Weightless

by Kandi Steiner

  A loud clamor in the kitchen startled me and I quickly placed the photo back and hurried into the bathroom with my bag, shutting the door behind me and leaning against it to view the space. It was small, but again — clean. The shower was just that, there was no bath tub. I undressed quickly, pulled a towel out and hung it beside the one Rhodes had just used, and stepped inside.

  The hot water felt incredible on my freshly rolled muscles. Although it hurt when Rhodes was rolling the ball across my legs and back, that pain had almost completely vanished and the soreness melted away. Though, I was sure it would be back the next day. Rhodes would be sure of it.

  I lathered up my body and hair with Rhodes’ body wash and couldn’t stop smelling myself even after I had tied my hair up into a messy bun, dressed, and rejoined Rhodes in the kitchen, tossing my bag on the floor by his bike. I had caught so many teasing whiffs of the earthy, evergreen scent when he’d been near me at the gym, but now it was amplified, with nothing else to drown it out. I hoped it wouldn’t wash off.

  “Would you prefer chicken or salmon?” Rhodes asked, sautéing some sort of concoction in a skillet. His arms flexed with each stir and I couldn’t help but be mesmerized. The kitchen already smelled tantalizing and my stomach growled.

  “Chicken. I hate fish.”

  He paused, turned to face me, and deadpanned. “You live in a beach town and you don’t like fish?”

  I shrugged. He shook his head and went back to whatever he was doing as I pulled out one of two barstools and took a seat. For a few moments he cooked in silence, pulling out chicken and vegetables and chopping them on a cutting board before adding them to the pan. His fingers worked quickly, methodically, like cooking was to him what breathing is to me — effortless. The silence was comfortable as I watched him, but I couldn’t let my curiosity about what I’d seen in his bedroom go.

  “Is that your sister in the photo by your bed?”

  Rhodes stiffened at my question, stopping mid-stir for a beat. When he started again, he didn’t turn to face me. “Yes.”

  “She’s beautiful.”

  “She was.”

  He didn’t falter with those words, but I noted the past tense. I remembered when Lana was reported as a missing person close to the end of their senior year, the sorrow that washed over the school as the days stretched on without anyone finding her. But after a while, the story about her disappearance faded. I realized as I sat at Rhodes’ kitchen island that I never did hear if they ever found her, though his past tense reference made me think maybe I didn’t want to know.

  I sensed Rhodes’ discomfort, so I changed the subject.

  “I like your place.”

  He shrugged, spinning in place to wash his hands in the sink in front of the counter I was sitting at before turning back toward the cabinets and reaching up for some spices. “It’s not much.”

  “How long have you lived here?”

  He paused, his arms still stretched out above him as he dug through the spices, revealing just a small sliver of skin between the top of his boxers and the hem of his black t-shirt. Facing me once more, his eyes sparkled in the soft kitchen light. “There you go with your questions again.”

  I blushed and murmured, “Sorry.”

  His eyes were still on me but he nodded toward my bag. “Why do you always have that camera with you?”

  I followed his gaze to my camera tucked in the side pocket, the neck strap hanging out just a bit. It was my smaller camera, not the nicest one I owned, but I always carried one with me just in case.

  “You know how you geek out about everything fitness-related?”

  He glowered. “I don’t geek out.”

  I stifled a laugh. “Okay, well, I was trying to say that that’s how I am with photography. It’s my thing, I guess. I’ve been into it my whole life and I want to go to college and do it professionally.” I paused at that admission. “Well, maybe anyway. I don’t know, I kind of always have a camera with me.”

  He nodded, his arm muscles flexing with each movement of the wooden spoon in his hand. My nose was in a frenzy and my mouth had been watering since I got out of the shower. “You going to Appalachian State in the fall?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know. I probably should but I don’t really want to.”

  “Wow,” he assessed, covering the skillet with a glass lid. He leaned back against the stove and crossed his arms over his chest. “The Poxton Princess doesn’t want to follow in her family’s footsteps and do what all the PBH kids do? What a travesty.”

  I wanted to narrow my eyes at him and tell him not to call me that, but all I could do was shift uncomfortably under his gaze. It was hard to confront the scariest person I knew. Luckily, I was saved by my phone ringing before I had the chance to answer. It was Willow.

  “Sorry, one sec.”

  Rhodes didn’t show any shift in emotion. He just turned to face the stove again and went back to work.

  “Hey, Lo.”

  “Hey! What are you doing Wednesday?”

  “Um.” Wednesday wasn’t a training day, but I wasn’t sure I was going to be down for whatever she was about to propose. Still, I couldn’t think of any excuse, so I sighed. “Nothing. What’s up?”

  “Perfect. We’re going to the town fair with the group. Now before you tell me no because Mason will be there, let me remind you that you’re looking super hot lately and you should prance around in front of him and Shay and show them you’re not afraid of them. And we can go shopping for something super cute for you to wear.” I tried to cut her off but she just spoke louder over me. “AND this is our last summer together before college and we have way too many memories to make to let that douche hose ruin it.”

  I laughed at her expression, but couldn’t help but note Rhodes’ glare when she mentioned Mason. Could he hear her?

  “I don’t think this is a good idea, Willow.”

  “Oh whatever, Nat. He’s a pansy and so is his new Barbie doll. Please come with me? I’ll protect you and fuck up anyone who tries to mess with my best friend.”

  I sighed, but couldn’t help but smile. I knew she was serious. “I don’t know…”

  “Think about it. You need to stay relevant and in the picture if the end game is to get him back, right?”

  I chewed my lip. She did have a point. I wasn’t sure I was exactly ready to see Mason just yet, I’d only been training for a week and a half, but as the saying went — out of sight, out of mind. I didn’t want him to forget about me while he got all caught up in Shay.

  “I’ll buy you a funnel cake,” she sang into the phone and I laughed again.

  “Well, when you put it like that.”

  “Yay!” she squealed. “I’ll pick you up after your training on Tuesday. Love you, Nat!”

  I shook my head when the line went dead and tucked my phone back in my bag before sitting at the bar again. Rhodes assessed me as he plated our food. There was chicken, seasoned to perfection, along with vegetables and brown rice — none of which would have sounded good to me a week before but all of which was making me drool at the current moment. “Gnat, huh? Like the bug?”

  I scrunched my nose, pulling my attention from the saliva-inducing food porn. “What?”

  “Your nickname?”

  “Oh, no.” I shook my head. “It’s Nat. Like, short for Natalie.”

  “Ah,” he said, handing me my plate. He nodded to the couch and I followed him over. “I think I like Bug better.”

  I frowned, wondering what he meant, but didn’t comment further. Rhodes flipped on the television and kicked back on the couch, propping his feet on the coffee table. I hugged the arm opposite him and crossed my legs, balancing my plate in one hand and taking the first bite with the other. When I did, I couldn’t help but moan.

  “Oh my God, this is amazing.”

  Rhodes smiled, which still made me falter even though I’d seen it already before that night. It was such a rare thing, such an amazing thing. “This is nothing. Simple.
Just chicken.”

  “Well it’s better than any chicken I’ve ever made. Or had. Ever.” I was scarfing down bites between my words but I wasn’t even sorry. “Do you cook like this all the time?”

  He shrugged. “You said I geek out over fitness, but I think the better comparison would have been cooking. I watch a lot of cooking shows, read cookbooks, upgrade my kitchen when finances allow it. There’s just something about creating healthy food that also tastes great. It’s hard to do. A challenge, you know?”

  I nodded, though I didn’t have the slightest clue, but it was the first time Rhodes talked about something he had a passion for and it was kind of amazing to witness.

  He chuckled. “I’ll have to really wow you next time.”

  Wait.

  Did he just say next time?

  I swallowed the bite I’d been chewing and chased it with a long pull of water. He eyed me over his plate, the sports channel he had on the television filling in the silence. “Why did you agree to go to the fair if you didn’t want to go?”

  I frowned, wondering how much of my conversation with Willow he’d heard. “I don’t know. Willow wants me there. She’s my best friend. It’s whatever.” I stacked another piece of chicken on my fork. “Besides, we go every year. It’d be weird if I didn’t show up.”

  He watched me for a beat before taking another bite and turning toward the TV again. “You’re so nice you make other nice people look like assholes.”

  I giggled, flushed, and took another drink of water to cool my cheeks. He peered at me from the corner of his eye, brow cocked and a slight smile on his face.

  We ate the rest of our dinner in silence and I helped him with the dishes, even though he tried to fight me on it. The one appliance missing from his kitchen was a dishwasher, so I washed and he dried. And he coached me on other foods to eat to keep my hunger at bay while I pretended to listen but paid more attention to the way the muscles in his forearms shifted as he dried each plate.

  And we talked.

  He listened when I spoke and he didn’t punish me by not saying anything at all. He talked, too. About the club, about the plans he still had for his kitchen. And by the time we finished and he walked me out to my car, I had seen Rhodes smile more than I had in all the years I’d known him before that night.

  I drove home in silence, not even turning on the radio. I played through every word, every laugh, and every detail in my head. And my shirt still smelled like his body wash mixed with the chicken he’d cooked. I didn’t change before I crawled into bed and let the exhaustion from the day melt with the fullness in my belly, lulling me into a stupor. Mom peeked in to check on me at one point but I pretended to be asleep and she left again. Just as I was about to really drift off, my phone pinged. The bright light blinded me as I checked the screen, but then my eyes snapped open when the words came into focus.

  — Hey. You awake? —

  Mason.

  The next day was miserably gray and humid with thunderstorms rolling through off and on all day. It matched my mood perfectly and I found myself wishing the sun wouldn’t show at all. Dale had to go into town for some banquet, so he offered to drive me to my training session. I stared out the window and thought about my phone call with Mason the night before.

  He just called to check on me, but it was the first time we’d really talked since the break-up. I think I’d almost forgotten how badly he’d broken me until I heard his voice saying my name the way he used to. And then saying Shay’s in the exact same way. It killed me to hear him talk about her, even though I knew in his head he was doing what he thought was right. He was showing me sympathy and mercy, but I didn’t want it. Training with Rhodes was thickening my skin and numbing my mind. I liked numb. Numb didn’t hurt.

  I sighed, resting my forehead against the passenger side window of Dale’s Corvette. It was raining, so I had no idea why he chose that car in the first place. It’s not like he could put the top down. But then again, that was Dale — he liked to show off his toys.

  “I heard you on the phone last night,” he said, stirring me from my thoughts. I glanced at him and he was staring at me carefully. I just sighed again and put my head back on the window. “Was it Mason?”

  “Yep.”

  He paused, gripping the steering wheel a little harder. “And?”

  “And he talked to me about his new girlfriend.” I swung back to look at him, hoping my eyes would convey that I didn’t want to talk about it. The truth was that it stung, and I realized on the phone with him that I wanted him back even more than I realized. I didn’t want to hear him talk about Shay because I wanted to be the only girl in his world.

  Dale frowned, but nodded. “How’s training going?” he asked, changing the subject.

  My stomach did a small flip when I thought about Rhodes and the night before. The dinner paired with Mason calling made for an interesting night. “It’s good,” I said, smiling.

  He appraised me carefully. “I can see a difference already, you know,” he said. “I know it’s just been a little over a week, but you can tell. In the way you carry yourself.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Dale grinned, shaking his head. “I don’t know, I can’t really explain it.” He glanced over at me again. “You’ve always been beautiful, Natalie, but the confidence you’re gaining with this training takes you to another level.”

  I smiled, trying to take the compliment but not really feeling up to the challenge. My self-esteem was low, and though Dale always seemed to see the best in me, I just couldn’t see it myself. Adjusting the messy bun on my head, I smirked. “Let’s just hope taking it to another level doesn’t mean another level up on the treadmill because I don’t think I can handle that.”

  He laughed as we pulled into the parking lot of the club. Rhodes was standing outside beneath the overhang, sheltering himself from the rain. His arms were crossed and he was leaning against the brick. His signature pose. I swallowed at the sight of him and unclicked my seatbelt, my eyes still on his.

  “Come here,” Dale said as he threw the car in park. He pulled me in for a long hug, squeezing me tight, and when he pulled back he leveled his eyes with mine. “You’re an amazing girl, Natalie. Don’t ever forget that. You can do anything you want to do. Talking to Mason hurts right now but one day you’re going to wake up and not even care about what he’s saying or doing because you’ll have moved on from him.”

  “Isn’t it Mom’s idea to get me back together with him?”

  He waved his hand at me. “Your Mom and I don’t agree on everything.”

  Grinning, I leaned over the console and grabbed my gym bag from the tiny backseat. “Thanks for the Dadvice, Dale.”

  “Always.”

  “Don’t forget I’m staying the night with Willow tonight. She’s picking me up after my session,” I added.

  “Got it. Have fun tonight. You deserve it.” He threw me another wide smile as I stepped out of the car, opening my large bubble umbrella as I did. I returned his smile, feeling a little more like I could conquer my training session, and waved him off before turning to Rhodes. When I did, my feet wouldn’t move.

  Rhodes was staring hard at the Corvette as it pulled out of the lot, his green eyes piercing through the rain like laser beams. I glanced back and saw Dale glaring at Rhodes with the same disapproval. When I turned back toward Rhodes, he shifted his gaze to me in an instant and kept the same dark expression as I moved toward him.

  “Who was that?” he snapped.

  “My step-dad?” I answered hesitantly. “Why?”

  He blanched. “That’s Dale Poxton?”

  I nodded. Most people in this town knew who Dale was, but hardly any of them knew what he looked like — not unless they were in his circle. Dale liked to keep to a certain type of crowd.

  Rhodes still hadn’t moved. His eyes were hard for a moment more before he shook his head, kicking off the wall and making his way toward the gym. “Let’s head back.”


  “Wait,” I said, jogging a little to catch up with him. “Why? Why did you ask who that was?”

  “It’s nothing. He just looked at you funny, I wasn’t sure...” His voice faded to a low murmur and he shook his head again. “Nothing. I was mistaken. How are your muscles today? Are you still sore?”

  I eyed him cautiously, but let him change the subject. I was ready to work, too. “I feel a lot better. A little sore, but I can move.”

  “Good,” he said, patting the treadmill as we entered the gym. “Hop up and turn the incline to six, speed to four.”

  I groaned, but tossed my bag down in the corner and did as he said.

  We worked in mostly silence for just over an hour as he moved me around the gym. He had set up an obstacle course similar to the one the week before, complete with the ropes and all. When I bent low in my squat to do the snake in the grass move, I shivered at the memory of his arms around my waist when he showed me how to do it before.

  “So what are you doing tomorrow night?” I asked as I lunged across the gym with two plated weights in my hands. My leg muscles felt stronger, steadier, far from the shaky mess they were the first time I did a lunge.

  “We don’t train tomorrow, it’s your day off,” he replied simply, head down, eyes on his clipboard.

  I huffed, straining against the pain in my quads. “I know that. So what are you doing? Want to come to the fair with me and my friends?”

  “No.”

  I dropped the plates and put my hands on my hips, turning to face him. “Why not?”

  “Pick up the weights, you’re not finished,” he answered, standing straighter before dropping the clipboard and crossing his arms over his chest. I mimicked him in the stance and instantly felt tougher.

  “Not until you tell me why you won’t come tomorrow night.” Since when did I have the courage to ask Rhodes to hang out?