by Wild, Cassie
How many times had something like that happened? What had I done to make her hate me the way she did? A snippet of the dream I’d had right before I woke from the coma replayed in my mind. My mother shrieking about how “he” had left because I was a bad girl. I knew now she must have meant my father. She blamed me for him leaving, and I had no way of knowing if that was true.
I felt like my heart was breaking. For that little girl in the corner. For me.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. Everything’s okay,” Kris murmured as he stroked my hair.
Eventually, my tears slowed and I could breathe without gasping.
“Pres,” he finally said, “I only live a block or two from here. Do you want to go and relax there for a while? Get yourself cleaned up? Catch your breath?”
I nodded against his chest and he wrapped a protective arm around me. I recalled Kris telling me that I didn’t have to worry about anything. As he led me through the crowded, icy street, I realized that I was finally beginning to believe him.
Chapter 12
Kris
Preslee was curled up on the sofa, her arms around her knees. It had been almost two hours since we’d come up to my apartment, and finally she was calm.
I’d never seen anything like it. One minute everything was fine. We were walking, talking, enjoying each other’s company, and the next, it was like she’d totally checked out. Her eyes were glassy, her expression blank.
For one horrible split second, I thought she might be having some sort of relapse or a seizure. I called her name but there was no reaction. When she came to, I was flooded with relief. When she looked at me with those sad eyes and her face crumpled, I knew she’d experienced something terrible.
When we got to my place, she collapsed onto the couch and held her face in her hands. She said nothing. She didn’t cry again. I sat next to her and rubbed her back for a while. I didn’t ask any questions or try to prod her into speaking. I knew something was happening that she wasn’t ready to share.
Suddenly, she took a deep breath and sat up straight. “Can I use your bathroom to freshen up?” While I waited, I built a fire as promised. The day had been warm and sunny, but another storm was coming in and the night air had turned damp and chilly.
I fixed myself a drink, and just as I was about to call out to ask if she was doing okay, she came back to the living room. All the color had drained from her face, and I wondered if this was how she’d looked when she was in a coma.
“You look like you could use a drink.”
She smiled wanly, and it didn’t reach her eyes. “You know I’m only nineteen. I would think you of all people would understand how important it is to not do anything illegal.”
And there it was, a hint of a twinkle. At least she had her sense of humor in place.
“True,” I said. “But I won’t tell if you don’t.”
A frown crossed her pretty face, and I could practically read her thoughts. I tried not to be insulted.
“I’m not trying to get you drunk, Pres. I just thought that maybe a little wine would help you relax. That’s all. Half a glass.”
She considered, then nodded. I was true to my word, only pouring a half glass of a sweet rose I thought she might enjoy. From the look on her face after the first sip, I knew I’d been right. It was a surprisingly satisfying feeling to be able to read her so well.
She leaned back on the sofa and, in a soft but emotionless voice, told me how the woman on the street had triggered memories from her childhood that bordered on abuse. Anger rose inside me, followed by a sort of fierce protectiveness that I’d never felt before.
“She really hates me,” Preslee mumbled, draining her glass until it was empty. I took it from her and placed it on a table beside me.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. I couldn’t imagine having gone through a childhood where that seemed like the norm.
My parents hadn’t been perfect, but I’d never doubted their love for me, especially not my mother. The doctors had told them they’d never have children of their own, so when I’d shown up, I’d been welcomed.
“Will it always hurt this way? The remembering?” she asked.
“I hope not,” I said even though I knew she didn’t expect an answer. “You and Ava made plenty of good memories together. Those memories will be happy ones.”
She smiled a little. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s just funny. I mean, I’ve been trying so hard the last two weeks to remember something, anything, and the first thing I really remember has to be about her. It’s enough to make me not want my memory back at all.”
I moved closer to her. “All of the stuff you’ve been through has made you a stronger person. I like the person you’ve become. Even without those memories, you’re Preslee because of them.” I laughed at myself. “Does that make any sense?”
She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I see what you mean. Even though I can’t remember, all of those experiences made an impression on my character or something. Right?”
“Right. Without them, you wouldn’t be who you are.”
She slowly leaned toward me until her head was on my shoulder. I put an arm around her and she nestled into me. I knew she needed comfort and I was happy to give it. We sat for a long time, watching the fire together in silence.
“Your apartment is beautiful. I don’t think I mentioned how much I liked it when I was here before,” she murmured after a while.
“Thanks,” I said. “We were a bit distracted,” I joked, “It’s nice, but it’s simple. I don’t require much.”
She looked up at me, and I saw more than gratitude in her eyes. I told myself not to get lost in that look again, that it wasn’t a good idea, but before I could stop myself, I leaned down and claimed her mouth.
I moaned at the taste of her as my tongue swept into her mouth. It was heady, the wine mixing in. I suddenly realized what I hadn’t thought of before. She didn’t remember her past. Didn’t remember any men she might have been with. I didn’t think she’d been a virgin the other night, but whatever experiences she’d had before were gone.
I was the only man whose kiss she knew. The only man whose body she knew. Her body might not have been a virgin, but her mind was. I’d been her first kiss, her first lover.
Something in my chest squeezed as I understood the responsibility of what that meant. I slid my hand up her spine to cradle the back of her head, and scraped my teeth across her bottom lip. I would make sure she didn’t have a single memory of a bad kiss.
She made a sound in the back of her throat that went straight to my cock. And then her hand was on my thigh and I knew I had to be the responsible one.
“No, wait,” I said as I pulled away and took a deep breath. “Pres, you’re really vulnerable right now. I don’t want to take advantage of the way you’re feeling. I don’t want you to regret this.”
She smiled, heat in her eyes. “Thank you for saying that. But I know what I’m doing. I’ve wanted this all week.”
She leaned back into me and nipped at my bottom lip.
Fuck.
I grabbed her slim waist and lifted her until she straddled my lap, her crotch pressing deliciously against my erection. As my tongue explored her mouth, dueling with hers, I ran my hands up under her sweater enjoying the feel of her soft skin under my palms. I felt myself growing, then straining against the zipper of my pants. My hands moved down her back to cup her ass, fingers kneading the firm flesh.
She squirmed on my lap, then leaned back. Before I could protest, she reached down to remove her sweater, revealing her small, perfect breasts. Holy shit. No bra.
Immediately, my mouth found one of her nipples even as my hand grasped her other breast. I dipped my tongue into the cleft between the two, and she gasped, her fingers running through my hair and over my neck. I kissed a trail up to her throat. I settled there for a while, sucking and nibbling her sweet skin, loving each and every one of her little mewls and moans.
“Yes,” she whispered when I r
an my thumbs over her delicate peach-colored nipples. She gasped, throwing her head back.
She was the most exquisite thing I’d ever seen.
I needed to feel her skin against me. I pulled my shirt off and shivered as she ran her hands over my chest and shoulders. She ground her hips against me and I swore.
“Keep that up, and I’m going to embarrass myself,” I growled at her.
She chuckled until I latched my lips around her nipple and she jerked, all laughter gone. My fingers dug into her hips, trying to hold her still while I worked teeth and tongue over her nipple until it was swollen and she was writhing.
“Bedroom,” she whispered raggedly.
Damn straight.
I stood up, and she wrapped her legs around me. I was starting to like it very much when she did that. I carried her into the bedroom and we fell onto the bed together. Her fingers worked on my belt while I kicked off my shoes. She quickly removed my pants, relieving me from the pressure of the constraining zipper.
I knelt above her, eager for my turn. I slowly removed her leggings, running my hands up and down her smooth, soft legs, then kissing a trail up the inside of her leg, before I worked her black silk panties down. I hadn’t taken the time to do this before, and after my earlier epiphany about how my actions would leave her with new ‘first’ memories, I was determined to do her justice.
I settled between her legs and cupped her ass in my hands. I flicked my eyes up to see her staring at me. I grinned, then placed my mouth over her mound. She cried out again, the sound spurring me on. I licked and sucked until she was shuddering and trembling, her fingers tugging painfully on my hair. I didn’t mind. I wanted to feel her explode against my mouth.
I dipped my tongue into her, then danced up around her clit before wrapping my lips around it, and sucked...hard. She screamed, her body arching up off of the bed, and I felt her orgasm rip through her. I kept at her though, coaxing out every last drop of pleasure until she was a quivering mess.
Then it was my turn. I had to have her. I hastily rolled a condom over my throbbing dick and slid into her, relishing the feeling of her tight, still spasming, warmth. She was so small, felt so breakable, but she pushed up against me, nails digging into my back.
“More,” she begged. “More.”
I let myself go, giving into the urge to drive into her hard and fast. She met me thrust for thrust, my name falling from her lips, mingling with moans and cries. I wasn’t going to last long, not with the way her pussy was squeezing me. She was too hot, too tight.
I pulled her upright as I went to my knees. I clutched her against me, her nipples hard against my chest. She pressed her mouth against my neck as I moved her on my cock, pulling her down even as my hips went up. I could feel myself bottoming out, pressing places so deep inside her, I wasn’t sure where I ended and she began.
“Close,” I managed to grunt out the word.
She bit down on my neck, and that was all it took. I called out her name as I held her close to me, sucked in a breath as she ground down on me. Even as I was coming deep inside her, I felt her tense and knew she’d come again.
I was surprised at how much I liked that I’d been able to make her come more than once. I’d always prided myself on being a generous partner, but something about Preslee made me even more determined to please her.
I lowered her back onto the bed and curled my body around her, tucking her against my chest. It wasn’t until later that I beat myself up for getting carried away. Now that the frenzy had passed and I could think more clearly, all my thoughts were of self-reproach.
Preslee was already half-asleep, her breath coming slower and more evenly. She looked so relaxed, so sated, but I couldn’t shake the sense of guilt I felt. She was so trusting of me, and while I knew she’d enjoyed what we’d done just as much as I had, and that she’d wanted it just as much as I did…I still felt as though I’d taken advantage of her. Again.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m so sorry.”
Chapter 13
Preslee
“I mean, who is this guy, really?” Ava sounded more than a little suspicious.
I’d gotten back from Kris’ apartment earlier this morning to find her waiting. Ignoring her original questions about where I’d been, I’d told her about my flashback. Even though I hadn’t really needed confirmation that it was a true memory, she gave it. Then, after making sure I was okay, she started in on Kris.
“It’s really nice that he took care of you when you were so upset, but then you tell me that you ended up in bed together. Like…how convenient for him.”
“It wasn’t like that,” I told her, feeling a rush of defensiveness even though I’d had my own doubts. “He wasn’t trying to take advantage of me. He even tried to stop it from happening. I wanted it. I knew what I was doing.”
“You’re a smart person. I trust you, Pres...” Ava trailed off, her mouth turned down as she played with some lint on the sofa.
“But?” I prompted, knowing there was something she wasn’t saying.
“But…I’d feel a lot better if I spent some time with this guy. I met him, but it’s hard to size someone up from just a handshake. You don’t remember this, but the two of us look after each other, and that includes policing each other’s dates.”
I could tell she really meant it, that she wanted to make sure Kris was a good guy. And considering my own questions about it, it would probably be a smart move to get someone else’s opinion. Except I worried that Kris would be put off if I asked him to hang out with us. Aside from the fact that we’d slept together twice, our relationship was supposed to be professional. And even if it wasn’t, I didn’t know what this thing between us was. Wasn’t this the kind of thing that signified a relationship?
But I knew there was no getting around it. I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t at least ask, so I agreed to extend an invitation for brunch at her apartment the next day.
“That would be great,” was Kris’ reply when I called later that day to invite him. “I’d love to get to know her. If she’s your best friend, she must be pretty special.”
“She is,” I told him, feeling relieved that I hadn’t even needed to persuade him.
He offered to bring pastries from a bakery next to his building, and I accepted, hoping Ava would see it as a friendly gesture. I knew Ava would like him if she gave him a chance. I just hoped she would play nice. I’d gotten the impression that she wouldn’t care what he did for a living. If he rubbed her the wrong way, she’d let him know it.
***
Ava was in a good mood while we were getting the coffee ready and squeezing fresh orange juice. Practically buzzing with energy, she flitted from one side of the kitchen to the other, not that it took much. She made me tired just looking at her.
When Kris knocked at the door, my stomach flip-flopped, and Ava raced to beat me to the door. I made a mental note to ask her about how many times she’d interrogated guys I’d gone out with. It was more than a little weird to realize that she knew more about my dating history than I did. Hell, she knew more about my prior sex life than I did.
“I come bearing gifts.” Kris smiled as he stepped inside.
He held out a box to Ava. He’d picked up danishes as well as bagels and cream cheese, and on top of one of the boxes was a bouquet of bright spring flowers. The flowers went to me.
“You did too much!” I told him as I rummaged through the cupboards for something to hold the flowers. “We didn’t invite you over so you could feed us for a week.”
“I wasn’t sure what everyone liked, so I figured I should get a little of everything.” He gave me an appreciative once-over before turning his attention to Ava. “So…Preslee told me you work with computers.”
“Yeah, I work at an electronics store downtown,” she told him. “Just a little place, but we do pretty good. Lots of people would rather get to know the techs who are working on their machines than go to
a big store and hand it over to some random person.”
“And you do your own work with clients on the side?” he asked. She nodded again. “That must be interesting.”
“Some people don’t exactly, um, want the info on their machine to fall into the wrong hands,” she said dryly. “And I don’t mean state secrets, either.”
Kris laughed. “Ah, shady internet searches?”
Ava laughed and gave me a look over Kris’ shoulder. So far, so good. I settled into the chair between the two of them, but didn’t interject myself into the conversation.
“Do you ever have to disassemble hardware?” Kris asked.
“I’ve done it in the past. I don’t usually have to, unless the problem is a faulty fan or something. I can replace parts, add memory and new drivers, that sort of thing.”
“I’m impressed,” he told her, honestly. “Computers, technology, I use it, but the actual components are like a whole new frontier as far as I’m concerned. Not everybody can do what you do.”
“I’m sure it’s the same with you.” Ava said. “You sound like a pretty important guy, yourself.”
I looked up when she said that, to gauge Kris’ reaction. I saw his brow furrow, and a look of disquiet crossed his face, but it passed quickly. He changed the subject to the weather.
***
“He’s hiding something,” Ava said bluntly, only moments after the door closed behind Kris.
We’d had a nice time together, or so I’d thought. The food had been great and there hadn’t been any awkward silences. After talking about computers, Ava shared a lot of stories about the trouble we’d gotten into when we were growing up.
Kris and I both sat in rapt attention as we heard the stories for the first time. She asked Kris questions about his own work and family, and he answered them all easily enough. Though I couldn’t deny that some of his answers had sounded vague.
“It seemed like you liked him. You got along well enough.”
