Different Senses

by Ann Somerville

  I waited half an hour before I got the message to come up to the detainee release area. Shardul was collecting his possessions as I walked into the section. He turned and saw me. His anger hit me like a slap. “More manipulation, Javen? Am I supposed to be overcome with gratitude?”

  “You can do what you like. Do you need money for a taxi, or a lift back?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Thank you, no. Your kind has done more than enough.”

  “I had nothing to do with your arrest. First I heard of it was less than an hour ago.”

  That made him hesitate. He put his things into his pockets and straightened his rumpled jacket. I’d never seen him look so tired or so shabby, and despite his hostility, my treacherous heart tightened a little in sympathy. “So why bring you in?”

  “They’re desperate. I’m desperate. My entire family are living under threat of death. My sister-in-law is taking the kids away to Kelon because she can’t live like this. I love this city, this country, and it’s being torn apart for no good reason that I can see. Even you have to admit this is doing no good.”

  “No, it’s not.” He straightened. “But the real fault is with a legal system that lets a man like Denge walk free. By being here, working with them, you’re supporting it. I thought you understood that once.”

  He walked towards the door, dismissing me, though his emotions were much less contemptuous.

  I kept my voice low, pitching it towards his acute hearing alone. “We were friends once. All that changed was you pushed me away. I’m the same man I was then. Why are you so ready to believe the worst of me now?”

  He stopped, uncertain, and I thought he would turn and answer. But he moved forward and was outside the building before I could think of anything else to say.

  I’d disappointed everyone today. I supposed it was too much to hope that Shardul would see things my way, when he’d spent a lifetime opposing all I stood for and all my race had done to his. Like he’d said, I was the wrong colour. I always would be.

  I dropped in at the office where the team, back at work but wary of more trouble in the city, greeted me ecstatically. Even Prachi, sporting an ugly bruise on her jaw. I took her hand gently and drew her close. “What happened to you, kid?”

  She pushed me off just as carefully. “Kelons. I was walking with a friend, someone who looks....” She gestured at Vik and his red hair. “They began harassing her and when I yelled at them, one of them smacked me across the face. We ran for it.”

  “Sanity. Did you call the...no, of course not. I’m sorry, dear.”

  She shrugged, but the anger and hurt came through anyway. “Not as bad as some have had. Ask Vik about being chased back to his house the other night.”

  “Fortunately I’m fitter than most of these bastards,” Vik said with a grin.

  I looked at Madan and Hamsa in despair. “What can I do?”

  “Nothing,” Madan said. “Your father perhaps can do more. We can only endure. Not the first time.”

  “But this is the worst I can ever remember.”

  “Our history is longer than that,” Hamsa reminded me. “But it’s so good to see you, Javen. How is your brother? How are the children?”

  They did their best to make me feel welcome. Though I was officially inactive, Madan and Hamsa asked my advice on some minor issues, Vik and Prachi following every word as if they couldn’t get enough of me. I felt like a worm for abandoning them.

  “You guys are doing all right here though, aren’t you?” I needed that reassurance. “No one’s harassing you during the day?”

  “We’d be happier if you were here,” Hamsa said, the others nodding. “We feel vulnerable.”

  “And we miss you,” Prachi added. Such a sweet kid. I’d missed them too, and I’d miss them a lot more if I went undercover. I said nothing about any of that for now.

  “I’d come back now if I could. I can’t. I don’t know when I will.”

  “So long as you do eventually,” Madan said, “we’ll keep your desk warm. Your name on the door gives us a little protection too. We’re keeping Vik in the office as much as possible.”

  “Which they don’t need to,” Vik burst out. “I can look after myself.”

  “Maybe, but you have to look after each other. I agree. Stick around until things calm down. Guys, I’m sorry. I wish I could be here to help.”

  “We’ll manage,” Madan insisted. “What will happen with your brother?”

  “Going back to Kelon with the family for treatment. I, uh, may go too. For a while,” I added as Prachi drew a shocked breath. “I haven’t decided yet.”

  “This is your home,” she whispered.

  “Yes. And I’ll come back, if I do go.” I gave her a hug, but I didn’t dare tell her the truth. I could only hope that going undercover might mean a safer future for the kids, and all my team.

  There you go, Commander Reoda. I’d laid the ground in case he went ahead with his plans after all. And if he didn’t...well, then, I’d fight our enemies some other way. I wasn’t sure how, just yet, with Dad blocking my return to uniform. I’d think of something.

  Tara scrutinised me carefully when I went back to our rooms at the residence, then gave me a hug I really needed. “Wherever we are, Javen, we are your family. We’ll never abandon you.”

  “I know, darling.” I let her hold me for a second or two longer, then straightened up. “Right, let’s have our picnic.”

  We took the boys out on the estate for a snack, a vigorous ball game, and chases around the trees to wear out the twins’ energy. Tara, watching them and holding Nita, looked the picture of content, proud motherhood. But I couldn’t avoid knowing she was worried about me—about everything. For all our support, the burden of the decision lay on her, and it was so unfair. She shouldn’t have been in this position.

  Since the fire, I’d made a special effort to make the evenings with the children as rich and happy for them as I could without Yashi’s presence. Until he emerged from the tank and his induced coma, Tara would have to manage this on her own on Kelon. I didn’t know her parents, and couldn't guess how much help they’d be. “Wish you didn’t have to go,” I murmured at the doorway of the children’s bedroom, after we’d finally convinced them to turn the lights off and go to sleep.

  “Me too. Oh Javen, am I making a terrible mistake?”

  I put my arm around her shoulders and hugged her tight. “If you are, it’s easily fixed. You only have to stay long enough for Yashi to have the essential treatment. You both can come back and finish things here in a couple of months.”

  “Yes, I suppose so. But I’ll miss everyone so much. I feel like I’m losing everything.” She wiped her eyes. “So weak.”

  “Not even slightly. Early night?”

  “Yes, I think so.” She kissed my cheek. “We will come back. I promise it.”

  I knew she meant it. I also knew a lot could happen between now and then.

  I couldn’t sleep, and didn’t try. I switched on the media screen and watched the news with the sound on low. The reports of sporadic violence were fewer than we’d become used to, but I found it hard to concentrate anyway. I kept thinking about Shardul, and what had been done to him. What I’d been part of, and how I’d handled it. Looking back, it was a wonder he hadn’t spat on me as he left the station. I doubted I’d have scraped up as much grace, little though it had been, as he had.

  I’d agreed to the undercover mission without much thought. Now it looked like a washout. Had I been too quick to sign on? Would my team have been so friendly and welcoming if they’d known what I’d planned to do? Madan would understand—Nihan or not, he was a cop in his soul. Hamsa? Vik? Prachi would feel utterly betrayed. I could never face her if she knew. Unless I caught the terrorists. That would change everything.

  My phone went, on the quiet buzzer. It was after ten, and no ID on the screen. “Hello?”

  “Javen, it’s Shardul.”

  I sat up. “Still had my number then.”
<
br />   “Look...can we meet? We need to talk.”

  Months and months I’d dreamed of this call. I didn’t believe it now it had come. “When?”

  “I know it’s short notice, but now?”

  Was it a trap? Fuck it, I hated the suspicion. “Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

  “I...don’t want people to see us talking.”

  “I need to bring a guard. Dad’s orders, no exception.”

  “I meant my people. I don’t care what you Kelons see.”

  “If you’re going to be like that—”

  “Sorry.” He drew in a deep breath. “Name the place, bring your guard. I just want to talk.”

  “My office?”

  “Too close to our neighbourhood.”

  “River park then. The only people who’ll see us will be necking lovers.”

  He let out a bitter laugh. “I think you’ll find the lovers have been scared off by the riots. I’ll meet you there in half an hour. Main parking area.”

  I closed the call. Should I call Commander Reoda? He’d hear from my guard soon enough. If I didn’t tell him, my loyalties would be questioned. But if Shardul only wanted to talk about the things he’d run from months earlier, that was none of Reoda’s business.

  No, first I’d meet with Shardul and then decide if the commander needed to know.

  Agent Tordwel did his best to persuade me not to go out. “Are you crazy, Sri Ythen? This is a classic set up.”

  “And we both know that, so we’ll be prepared. You don’t have to come.”

  “The governor won’t be pleased.”

  “The governor doesn’t need to know. Look, I’m going. Either be out by the vehicle pool in three minutes or I’m leaving without you.”

  He growled and hung up. I grabbed my gun and body armour and put them on as I left the residential wing and walked through the darkened quiet halls of the main building. Yes, it could be a trap, but the Shardul I knew would never do such a thing. Not to me. Nothing I’d seen today told me he’d changed that much.

  Agent Tordwel’s disapproval and irritation rolled over me all the way into the city. I ignored it, and him, impatient to get this over with.

  There were no other autos in the parking area. Despite Shardul’s comment, I couldn’t help finding that suspicious. “Do you think someone knows about this?” I asked my sulky companion.

  “You already know what I think, sir.”

  “Great.”

  A minute later, Shardul’s vehicle pulled up a little way from us, and Tordwel motioned for me to stay as he slid the door open. “Wait here, sir. I’m going to check him out. You can talk to him here.”

  I felt like snapping a salute and a “Yes, sir” to the little bastard, but it wasn’t worth it, and he was only doing his job, even if he was being a snot about it. A light went on in Shardul’s auto, and a few moments later, silhouettes indicated Tordwel patting Shardul down damn thoroughly. Terrific. Just the thing to put him in a good mood before we talked.

  The auto door opened and Shardul came in, Agent Tordwel staying outside. “Sorry about that,” I said, though Shardul wasn’t particularly angry. “We’ve had some very specific threats.”

  “From my people. I know.” Shardul sat, keeping a careful distance away. “I, too, wish to apologise for what I said today...and...the other time.”

  “We gave you cause, Shardul. I’m not angry. I’d give anything for all of it not to have happened.”

  “I know...and that’s why I wish to apologise. You said you hadn’t changed, and that was correct. I’ve changed. I wish I hadn’t.”

  “You’re still the same upright, brave, snotty prick you always were,” and despite his depressed mood, he snorted in amusement. “You didn’t need to drag me out here in secret to apologise.”

  “No. I’ve given some thought to what you said today, and spoken and prayed with Roshni-ji about it. You understand my problems with helping the Kelons.”

  “I don’t blame you for loyalty to your own. Just don’t hold it against me.”

  “I don’t. But you’re right to say this outbreak of violence hurts our people more than yours. We want it stopped too, but we want it done in a just manner. Can you guarantee that?”

  I shook my head. “It’s a dirty business, chasing terrorists. Worse when the bad guys and the good guys look exactly the same.”

  “To us too, don’t forget. Our community is tearing itself apart over this. The death of a child, the attack on your family—especially your family, Javen—revolts people. But so does what the police have done since. It has to stop, and like it or not, your father can help.”

  My temper rose again, but this time I clamped down on it before I said something hurtful. “I’m not going to ask Dad to go easy on the indigenous for you, Shardul. I can ask him to make sure the police are behaving in a moderate manner but if he tells me not to interfere, I won’t blame him. The best answer is for the Nihan to give up the killers.”

  “We would if we could. You don’t understand—there is no appetite for protecting these people. But we already see how many innocents are being hurt as collateral damage.”

  “So help us catch them.”

  In the dark, he was silent. I felt his ambivalence, even fear. He wanted to help me—to make amends according to his honour code if nothing else—but he distrusted my people. For which I didn’t blame him at all, however angry he’d made me.

  “What do they want me to do?” he asked finally.

  “I really can’t discuss it with you here.”

  “They could have just asked me. There was no need to arrest me.”

  “Yeah, they could. Look, I’m sorry how it went down. But I’m not sorry they need you. If you want to talk to them about it, I can arrange it. Otherwise, this part of the conversation is over.”

  Again he fell silent. I waited. This was a big deal, not an easy decision. And being with me couldn't have helped. Being around him roused up all kinds of feelings in me, and I did the same for him. Whether for the same reason, I had no idea and wouldn’t ask. That boat had sailed a long time ago.

  “I was going to call. I never found the courage.”

  “I wish you had,” I said. “I wasn’t angry. I would have listened.”

  “It wouldn’t have been fair. Not to you.”

  That was the first time I’d had any inkling he’d listened to what I’d said that night, or realised what it meant. “Doesn’t matter,” I said roughly. “Do you want me to set up a meeting with the security people or not?”

  He sat up straighter in response to my abrupt question. “I’ll talk to them. No more. And I’ll agree without duress, or not at all. Make them understand that. My family and friends are all prepared for whatever might be thrown at them. The Kelons won’t use them to force me to do a damn thing.”

  “I’ll make that clear. I already have. That’s why they let you go.”

  “Typical. I’d been saying that since I was arrested, but you, they listen to. I’ll await a call.”

  “Okay. Thanks, Shardul.”

  He hesitated. “No. I’m not doing it for you. Be clear about that.”

  “Got it. No favours for Javen.”

  “Not on this, at least.”

  He opened the door, and Agent Tordwel came to attention with an abrupt shuffle of his feet. Shardul ignored him as he looked back at me. “Perhaps...when this is over, we should talk properly.”

  “I’d like that. But only when you’re ready.”

  He nodded sharply and left the vehicle. Tordwel stayed on alert until he drove away, and then got into the auto beside me. “So, was that a waste of time?”

  “‘Sir’,” I reminded him. “Not at all. We need him. Medele needs him, Hegal needs him. So don’t piss him off, please.”

  “As you wish, sir.”

  Prick. “Let’s go,” I told the driver. I’d contact Commander Reoda in the morning. Whether Shardul would actually agree to work with him, I had no idea. But at least this was a s
tart.

  Chapter 4

  The commander didn’t exactly propose marriage out of sheer delight, but his tone was slightly friendlier than it had been when I last spoke to him. “We’ll bring him in this morning.”

  “I want to be there, sir.”

  “No can do, sergeant. Your involvement has to be kept quiet.”

  “Too late for that, sir. Shardul has already been mishandled, and his cooperation is by no means guaranteed. You need him, so let me help. He’s too smart to fool, and he’ll work out what’s going on anyway.”

  “If he gets stroppy, I’ll lock him up again. I won’t put up with any nonsense from a bloody banis.”

  “Sir, with respect, you do that and I’ll bring my father into it. Shardul has an interplanetary reputation as a lawyer and jurist. You got away with a brazen abuse of the law once. You won’t again. I won’t let you. I won’t let you make us into what we’re fighting.”

  “You’re a pain in the arse, Ythen. If you weren’t the governor’s son, I’d have you removed from the police register with the blackest of black marks, and your security rating would be so low you wouldn’t get a job cleaning toilets.”

  “Well, I am the governor’s son, sir,” I said, pushing my fucking luck. “And I’m Shardul’s friend. I want to be there to help him and you both. I was right about him yesterday. Trust me to be right again.”

  “Screw this up, sergeant and your daddy won’t help you because they won’t find all the pieces.”

  “Sir. Shall I ask him to attend the meeting?”

  “I’ll handle that, sergeant. You’ve done more than enough.”

  Fuck you too, I thought as I closed the call. I was seriously going off the guy.

  But give him credit, he’d learned something from the mess he’d made of handling Shardul first time around. This time he arranged a meeting in a regular, if anonymous, office hired for the occasion, and greeted Shardul with respectful politeness. “Sri Rishabh, we really appreciate you giving us a second chance. I want to apologise personally for the way we went about this.”