Five: Out of the Dark

by Anderson, Holli

  Johnathan’s eyes dilated again, pools of darkness looking down into mine. His skin was warm and flushed and his nostrils flared with each quick breath. He leaned his head down until his forehead touched mine. He shook; his grip on my arms tightened.

  “Johnathan.” My voice squeaked, embarrassing. “You’re scaring me a little.”

  That did something to partially transport him back to reality. He loosened his grip on my arms and closed his eyes. His breath came in quick little pants. He stayed in that position for an eternal minute before pulling his head away from mine. The dilation of his pupils was no longer a complete takeover of his irises, but his eyes flashed yellow-gold where they should have been dark brown. He stared at the triangular spot where my neck and collar bone met. I’m sure he could see my heartbeat, strong and fast, in whatever vein lies close to the surface there. He squeezed his eyes shut again and refused to take the breath his lungs hungered for. He released his grip on my arms and slowly backed away from me until his backside smacked into the wall opposite the one I leaned on. In slow motion, he slid down the wall until he was in a sitting-fetal position, his arms wrapped around his bent legs and his head bowed into his knees.

  I took a step toward him.

  “Don’t!” he snapped without looking up. “Don’t come near me.” He must have heard the strangled gasp that escaped my spasming throat, because he added, a little less gruffly, “Not right now. Just give me a minute, ’kay?”

  I stood in stunned silence. I knew I should just leave him to collect himself, but I wanted to try to understand. I couldn’t just walk away from him, even if that’s what he wanted. So I just stood there like an idiot.

  He mumbled something. I stayed where I was, scared to invoke another hotheaded carnal canine response from him. But I tapped into my magic just a little to enhance my hearing. I wanted to hear what he was mumbling. I didn’t think of it as eavesdropping. He knew I was standing there. I could hear my dad’s gentle voice saying, if you have to rationalize your actions, then you’re probably doing something you shouldn’t be doing. I did it anyway.

  “I can’t hurt someone I love again. I can’t. Not again. Never again.”

  I felt his despair in the pit of my stomach. He had some extreme deep-rooted secrets, I already knew that, and I wondered in desperation who he’d hurt before, what had happened. My guilt got the better of me and I allowed my hearing to return to normal.

  After several minutes, Johnathan took in a great lungful of air and raised his head. He wouldn’t—or couldn’t—look at me. “Sit down a minute … please. Over there,” he added, pointing to the other side of the small alley.

  I did as he asked.

  He still wouldn’t look me in the eyes. “I am so, so sorry. I don’t know what’s happening to me. Please, forgive me.”

  His voice broke, and it felt like something inside me broke along with it. I held it together, though. My instincts told me Johnathan needed me to be strong. So that’s exactly what I did. No tears, just strength.

  “It’s okay, I’m okay. No harm, no foul, right?” I was proud my voice shook only a little.

  “No, it isn’t okay! I’m turning into an animal! I can’t control my feelings or my impulses. I swear I can hear and feel when your heart speeds up. I can smell your excitement and your … fear. And … it makes me want to … do things.” He rubbed his eyes as if trying to rid them of some vile sight.

  I sat there in silence. I’d been waiting for him to tell me what was going on inside him, but I realized I wasn’t ready to hear what he was telling me.

  “We have to stay away from each other. You have no idea how hard it is for me to say that, but we have to. You can’t touch me. Your touch lights fires … I would die if I did something to hurt you. You have to understand, please.”

  I had to answer him. I couldn’t just sit there like the sorrowful statue of a jilted woman. I tried to speak, but my throat was full of mucous and barely contained tears. I coughed to clear it enough to whisper, “I understand. And it’s me that should be apologizing to you. I’m sorry I touched you when it was obvious that it was the last thing on earth you wanted.” I didn’t mean that in a pouty, poor me, you don’t care about me way. But I’m afraid that’s how it sounded to him.

  “No, Paige, you’re wrong. You have no idea how I want … how I need … your touch; how I have to stop myself a hundred times a day from reaching out to take your hand or touch your face. It’s torture. I’m dangerous. I know you see it in me. I can smell the fear that’s still rising from your pores, so don’t try to deny it. Just promise me you’ll keep your distance from me. I should just be a man and leave … go far away so I can’t hurt you or the others. I will … leave … if I have to, to protect you.”

  Now I was scared. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t. “Don’t even think that! You can’t leave. I promise I’ll stay away from you, okay? Just promise me you won’t leave.”

  He finally looked in my eyes. His had returned to their new normal color of brown with yellow flecks. “I promise not to leave unless it becomes necessary. That’s the best I can do.”

  We walked in silence the rest of the way home, making sure to keep a safe distance between us at all times. Too far for an errant swing of the arm to accidentally touch his.

  Keeping my promise was going to be really hard.

  s soon as Johnathan and I reached the bottom of the stairs to our new home, he asked—in a demanding tone—that Halli and I make our sleeping areas in a room separate from the boys. Up until then, we’d all just claimed a corner or area of the common room, where all the tables and chairs were. He insisted Halli and I move into the large room across from the bathroom that had most likely been an office or storage room once upon a time. His excuse—for Halli’s sake—was that it just wasn’t right to have teenage boys and girls sleeping in the same room now that we had a choice. Oh, and, “girls need more privacy than boys do.”

  Halli inhaled and opened her mouth like she was going to argue the point with him until I caught her eye and shook my head in warning. She clamped her mouth shut on whatever she’d been preparing to say and just shrugged.

  “It’ll be great, Hal,” I said. “We can even decorate without the boys raggin’ on us about stuff being too girly. It’ll be fun.”

  She narrowed her eyes and raised one eyebrow in my direction, but she didn’t say anything. I sighed in relief that my little friend was so in tune to the body language of others.

  We cleaned up our new room before moving in our meager belongings. I’ll admit it was kind of nice to have our own space; the door even had a lock on it—I could go back to sleeping in just a t-shirt and underwear.

  While we arranged our stuff, I told Halli what happened in the alley to provoke this separation of the genders’ thing.

  “The part of me that knows Johnathan wants to intensely deny what you just told me,” Halli said. “But I’ve seen this coming. And everything I’ve read has just confirmed my hunches. The one thing that’s really bothering me, though, is that his personality is changing at such a rapid pace. According to that book I read at the library yesterday, it took the author years to start losing his humanity.”

  “Halli! He isn’t losing his humanity. He’s just having trouble dealing with the changes. He’ll be fine. He’s going to get a handle on this. It doesn’t really matter, anyway, because I am going to figure out how to rid him of this … problem.”

  The look of pity she gave me only made me more determined in my quest. I would do whatever it took to see him untainted again. Whatever. It. Took.

  After a few minutes of silence, I spoke. “Did you find anything helpful at the bookstore today?”

  “Oh, yeah, maybe. They weren’t real happy with me just reading the books in the store and taking notes. I forgot I was in an actual store that wants to sell things. I did my best before they realized I wasn’t going to buy anything and showed me the door. Anyway, I did find an obscure, leather-bound book in a dusty corner th
at gave some clues. Let me grab my notes.”

  She rummaged around in her newly deposited pile of junk until she pulled out her gear belt and removed a small notebook from the zipped pocket. She flipped the pages until she found the one she was looking for.

  “Ah, here it is,” she said. She read from her scribblings. “Only the Daemons know the way of the Daemons. I suppose that there are only two ways to rid myself of this blasted curse—one, to kill myself before the next harvest moon appears in the night-sky; or, two, to summon a Daemon and barter with it for the answer. I’m afraid that there is still too much Christianity left in my bedeviled soul to allow me to do either of the aforementioned heinous acts. Thus, I will be forever needful of the loathsome cage my father had the Mage Rothfuss build for my confinement during these dreadful nights whilst I am possessed of the Wolf.”

  My stomach lurched. I tucked my head to my knees to keep from vomiting. My visit with Madame LaForte replayed in my mind for the hundredth time. Once again, I refused to see Johnathan’s death as an option. That left the other suggestion. Despite the fact I’d already entertained the idea that I might need help from the Fae or a Demon, hearing it stated so definitively caused the contents of my stomach to try a rather aggressive escape by way of my esophagus. I won the battle of anti-regurgitation for only a moment. As soon as I made the terrifying decision that I’d been toying with over the last three weeks—and knew it would be with a Demon, not the Fae—all systems were go for the vomit volcano that exploded forth. What a disgusting way to christen our new room.

  “Paige, what’s wrong?” Halli asked.

  I shook my head and continued to dry-heave.

  “I’ll go get some water … and towels,” she said.

  I took some slow, deep breaths and finally stopped my rebellious stomach from further launchings. I’d broken out in a cold sweat and had to wrap my blanket around my shoulders to keep from shivering.

  I am going to summon a Demon. The decision was firm in my mind, despite the obvious dread it caused me. I had no choice. And this time, I was not rationalizing. I really had no choice. I will commit this vile sin for Johnathan’s sake.

  I didn’t want to drag Halli any further into this, so I evaded her questions about my sudden illness while we cleaned up the mess. I was on my own with this one. I needed to do some further research on the summoning of Demons before I attempted it. Many a magically powered being had attempted before me, and stronger magic users than I had failed to be able to contain the Demon they’d summoned. I might have a slight advantage in that I’d helped send a few Demons back to where they’d come from. Still, I resolved that Johnathan may have to go through another changing before I was ready. A full moon was quickly approaching. If I failed, it meant not only a sure and fiery death for me, but a life of torment for Johnathan. I could not fail.

  We finished cleaning up just before Alec and Seth came clomping down the stairs. Johnathan had been busy cooking hamburgers for dinner. I stayed a good distance away from him while we prepared and ate our burgers—not only because of our deal, but also because I was sure his increased sense of smell would pick up on my recent fear-vomit episode. I was pretty sure it already had, but he chose to be a gentleman and not bring it up.

  News from football practice brought a possible break in our self-assigned case.

  “A couple of guys on the team invited us to a party after the game tomorrow. They hinted that there would be something more than the usual party fare,” Alec said.

  Seth chimed in, “Yeah, I asked Brendon about it. He told me not to do it, said he’s heard about what goes on at those parties and it isn’t something I should get mixed up in. And, listen to this, most of the suicides were kids that had attended at least one of these parties. I asked him how he avoided them, the parties, because these guys were pretty insistent that we come.”

  “What did he say?” Alec asked.

  “He has to work at his parents’ diner or something. He told me to just think of an excuse and not to go no matter what.”

  “So,” Alec said. “That means we really have to go.”

  I was afraid Alec was right on that point. We had to go check it out. I was also more than a little relieved Brendon had found a way out of it and was smart enough to know something wasn’t right.

  We stayed up late strategizing about how to stay safe at the party and what information we needed to gather. Once again, poor Halli was left out. She would come to the game with us, but would be home, safe and sound while the rest of us went on to the party.

  It was a great distraction for me. A distraction from other plans I had to make.

  The next day was a rough one. I tried really hard to avoid Mr. Jorgenson, but he was the principal, after all. He had access to every area of the school and my class schedule. He called me out of Mrs. C.’s class first thing. Brendon and Chari both looked at me like I was headed to the chopping block.

  During the long, slow walk to his office, I thought about what his excuse for pulling me out of class would be this time. I hadn’t been involved with any more freak-outs or anything. I reminded myself not to look into his eyes, and I told myself to be cool—no more computer-crashing antics or other such rebellious acts that might alert him to my magical nature.

  Head held high and shoulders squared, I entered the office with an air of indifference. The snotty school secretary sneered as she let me behind the counter.

  “Mr. Jorgenson is waiting for you in his office.”

  I thanked her with all the fake sincerity I could muster and headed boldly for the Evil-meister’s office. I was determined to both show no fear and to feign respectfulness in hopes I could get myself off his radar.

  I stopped in the doorway to his office.

  “Sasha, come in and have a seat,” he gestured to the chair he had positioned directly in front of his desk—and conspicuously out of arms’ reach from his new computer monitor. Hmm. So much for getting off his radar.

  I sat. I focused my eyes on the top of his desk. He was silent for a very uncomfortable amount of time, so I looked up, intending to bypass his eyes and look at the spot of skin between his eyebrows. He apparently anticipated that, because he expertly moved his head just enough that I found myself staring, transfixed, into his emotionless eyes. A feeling of intense coldness started on top of my head and flooded over me, quickly reaching my toes. I shivered. I knew I needed to shift my gaze from his, I just couldn’t remember why or how. Vertigo threatened to take over my senses. I was falling into … his … eyes.

  The peculiar words Mr. Grewa had spoken to me two days before suddenly popped into my mind. Remember when the storm rages around you and the waves are crashing down on you, find something to hold onto.

  Johnathan’s face appeared in my mind, blocking the powerful effects of Mr. Jorgenson’s soul-gaze. I was able to pull away then. I blinked and kept my eyes shut for a few seconds, fighting the shudder that threatened to expose my fear. When I once again opened my eyes, I was determined not to show him how scared I was. I looked him in the eyes. Not the smartest thing to do, but like I’ve said before, I hate bullies. I couldn’t let him win. Besides, I figured I knew how to break his gaze now anyway. So, with a vision of Johnathan planted firmly in my mind, I looked Mr. Jorgenson in the eye—for a second. Or less. Maybe. I shifted my gaze to his forehead and was a little bit satisfied that the skin there had turned an angry shade of red.

  “Miss Spurlock.”

  I waited for him to continue, which he didn’t. “Uhh … yes, Mr. Jorgenson?” I really did try to keep the sarcastic tone out of my voice.

  I must have been unsuccessful, however, because his hands curled into tight fists atop his desk before they disappeared under it.

  “I wanted to see if you remembered anything else Ashley might have said to you the other day. She hasn’t been back to school and I’m worried about her. Also, I want to assure you that you are safe here. The events you witnessed on your first day here must have been more than a lit
tle disconcerting for you.”

  It was obvious to me he was making this up as he went along. He hadn’t thought of a Plan B in case the soul-gaze didn’t work. I felt a small sense of pride prickling my chest. He’d underestimated me. The sense dissipated as I realized that made me an even bigger target—and also put Seth, my brother, in the danger zone.

  I decided to try my hand at damage control. Which meant I had to act weak, and I hated acting weak. “It was very scary, Mr. Jorgenson. I haven’t slept well the last two nights. Every time I close my eyes I see Ashley freaking out and the blood dripping from her hands.” It would be perfect if I could muster up a tear or two.

  I couldn’t.

  “Yes, well, I can only imagine. Would you like to talk with a counselor? I can set that up for today if you want.”

  “No, sir. I think I’ll be okay. I’ll let you know if I change my mind, though.”

  He repositioned himself in his chair. I was sure he’d noticed my failure to respond to his first question, but he couldn’t seem to figure out how to get back to it while he was acting as the concerned principal.

  I took advantage of his lack of planning ahead. “I would like to get back to class, Mr. Jorgenson, if there isn’t anything else, that is.”

  Jorgenson made one last attempt to lock me in a soul-gaze. I pictured Johnathan firmly in my mind and boldly looked him in the eye. So much for acting the intimidated young girl. A half-formed smile froze on his lips when he realized his gaze wasn’t working. His composure cracked.

  “What the … how are you doing that?”

  I batted my eyelashes—the picture of innocence. “Doing what, Mr. Jorgenson?”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “Nothing. Go back to class, Miss Spurlock.”

  I rose from the chair and turned toward the door to the office. Before I could reach it, he added, “I will be watching you very closely, Sasha. Very closely.”

  The chill that ran down my spine was insuppressible. I just kept walking though. The bell to change classes rang just as I reached Mrs. C.’s room. Brendon came rushing out and almost smashed into me. His relief at seeing me was evident as he released a held breath.