HeartFast

by Linda Mooney

She had never been ashamed of the way she looked, even though enough people had tried to beat her pride out of her, mentally and physically. Which was why she’d finally had enough before her eighteenth birthday, and took to space, abandoning everything and traveling from planet to planet, discovering people and dangers she’d never believed existed. Surviving day by day, week after week, year after year.

  There was no one out there she cared to trust, much less commit herself to. It had been by accident that she’d come across the Guardian transport ship with four members aboard. They were struggling to avoid the wormhole that had appeared out of nowhere, and threatened to swallow the craft. She’d collapsed the wormhole, then guided the disabled ship down to the nearest planet.

  They had stepped out of the ship to stare slack-jawed at her, astounded by her powers and her looks. She was twenty-two and just beginning to bloom.

  That was two years ago.

  Since then, being a Guardian had given her a sense of belonging, and more of a family than she had ever experienced in the past. There had been a couple of the men she had briefly dated, but neither had lasted more than a week. They were good friends, more like big brothers. And, besides, the last thing she was looking for was an emotional commitment. She’d done just fine, not having anyone or anything wrapping around her heart. Life was so much better without that kind of weight dragging her down.

  There had been one person, though, whom she’d never been able to figure out. Master Hunter had always been a quiet sort, keeping mostly to himself after hours. He was polite, but he was also strong and extremely trustworthy. Star often found herself drifting over next to him whenever an assignment got particularly hairy. It was as if she instinctively knew he could deflect any nastiness that threatened her, and heavens knew the first time she’d fallen against his warm wall of a chest in total exhaustion, she realized he would never take advantage of her. There would never be a stray hand to “accidentally” squeeze her bottom, or fingers running across her breasts.

  He was safe and safety. And it had been a relief to find him like an ever-present force whenever she needed him. He was always there for her. He always would be.

  He was her guardian Guardian.

  Which made the HandFast all the more terrifying. She was losing the man to whom she’d never had to worry about losing control. She was losing her friend and protector.

  Her next thought came unbidden to the front of her mind. What kind of lover would he be?

  Would he approach the act with the cool, impersonal persona she saw nearly every day?

  No. She shook her head. When she’d sought his embrace, and the safe protection of his arms, knowing she wouldn’t have to face any rankling or teasing as long as he held her, there had been a sense of tenderness in the hard muscle. In the way his warm hands stroked her hair that turned her into soft putty.

  She put on an extra burst of speed, and a moment later she zipped through the outer atmospheric lock, away from the little moon and out into space.

  What good was it doing to keep torturing herself with the what-ifs? No matter how much she was dreading the coming night, it would come. It would happen. He would take her body, whether her mind and spirit was in it or not. She could lie there, like she was supposed to, and let him have her. Use her, then leave. But she didn’t have to give him her heart. He couldn’t take her soul or her spirit. She would always keep them shielded from further hurt and degradation.

  Do it and get it over with. And pray I conceive soon, instead of having to endure the entire year.

  Morning Fire watched her friend head into the sky. She felt someone come up behind her and stop to gaze up at what she was watching. It was Disaster.

  “These next few weeks are going to be a bitch,” he told the petite redhead. His voice echoed what they all knew to be the truth.

  “Where’s our black-haired planet duster going?”

  Both Guardians turned around to see Provoker getting ready to climb up the short set of stairs into Transport Three. He was grinning as he followed the ebony-clad figure until it was out of sight. Snickering, he added, “She must be in a big hurry to crawl under the sheets tonight.”

  The off-color remark sent a flare of white-hot anger through the other two Guardians. Morning Fire opened her mouth to angrily retort, when she caught sight of the person appearing just behind Provoker, his eyes narrowed at the man in front of him. There was no doubt in her mind Master Hunter had heard Provoker’s caustic comment, and it hadn’t sat well with him.

  Provoker saw her expression, and realized she was staring past his shoulder. Turning around, he came face to face with Hunter’s white-faced displeasure. “Something bothering you, Hunter?” he casually inquired, even though he knew why the man was irritated. “Shouldn’t you be scooting along as well? I’m sure she’s waiting for you.”

  None of them expected the deadly cold voice that came from the man standing stiffly to the side. “Provoker, by right of HandFast law, I am now StarLight’s protector and defender. So heed this warning, because I’m only going to give it to you once. If I hear another word come out of your mouth that causes Star any pain, physically or emotionally, you will answer to me. Are we clear?”

  To Morning Fire and Disaster’s astonishment, Provoker threw back his head and laughed aloud. “Good heavens, Hunter! You sound like the jealous bridegroom! What’s the matter? Is your pride bruised because you’re not going to be her first?”

  A look of intense darkness crossed Hunter’s face, and it was enough to make Provoker step back in shock.

  “My memory is long, Provoker, but my patience is short. Don’t force my hand. Don’t even think you want to.”

  Without waiting for an answer, Hunter blinked out of sight. Silence bit the air around them, and several pairs of eyes turned to the man standing half-in, half-out of the ship. Both Animator and Corona had come in on the tail end of the two men’s exchange, and now they were also waiting to see how well Provoker would take the challenge. When he simply shrugged and continued up the stairs, Corona turned her nose up at the man and sneered.

  “Blazes, Provoker, you can be such an asshole.”

  She spoke for all of them.

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  Chapter 8

  Abandoned

  It was a little after nine when StarLight landed back at Guardian Command. The night was beautiful, and on any other occasion she would have accepted its gift.

  She had no idea if Hunter was returning on his own or taking Three back. It didn’t matter anyway. She had told him to be here at ten, and he was nothing if not punctual. Two years of habitually being two to five minutes late for morning meetings had taught her that fact, especially when Blender had teased her about it, and compared her to Hunter’s on-the-second appearances.

  Her chambers were overly cool, or felt that way. She debated whether to raise the temperature a bit, deciding against it at the last moment as she headed for the cleansing stall.

  Stripping off her uniform, Star paused to stare at her body. It had been a long, long time since she’d actually looked at herself. A week never went by that someone didn’t compliment her on her looks, either her face, her hair, or herself in general. She was used to it, and normally she’d reply with a shy smile and word of thanks, despite the other’s lack of sincerity. More often than not, the person doing the complimenting was only interested in seeing how far he could get.

  Tonight, though, she turned to the glass enclosure, to her reflection on the shiny side of the cleansing stall. A hand went up to cup one full breast. Fingers touched a flat, unresponsive nipple. She felt nothing. It was almost … disappointing.

  Had Hunter ever complimented her on the way she looked? She didn’t think so; she was sure she’d have remembered if he had. He hadn’t even said anything that morning when she’d met him for the HandFast ceremony.

  It didn’t matter anyway.

  Climbing into the cleansing stall, StarLight stood beneath the warm spray of d
etoxification rays and turned up the intensity, relishing in the needlelike stings that stripped away the old cells and bacteria from her skin. Doing her hair took a bit longer, as its length and thickness kept her from being quick with it. When she was finished, she stepped out into the coolness. Her skin glowed.

  Walking naked into her chambers, she wondered what she should wear. A light gown? Or nothing at all?

  A second thought immediately took place of the first one. Where should she be when he arrived? Already in bed?

  Almost unbidden, she wondered if he would be quick about it. After all, it was no more than a few moments of thrusting on his part. Just enough to come inside her. Then he’d be gone. Quick, efficient, painless. Then she could take a sleeping aid and get some rest.

  Like a belly ache. Some slight discomfort. Take the medicine, and in the morning everything would be good as new.

  Oh, dearest heavens…

  The sting of fresh tears burned in her eyes. How would she be able to endure what was to happen? Wasn’t it enough she was willing to sacrifice her life for this planet? Why did they also demand her small amount of pride, as well? Sniffing, Star went over to her bureau and pulled out a lightweight slip she usually slept in, and dragged it over her head.

  “Lights out,” she spoke aloud, and the room was plunged into darkness. Absolute darkness, as the single window on the other side of the room was still shuttered.

  Making her way over to the bed, she sat down on the edge and waited.

  For the first time in his life, Hunter floated in the netherworld, overlooking Star’s chambers, and watched a woman perform what should have been a private and personal act. He saw her stare at her reflection in the wall of the cleansing stall, saw her touch herself, and the realization of why she was doing it pounded into his conscious with heavy nails of guilt.

  By all that is holy, Star, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. There isn’t an inch on your body that isn’t perfection. Why do you doubt yourself?

  He wanted to go to her at that moment, but it wasn’t yet ten, and he was a man of his word.

  As she cleaned herself, he felt his own body responding to her gentle curves. His hands gripped into tight fists as he tried to control the ballooning ache that was devouring his sanity each developing minute.

  Carefully, he floated closer to her, close enough to touch, and he studied her face, trying to decipher her mood. Her open emotions were raw and honest in what she believed was a moment of absolute privacy. She didn’t act like the wanton who craved sex for the sake of it, as he’d heard said of her in the past. Provoker often bragged about what had occurred between them the short week he had dated StarLight, but the woman he described couldn’t be the same one who tentatively touched herself, her eyes filled with pain, and doubt, and tears.

  He followed her into the bedroom where she nearly broke down before turning off the lights. She didn’t want to see him. That had to be the reason why she sought the comforting darkness. If she couldn’t see him, he would become nothing more than an anonymous shadow. A few minutes of physical duration, who quickly dissipated into the night once it was over. And, in the morning, she could face him without having to put the face with the figure.

  StarLight didn’t know he could see in the dark. It was another strength he hadn’t told them about. Of course, the ability wasn’t as strong or as precise as his vision was in the light, but he could see clearly enough—enough to tell who was who, and be able to read writing if needed. Now he watched as she sat on the edge of the bed and bent over, burying her face in her hands.

  On the panel chronometer in her communications console, the numbers flashed ten p.m. Taking a deep breath, Hunter transported into her chamber, by the door.

  She knew he had arrived before he had a chance to say a word. She sat up, her back stiffening, but she called out anyway, to be certain. “Hunter?”

  “Not tonight, Terrin,” he answered softly, still keeping his distance. He wanted her to believe he was unable to spot her in the dark. It would be easier for her keep the disassociation. “It was Udo Vosstien who was HandFasted to Terrin DiLyric. Not Master Hunter and StarLight. When I come to you, I am Udo.”

  He saw her nod. “Udo,” she repeated, almost too soft for him to hear. She had been crying. Her voice was rough, and her cheeks bore twin tracks of wetness, like tiny silver drops of rain. Gently he moved over to her and knelt before the bed. One small hand rested on her knee; he took it in his own, and she trembled gently at his touch.

  “Wh-what do you want me to do?” she asked him. Her voice shook, and Hunter frowned. The woman was honestly terrified, but why? Did she actually believe he would brutalize her? Was the idea of coupling with him that appalling?

  Dearest stars in heaven! Please tell me Provoker didn’t manhandle her! Cold anger flushed through his veins at the thought of what a fellow Guardian might have done to her. If the man had taken away any chance for Star to enjoy the act, Hunter promised himself to make damn certain Provoker would never again have the ability to destroy another woman’s pleasure.

  But tonight, he couldn’t think any further about it. It no longer mattered. He was here, and now that he could touch her without any hesitancy, without any guilt, his body was beginning to urge him toward completing what he was there to do. Her warmth was like standing beneath a glowing sun and relishing its life-giving heat. This close to her was affecting every sense he possessed. Already he could feel his heart slamming against his ribs in anticipation. If he hadn’t already been kneeling, Hunter knew his legs would have given out on him.

  Lifting his other hand, he laid his palm against her cool cheek, and he caressed her moist lips with the tip of his thumb. Her captivating eyes searched the darkness, trying to focus on him. The tip of her tongue emerged to swipe where he’d stroked her, and the sight of her licking her full lips nearly sent him over the edge. He felt the muscles in his lower abdomen bunch into a tight, aching knot. It took nearly all his willpower not to dive into her moist mouth and body, crushing her against him. The HandFast laws allowed him to do whatever it took to complete the act, just short of brutality. Hunter sliced that thought out of his mind with deadly determination. Star would accept him willingly. Willingly, and—with every hope—with reciprocating tenderness.

  StarLight felt his light, tentative strokes against her mouth, felt the tickling sensation over her lips. Involuntarily she ran her tongue over her lips to stop the sweet torture, and he removed his hand.

  His body shifted, and then there was a solid, undeniable warmth pressing against her legs. Warm hands grabbed her shoulders, and Hunter lowered her down onto the bed.

  “Hunter?”

  “Udo,” he repeated. His breath smelled like spices. Tingling, exotic spices.

  She felt his face lower to where her neck and shoulder met. The strap of her slip slid down her arm, where he lifted her hand to remove it. The thin material eased away from one breast, and before she could comprehend what he was doing, his warm, rough hand cupped the rounded softness. Slowly he massaged her, taking the nipple between thumb and forefinger, rolling and gently teasing it until it stood erect. Star shivered at the sensation. His gentleness surprised her. More so the feeling of aliveness coming into her body. Without being aware of her actions, Star lifted herself into his palm.

  “Your skin is like satin.”

  “Thank you.” She managed a small smile then wondered why he chuckled softly. “What?”

  “Do you like what I’m doing?” he asked.

  “It’s … it’s nice.”

  “Let me make it nicer,” Hunter murmured, and a moment later his lips began to tease her flesh. His hot mouth scalded her. His tongue was a flame of heat, plunging and licking around the tight bud, until he finally closed his teeth over the button-hard tip and gently nipped it.

  Star cried out and threw her hand out to stop him. Deftly Hunter caught it by the wrist, then slowly lowered it to his shoulder. As her palm touched his bare skin, he
r whole body stiffened. A sizzling bolt of fire slithered down her arm, straight into the center of her belly, and she jerked her hand away in shock. Heavens! She knew he had well-honed muscles beneath that tunic he wore. She’d seen his upper body on two occasions, on missions when they had been working under extreme heat and humidity, when the men had been forced to doff the upper part of their uniforms as they labored to finish the job. Under the glistening sweat, her eyes had been unable to tear away from the sight of his body as corded muscles rippled, his strength undeniable. She’d just never imagined how wonderful his flesh would feel under her fingers. How firm. How … exciting.

  “Udo…”

  He released her nipple, nuzzling it tenderly before telling her, “I’m going to make love to you tonight, Terrin. I want to bring you joy, so if there’s something I do you want me to repeat, you only have to ask. And if I do something you don’t like, all you have to do is tell me to stop, and I’ll obey.”

  She felt the other strap sliding down her other arm. A moment later, her upper body was open to him. A slight movement, and the edge of the bed dipped as he sat beside her.

  A warm hand cupped her other breast, holding it as if it would shatter without warning. His head lowered, and his mouth devoured the round globe. His tongue threatened to rob her of her sanity as it twirled and stroked, and finally sucked hard upon her.

  Raising her hands, Star wove her fingers into his thick, curly hair. She’d never been able to do this before, even though she had longed to know what the dark brown locks felt like. It surprised her to know his hair was as erotic as the rest of his body promised to be.

  Hunter continued to savor her breasts, until their peaks were tight, aching points. Star wanted to touch them, but he kept her hands away, which left her with only one other place within her reach.

  On him.

  His neck and shoulders were rock hard, covered in velvet soft skin. Although she had expected as much, separating the belief from the reality was like a ball of pure energy barreling through her body. Even her toes tingled. Trailing her fingertips over his biceps, she could feel a ribbon of goosebumps rising in their wake, and she smiled again.