Love by the Reins: Christian Contemporary Romantic novella (Love's Sporting Chance)

by Cate Nolan

  Red stars spun before David's eyes. “If I didn't still care for you, I would walk away right now. But I still love you Willa and that means I have to tell you this. You don't get to recreate history to hide in it. When I asked you to the prom, you said no. And it wasn't the first time you told me no. I asked you to the Christmas dance at school. You said you had a competition out of town that weekend.”

  “I did.”

  “I asked you to go caroling.” He paused and swallowed hard. “You said yes, but then cancelled because one of the horses got sick. My family's Christmas party, New Year's Eve. I could go on and on, Willa. All through that winter and spring. You never had time for me. It was always the horses.

  “When you backed out of senior prom, that was the last straw. I found Donna crying because she had no one to go with. She wanted to go and had no one. So I took her. I was tired, Willa. Tired of being second to your beloved horses.”

  All through his litany of her offenses, Willa stood and listened. When he was done, she nodded numbly. “Okay, I get it now.” She turned to go.

  “That's it? After all we were to each other, I explain my hurt feelings and your only response is Okay, I get it?” David hadn't known he had such anger built up in him, but ten years of repressed pain threatened to erupt inside this barn.

  Willa sighed. She closed her eyes and seemed to pull in on herself. Her voice was threaded with pain as she responded. “I felt badly for turning you down for Prom so I got dressed and I went. Silly me, I figured the three of us could have fun together.”

  “I never saw you.”

  She looked up at him and her green eyes were awash in tears. “No, because I saw you first. I saw you kiss her.”

  She cleared her throat again, pulled herself up straight, and stared him straight in the eye. “That was the night of my accident. I saw you with her, David. I saw you kissing her. I was so upset, so crazy to get away that I jumped on my mare without checking her. The stirrup had been cut - not all the way through. It had been cut just enough so that when I went tearing across the field, it broke and I fell, taking her down with me.

  “They had to put my mare down, David. A sweet innocent horse died because Susan was jealous.”

  She hung her head. “It was my fault for not checking, but I’m not the one who cut the stirrup. Susan did.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Willa gave a harsh laugh. “As sure as I’ve ever been of anything in my life. She admitted it.”

  “Then why didn’t you report her?”

  She shrugged. “What good would it have done? I was heartbroken. My horse was dead. At first I didn't even think of reporting it. But then she had the nerve to come see me in the hospital. She came to tell me all about how she had been keeping you company while I was in surgery.”

  “That’s a lie.”

  Willa shrugged, too tired, too emotionally spent now to even care. “What does it matter now? It’s water under the bridge.”

  “It matters to me, Willa.” David tilted her chin up so he could see into her eyes. “You weren’t the only one with a broken heart.”

  Chapter Nine

  You weren't the only one with a broken heart.

  David's words haunted Willa long into the sleepless night. She should have felt better after clearing the air with him, but dawn found her in the stables, more torn up than ever.

  She buried her face in Colonel's mane. David had been right about one thing. She always turned to her horses when she was upset. Colonel was the son of the mare she'd been riding the night of her accident. It was probably silly, but she'd always felt a special bond with him because they'd both lost so much that day. He'd lost his mother who'd been put down as a result of the horrible accident and she'd lost - what? Not her life but certainly everything that was part of her life plan.

  She'd lost her chance at a medal, but that was the least of it. She'd lost a beloved horse, the horse she'd ridden her entire career. She'd lost a future of riding. She'd lost a year out of her life as she struggled to recover, and she'd lost any chance of ever having any children of her own. She was lucky to be alive, the doctors had told her.

  She'd been grateful for that, truly grateful. And she'd been grateful for all the friends and family who had stood by.

  But none of that had healed the hole in her heart that David's defection had opened. How had the boy she loved, the young man she thought loved her back - how had he abandoned her for the friend who'd triggered the whole accident?

  She had those answers now, but they were little comfort. She'd paced the stable for hours, restless, too confused to even stand being in her own skin. She didn't have time for this today. There was so much to do, so much still to prepare before the family and friends opening of the Christmas Ride tonight. But all she could think of was David and the future they'd lost.

  David was right. She'd known it as soon as she'd heard the words, but it took a long night of wrestling with herself to fully admit it. She had shut him out that winter and spring. After her father left, she'd closed her heart to David too, without even being aware she was doing it. She owed him an apology for that.

  She stroked Colonel's sleek head. “What do you think, Buddy? Now that I know what happened, what do I do? How do I pick up the pieces? Do I need to talk to David again?”

  “What have you got to lose?”

  Willa nearly jumped a mile at her mother's voice. “You scared me.” An understatement if ever there was one. “I didn't hear you come in.”

  “No, you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself.”

  Willa's hackles rose at her mother's uncustomary tone. “That's a little harsh.”

  Her mother tucked her hands in the pocket of the coat she had pulled on over her pajamas. She looked down, shuffled her slippers. When she looked back up at Willa, there were tears glistening in her eyes. “It's harsh because I don't want you to throw away a chance at love because you're still so hung up on the past. It's time to let it go, Willa. Time to grab the ring again.”

  Willa lowered her face into Colonel's mane. “I can't,” she whispered.

  Her mother came up behind her, rested an arm along her shoulder and asked again. “Why not. What have you got to lose?”

  “My heart, my mind.” She paused, swallowed a sob. “My soul. I barely survived the last time. I can't do it again.”

  “Yes you can. If you love him enough.” Her mother stepped back and leaned against the stall door. “Do you think you're the only person who ever lost anyone? The only person who ever had to pick up and move on with her life?”

  Willa knew her mother was talking about herself. How she'd had to pull their lives back together after her father left. “But I didn't just lose a man. I lost everything - my dreams of riding, my future with David. Any hope of ever having children of my own.”

  “And now God is giving you a chance to have all of that - well not the championships, but that was never really your dream. That was Susan’s goal. You only started to keep her company. I rue the day I ever agreed. You had more natural talent in your left foot than that girl had in her entire body, but she had the drive, the need. She wanted that Olympic gold medal more than she wanted her next breath.”

  Willa sniffed. “I liked the medals.”

  Her mother grinned through her tears. “They looked lovely on you, but they weren't you, Willa. Be honest, did you ever fully enjoy them?”

  Willa tried to think back, to see things as her mother did. “I always felt badly for Susan. She seemed more disappointed than I did happy.” Willa kicked at the straw with her boot tip. “You're right. She wanted them much more.”

  As long as I can remember, you wanted to be in the stables with the horses. You loved the exhilaration of riding. If a horse seemed nervous, you didn't make him compete. You just worked with him. If you had to miss the race, you didn't care.”

  “I missed a lot of races, didn't I?”

  Her mother nodded. “It was about Susan more than the horses, wasn't i
t?”

  Willa looked at her mother in surprise. “Maybe. I think there were times I lost heart.”

  Her mother gave her a look.

  “I didn't want another competition where I beat Susan and she sulked for a week. I valued our friendship more than the trophy.”

  “And it hurt to think she didn't. That the trophy, the winning, meant more to her.”

  Willa nodded as she nibbled on her bottom lip. “Why wasn't my friendship enough? We could have shared the victories, shared in each other's joy.”

  “Some people aren't wired like that. Winning is all that matters.”

  “It was her mother too, wasn't it? Her mother who wanted her up on top of the awards podium?”

  Lisa shrugged. “That probably had something to do with it. Winning was a status symbol.”

  “She's kept all the trophies, you know. David told me that Hailey saw the trophy room and that's why she wanted riding lessons.”

  “What are you going to do about that?”

  Willa's eyes widened. She didn't like the thoughts going through her head - the idea of sweet Hailey's love of horses being corrupted by a go-for-the gold mentality.

  “Oh, Willa.” Lisa wrapped her arms around her daughter. “David's a good man. A great father. Or he's trying to be. He could use some help.” Lisa lowered her voice. “And some forgiveness.

  “We've all made mistakes, haven't we? I sure made my share. Why don't you give him a chance to make amends? Because unless I miss my mark, he very much wants to make up for lost time.”

  Fear curled inside Willa at the thought. It was a feeling that always made her feel slightly sick so she focused on a different thought.

  “There's still something I don't understand. Why did Susan take David? If all she wanted was the trophies, why did she need David too? She'd made sure I couldn't compete against her. Why did she need my boyfriend too?”

  Her mother went very quiet.

  “What?”

  “You're not going to like my answer to this.”

  Willa plucked at a piece of hay. “I haven't liked any of your answers so far. Why stop now?”

  “Because this one matters more than the others. And because you're my daughter and I love you and I can't bear to see you hurting. And I don't want to add to it. But not saying anything, that's not helping.”

  Willa was quiet. She didn't even know how to respond.

  The silence lengthened until finally her mother broke it.

  “She didn’t take David, Willa. You threw him away.”

  Silence fell between them. Willa wanted to be angry at her mother's words, but she couldn't. “David said the same thing last night.”

  “He was right.” She looked up at her mother, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “It doesn't take a psychology degree. After Dad left, I was afraid to love David. I didn't want that kind of pain. I didn't want to let anyone close enough to hurt me like that again.”

  “Oh, baby. I'm sorry.”

  Lisa hugged her tightly, but when she pulled back, her own eyes were fill of tears.

  She took Willa by the hand and pulled her over to sit on the bale of hay. “Come, sit with me a moment. There's something I need to tell you.”

  Willa allowed her mother to pull her over, but she couldn't sit. Her nerves were too raw. She stood before her mother, their hands still entwined. “What?”

  Lisa took a deep breath and slowly released it before speaking. “Baby, your father didn't just leave. I sent him away.”

  Willa's legs wouldn't hold her and she sank onto the floor. “What? Why?”

  Lisa buried her face in her hands. “I tried to hide it from you, but your father had a drinking problem.” Her shoulders shuddered as she sought the courage to continue. “He tried to beat it. He used to disappear for weeks at a time to go to rehab.”

  “You always told me he was on a business trip.”

  Lisa shrugged. “You adored him. I didn't want to tarnish your love.” She stiffened. “But that last time. He picked us up from a meet after he'd been drinking. He ran the car off the road. He could have killed us.”

  “I don't remember that.”

  “You were asleep in the back. It had been a long, exhausting day. Fortunately, the car wasn't damaged and no one was hurt. I took over driving and got us home.”

  “The next morning he was gone.”

  “I told him to leave and not come back until he was sober.”

  Tears were running down Willa's face. “He never came back.”

  Lisa was crying openly now too. “He tried, several times. But he'd become a complete drunk by then. I couldn't let him see you, couldn't let him hurt you.”

  “You thought it was better that I think he just left? That I thought I wasn't good enough? That my father didn't love me enough to stay?”

  There it was - that sick feeling in her stomach. Suddenly it all made sense, the total panic when she saw David with Susan, the blinding pain that had driven her to race her horse across a muddy field. The overwhelming sense of not being good enough.

  “Oh, baby, I'm so sorry.” Lisa sank down beside her and drew Willa into her arms. “It was the hardest decision I ever made. I didn't know what else to do, but I couldn't let him hurt you.”

  Willa buried her face in her hands. She couldn't blame her mother for protecting her. She couldn't blame her for choosing to protect her daughter. “I'm sorry too, Mama,” she whispered. “I know you loved him.”

  “I loved the man he was before that poison stole him. I loved the wonderful man I married, the man who was a devoted father. But he got sick and I couldn't save him.”

  Lisa gathered herself, and stood. She leaned down to offer a hand up to Willa. “But that's why I don't want you to throw away this second chance with David. He's a good man, Willa. He will love you and Hailey for all his life. He's a loving father and he'll be an amazing husband.”

  Willa laughed through her tears. “You're getting a bit ahead of yourself here. I sent him away last night and you have us married.”

  “Well what are you waiting for. Go find him and make it better.”

  Fear paralyzed Willa. “No, I can't. Not yet. It's good to hear this. To finally know why Daddy left, to understand why I drove David away. But I need time to process it, time to figure out how I feel.”

  She plucked her jacket from the coat hook. “I'm going to take Beauty for a ride on the beach, think things through.”

  “Are you sure that's a good idea?”

  Willa hugged her mother. “It's okay. It's not like last time. I just need the wind and the air to clear my brain. I'll be careful.” She smiled sadly. “And I'll thoroughly check my tack before I mount.”

  Chapter Ten

  David huddled into his jacket. Willa used to love coming down to the beach for sunrise, but it had never been his thing. Okay, it was long past sunrise, but to his sleep-deprived brain, the fact that is wasn't even seven o'clock yet meant they should be at home with coffee brewing and cartoons on the television.

  Instead he was searching the beach for shells because Hailey had some crafty Christmas present in mind for Willa. “Hailey, I'm going to build a fire to warm us. You want to gather some driftwood? Don't go too far though.”

  Hailey's squeal made him look up, but it was the sight of Willa racing her horse through the surf that stole his breath. He was so used to formal equestrian Willa that he'd forgotten this side of her. This was his Willa. The image was like an arrow straight to his heart. This was the wild young girl he'd fallen in love with as a ten year-old boy. Not the uptight, proper Willa of recent memory.

  As a ten year-old boy. The thought struck him hard. He'd been in love with Willa since she was Hailey's age.

  And he still was.

  Instead of bringing joy, the thought depressed him. A future with her was out of his hands because she wouldn't consider second chances.

  After he'd confessed to his broken heart last night, she'd turned the lights out and sent him home. He'd tried
to talk about starting over, picking up the pieces and trying to make something new, but she wasn't interested. She'd simply said she'd see him Sunday at the Christmas Ride, and she'd shut the barn door in his face.

  He wanted to be angry, but he was too emotionally numb. Losing Susan had taken a toll, though if he were honest, not as much of a toll as living with her had taken. That wasn't what he wanted to admit, and certainly not what he intended to dwell on.

  She didn't see them at first, but Hailey's shouts and waving arms soon caught her attention. What would she do? David didn't think she'd ignore Hailey, but he expected her to wave and ride on by. Instead she slowed her horse to a walk and came over to them.

  Hailey's enthusiasm knew no bounds. “Hi, Willa. Daddy is building us a bonfire. Have you ever had a bonfire on the beach? I never have. Daddy has me helping gather driftwood. That's what we're going to use to build it.”

  David was intensely grateful for Hailey's chatter. It covered the awkward moment when his gaze met Willa's. She looked as tired and shattered as he felt. He nodded his head at her. “Morning, Willa.”

  She smiled weakly down at him from her perch on Beauty's back. “Good morning, David. Hey, Hailey, what are you doing out here so early?”

  “We're collecting shells. But I can't tell you more. It's a Christmas surprise.”

  David was surprised by her laughter and the wink she gave him. “Another Christmas secret, eh?”

  David wondered if he imagined it, but he would have sworn he saw approval in Willa's eyes. If gathering shells on the beach on a wintry morning could earn him a look like that, maybe there was some hope left.

  He wished Hailey hadn't mentioned bonfires on the beach though. He glanced at Willa, wondering if her thoughts had taken the same route his had. Her averted glance suggested they had.

  David might have been in love with her since he was ten, but he remembered clearly - as she obviously did also - that the homecoming bonfire had been the moment when they realized their feelings were more than friends. She'd been cold, and he had wrapped his arms around his friend to keep her warm. Except when she nestled into his arms, the feelings between them turned into something more than childhood friendship.