by Tahnee Fritz
I stop moving at the edge of the light coming through the doorway. I’ll have to go outside eventually. I can’t really stay in an old greenhouse for the rest of eternity. Not a lot of excitement to be had in a place with dead plants. At least we will have something in common, we’re both dead.
Slowly, I lift my hand and ease it toward the light. This way, if the sun burns me, I’ll only be hurting my hand and not the rest of me. I think I can manage life without a hand. It would suck, but I’d get over it. The light is getting closer and I slow down even more. The tip of my middle finger hits the light first and I brace myself for the pain that apparently isn’t going to come. I move the rest of my hand into the sunlight and it’s completely fine. No smoke rising from my skin and no blisters bursting with puss. I barely feel the warmth of the sun at all.
I smile and take the next couple steps to put the rest of me in the direct sunlight. My head is the only thing left as I take that final step outside. The second the rays hit my eyes I’m blinded with the brightest light I’ve even seen. Pain fills my head and my eyes feel like they’re on fire. I close them quickly, still feeling the burn. I fall to my knees, then cover my face with my hands.
Fallback number two of this new creature I’ve become.
I don’t have a heartbeat anymore and now I can’t see during the daytime without catching my eyes on fire. What a wonderful life this will be.
I spin around and crawl back inside the store, keeping my eyes closed until I’m safe in the shadows again. It’s still hard to see and they burn quite a bit, but I can make out the objects around me. I’ll at least be able to see my way around the store without bumping against too many things.
If only I had something to cover my eyes so I can walk around outside. There’s got to be something I could use to shield them from the sun. I’m positive there’s something manmade that will work perfect for me.
Oh wait! There is something I can use. These fantastic things called sunglasses. They would work perfectly for what I need. I just have to find a pair.
It is still very bright, but my eyes don’t hurt anymore as I stand. There could be a chance I’d find a pair of sunglasses in this place. The people who worked here did things outside and I’m sure they liked to have something to keep the sun out of their eyes. I have no idea where I’d find them, but I have to start looking or I never will.
I go back to the register and look around the computer. There’s some old paperwork and a few pennies stashed in a pile. The drawer under the cash drawer is filled with yellowing receipts and trash. I move to the second register and find the same things, even a wad of cash lying next to the machine. It serves no purpose to me to have it, so I’ll let it sit.
No such luck at the registers so I turn around. I squint a little and find a set of stairs leading to a small office with windows looking out over the store. I rush to the stairs, faster than I probably needed to and run up the short flight. The door to the office is locked, but the window on the door looks easy to shatter. With my elbow, I slam my arm against the glass, letting it crash to the floor in pieces. I reach inside and unlock the door to open it.
A pungent stench greets me and I almost don’t want to go inside. Something has been in here, rotting for quite a while. I can smell everything about it. The dried blood, the decaying flesh, I can even smell the person’s hair which is something I’ve never experienced before. I step into the office and take a left to go in further. The smell gets stronger and I see what’s causing it.
He doesn’t look that old, maybe sixteen or seventeen. His body lies on the floor with blood stains in the carpet by both of his arms. The knife is still in his grip from when he cut himself. The smell made it seem like he’s been here awhile, but this looks a little fresh. His skin is still peach colored and the blood hasn’t faded to that nasty purple color it likes to change to. I guess this kid couldn’t take the world any longer and found a way out. Not like this is the first time I’ve seen a suicidal human before. That family in the rest area was the worst, so seeing this kid is nothing.
I can’t believe how strong the scent of his blood and flesh are to me. I never would have noticed these smells before I got infected and I hate to say this, like really hate to say this, but it smells enticing. I can feel my mouth watering as that horrid scent drifts further up my nose. I move closer to him, staring at his lifeless form at my feet. There’s a strange feeling going through my body. Something I think I’ll have to learn how to control if I’m ever in the vicinity of a living human. I can feel myself wanting to taste the flesh that I smell, take a sip of the blood that has poured from his wrists.
It’s intoxicating.
I bite my lower lip as my eyes devour the dead body. It’s disgusting that my mind is even considering taking a bit out of him. Every other thought has left my mind and all I can think about is eating this corpse. I don’t know what would happen to me if I did and I’d rather not find out. It’s just really hard to keep my mind from thinking about what he’d taste like. It feels like there’s something rising inside of me that wants to gain control over my body and do whatever the hell it wants.
What if I’m by a human and I get this urge to try a bite? Will I be able to control it or will this new form of mine take over and turn me into a monster I’ll hate?
I’m wasting too much time trying to figure out what I’m going to be. Eating this dead man’s flesh and tasting the blood that’s still in him isn’t an option. I absolutely refuse to be like the things who turned me into this. I can’t afford to be something else the planet is forced to fear.
I turn my eyes away from him and take control over my mind and body. The manager’s desk is pressed against the wall right under a window looking out to the store. A coat is draped over the back of the chair and, with any luck, I’ll find what I need and get out of this place. I step over the corpse and walk quickly to the desk. I push the papers aside and sift through the drawers only to come up empty handed. It’s in the pocket of the coat where I finally find what I’m looking for.
The dark pair of shades is just the thing I need. They aren’t too big, so they won’t cover my entire face, and they aren’t too small to let sunlight shine through. They are just the right size and I slide them on my face. Instantly, my eyes can see without the tiny hint of fire burning through them. The light isn’t bothering me and I don’t have to squint in order to see anymore. I admire myself in the reflection on the window and smile a bit.
“I look pretty damn good in these things.” I say to myself.
The things that make me happy from now on are definitely going to be different.
* * *
The sunglasses were a great find. It is intensely bright outside, even with the shades covering my eyes, but they aren’t on fire and that’s a plus in my book.
I’m following a gravel road away from the greenhouse. I believe it’s the driveway that would take me to some main road I’m sure. I figured I’d follow this for a little while, then turn into the woods. I’ve always been one to stray away from the trees when vamps are known to hide there, but I think I’ll be safe now that I’m not exactly human anymore.
Out here in the open, it’s like a whole new world. I can see much farther than I ever could before. All I have to do is focus on a bird flying in the sky and it looks to be right in front of my face. I can hear things that aren’t even close to me. If I focus hard enough, I can concentrate on just one thing and not let everything take over. I can smell things I’ve never smelt before. Flowers, leaves in the trees above my head, the flesh of an animal running through the woods. That scent is what’s overpowering the most.
There is a stream up ahead that flows under the gravel road. This section of the path was made into a bridge with wooden beams for railings on either side of it to prevent people from falling over the edge. The railings aren’t real tall, so I doubt they did a decent job. I move closer to them and stop for a moment. There’s a message spray painted in white colored graffiti on one of the wooden barr
icades. Someone decided to let the world know where they thought heaven and hell were. There are arrows next to both words, pointing up to the sky. I guess this person thought that no matter where they go, it’ll be hell for them. It’s a sad world when people are forced to think that way.
Good to know, I still don’t believe in a man in the sky watching over us.
I walk across the bridge and figure it’s time to venture into the woods. I’d hate to run into a human trying to find safety out here. Being hidden by the trees is the best place for me to be. I’ll blend right in with the vamps out here.
I see a deer cross into my path. It’s not really in front of me by any means. It’s more like a hundred yards away and I can see it perfectly. I can smell the flesh on its body, the blood coursing through its veins. It is so mouthwatering that I can’t stand it. The hunger is growing inside of me and I wish there was something I could do to get rid of it. I know what I’m craving the most, but I don’t want to be this thing who eats living creatures while they are still moving. I’m not against eating meat, but when its heart is still beating while you take your first bite, that’s going a little too far.
Every animal I come across has that same effect on me. I have to pause, take a deep breath, and try focusing on something else. The smell of them only makes the hunger grow and it becomes harder to focus on anything else. No matter how wonderful the idea sounds, it’s equally disgusting and I hope I can control it.
That sounds easier than it actually is.
I jump over a fallen tree without any effort at all. There’s evidence of a campsite on the other side of the trunk. It’s old, no one has been here for a long time, possibly years. I can see the pile of sticks they put together to make a fire and a small log they set up for a place to sit. Reminds me of the first night with Ryder. Sitting under the stars and talking about random things in our lives. I didn’t know I’d fall in love with him at that moment. We were just two complete strangers who didn’t want to travel alone.
I wish I wasn’t alone right now. Having no one to talk to is boring and lonely. It makes the day go so much slower and it feels like I’m never going to make it anywhere. I mean, have nowhere to go, but I don’t want the rest of my life to inch its way by either. I could always befriend a fellow member of the undead, but they wouldn’t make for good company.
I move away from the old campsite and pass a few more trees. The smell of the bark creeps up my nose. I’ve never been able to smell a tree like this before. Smelling the wood and the sticky sap running down the bark. It’s so different now and it’ll probably take a while to get used to all these new changes.
I hear movement to my left and I stop walking. It didn’t sound big, like a person. It was small and I turn my head toward the sound and sniff the air. The smell of flesh fills my nose and my stomach is begging me to put something in it. It aches and growls and I know I won’t make it too far without eating something. I take a few steps toward the rustling sound and wait. The bush right ahead of me is moving and the branches creak as they sway.
I tilt my head to the side and watch a small, brown rabbit hop out of the bush. It pays no attention to me as it sniffs the ground searching for something to eat. My hands are shaking as I stare at this wonderful creature. It would make a nice meal. I know I could catch it. After running that fast in the store last night, it would be easy. And all it would really take is one bite to kill the little guy. I could make it instant so he won’t feel a thing, then I’ll be able to fulfill my stomach’s needs.
I shake my head back and forth. That sounds horrible. The thought of eating that tiny little animal. It probably has a family of even smaller bunnies waiting for him. How could I take him away from that? I can’t kill this poor, innocent creature who has done nothing wrong to me. I can’t rip the flesh from its bones and let the taste of its blood flow down my throat. I can’t give in to the monster growing inside of me and let it have what it so desires.
What am I thinking? Of course I can. I’m hungry and there is a perfect meal sitting on the ground a few feet away from me.
I take a step, as quietly as I possibly can, closing the distance between me and my dinner. My mouth waters as I get closer and closer to it. I can’t control myself any longer. The hunger for this thing is too strong and I need it. I need to let the monster out for a moment and get what it wants so I can keep moving. I need to let the taste of that thing fill my urges and take the hunger pain away.
I get a little closer and it notices me. Its ears perk up as it stares my way. The chase is about to begin and there is no delaying it. I take that last step and the rabbit takes off like a bat out of hell. A smile forms across my lips as I dart after it. I leap over small bushes and plants while the rabbit is able to run underneath them. I’m sure its little heart is pounding faster and faster as it tries to get away from me. I think it’s having a bit of an issue seeing as how I’m closing in on it pretty fast. Just a few more feet to go and it’s all mine.
The rabbit jumps over a tree root sticking out of the ground and trips over its big feet. That gives me the advantage and I throw myself on top of it. I have no control over myself right now as I clench onto the furry body of this animal. It wriggles and squirms in my grip as I sit up on the ground. I can feel its heart beating faster than mine ever has. My eyes widen as I stare at the succulent flesh. The smell is even more fantastic and I don’t waste any time sinking my teeth into its tiny body.
I rip a chunk of flesh and fur from the rabbit’s body, letting the blood slide down my chin as I chew my meal. The rabbit’s life ends in a matter of seconds and I take another bite, ripping more flesh and muscles from its bones. I close my eyes, eating the only thing able to meet my demands. Everything in my mind rushes by in a flash. Vivid colors and textures I’ve never seen before. I take another bite and another rush flows through me. The monster is finally getting what it wants and I know I’ve made it happy.
It takes a few, short minutes to finish eating and I toss what’s left to the ground a couple feet away. I look down at my hands and see the blood seeping between my fingers. I wipe my mouth with the back of my right hand and see even more of the rabbit’s blood. For some reason, I don’t want this to go to waste. I lick my lips, letting the blood flow down my throat before I slurp up what’s on my hands. The small amount that’s left, I wipe on a few dead leaves on the ground. I get as much of the blood from my face before I finally take a breath.
During this moment of relief, control finally comes back to me. My mind and body are mine once more and I realize what I’ve done to that poor little creature. It didn’t deserve to die like that, having some undead thing eat it raw while its heart was still beating. If I can’t control this craving around an animal, who’s to say I can control it around a human. I feel horrible right now knowing I’ll never be my full self again. I’ll be this demon who needs some sort of fresh meat in order to stay alive. I’ve only been like this a short while and already it’s hard to stop myself from getting the flesh and blood that I want.
Not to mention, it’s absolutely disgusting what I’ve just done. I ate a rabbit. It was still alive and struggling in my grip when I took that first bite. I wish I could force myself to throw up but that would only drive me to want more of something else. I just hope an animal is that something else and not a human.
There’s movement coming from behind me, bringing me back to reality. Heavy footsteps and I know they’re coming from a human. They don’t smell dead or rotting. They smell fresh and alive. The smell of their salty skin climbs up my nose and a frenzy erupts in my stomach all over again. The rabbit wasn’t enough and I find myself wanting this new smell. My mouth waters as it gets stronger and the footsteps get closer. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand again, getting the last trace of blood from my lips.
I stand slowly and turn around to face whatever’s there. I expected to see a person or an animal or even a zombie. I’m prepared for all that. Only there’s nothing other than thin air a
nd trees for me to be prepared for. I can hear the footsteps like they are right next to me. Crunching over leaves and twigs as they walk. It’s clearly a human of some kind. I spin around, searching every direction for whoever is out here with me. I see a bunch of trees, some bushes, a few leaves floating to the ground. Just no sight of a person walking near me.
This hearing of mine is very deceiving, not to mention confusing. I’m obviously not alone in the woods right now and I would love it if I could pinpoint exactly where these footsteps are coming from. Right now, being so new at trying to focus on one thing at a time, I can’t tell at all. Every direction I look, it seems like they’re coming from that way.
I take a deep breath, inhaling through my nose, and close my eyes. The smell isn’t confusing. Their flesh is alive and burning through my nostrils. The blood in their veins tells me which way I’d have to go to find them. It’s easier to concentrate on the smell other than sight or sound. I guess being a blood or flesh hungry monster will allow you to do that.
With my nose in the air, I move around until the odor is at its strongest point. My body wants the person walking through the woods. It wants me to run after them and devour their heart and soul without thinking twice about it. My mind, being the logical part of me, tells me otherwise. It wants me to run away and put as much distance between this human and myself as possible. Whatever’s inside me might be very strong, but I know I can force the human part of me to be stronger and try not to give in when a human is around.
I open my eyes and stare in front of me. The footsteps are getting louder. At least I’m not nervous or terrified right now. Fear was the one thing that used to hold me back in certain situations. It was fear that made me hesitate whenever I was face to face with a vamp.
I hated that feeling and I’m glad it’s gone.
It isn’t here to tell me to be afraid of running into a human out here in the woods. It’s not here to tell me to run away and never have contact with anyone ever again. Courage and the insatiable desire to meet this stranger is keeping me in place. I stand still, letting the footsteps grow louder with every passing second. I can actually hear them breathing now. I can hear their hearts beating in their chest.
