Danger Deception Devotion The Firsts

by Lorhainne Eckhart

  Laura wondered if she had pulled a face or something, because hearing that from Kim had her feeling threatened. Maybe she was setting her sights on Andy? Her rational mind said that was nonsense, but her self-conscious, irrational mind was running wild. Kim was confident, very pretty and closer to Andy’s age. Why wouldn’t he want her?

  “I didn’t mean to give you the impression I was after Andy,” Kim said. “A man like him would never work for me now. I’m too…well, let’s just say I do things my way, the way I want to do them, when I want to do them. I don’t like answering to anyone. Besides, have you stopped and seen how that man watches you and cares for you? Anyone could see he’s stuck his brand on you!” Kim laughed.

  Laura had never seen her relationship with Andy that way. Sure, they’d worked through a lot, but he’d also only married her to protect her and Gabriel. She loved him deeply, so much that it hurt to breathe; and she knew he loved Gabriel as his own son.

  Kim reached over and covered her hand. “Whatever you need, you just ask me. I'll stay all night if you need me. Don’t feel threatened by me, Laura. Everyone needs someone, and I think we could be really good friends.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure, of course,” Kim said before taking a swallow of her tea.

  “That doctor you gave Andy the name of, is he any good?” Laura asked. She was still shaken by what an arrogant jerk he had been, in her opinion. He had judged her. She’d seen the way he looked at her, and could feel the disapproval in the way he’d talked to her. She should have been happy Andy had recognized that, but she wasn’t.

  “Bruce? Yeah, he’s one of the best in this part of the country. I know he was offered a big opportunity in South Africa a few years ago but chose to stay. He’s a great guy, and Gabriel couldn’t be in better hands.” She frowned. “Is there something wrong? It seems that wasn’t the answer you were looking for.”

  “He said some things. I don’t think he approves of me.”

  Kim appeared puzzled for a moment. “Really? That surprises me. I’ve known him a while from our church, and I haven’t seen that in him. He’s always so pleasant. Maybe you misread him. I mean, this is a stressful situation.”

  “Oh, I doubt that,” Laura said.

  Kim gave her another odd look and then appeared to consider something, but before she could say anything, the phone rang. Laura jumped up and raced for it, grabbing it before it could ring a second time.

  “Hello?” she said, glancing over her shoulder at Kim.

  “Hey, listen. Gabriel just finished with his tests. They just moved him back to his room.” Andy became quiet on the other end, and Laura’s heart started pounding as her anxiety wound up. She wanted to scream. She felt absolutely helpless, being stuck at home instead of with her son.

  “Andy, how is he?” She shoved her fingers through her hair, rubbing and pulling at a few knots.

  “He’s, uh…Laura, it’s hard on him. I don’t like seeing him like this. He’s still asleep, but I’ll be here when he wakes up.”

  Laura could feel her eyes burning as she listened to her husband. She willed her little boy to be okay, and she wanted more than anything to be there. For the first time in her life, she felt torn, as if caring for her babies was an obligation-and she couldn’t shake her guilt at that thought. “What did the doctor say? What about the test?” she asked. She could hear the hesitation in Andy’s voice and knew he was holding something back. That was what he did. He protected her, all of them, but this time she needed to know. “Please, Andy, stop hiding things from me. I really need to know. I want to come back there.”

  “You can’t, Laura, not with the babies. They’re still nursing. I wish a lot of things, honey, but I need you to be strong and I need you to get some sleep.”

  She could hear him sigh, and she pulled the phone away and shook her head. She wanted to yell at him, to reach through the phone and shake his arm, but she couldn’t. He always had a way of holding back. “Please, Andy, don’t hide anything. I know you’re always trying to protect me, to protect us, but this is Gabriel—my little boy…”

  “He’s ours, Laura,” Andy said, cutting her off, and she could hear in the sharp tone how thoughtless a remark that had been.

  “You know that’s not what I meant. I know you love him, and he loves you so much,” she said.

  “Listen, I’ll tell you more about what the doctor said tomorrow. The tests haven’t come back yet, and we won’t know anything about how far advanced the leukemia is or where they’ll start his treatment until then,” he said. “Are the babies asleep?”

  “Yes. I’ll come to the hospital first thing in the morning when they wake up. Oh, and Kim’s here. You called her?” Laura mentioned. She glanced over her shoulder and noticed that Kim had picked up on the tension in the one-sided conversation.

  “Yeah, I did. Laura, I didn’t want you going home and being alone. I can’t be there with you, so I’m glad she’s there. Listen, go get some sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Laura held the disconnected phone and gazed out the darkened window. She heard a nickering and remembered Ladystar, Andy’s horse. Kim must have heard, too, because she slid back her chair and said, “I’ll go check on her again. I already filled her water and fed her.”

  “Thank you. I don’t want to go and leave the babies alone in the house…”

  Kim touched her arm. “Don’t worry. I have a flashlight in the truck. I’ll go take care of her. Did you want me to stay the night?” She slid on her coat.

  Laura shook her head. “No, we’ll be okay, but thank you for coming, even though it was my husband who asked you to.”

  “Don’t mention it, Laura, and please call me, any time, day or night.” Kim hesitated and then gave a sharp nod before stepping out the door. Laura slid the deadbolt home and listened to the truck door shut. She rested her head against the frame. Willing the morning to hurry and come, fearing this would be an awfully long night.

  Chapter 12

  Andy stared at the dark screen of his cell phone. Laura was at home with his babies, and the neighbor was there with her. Good. They were home, they were safe and at least he didn’t have them to add to his worries. It wasn’t that Laura worried him—she was one of the strongest, most amazing young women he’d ever met. She’d suffered and struggled for so long. He just couldn’t bear to see the shadow of anxiety hanging over her. He’d never known what it was like to worry about putting food on the table, food in his mouth, a roof over his head or having to choose between going hungry or paying the heating bills. Laura had, and Andy had sworn she’d never have to live through that again. But this was her little boy. Gabriel, who had brought Andy and Laura together, was fighting for his life. For the first time in Andy’s life, all his Friessen money meant nothing.

  Starting out in Montana and moving his family here, was supposed to have been exciting. This was supposed to have meant a new life for them, a new place to watch his children grow up, a new place for them to live, to love and to laugh. When life decided to throw him a curveball, it hit like a five-ton steel shot, knocking him flat on his ass. The fact was, Laura had cornered him on the phone, and he didn’t want to tell her what the doctor had said.

  He hadn’t even reconciled in his own mind what the hell they were going to do. He needed to think; to figure everything out and have some reasonable answers before he could tell Laura one word. The doctor had said that Gabriel had high-risk, abnormal mutations, which meant the cancer was aggressive and constantly changing. It had not only reached his blood, but was subtype M4, which the doctor had said was more likely to form masses. All Andy could make sense of was that this type of cancer was aggressive and moved fast. They needed a match, a family match—and now.

  Andy walked over to the bed where Gabriel was fast asleep, tubes sticking out of his arm. He was so tiny, lying in that hospital bed. His dark, curly hair, a little too long, was stuck to the sides of his head. He was breathing evenly and dee
ply. Andy set his hand on his forehead and gently brushed the locks back. Gabriel stirred only to snuggle into Andy’s hand, as if he knew he was there and his touch was all he needed. Andy could feel his eyes burning as he stared at this tiny bit of innocence, his little boy, who didn’t deserve any of this. His nose was the same as Laura’s, cute and pert, and he had her high cheekbones. Andy blinked and fought for a breath, trying to steady his nerves. He needed help. As he clutched his phone in his other hand, he considered what he had to do. He wasn’t a match, and Laura wasn’t close enough. God help him, but right now Andy was sure he’d bargain with the devil himself if that would save Gabriel’s life.

  He stepped away from the bed and dialed a number on his cell as he moved into the hall, walking past the open doorways in the pediatric ward. He listened to the ringing as he walked past each room, moms and dads and siblings with their sick kids, so many of them. He’d never for one moment realized how many children were suffering and fighting for their lives. It wasn’t okay.

  “Yeah?” a gruff voice barked over the line. Andy could hear from his cousin’s voice that he’d been fast asleep.

  “Neil, it’s Andy. I know it’s late. I’m sorry to wake you,” Andy said. He wondered whether Neil could hear the shake in his voice, because this was the first time Andy had ever allowed such deep emotion to take him out at the knees.

  “Andy, is everything okay?” Neil said. He must have picked up on something, as he sounded suddenly awake. Andy could hear his cousin’s wife asking who it was, then Neil’s muffled reply of “It’s Andy. Go back to sleep” before he spoke again: “Andy, where are you? Have you settled into your new place? How did the move go?” There was rustling in the background as if Neil had climbed out of bed. Andy had to force himself to clear his throat so he could talk.

  “We’re in trouble. It’s Gabriel. He’s sick.” It was all he managed to get out as he stood in front of the stairwell and then pushed the door open. He didn’t want anyone to hear him, and the last thing Andy wanted to do was fall apart where someone could see. He stepped into the empty stairwell, letting the door swing shut behind him.

  “Whoa, back up a second. What’s going on?” Neil asked, sounding a bit frantic.

  “Gabriel had a fever and we thought it was the flu, but he didn’t get better, and we were getting worried. We took him to the doctor today. He has leukemia.” Andy quickly shoved his fisted hand against his mouth as he felt himself choking up.

  There was nothing but silence on the other end, and then Neil let out a sigh. “Oh my God, Andy. I’m so sorry. What did the doctor say? How bad is it?”

  “It’s leukemia, for fuck’s sake, Neil. It’s bad,” he snapped, feeling bad the minute he did so. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay, Andy.”

  “I have to find him a bone marrow donor. He needs an ideal match, which is family. Laura’s not close enough, and neither are the twins.”

  He could hear Neil groaning on the other end. “Andy, you can’t do this alone. Do you want us to come? Candy and I’ll get on a plane.”

  He swallowed for a second, because the fact was that he needed someone to watch his back. “Yeah, could you? I haven’t told Laura how bad it is, and I’m worried. She’s so tired now with the twins.”

  “Don’t worry, we’re coming. Candy and I’ll help with the kids. Look, Andy, we’ll help you figure this out. I’ll call you when we land.”

  Andy felt such overwhelming relief as he stared at the disconnected phone. It should have been his parents he could call. Rallying them to his and Laura’s side. At least he had his cousin Neil. Jed and Brad would come, too, if he called, but he stopped short of that. They would all come. They’d all stand with him, and they’d help him. He knew that. As Andy slumped to the concrete steps and lowered his face into his hands, he couldn’t explain to anyone the sense of relief that filled him up. Neil was on his way. He’d never allowed himself to need anyone, to depend on anyone, until now.

  Chapter 13

  Laura stared at the clock beside the bed. The white glow of “5:59 AM” had burned into her eyes as she watched the time slowly tick by. Even though she was so tired that she couldn’t sleep, she’d tossed and turned most of the night after feeding the babies and putting them back to sleep. When she crawled back into her own bed, she slid her hand to Andy’s side, over his pillow, wishing he could be here so she could rest her head on his shoulder and feel his arms around her. Maybe her head, her mind, her thoughts could then stop racing to every nightmarish scenario she was trying to hide from.

  She wondered if her sleepless night was just about her sweet little boy being so sick, or if it was also about her husband, who was the life force of their family. The man who held them together and took care of everything. She loved Andy so deeply. She just couldn’t get her head around the fact that her little boy, whom she loved more than her next breath, was so gravely ill, and Andy was there with him. In that moment, she wished that Andy could be Gabriel’s true, biological father. She wished a lot of things throughout the night. Crying into Andy’s pillow until she had no more tears; beating herself up and letting herself wonder whether she was responsible for this. Maybe everyone had been right and she should have given Gabriel up when he was a baby, but she soon became angry at herself for thinking that way. How could she not, though? Until a year ago, she’d lived in nothing but dirty, unhealthy places because she couldn’t afford anything else.

  “Stop it,” she muttered as she pressed her palms against her forehead and rubbed. She reached for the cell phone beside her on the nightstand, hoping Andy phoned in the night. She wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice. She only wondered for a second whether he was asleep as she pressed the number he’d programmed into her phone. That was just what he did. He set things up and organized them. Showing her only what he felt she should know. As she listened to the ringing, she knew Andy would censor any news.

  “Hello?” He cleared his throat and sounded half asleep.

  “Hi. I woke you.” She sighed. Just hearing him breathe on the other end helped.

  “Everything okay?” Of course, he was instantly alert.

  “I couldn’t sleep. Between worrying about Gabriel, and you not being here, it was a long night. How is Gabriel?” she asked.

  “He’s been asleep all night. You have to get some rest, Laura, or you’re no good to the babies.”

  “I know Andy, but I can’t rest here, when I’m worrying about what’s going on there.”

  He sighed on the other end.

  “As soon as the babies are awake, I’m coming in,” Laura said. At the same time, she wondered how she could divide her time between her two babies and Gabriel. At times like this, she wished for family, for some support for her and Andy. Maybe she could talk him into calling his cousin Jed and his wife, Diana, who was Laura’s friend and the closest person she had to family. Diana had always been there for her, even taking her in for a time.

  “I called Neil,” Andy said. “He’s flying in with Candy to help. I know you want to be here, and…”

  He stopped talking, and she realized then how tired he was. Whatever he was holding on to, he had almost let it slip. So there was more. She knew it deep inside of herself. She got out of bed and strode over to the window, shivering in the cold as she brushed back the curtain and stared out at the trace of snow on the ground just as the sun touched the horizon. She swallowed, irritated that Andy had called Neil without talking to her first. He had just made all the arrangements, which is what he did all of the time.

  “It snowed last night, Andy. You could have mentioned you were calling your family,” she snapped. The minute she said it, she wished she could take it back.

  “Laura, you need some help—and I can only do so much. I need to be here, and it’s best if Chelsea and Jeremy aren’t here at the hospital, day in and day out.”

  “I know,” she said. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired. I wish you’d talk to me more, tell me what you’re thinking whe
n you decide on something. I would kind of like to be consulted. Last night, you didn’t tell me you’d called Kim. How do you think it made me feel, driving in here and finding her parked outside the house, hearing that my husband had called her. You made me feel incompetent.”

  “Laura, you’re reading too much into it. I called Kim and my family for a lot of reasons. I didn’t want you to have to struggle. I need to know you’re okay. I feel helpless here with Gabriel; as if something has been taken from my control and I don’t like it one bit. I’m sorry you felt slighted, but I’d do it again just to know someone was there for you.”

  He sounded irritated, and Laura felt bad. She knew this was the way he was. He was possessive, controlling, stubborn, strong and powerful. He’d seriously hurt anyone who tried to mess with them. She knew he loved them deeply, and to be truly loved by him, not just as an obligation, was a powerful thing that had her tearing up again.

  “Andy, I love you, but you make me so frustrated when you won’t talk to me about how you’re feeling, about your decisions. I have a mind, Andy. I may be young, but I’m not helpless,” she said. Jeremy picked that moment to cry out: “Jeremy’s awake. I’m going to feed him, and as soon as they’re both up, I’m coming in.” She glimpsed Ladystar outside with her blanket on. “Andy, I forgot about Ladystar. I’ll check on her and feed her before we go.”

  “No, you have enough to do with the babies. I’ll call Kim, ask her to come by and feed the horse. Maybe I’ll see if she can move Ladystar to her place. She has two Quarter Horses. You know what? I’ll call Kim now and get her to drive you in. You’ve never driven on snow-covered roads. There could be icy patches out of nowhere. I don’t want you taking any chances.”

  “No, Andy. You’re not calling Kim to drive me. For the love of God, Andy—it’s six in the morning! Like any sane person, she’ll still be asleep. I can drive. I’ll just be careful.”