Shameless

by Rosanne Bittner

  Emilio backed away, his injured pride making it impossible for him to appreciate what Clay was doing for him. His heart still swelled too fully with hatred for all gringos, and he was still convinced Clay had only acted on his attraction to and sympathy for Nina. That was just fine, as long as the man had not gone too far and as long as Nina had not allowed herself to have feelings for a gringo. He turned to Nina, noticing again that she looked at Clay rather sadly.

  “Vaya con Dios,” she said to Clay, looking almost ready to cry.

  Clay’s eyes moved over her. “Adiós,” he told her, then turned away.

  Emilio grabbed Nina’s arm. “Let’s go,” he told her, “before he changes his mind.”

  So much more to say! So many questions! Would he remember their kiss fondly, or would he laugh about it? Had it kept him awake like it had her? Nina turned and walked to where their gear was stored, then carried it to their horses, saddling them. The cook came over to them with two potato sacks filled with food.

  “This ought to tide you over for a few days,” he told them. “Compliments of the United States Army. You two get yourselves to Mexico now and stay out of trouble.”

  Nina thanked him, then took one sack and tied it to her gear, and Emilio took the other, also thanking the man, but with a note of bitterness in his voice.

  “Hey, where are they going?” Billy asked. “How come they get to leave and we don’t?”

  “Shut your mouth,” one of the other soldiers told him.

  Nina wondered what the soldiers thought of the lieutenant letting her and Emilio go. Would he be in trouble? Most of them just looked at her and Emilio curiously, as though they weren’t sure what to think. She realized that many of these soldiers were from other places, like the lieutenant. It was mostly the gringos who had settled permanently in Texas and who had been through the war who made trouble for people like herself. Should she judge them all by those who had attacked her mother? She had never really been around a lot of them, only believed what Emilio told her—that they were all bad and all dangerous.

  Still, there had been a kindness to Clay Youngblood, and most of these other soldiers had been respectful around her. Was there something she didn’t know? Were there good Texans? She reminded herself that Clay Youngblood was not really a Texan at all but was from that place called Pennsylvania, that place where his wife was buried.

  As she and Emilio turned their horses, Billy cursed a blue streak. “You’d better stay the hell in Mexico!” he shouted at them. “I’ll get the word out to the others. I’ll tell them how you betrayed us! Turned us in! Got Jess Humes killed! I’ll tell them! You won’t be safe anyplace in southern Texas, you greasers! You’ll have the law and the outlaws after you!”

  Nina looked at Clay, who remained turned away from Emilio and her. She suddenly felt a lump in her throat. She kicked her horse’s sides and rode off with her brother, who laughed with joy once they were a good distance from the camp. “We did it, Nina! We got our vengeance on Jess Humes, and we survived!”

  Nina said nothing. She was sure that if she opened her mouth to speak, she would cry, and she’d be damned if she’d cry over a gringo.

  Brother and sister conversed in their native tongue.

  “What will we do now, Emilio?” Nina asked him over the campfire they had made. She stirred a mixture of potatoes, onions, and carrots, all the foodstuffs given them by Lieutenant Youngblood’s cook. “We promised we would go back to Mexico.”

  “We do not have to keep any promises we made to that lieutenant,” Emilio answered, taking a drink of whiskey to ease his pain.

  Nina looked at him with alarm. “I do not break promises,” she told him. “We are lucky he decided to let us go. Besides, I want to go back to Mexico. It will be a long time before I get over having nightmares about what happened. Don’t you even care?”

  Emilio sighed. “Of course I care. Why do you think, in spite of my pain, that I rode with the lieutenant to lead him to where you might be? That is a stupid question, Nina.”

  “Then why do you talk now of not going back to Mexico? You heard that Billy. His friends, and probably Hernandez, will be watching for us, maybe even hunt for us. They will say it is our fault Jess Humes was captured and killed.”

  Emilio lay back on his bedroll, rubbing at his ribs. “Then we will go to Mexico, but just for a while. Then no one can say we did not keep our promise to the lieutenant. But it doesn’t mean we have to stay there. You know what life is like there. We have nothing left anymore.”

  Nina sat back on a log, her rifle beside her. They were camped far from any settlements, well to the south where there usually was not any trouble with Indians. But now she feared retaliation from other outlaws more than she feared Indians. “So, what do you propose we do?” she asked Emilio.

  He stared at the stars. “We are good at what we do, Nina, and we have learned some hard lessons these last few days. We will not make the same mistakes again. All we have to do now is go farther west, maybe into New Mexico. I told you once about the Outlaw Trail. There are still many wild horses farther west and north, and many settlements in the middle of nowhere, places where it would be easy to steal horses. We could work that area for a year or two, find buyers along the Outlaw Trail, as well as good places to hide. In two years we could have a lot of money, then maybe go to that place called California.”

  “Why California?”

  “I am told it is beautiful there—sunny weather, but green, good land. And there are a lot of our people there, so it would be like being home, but better land. We could have a big ranch there, just like you want.” He sighed, turning to look at her in the firelight. “Give me two years, Nina. We can be rich, I know it. We just have to get started someplace new. I promise nothing else will happen to you.”

  Her eyes teared at the ugly memories. “You cannot make such a promise.” She leaned over to stir the food again. “The lieutenant said we must stop the horse stealing, that it will lead to our deaths.”

  Emilio let out a hiss of disgust. “I think you listened too much to that gringo. He is just afraid he is going to get in trouble for letting us go. He is weak like all the others, unable to think straight when he sees a pretty woman.”

  “No,” Nina answered. “He told me he intended to let us go all along. He just wanted us to think he would turn us in so that we would remember the fear of that and stop what we are doing.”

  “I say he only changed his mind because you let him kiss you. You did, didn’t you? I could tell by the way he looked at you the next morning and by the fact that he changed his mind.”

  Nina’s heart raced a little faster. He had kissed her, and such a kiss it was! “Yes, he kissed me,” Nina replied, hating to tell her brother the lieutenant had made a fool of her. “Then he told me he really did mean to let us go all along.” She sat back again, staring absently at the food. “He said he just wanted to teach me a lesson—that if we keep doing what we are doing, I would end up prostituting myself just to get us out of trouble. He was right, Emilio. You cannot expect me to keep having to do such things. You know how I feel about it.”

  Emilio rose up on one elbow. “I would never ask you to go that far.” He picked up a rock and threw it angrily. “That bastard was only trying to come between us, trying to make me look bad in your eyes!”

  “But he helped us, Emilio. I think he really cared.”

  “No blue-eyed American gives a damn about us, Nina! He helped us because he knew he could get his hands on Jess Humes and his gang! He will get much praise from his commander for catching them, and we will get nothing! He used us, Nina, and you can see now that he used you by stealing a kiss just to teach you a lesson. What an excuse to get a kiss from a pretty young girl!” He spit. “He and his men are probably laughing about us right now!”

  Nina shook her head. “There was a kindness in his eyes—”

  “Nina! Don’t tell me you are fond of that gringo soldier! He is the enemy! It is true he helped us, but do
you think he would have bothered if we had not been able to lead him to men the Army had been looking for?”

  “I don’t know what to think,” she answered, taking some tin plates from their gear. “Why did he let us go then?”

  “Because we had served our purpose. We were no longer important and he didn’t want to be burdened with us any longer. You know how men like that feel about us. Forget about him, Nina! He is white, and American, and a soldier! If he had been among those who attacked our mother and father that day, he would have gone along with the rest of them! Do not shame our mother’s memory by having kind thoughts for the same type of man who raped and murdered her!”

  Nina swallowed back a lump in her throat. She could not imagine Lieutenant Clay Youngblood doing something like that. Still, when he had kissed her, it had been the kiss of a man hungry for a woman. She had felt the ugly hardness against her belly, and he had forcefully kept her close when she tried to push him away. What would he have done if it were not for the presence of the other soldiers and her brother, or if the United States and Mexico had still been at war? Was it only their situation at the time that had kept him from doing more?

  Visions of her mother’s attack became more vivid again, and she realized her brother was right. The lieutenant was no different from those men. It was ridiculous to have fond thoughts of him. Even when he had touched her kindly when he first found her and when she cried, maybe he was only trying to see how easily he could seduce her. He would have his way with a little Mexican girl and then laugh about it later. But there was one thing he had done that made it difficult not to believe in his honesty and concern.

  She looked over at Emilio.

  “Emilio, I killed Jess Humes.”

  He frowned and sat up more. “What?”

  “I killed him, and the lieutenant saw it happen, yet he told the others that he killed him. He told me to say nothing, that I could be in a lot more trouble, even though Jess Humes was a bad man. He said it was best no one knew that I did it.”

  Emilio’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

  “Does that sound like a man who does not care about us?” Nina asked. “What would have been his reason for doing that, if it was not to protect me?”

  Emilio thought a moment, then suddenly laughed lightly, taking another swallow of whiskey. “Nina, you are too trusting. Do not be such a fool. I already told you, the man will get much praise for capturing those horse thieves. He will be a hero in his commander’s eyes for having killed Jess Humes himself. Don’t you see? He would feel like a fool telling the man that Jess Humes was killed by a little Mexican girl. He cannot admit such a thing, or admit that a woman helped him capture the Humes gang.” He laughed again. “Now he will take all the credit! Maybe that is why he got rid of us, so we are not there to tell the truth! He can twist the story to make himself look a grander hero. He even has a wound to prove it!” He laughed again and lay back down. “Fix me a plate of food and quit thinking about that lieutenant. To think of him kindly is to betray our parents’ memories. It is time to think about the future now, and what we will do next. Besides, we will never see the gringo again, and that is just fine with me.”

  Nina dished some food onto a plate, suddenly wanting to cry. Was Emilio right? Had Lieutenant Youngblood used them just to get glory for himself? It made sense, a man like that not wanting to admit it was a woman who had ended the notorious outlaw’s life. Yes, he probably would look like a hero. With Emilio and Nina out of the way, and if he left the remaining two outlaws with the Rangers in San Antonio, he could tell his commander anything he wanted.

  She handed the plate over to her brother, along with a spoon, then poured him a cup of coffee, saying nothing. Her heart was so heavy. She wanted to believe Emilio was right about all of it, but somehow she couldn’t. Maybe it was Clay Youngblood’s blue eyes, the sincerity she was sure she had seen there, that gave her doubts the man was all bad. Then there was the way he had touched her, calmed her when he first found her, and when she wept, the concern she had detected in his voice.

  And there was that kiss. Stolen or not, there had been a warmth, a feeling with it that could not be denied. Never did she dream she could let a man kiss her that way and actually enjoy it. It made her feel guilty, traitorous, yet she could not deny that the thought of the kiss still made her lips tingle.

  Still, Emilio was surely right. They would never see Lieutenant Youngblood again, so she must forget him and forget about trying to decide whether or not he was good or bad. At least they were free and they were safe.

  “Just promise me we will not go back into that same area again, Emilio,” she implored as she spooned some food onto her own plate. “It is no longer safe there for us.”

  “I promise. I will take good care of you, Nina, as I always have. You do not need any gringo soldier doing it for you. I am all you need. We will go to Mexico and lay low for a while. We have a little money left to live on until we leave again. Then we will head much farther west, where no one has ever heard of us.”

  Nina picked at her food. She could not help thinking the lieutenant had been right about something bad happening to them if they continued to steal horses. The horror of the memory of Jess Humes touching her breasts, of being seen naked by him and his men, was still with her. How could she explain her feelings to Emilio? He seemed to think that just because she had been rescued and had not been raped, she could easily forget what had happened.

  “We will go farther west, Emilio, but promise me we will look for work first, something that is not against the law—just for a while.”

  “There is nothing we can do that would bring us as much money as horse stealing.”

  She looked at him pleadingly, her eyes tearing. “Please, Emilio. Just for a while. I am afraid.”

  As usual, the look she gave him softened him. He sighed. “All right. We will go to El Paso. Maybe we can find work there. It is at the end of the Outlaw Trail. Maybe while we are there I can learn something about how the outlaws there operate, where a man can sell stolen horses.”

  “Thank you, Emilio.” Her stomach felt tight, her heart heavy with a continued worry that Emilio never intended to stop the horse stealing. It had become a way of life for him. But she knew it wasn’t just Emilio that made her heart ache this way. She knew what this other feeling was, but hated to admit to it. She actually missed the lieutenant! It actually hurt to think of never seeing him again!

  She managed to swallow some food, feeling foolish and guilty, wondering how silly she was to wonder if he missed her, too.

  Within two weeks Clay and his camel caravan arrived at Camp Verde. Chaos broke out when they entered the gates. Horses and mules that had never seen a camel began to kick and bray and bolt in every direction. The horses and mules that accompanied the pack train had finally grown accustomed to the gangly beasts of the Far East and had grudgingly accepted them.

  Major Keller came out to watch, frowning at the sight, removing his hat to run a hand over his bald head. He noticed that several of the soldiers from the caravan seemed to know something about handling the camels, including Lieutenant Youngblood, who dismounted and helped urge the beasts into a corral built especially for the hump-backed animals, its walls and gate higher than those for the horses.

  Other soldiers at the fort began to gather. Some struggled to keep animals under control, nearly all of them gaped, then laughed, at the spectacle. The major folded his arms, shaking his head, feeling a touch of anger inside that he and his men had been chosen for a project that still seemed a bit ridiculous, although he would never express his personal feelings about the matter to the others.

  Once the camels were safely in their own corral, Clay turned his horse over to Corporal Mills, ordering that he have someone take care of it and that he also see to unloading the supplies and getting things in general back to normal. He called to the three Arabs and walked toward the major, aware that the man would want a full report immediately.

  “Major Keller,
” he said as he came closer, saluting when he halted.

  The major saluted in return and ordered Clay at ease. “It looks like you really had your work cut out for you,” he grinned. “From what I can see, you’ve done a good job of learning to work with the camels. I’ll take a closer look myself, but I want to hear how it all went from you first. Are the camels doing well? Were there any casualties?”

  “One of the camels died on the boat on the way over, sir. Otherwise, they’re all fine. Another one suffered a slight gunshot wound, but she’s all right.”

  “Gunshot! How on earth—”

  “I’ll explain when we get inside, sir.” It was a hot day, and Clay removed his hat and ran a hand through his damp hair. He introduced the three Arabs, explaining that the only one who really knew anything about camels was Pekah Akim. When the Arab grinned and bowed several times, the major grew a little irritated.

  “Yes, yes, well, I will talk to all three of you later,” he told Pekah. He called to a sergeant, ordering the man to direct the Arabs to the spot where they would be staying for the time being. He looked at Clay as the men were led away. “I’ll have to talk to Washington about this. We shouldn’t be expected to pay for putting up men who can’t even do the job they were sent here to do. I’ll try to get word to Major Wayne before he leaves to come out here for the expedition.” He motioned for Clay to follow him inside. “I have already learned that the caravan to California will be postponed for a few months,” he said as both men walked inside. “Probably won’t leave until next spring, the way it looks now. That means you’ll only have about three months left with the Army, when you leave out, but I’d still like to send you on the expedition, Lieutenant, if you’ll go.”

  “That’s fine with me, sir. But are we supposed to tend to these camels all that time?”

  “It looks that way. It will be a good test of how well the animals adapt to our climate. Major Wayne wants to wait until another shipment of camels comes. He’ll meet that one himself and then come here. Something happened to slow the whole plan down—something having to do with getting approval through Congress. At any rate, here we are.”