eyes glistened. “Mum, have you had any sleep?”

  “An hour or two. I can’t nap now. Your father needs me.”

  “Then let me order you some chai and you can tell me if there’s anything I can do.”

  She dabbed discreetly at her eyes. “Don’t you have things to attend to?”

  “Not today. Not while you need me.”

  Chapter 3

  For a week we were in complete lockdown within the residence, while my father, grim-faced and exhausted, dealt with a city aflame with anger and hate. Weapon-bearing guards patrolled the halls, and if any of us ventured outside into the gardens, we always had a minder. I carried a gun with me when I wasn’t in the apartment, though I tried not to let the twins catch me at it. The residence and surrounding estate were closed to the public for the first time I could remember, and the smell of smoke floated thinly in the air, day and night from houses and shops—and even people—on fire. Madhu was my constant shadow, terrified by reminders of the night he nearly lost his Daddy, and no amount of attention could take away Harshul’s worry about fires suddenly breaking out in their rooms.

  I heard from Madan that the team was staying low and out of the city. From my other Nihani friends, I heard not a word, and nothing on news reports told me how they were faring. There were times I even wanted to call Shardul, but I resisted. I didn’t want to talk about his narrow worries when the entire city was in danger. There was nothing I could do to stop the rioting, the city’s disorder, nor to help my father do so. Nothing. I’d never felt so useless as an adult or a son.

  Tara made several long phone calls to Yashi’s doctors, and spent more time talking to my parents. I tried not to influence her one way or another, but every time I looked at the kids, I died a little inside, thinking of being apart from them forever. I could follow them, but there was nothing for me on Kelon, and I’d be dependent on them for company and support at a time when they were settling in. No, my parents were here, and Uterden was my home until I was forced out of it. That was all too possible given the state of tension between the races.