Cityscape Affair Series: The Complete Box Set

by Hawkins, Jessica

  “The owners are big shots in Hollywood,” Bill explained, “who don’t even care about the property. They told Jeanine they’d be willing to sell it for a steal because of the poor shape. Since they rarely get to Chicago, they granted her access to show it to us.”

  I looked from Bill to the house. He’d remembered my comments that day. The house Jeanine had shown us had seemed so boring compared to this one.

  To my surprise, I smiled. “Wow. Honey, this is so thoughtful.”

  He rubbed his jaw. “Listen, it would be a lot of effort, and we’d probably have to stay in the apartment another year or so, but . . . I just can’t stand to see you this way anymore. I want you to be happy, and if this is what it takes, then we’ll do it.” It was hard to ignore the sadness that laced his voice. I’d been punishing both of us for my crime, but it was the first time I realized just how much he was hurting.

  I loved what he’d done for me, so I took his hand. “Let’s go see the inside.”

  The interior was almost empty with the exception of some covered pieces of furniture and an antique grandfather clock as tall as Bill. The main room’s greatest feature was a toss-up between the expansive, central fireplace and a ribbon of windows that made up the back wall separating the backyard.

  The sprawling wood floor creaked with each step, and despite the cold, harsh innards, I could tell the house must’ve been very warm once. Dust caked the surfaces and dead insects scattered the floor. I stepped into a decent-sized backyard overrun with weeds and in dire need of some attention. But it was large enough for outdoor entertaining, and I envisioned strung Chinese paper lanterns, a concrete and rock bar, rosebushes, a trickling fountain . . .

  When I reentered the house, Bill stood with his hands into his pockets. He inspected the stairway railing and kicked at a loose floorboard. The corners of his mouth tugged, suggesting a frown. I scanned the room around him. Honey-colored flooring would complement the warm light that flooded from antique lamps. Heavy, earthy furniture made of oak and aged leather would fill the open floor plan.

  And, yet . . . something felt off, though I wasn’t sure what. The house had potential, and I was already wondering what it looked like in the early morning when the light was just starting to filter in. Still, I struggled to complete the picture. The house didn’t fit Bill’s taste for the traditional at all.

  “What do you think?” Bill asked.

  Seconds passed. I could hear the soft ticking of the grandfather clock. Maybe it was my imagination. Maybe once we overhauled it and made it into the beautiful place I knew it could be, things would be different. They had to be. Bill had been right all along. It wasn’t going to be perfect right away or maybe ever. It would take time for it to feel like home.

  I took a step backward and pointed to the second floor. “Upstairs?”

  I followed as he carefully climbed the noisy steps. The master bedroom, located at one end of the hall, was surprisingly spacious—bigger than any others we’d seen, which would appeal to Bill. It had a large, unobstructed view of the backyard thanks to a corner window.

  He reported that there were two more rooms down the hall. I nodded, taking his words in but still studying him. “Can we afford it, really?”

  “Not sure,” he said honestly. “The house, yes. But the remodel? It’s outside our budget, I’m sure, even if I bonus. It would mean cutting back on some things for a while.”

  “Is this what you want?”

  He squinted his eyes while running his tongue over his front teeth. “I don’t know how I feel about taking on a project of this magnitude while we’re both so busy. But I really want to get out of the city, and I want you to love your new home.”

  It was probably the nicest thing he’d ever done for me. I shifted, and a floorboard groaned beneath me. The bedroom grew darker as clouds passed over the sun, and I blinked at his disappearing silhouette. “Okay,” I said. “Yes. Let’s do it.” I crossed the room and hugged him close for an overdue moment of intimacy. We walked to the stairs arm in arm before separating to descend.

  * * *

  In a noisy restaurant downtown, Lucy squealed with delight as she accepted an overstuffed party bag from Gretchen’s roommate Bethany, who had a playful gleam in her eye.

  We were ten girls at one long table, egging Lucy on as she unwrapped gifts between sips of her pink Cosmo.

  “Oh, God.” Lucy groaned as she pulled out a pink, feathered tiara with the word Bachelorette branded across the front.

  “You’re wearing that now, and you’re wearing this, too,” said Lucy’s sister, Dani, placing a necklace with mini phallic-shaped candies around Lucy’s neck.

  “Dani!” Lucy said. “It’s definitely inappropriate for my little sister to be draping me in penises.”

  Dani, a slightly wilder version of her older conservative sister, cleared a mass of her brown, glossy ringlets from her shoulder. “It is perfectly appropriate.”

  I picked up a green gummy penis and popped it into my mouth before scrunching up my nose. “Sour apple,” I said and picked up a napkin. “Yuck.”

  “Oh, don’t you dare spit that out, Olivia Germaine,” Gretchen scolded, waving a finger at me. “You will swallow that penis.”

  I laughed and gulped the candy down with exaggeration before chasing it with my Cosmo.

  I sat between Lucy and Gretchen as Dani, maid of honor and official party planner, stood to raise her glass. “There will be no toast tonight because between the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, I’m running out of material. Lucy is too well-behaved, and there aren’t enough naughty stories to go around. There’s only one decent one from high school, involving her bedroom window and a football jock named Jack, but I’m saving that for the big night.”

  “Dani, no!” Lucy cried, her face a veritable bright red. “You wouldn’t.”

  “I’m teasing, sis. That story isn’t nearly exciting enough for a wedding toast anyway.” Dani laughed and turned to us. “Please raise your glasses for my non-toast, and let’s get this party underway.”

  “I can’t believe you’re getting married in two days,” Gretchen said to Lucy, leaning over my lap.

  “Me neither,” she replied. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’ll be glad when it’s over. It’s been so much work.”

  “Yes, it has, but you’ve done an amazing job in only a few months,” I reassured her. “Sunday’s going to be beautiful.”

  “It’d better be,” Lucy said. “What are you doing about a date, Gretch? You RSVP’d plus one, so you must bring a plus one.”

  “Actually, I’m just going to bring my brother,” Gretchen said. “Is that cool?”

  “Why don’t you have a date?” I asked skeptically.

  “No reason,” Gretchen responded with a shrug.

  Come to think of it, I hadn’t heard Gretchen talk about her love life in a while. Not since . . . three months ago. “Hey, whatever happened with Brian Ayers?” I said, embarrassed I’d forgotten to ask.

  “Who?” Gretchen asked.

  “Brian, the bachelor photographer I introduced you to at the magazine’s Meet and Greet at the Gryphon Hotel.”

  Dani exchanged a glance with Lucy, then whispered something in her ear. I thought I picked up the word Gryphon.

  “Oh, that guy?” Gretchen fake-gagged. “No. Yuck.”

  “Yuck?” I frowned. “Brian is hot. He’s, like, freaking Hemsworth hot, if you’re into blonds—which you are.”

  “Agreed,” she said, “but he’s a pretentious prick.”

  “Oh,” I said with surprise. “I don’t think so at all.”

  She shrugged. “Then you fuck him.”

  Gretchen’s roommates, Ava and Bethany, giggled from across the table, but I could only look into my drink to hide my reddening face.

  “Who are you bringing, Dani?” Ava asked.

  “This guy I’ve just started seeing,” Lucy’s sister replied with a half-smile.

  “You live in Milwaukee, right?” Bethany a
sked. “Is this guy driving in tomorrow?”

  “Actually, he lives here,” Lucy interjected. “Weirdly, of all places—at the Gryphon.”

  I lifted my head as the world slowed around me. I only knew one man who lived in a hotel. At the top. A man whose presence could barely be contained by a penthouse.

  “You guys met him at my engagement party,” Lucy said to Gretchen and me. “David Dylan.”

  No. With the way our end of the table went completely silent, I was sure they could hear my heart hit the ground.

  David. My David. He was now Dani’s David?

  “It’s still new,” Lucy added, “which is why I haven’t mentioned it.”

  Ava’s eyebrows knit. Bethany reminded her David was “that tall, dark, and gorgeous hunk of meat from the restaurant grand opening we attended in May” before declaring she was “supremely jealous.”

  I fielded a sidelong glance from Gretchen. She hadn’t mentioned David since the night I’d confessed my feelings to her. Not that I’d let our conversations go that way. She didn’t know what I’d done, but I hated that she knew anything at all.

  “You . . . you lucky bitch,” Gretchen joked awkwardly. “I’ve had my eye on him for a while. How did that happen?”

  Dani’s eyes brightened. “Well, I was in town last month for some wedding planning, and Lucy set us up. He took all of us out on his sailboat,” she said, and added with a giddy grin, “no big deal, right?”

  “Can you imagine having David Dylan as a brother-in-law?” Lucy asked. “I’d never stop staring!”

  “Hands off,” Dani said.

  My stomach churned. I didn’t even think I could handle running into David without breaking down—now there was a chance he’d become part off my social circle?

  Did this mean he was coming to the wedding?

  “I’m trying to convince Dani to move to Chicago,” Lucy said, “and having her fall in love with David is part of my master plan.”

  Dani rolled her eyes. “She acts like Milwaukee is another country.”

  “You’re here all the time anyway,” Lucy pointed out.

  I was going to be sick. I spun my wedding ring at the same pace that my mind whirred. The girl across from me was Danielle officially, but insisted on being called Dani. She had a petite frame and Lucy’s dark brown hair, but green eyes like mine.

  “I’ll be honest, I thought David was something of a womanizer,” Lucy said, “but they’ve been out twice, and he hasn’t even made a move.”

  “He’s such a gentleman,” Dani added.

  Gentleman. My insides tightened at the term, and I gripped my thighs. He was no gentleman. He was rough and harsh and callous but also tender and sweet and considerate. The memory of how he’d handled me flowed through me, and I bit my lip.

  He deserved someone like Dani, didn’t he? She was cute, wholesome, and spunky. And most importantly—available.

  “He’s flying back just to be her date,” Lucy said, and everyone twittered.

  Oh God. He’d be back in my life in less than forty-eight hours. “Flying?” I asked hoarsely before I could stop myself. “From where?”

  “New York,” Dani answered as though the information was nothing. As if it didn’t feed my starved curiosity about what he’d been doing since I’d last seen him. “He’s an architect,” she continued, “and he’s working on a project there. Originally, he said he couldn’t make it because of work, which I thought was weird because it is Labor Day weekend, but he changed his mind all of a sudden.”

  “I think this is the weekend.” Lucy waggled her eyebrows. “Like David and Dani might finally . . . well, you know. I secretly suspect David is super romantic and that he’s planning something special—”

  I shot up from my seat, unable to listen to another word. This didn’t feel like exciting information I could secretly mull over later. The idea of David and Dani together was actually sickening. “Excuse me,” I said.

  “Do you want company?” Gretchen asked, moving to get up.

  I sighed inwardly, wanting nothing more than to run away and cry, but my self-preservation instincts kicked in. “No. I’m fine.” I gave them a big smile. “I’m actually going to call Bill and tell him I miss him.”

  The table cooed. Lucy nearly melted in her chair.

  “What can I say?” I shrugged. “All this wedding talk has me feeling romantic.”

  I made a show of retrieving my phone and went to stand outside in the warm night. Warm, yes, but I was cold. I was always cold to the bone lately. I didn’t call Bill as I’d said I would, but took a moment to collect myself.

  Dani. And David.

  Me. And Bill.

  It made perfect sense. I wondered if David had even considered how it might hurt me to hear that. Surely, after all this time, he didn’t consider my feelings anymore. Why should he?

  And would it matter if he did? In the end, things were as they were supposed to be. Who was he to me? A mistake. A mark that could never be erased for the entirety of my marriage. Long after I’d have forgotten him, he would still remain a part of my past.

  Long after I’ve forgotten him . . .

  When will that be? How much longer until I forget?

  It felt like a lifetime had passed already since that night. But though I worked hard not to think of David, the way he’d made me feel persisted. How being near him, everything else would fall away. The way I’d watched him watch me with hungry eyes. Kisses, whispers, sensations in the dark.

  I looked up at the night sky for a long time. In moments like these, I longed to be back in Texas, where I could lie in my dad’s backyard and blanket myself with millions of stars. Tonight, there were few.

  So this is how it goes.

  When a prick of light shot across the sky, leaving a faint silver streak in its path, I didn’t bother making a wish. I just turned and went back inside.

  3

  Gretchen’s fists shot into the air. “Feel the burn!” she screeched, the candy penises on her bracelet clacking together.

  I quickly bit into a lime, and my jaw tingled. Scrunching my face, I plucked the rind from between my teeth to drop it into the empty shot glass.

  “Nice,” she said. “Three in a row. I’m impressed.”

  I hiccupped and smiled. I’d decided that drunk was the only way I’d be able to handle this bachelorette party—and any more talk of David and Dani. “I’ll take another Cosmo,” I told the bartender.

  “You’re going to make yourself sick, mixing liquors like that,” Gretchen warned.

  “Pfft. I’m no rookie.” I arched an eyebrow. “Are you forgetting who taught you how to drink?”

  “That’s debatable. Still, tequila shots and Cosmos? Gross. And maybe even lethal.”

  I answered her with a shrill laugh that hurt even my own ears. I could almost feel the alcohol eating away at the pit in my stomach. It was just acidic enough to erase the toxicity of my shame for a night. It was relief, sweet and bitter. I took my drink and followed Gretchen back to our booth in the VIP section of the downtown club.

  “Anyway,” Bethany was telling the group of girls as we rejoined them, “that was it for them. After an affair, three years of counseling, and two children—it was forgetting to replace the milk that finally did in their marriage.”

  Ava shook her head. “So sad. That happened to my colleague, too. One day she came home from work, and her husband said, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ Can you imagine?”

  “We’re talking about Bethany’s married friend from college who’s getting a divorce,” Lucy explained to Gretchen and me. Turning back to the group, she said, “Not everyone is as lucky as me and Andrew.” She shrugged as if she were helpless to the fact. “We have the kind of romance that most people can only hope for.”

  “It’s true,” Ava said. “You guys are soulmates.”

  Dani released an aww. “How sweet is that?”

  I laughed into my Cosmo.

  “What?” Lucy asked.

&nb
sp; “Oh, nothing,” I said and took a sip.

  “No, what?” Lucy asked. “Why is that funny?”

  “It’s not funny, it’s just . . . idealistic, I guess.”

  “Liv,” Gretchen said, warning in her tone.

  “No, it’s okay,” Lucy said, scooting closer to me. “How am I being idealistic?”

  “I mean, Luce, really?” I said. “You and Andrew haven’t even walked down the aisle yet. You’re practically still in the honeymoon phase.”

  Her mouth parted. “Andrew and I aren’t like others. We have something unique and special. True romance.”

  “Honey, romance is fleeting,” I said, waving a hand in the air. “When it fades away, you have to know that you and Andrew will still be able to stand each other.”

  “Call me naïve—”

  “You said it!” I shrieked, giggling by myself.

  “Liv, shut up,” Gretchen said.

  “I don’t think that the romance will ever just ‘fade away’ for us,” Lucy said.

  “I agree, Lucy,” Ava cut in. “You and Andrew are meant to be. I envy you guys. I can’t wait to meet my soulmate.”

  “There’s no such thing as soulmates, Ava.” Alcohol warmed me for what felt like the first time in months. Or maybe it was the opportunity to be honest for once that was making me feel semi-normal. “That’s just a bunch of fairy-tale bullshit,” I said. “The sooner everyone realizes that, the better.”

  “Come on, Olivia,” Gretchen said, taking my elbow. “Let’s go take a breather.”

  I pulled my arm away from her. “What? It’s true. Marriage is work. You’ll see soon enough. That euphoric stage wears off pret-ty quick-ly. I’m not being cynical; it’s science.” When I noticed their frowns, I nodded. “Yep, science. Hormones, oxy—” I hiccupped, “—tocin, and shit like that. Not very romantic, is it?”

  “What about earlier when you went to call Bill?” Lucy countered. “Some might say that was a romantic gesture.”

  I glanced down at the table and took one of those painful breaths, the ones where you feel the simultaneous constricting of everything in your chest. I thought about confessing that I hadn’t gone outside to call Bill but to remind myself of why things were better off as they were. It was only a brief moment, though, and instead, I said, “That exactly proves my point. Being around all of you makes me want to call Bill and tell him that I love him.”