Faeries Gone Wild

by MaryJanice Davidson

  “Wretched,” he admitted.

  “How did you come to live with Ireland?”

  “Some things”—He smirked, wandering away—“will never be told. Count that. Now, where did I put the TV Guide . . . ?”

  She scowled but didn’t go after him. Her curiosity would have to remain unsatisfied; she was here to count, not take down life (and death) stories.

  But it was awfully queer.

  She had, in the course of her life (and how did humans stand their puny eighty-year life spans? They were like candles in a hurricane that way) seen all these creatures. Separately. As far as she knew, vampires and werewolves didn’t even believe in each other, much less become roommates. And Lent was a notorious loner; she would have been able to understand him living alone in the woods somewhere, but having all these roommates? In a house built by humans, for humans? It was so odd.

  She could hear a strange sound coming from outside, and realized after a moment that the vehicle, Judith, was honking. Blaring, really, absolutely leaning on the horn.

  An attack? Someone trying to hurt Prince Lent? Or the new prince?

  Despite her size, she could move when she wanted to, and she very much wanted to. She was the first one out the door.

  Chapter

  15

  The others were right behind her as she rushed down the steps and ran to the driveway. The SUV was parked sloppily, two of its (her?) tires on the grass, two on the gravel.

  There was a man inside.

  “Oh my God,” Ireland moaned behind her, then retched.

  “Judith, what have you done?” the vampire asked, horrified.

  The man waved at them, looking more than a little be mused.

  “You kidnapped your mechanic?” Owen asked, and Scarlett had the odd impression he was trying not to laugh.

  “Oh my God,” Micah, Ireland’s husband, groaned. When Ezra flinched, he absently apologized. “Judith, what have you done?”

  “What?” Judith snapped, sounding annoyed. “What’s the big deal?”

  “Oh, sure, it’s just a federal freaking crime,” Ireland snapped. “And how are we going to explain you to poor Coffee Ray?”

  Scarlett could see the man’s lips moving. He didn’t seem angry, or even aggrieved.

  “Heh,” her brother snickered. “Stupid crazy Judith.”

  “Shut up, you winged freak,” the SUV told him coldly. And, startled, Scarlett realized that her (and her brother’s) wings were out in the open, plain as day. It was too late to throw a cloak over the human’s mind.

  Fairies couldn’t hide their size (and why would they?), but after years of moving among the humans, counting, they had gotten quite good at cloaking the feeble, tiny human brain. It wasn’t terribly difficult; it just took sustained concentration. They simply fooled the humans into thinking they didn’t have wings. And given how monstrously self-centered most humans were, it wasn’t hard at all.

  Too late now.

  The man behind the wheel was politely tapping on the glass. Judith rolled the window down about two inches.

  “Nice night for a drive, I guess,” he said cheerfully.

  “Judith, what the hell is wrong with you?” Micah thundered.

  “Off my case, Casper. You guys can show up out of the blue whenever you want and move in, but I can’t have a friend over?”

  “That does sound unfair,” the man in the car agreed.

  “Have a friend over?” Ireland managed, sounding as if she was choking. “Is that what you call a federal kidnapping charge?”

  “I won’t tell,” Judith said smugly, “if you won’t tell.”

  “I won’t tell,” the man said.

  “Do you think I should count him?” Scarlett whispered to her brother.

  “If it makes you feel better,” he replied, amused.

  There was a chunk as Judith’s locks disengaged. The man opened the door and climbed out. He stood up. And up. And up.

  Scarlett gaped up at him, completely amazed (a common occurrence, she was beginning to think, on Shea Farm).

  He was easily the tallest male she had ever seen. His shoulders would fill a doorway and perhaps more; she suspected he could only enter a room if he turned sideways. He had hair the color of good soil, long in the back, and his eyes—his eyes! They were the exact color of wet grass. She’d never seen such green eyes before. Most of her people had lavender or blue eyes; humans, she knew, tended toward brown and blue and hazel.

  He towered over her.

  She felt positively petite.

  “Hi,” he said, staring down (!) at her. “I’m Coffee Ray.”

  “Scarlett,” she said. He held out a hand. She looked at it. Her brother poked her rudely between the shoulder blades and she suddenly remembered the human custom. She held out her own hand and it was engulfed by a rough palm and long, slender fingers. She remembered another custom: “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Thank you,” he replied in a deep, comforting voice. “Can I have my hand back, Scarlett?”

  “Hmmmm?”

  Another poke nearly sent her sprawling into the man. She released his hand and turned to glare at her brother, who was smirking in an infuriating way.

  “It’s okay, you guys. I’m not, you know, going to blow your cover. I already knew Judith could talk.”

  “You did?” the werewolf and vampire chorused.

  “Sure. We’ve been friends for a couple of years.”

  “Judith . . . made . . . a friend?” the vampire asked.

  “Y’know, Judith,” Coffee Ray said, leaning against the vehicle, “if you wanted to take me for a ride, you could’ve just asked.”

  “Asking is for chumps,” the vehicle replied. “So are you guys going to stand out here staring at my friend, or are you going to remember your damned manners and invite him in?”

  “She’s lecturing moi on manners?” Ezra asked.

  “The irony’s so thick, I’m going to start gagging,” Micah said sourly.

  “Ooooh,” Ireland groaned. “Don’t say ‘gagging.’ ” Then she turned and darted up the stairs.

  “Well.” Micah tilted his head back to look Coffee Ray in the eye. “Want to come in? Have a cup of coffee, maybe?”

  “No coffee for me,” the man replied, falling into step beside Micah. “Stunts my growth.”

  Scarlett stared after him for a moment, then raced back to the house to find her clipboard.

  Chapter

  16

  “So Judith’s been talking to you for years?” Ireland was saying as Scarlett hurried into the dining room, where the others were sitting and standing all over the room. “And you never said a word?”

  “She said she’d park on my face if I blabbed,” Coffee Ray said. Everyone knew he wasn’t joking. “And speaking of parking, you should see the rubber she left all over the lot when she stole me. And speaking of stealing, did you read in the paper about the art room getting broken into last week? I didn’t—”

  “But why did she bring you here?” Micah asked.

  Coffee Ray shrugged.

  “Are you supposed to do something?”

  “Uh-uh. Least, I don’t think so; she’s all tuned up and she sure doesn’t need an oil change. Speaking of oil changes, I had a truck in last week that hadn’t had the oil changed in fourteen months! Who does that to their truck? I just about cried on the spot. I—”

  “Uh, Coffee Ray, if we could please stay on track?” Ezra asked pleasantly. “Why do you think Judith brought you here?”

  “Dunno.”

  Ezra leaned close and caught the large man’s gaze. “Think hard, Coffee Ray. I’m sure you can recall, if you put your mind to it.”

  “Say, uh, Ezra, is it? You’re kind of in my personal space. And speaking of personal space, I met a Close Talker in the shop the other day, talk about offputting! He was so—”

  Micah was staring at Ezra. “Are you telling me what I think you’re about to tell me?”

  “I can’t seem to, what�
�s the phrase? Work my mojo on him.”

  Scarlett knew that vampires could “catch” humans with their gaze and make them do . . . well . . . anything. It was part of the reason fairies just couldn’t take humans seriously as a species. Too small. Too dumb. Too self-centered. And too, too easy to fool.

  But Ezra couldn’t catch Coffee Ray. And that was quite curious, wasn’t it?

  Coffee Ray put large hands on Ezra’s shoulders and gently pushed him into a chair. The vampire, astonished, allowed himself to be maneuvered. “There,” Coffee Ray said comfortingly. “Now you’re out of my space, and seated in a nice dining room chair. And speaking of dining rooms, did you guys hear what happened to Mrs. Dunman’s dining room set? Her kid was smoking pot and got all confused and spilled his bong water all over—hey, nice wingspan, Scarlett. Can those things actually lift you off the ground? Are you related to Lent? Lent’s the best-kept secret in town, mostly because he stays on the farm and never—”

  “What are you?” Scarlett asked.

  “A Leo. Well, technically I’m a Virgo, but I was due during the Leo stretch, and I had my chart done at the state fair five years ago and—Say! Have you guys tried those deep-fried Snickers bars they have? They have everything on a stick at the fair. And speaking of sticks, did—”

  “What are you?”

  “Uh—an organ donor?”

  Scarlett was clutching her clipboard so hard, her knuckles were dead white. “What are you?” she demanded. “Are you an elf, a sprite, a wizard, a leprechaun? Are you a pixie, a brownie, a witch, a mutant human, a lycanthrope, a dryad, a naiad? Are you a merman, a banshee, an elf—”

  “How could he be an elf?” Ezra asked.

  “Or a sprite? Or a pixie?” Owen asked. “I mean, look at him!”

  Scarlett ignored them. “A gnome, a hochigan, a jinn, a naga, a nymph—?”

  “A nymph?” Micah asked, trying not to laugh.

  “A sylph, a troll, a skinwalker? A buru, a kobold, a silkie, a glaistig?”

  “She’ll feel better,” Owen said, “if she can categorize you and then count you. It’s best to go along.”

  Coffee Ray sounded equal parts annoyed and amused. “Count me?”

  “I know how it sounds, dude. Please just humor her,” Owen begged. “You do not want to see an aggravated fairy. Not when they run that size,” he added thoughtfully, nervously eyeballing the agitated winged brunette.

  “Speaking of running, did you guys hear the track team is going to State? I didn’t think they—”

  “Do you want a hint?” her brother asked, bored.

  “You stay out of this!” she snapped. “You couldn’t count something if it flopped over on its back and died at your feet.”

  “Speaking of feet, my boss has the tiniest feet you’ve ever seen; you can’t even imagine it; they’re like goat feet—”

  That’s it. And it was staring me in the face the entire time. The tiny attention span should have tipped me off sooner. She couldn’t imagine why it hadn’t occurred to her earlier; her only excuse was that she had never before met a non-fairy bigger than she was.

  That and Coffee Ray’s kind had, they had all supposed, died out over a century ago.

  She advanced on Coffee Ray, who raised dark eyebrows but held his ground. She squinted up at him and asked, “Was one of your parents a giant?”

  Silence fell over the group with an almost audible thump. And after an uncomfortably long pause, Coffee Ray said, “My mother. But she left when I was little. Uh, so to speak.”

  “Of course she did,” Lent said. “She was a giantess.”

  “Huh?” Ireland asked.

  “Giants are known for several things,” her husband replied. “Among them great height, great strength, an ability to resist enchantment of pretty much any kind, and—this is why they can’t be enchanted—a murderously short attention span.”

  “Ah-ha!” Owen said. “Is that why Coffee Ray’s always going off on these weird tangents? Because he’s part giant?”

  “Duh,” Lent said with annoying smugness. He glanced at his sister. “You must be losing your touch, little sister.”

  “You hush right now, prince or no prince,” she snapped. But he was right, of course. It was one of the more annoying things about him.

  Abruptly Coffee Ray left the dining room, and a few seconds later they all heard the front door slam.

  “Was it something we said?” Owen wondered.

  Without knowing why, Scarlett ran after Coffee Ray.

  Chapter

  17

  “Judith.”

  “What?”

  “Take me home.”

  “What, now? You were only in there for ten minutes.”

  He fought the urge to kick her tire, knowing his foot would probably go through the rubber. He wasn’t sure Judith could feel pain—she never complained during oil changes—and didn’t want to find out. “Now, Judith.”

  “Don’t be such a damn crybaby. Give ’em a chance. They’ll grow on you, kinda like mold. You’re too weird and sad to be by yourself all the time.”

  “Judith, I’d like you to mind your own business and take me home. Now!”

  “Wait! Please wait, Coffee Ray!”

  He turned, surprised, and saw the tall brunette with the beautiful wings and pretty eyes come galloping down the steps toward him.

  She skidded to a halt, stumbling in the gravel, and he grabbed her elbow and steadied her. “I haven’t counted you,” she panted. “You can’t leave yet.”

  “You’d be surprised,” he muttered. He was desperately embarrassed. Out of all the people in that room, the pretty woman with wings was the last one he’d want to know the truth about his mother. Naturally, she had been the one to guess.

  “Please don’t leave. I just—in all my years of counting, I have never seen a human/giant hybrid before. You’re—you’re quite fascinating.”

  “Yeah, me and the dog-faced boy,” he said glumly.

  “Boo fucking hoo,” the SUV snarled. “You think you’re the only freak on the planet? Shit, you’re not even the only freak in this driveway. So suck it up, crybaby.”

  “You hush,” Scarlett said. “I’ve already counted you.”

  “You know what you can do with that clipboard, you winged freak?” Judith began. “You can take it and jam it sideways straight up your—”

  Scarlett grabbed Coffee Ray’s hand and, to his astonishment, started pulling. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s walk.”

  Stunned, he let her lead him out of the driveway.

  Chapter

  18

  Scarlett had to keep sneaking glances up at Coffee Ray. It wasn’t just that he was taller than she was . . . though that was distracting enough. He had a presence, a kind of comforting calm about him that, though she’d known him for a short time, she instinctively responded to.

  “Thank you for coming away with me.”

  He snorted. “I sure wasn’t gonna hang around in there for much longer. Counting fairies and talking SUVs . . . why do I have the feeling I’m in a hospital room somewhere, deep in a coma?”

  She didn’t know what a coma was, but it didn’t sound pleasant. “You are unique,” she said, hoping to cheer him. “In all the world, I’ve never known of a giant/human hybrid before.”

  “Great.”

  Puzzled, she stared at him in the deepening gloom. It was almost as if—but that made no sense at all—yet what other explanation could there be?

  “You are . . . shamed? By your parents?”

  He said nothing, but his strides lengthened. She had to hurry to keep pace with him. “But why, Coffee Ray?”

  “Why? Why? Seriously, you’re asking me why?”

  “I believe that is exactly what I asked.”

  “My God, you’re a literal one, aren’t you?” He turned to face her and she could hardly make out his expression in the shadows. That made her oddly glad, because his tone was frightening enough. “What’s to be ashamed of? Hmmm? Let’s see
, my mom had so little interest in me that she took off when I was five. And my dad never forgave me for it.”

  “Forgave you?” A thousand thoughts crowded her brain and jammed her mouth. She actually gagged on the words for a moment before blurting, “Coffee Ray, don’t you even know how extraordinary you are?”

  “Extraordinary,” he said flatly.

  “Giants have murderously minuscule attention spans, you strange, strange man! That’s why they don’t marry, they merely mate and move on. Haven’t you ever wondered why your mother’s people aren’t the dominant species on this planet?”

  “Uh—”

  “Giants are stronger, faster, more durable and resistant. But they can’t focus on more than one thing for very long at all. Homo sapiens can. Giants are very poor caretakers. . . . I find the fact that your mother stayed until you were five to be extraordinary.”

  “You—you do?”

  “It’s unprecedented. She stayed for you, Coffee Ray. She resisted her nature as long as she could, and you had her for five years. Do you have any idea how long five years is to a giant?”

  “No,” he admitted.

  “A very long time, Coffee Ray.”

  “I like the way you say my name.”

  “You—what?”

  “Everybody else puts the emphasis on ‘Coffee.’ You put it on ‘Ray.’ ”

  “All right.”

  “That’s pretty interesting, that stuff about giants. I didn’t know any of that stuff.”

  “How could you? We have different jobs. I count, and you—er—you do whatever it is you do.”

  “Know what I’d like to do right now?”

  “No.” But she was hoping.

  “This,” he said, and bent down, and put his arms around her, and kissed her for a lovely long time. So long a time, in fact, that she forgot to count the seconds.

  Chapter

  19

  The sun had gone down. Judith was waiting patiently in the driveway, watching. And eventually, the moon came up.