Wishing For A Happily Ever After (I Wish Book 2)

by Lisa Helen Gray

  The angry expression on his face and the disappointment shining in eyes swirl the anger inside my chest. He has no right, no right at all. And who does he think he is, thinking he has the right to be mad at me?

  “Because we were together, Aaron. You cheated on me and got another girl pregnant. You didn’t even say sorry to me. You just left without a word, not even a goodbye.”

  “I didn’t have a choice back then, Pagan. You have one now.”

  It’s my turn to laugh, glaring at him. “No choice? There’s always a choice, Aaron, but you chose to run away.”

  “Which is what you’re doing!” he yells, throwing his hands up. “And I didn’t get a choice. As soon as Loraine told my parents she was pregnant, we were shipped away to my grandparents’ house. We were married a week later. We didn’t even like each other. It was a drunken one-night stand, a stupid mistake. One I’ve been paying for ever since.”

  I stagger back, floored by the declaration and the hurt in his eyes. But it doesn’t change anything. And it certainly doesn’t matter to me anymore; that ship sailed a long time ago. He still made the choice to cheat on me and act indifferent about it. His message was cold, uncaring, and it cut me deeper than him actually cheating on me.

  “I don’t know why you’re telling me any of this now,” I whisper, wiping away my tears.

  “Because I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did, Pagan. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me, I know first-hand how the guilt can eat away at you. I’m not saying we’d still be together if I hadn’t done what I did—I’m not stupid—but this… this isn’t right. You should say goodbye.”

  The sincerity in his voice surprises me. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m leaving. You don’t deserve my reasons, Aaron, but it’s for the best. For once in my life, I’m protecting myself. I’ve been made a fool of too many times. I won’t let it happen again.”

  He shakes his head sadly, looking disappointed in me. “He loves you.”

  Narrowing my eyes, I take a step forward, poking him in the chest. How dare he be so cruel. He’s only telling me so he can try to manipulate me into doing something stupid, something that will most likely destroy my soul. Because Drake doesn’t love me.

  “Screw you, Aaron. Screw you! You don’t know anything!” I scream, banging my fists against his chest.

  “You’re a bitch if you do this. You’re not the Pagan I remember,” he sneers, looking appalled.

  He doesn’t know the first thing about me or what I’ve been through. He wasn’t there.

  With an angry cry, I knee him in the balls. He falls to the floor with a howl, his face turning red.

  “Fuck! Really? The balls?” he wheezes.

  “You deserve more than a knee to the balls. You may think you never had a choice, Aaron, but you did. You only had to come to my house and tell me what was happening. I wouldn’t have liked it but I would’ve understood it, especially if what you’re saying is true. I knew what your parents were like, how they threw a new girl at you every weekend. But you didn’t believe in me. Not once. I deserved more than you gave me, and I deserve more from you now. Don’t ever play with my emotions like that again. It’s cruel.”

  I’m breathing heavy, my nails digging into the palm of my skin, cutting into me. Too many emotions are swirling around inside me, and it won’t be long before the dam breaks and I’m inconsolable.

  “I would never have been able to face you, Pagan. I did stupid things. We were young, but I did love you. I know I don’t stand a chance now. I’ve seen the way you look at him. I just want you to be happy, Pagan, and he makes you happy. More than I ever did.”

  “He doesn’t love me,” I murmur, shaking my head.

  “He does,” he insists, leaning up on his knees. “Just tell him. What do you have to lose?”

  Our gazes meet and lock. “Everything,” I whisper before turning and walking away, my heart starting to crack as I struggle to take in a breath.

  “Pagan,” he calls but I ignore him, getting into the passenger seat without turning back.

  “Drive! Please just drive,” I plead, tears clogging my throat as I try to hold on a little longer. My throat burns and I rub over my heart with the palm of my hand, trying to ease the pain. It doesn’t work and a tear escapes, my world crumbling around me.

  “Okay, Pagan. Okay,” Alison tells me softly, taking my hand in hers and squeezing. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

  I turn to look at her profile, more tears falling. “It’s never going to be okay again.”

  “You can’t believe that.”

  I turn away from her, staring out the window as we drive through the manor’s gates. I don’t answer her and she doesn’t press me, for which I’m thankful. I don’t think I could handle hearing her beg me to go back anymore.

  My phone starts ringing, Drake’s name flashing across the screen, and my heart lurches. I suck in an unsteady breath, raw primal pain consuming my whole body as I continue to stare at the screen.

  My chest feels hollow, like there’s a big gaping hole where my heart used to be. I’ll never be whole without him.

  I crave his embrace, to feel the safety of his arms wrapped around me as he tells me anything and everything. I already long for one of his kisses and wish I had made our kiss this morning last longer, to savour the feel of his soft lips and his hands on my body.

  But I’m gone.

  He’s gone.

  And in five hours, we’ll be miles apart from each other.

  With a heavy heart, I switch the phone off, throwing it back into my bag where it will remain. There’s no way I can turn it on to hear his voice or read his messages asking where I’ve gone. It would be too much, and I’m not ready to feel that kind of heartache.

  I’m thankful for the silence, to try to calm my breathing as I struggle to come to terms with what I’ve just done.

  Because the farther we travel from the manor, from Drake, I know wholeheartedly that I just made the biggest mistake of my life.

  I curl up on my side, staring blankly out of the window as more tears fall free. I try to bite back a sob, but the farther we go, the more painful it is to keep inside.

  Somewhere along the way, Alison pulls over, undoing my belt and pulling me into her arms.

  The dam breaks and the most gut-wrenching sobs tear from my throat as I cling to my best friend, wishing I could make this pain go away.

  “I’m here. I’m here. Let it out. It’s all going to be okay.”

  “It hurts so much,” I sob, clinging to her as my body shudders.

  She rubs my back soothingly, kissing my temple. “Shh, it’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

  I shake my head against her. “I can’t breathe. God, it hurts. Why does it hurt so much?” I cry.

  “Because you love him, Pagan. I know it hurts now, I know it does, but it will be okay. It will.” She says it so adamantly, like she’s trying to convince herself more than me.

  But she’s wrong. This pain is scorching me from the inside so badly that I want to scream until my voice is hoarse.

  I cling to her like she’s my lifeline as she rubs my back, like she has all the time in the world and isn’t parked on the hard shoulder of a motorway.

  I don’t know what I’d do if she wasn’t here.

  Her soothing voice does nothing to calm me though. Nothing can. Because by the time the last sob breaks free, I pull away from Alison, curling into a ball as I face the window once more. I feel dead inside, numb as I ignore her pleas to talk to her as she begins to drive.

  Nothing will ever be the same. Not without him.

  I really have messed everything up.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  One week later

  Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into days, but no matter how much time passed, the hollow, empty feeling inside my chest would not go. The loneliness of not seeing Drake every day is devastating and consuming. He’s all I’
ve been able to think about.

  But that’s the funny thing about time—it’s always the same. It ticks with each second, with each minute, and with each hour. But so much can happen within a moment of time. It only takes a second for your heart to break. Minutes to make the biggest mistake of your life. Days to fall in love.

  There is no time limit when it comes to the choices we make in life.

  And in three weeks, I royally screwed mine up.

  Dramatic? Maybe, but that’s what you get when you’re the girl who feels everything on a deeper level. Who loves unconditionally and forgives easily. I’m that girl. The one easily broken.

  The second Alison and I arrived home, I used her phone to tell my parents I wouldn’t be back until Tuesday. It gave me a few days to just be me—to mourn my loss, if you will. I felt bad for lying to them, but I needed space to feel a resemblance of normalcy.

  It didn’t work.

  Even now my heart is heavy, and I’ve been walking around like a zombie since I got back.

  I’ve avoided everyone at all costs. When I ‘arrived home’, I went to my parents’ house, pretending to be happy, like there was nothing wrong. It took the very little energy I had left to pretend I wasn’t falling apart from the inside.

  After that, I just wanted to be by myself. I lied to them, telling them I had to work on another event and would be busy for a few days. That was five days ago.

  They’ve knocked on my door a few times, and I swear I’ve heard either my mum or Alison try to use their spare keys to get in. Thankfully I thought ahead and bolted the door. I even ripped my home phone out so I didn’t have to speak to anyone or hear their voice over the voicemail.

  I just wanted to be alone for a while longer. It wasn’t a lot to ask.

  For the past two days, all I’ve done is sleep and watch TV. I couldn’t even tell you what was playing. I was looking, but I wasn’t really watching; everything’s been a tearful blur.

  Until today.

  My eyes are red and puffy from crying non-stop. You’d think after seven days I would’ve pulled myself together, but if anything I feel even more lost now. I keep thinking ‘what if’ on so many things, that maybe things would be different. I wouldn’t be hurting, wondering if the man I love loved me back or not. Every scenario of what I could’ve done differently runs through my mind. But it doesn’t matter what I change, because the results are always the same.

  I fucked up.

  Big time.

  The banging that woke me from my afternoon nap continues, thumping through my sore head. “Pagan, open the door!” Dean yells, banging some more—you know, in case I didn’t hear the first ten times.

  Groaning, I hold a pillow over my head to block him out. I can’t deal with my brother right now. I feel like shit, and I have the headache to end all headaches from crying non-stop. Listening to Dean will just make it worse, and the second he sees me, he’ll know something’s up and demand answers… or someone to punch.

  “Open the door, sweetheart,” my dad shouts.

  I lift my head from under the pillow, wondering if I’m hearing things.

  I’m not.

  “Come on, Pagan, open up.” My mother’s voice is calmer, yet full of concern.

  “If you don’t open the door, I’m kicking the fucking thing down,” Dean threatens, banging again.

  “Dean, calm down. You’ll scare her,” Lola chides.

  Oh God.

  They’re all here.

  “Come on, Pagan, open up. They know everything,” Alison calls out.

  I groan into my pillow, wanting to strangle my best friend. I don’t even know why we’re friends anymore. “Go away.”

  There’s no point in pretending I’m not in. Alison’s been delivering containers of food every day to make sure I’m eating, though they’re still in the kitchen where I left them. I didn’t want to have her overreacting, calling the police, ambulance, and fire station, telling them I’m dead.

  She’d do it too.

  “Open the fucking door, Pagan, and let us in. We’re worried fucking sick,” Dean shouts.

  “I don’t think she’ll answer with you going all macho like this,” Lola snaps. “Pagan, open the door for me. We want to check that you’re okay.”

  I’m actually tempted to open the door to her. I just don’t have the energy right now. Hearing her sweet, soothing voice makes me feel guilty for ignoring her, but I just want to be left alone.

  I hear muttering, then a few curses before silence falls outside my door.

  Well, that didn’t take long. I thought they’d be out there all day.

  Rolling over and facing my bathroom door, more tears slip free. I hate feeling weak and pathetic, but right now, that’s who I am. And it’s infuriating.

  A rapping gains my attention, and for a minute I think my brother is picking my lock, but then rustling follows, sounding a lot closer. I turn to the noise, a scream bubbling in my throat when I see a large form in a hoody climbing through my window.

  Before a gasp of air can escape, I see my twin brother’s handsome face and hiss, “What are you doing?” My voice sounds foreign, raspy. I wince, wishing I didn’t sound as bad as I look.

  They’re never going to leave now.

  “What am I doing? What are you doing? You look like shit.” His gaze sweeps over me, looking for any signs of injury. “We’ve been worried sick. And what is that godawful smell?”

  Discreetly as I can, I smell myself, wincing when I do. I really should’ve taken a shower last night.

  “I’m fine, as you can see. And I don’t smell anything,” I pout, glaring at him.

  He tsks, shaking his head. “What’s wrong, Pagan? Do you need me to go sort him out?”

  My eyes water. “No! I just want to be left alone.” I sound like a whiny teenager.

  “So you can rot?” he snaps.

  “Ugh, can you just climb back out of the window?” I growl, lifting the blanket over my head, trying to ignore him.

  He walks towards the end of the bed and I relax, glad he got the picture and is leaving—

  “Hey, what the hell are you doing?” I scream.

  He rips the blanket the rest of the way off with a smug grin. “You’re getting out of bed and showering. Then you can talk to Mum about what’s going on. I don’t need to hear about my sister’s sex life.”

  “I want to be left alone!” I shout, thumping my fists on the mattress.

  “Tough shit. I’m not letting my sister lock herself away. It’s not you. It never has been. Even at your worst, you always manage to find the positive in life. You’ve never given in, and you never wallow. And you never blow off family, ever. I won’t let it happen now. Not to you.”

  “Get out! I want to be left alone, just for a few more days. Please.”

  “No! Now get up.”

  I get up, but only because I want my blanket. He smiles like he’s won, but then I grab the blanket off the floor. He sees and growls, grabbing the other side and pulling. I stumble and grit my teeth, pulling it away.

  “Go away, Sid. I want to go to fucking sleep. I’m tired.”

  “At three in the afternoon?” he retorts, pulling sharply.

  Giving up, I slap his hands away. Distracted, he tries to grab mine but I move quickly, pulling his hair. “Let me go to sleep.”

  “Get off my hair, Pagan.” His voice is high-pitched; if I wasn’t in a mood, I’d be teasing him right now.

  “Not until you give in and go away.”

  “Never!” he screams, but I keep pulling. One thing he can’t stand is having his hair pulled.

  He’s such a girl.

  It’s the easiest thing to grab a hold of since he’s always kept it long, saying it goes with his bad boy image. But that’s just an image. He’s the softest lad I know.

  The banging on my door starts up again, their shouting echoing around the room.

  I pull harder, but before I can dodge him, he’s pulling my hair back, both of us bent over
like teenagers.

  “Get off my hair before I have to remove you myself, Pagan.”

  “Like you ever could,” I growl.

  He kicks my feet out from under me and I scream, landing with a thump on my back.

  Wood splintering rings in my ears and I groan. Footsteps come running into the bedroom as Sid pins me down, sitting on my stomach to make sure I’m nowhere near his nether region.

  He knows me too well.

  “What on earth?” my mum gasps, taking us in and snapping, “How old are you?”

  We both groan, turning to look at her.

  “He started it.”

  “She started it.”

  We glare at each other. “You started it,” we say simultaneously.

  “It’s like we’ve time-travelled back twelve years,” my dad groans, stepping forward. “Get off your sister, Sid.”

  “What is that fucking smell?” Dean grunts, looking around the room with his nose in the air.

  I moan, wishing I had my blanket to hide under.

  Sid jumps off me, looking at Dean as he points down at me. “That.”

  “It is not,” I snap, sitting up.

  Mum steps forward, bending down towards me. She reaches out for me but then pauses, her face scrunching. “Um, Pagan, sweetheart, I think it is. You need to jump in the shower.”

  “I want to know who to fucking kill first. She isn’t going anywhere until I get a name and address,” Dean growls.

  “I told you it’s not like that,” Alison tells him.

  I glare at my best friend. She tries to not meet my eyes, but after a few seconds she turns my way, shrinking behind my brother.

  “I hate you!” I snap. “We’re no longer best friends.”

  “I’m sorry, but you left me no choice. I’m worried about you, and I had every right to be. You have food growing fur in the kitchen, and this bedroom? It stinks.”

  Way to point out the glaringly obvious, bitch.

  “Did you really need to point that out? In front of everyone?”

  “Clearly,” she snaps, pouting.

  “Whatever. Can you all go now? I want to be left alone for the night. You can see I’m fine.”