Return to Cheshire Bay

by H. M. Shander

  “Most kids go through a rebellion of sorts, but you, it was like you were out for blood. You were…” He paused and leaned in closer. “An absolute lunatic. And no one can forget that.”

  I hung my head as the town proved just how much they hadn’t forgotten over the past few weeks.

  Eric kept going. “At the height of your past, there was Jordan. One of us. Who died.” He didn’t need to follow it up with because of you.

  A knife to my heart, it twisted and carved, breaking me in a way I’d never dealt with. Just thinking about that incident soured my stomach.

  “I’m very much aware, but I didn’t kill him.”

  Wicka was a small island in the northern bay. You needed a boat to drive to the far side, and I had managed to find a group of guys willing to take me. After a few drinks, and a couple of doobies, I accepted a dare, and then a double dare from the guy I’d just screwed. Without hesitation, I climbed up to the top of a cliff, with Jordan licking my heels. We both stood at the top breathless, staring down at the dark water while the seven friends chanted below. Then we jumped.

  I was fearless back then, and completely foolish and naïve. And also lucky. Damn lucky. I survived the jump, having not checked for any jagged ridges of rocks hidden deep under the water.

  Unfortunately for Jordan, who was easily double my weight, lady luck was not with him. He died instantly when he cracked into the ridge, a rock slicing him open from pelvis to chest. He bled out before we found him.

  Rumours circulated that it was my fault, and had I not jumped in the first place, the kid wouldn’t have jumped either. After that, at least until I stopped coming around, the area was put under patrol. There wasn’t much danger in anyone going back anyway. No one wanted to be around Jordan’s ghost.

  Understandably, it put a total damper on the end of summer festivities and parents were strongly encouraged to keep a better eye on their kids, which meant I wasn’t allowed out of eyesight. Until those eyes couldn’t stay awake anymore, then I was a free bird.

  Looking back on my time, I wasn’t a great person. I wasn’t even a good person.

  It hurt how Eric brought it up, how he sat there immune to the turmoil raging inside of me.

  My voice cracked, and I pleaded with all I had in me. “I didn’t force Jordan to jump. For crying out loud, it was a dare. He didn’t have to take it.” A fresh set of tears blurred my vision. “But you know what, I’ve paid for that mistake over and over again, even though I had nothing to do with it.”

  A tampered down rage was building inside of me. “My dad was forced out of town, maybe not in a physical sense, but in a mental one. No one wanted to help him with any projects, his business here derailed, and he had to deal with a rebellious teenager who wanted nothing more than to be loved, and who hunted for alternate ways of getting that need met.”

  I’d found a way to get it too. It was always with the guy who showed me the most affection, and after we’d had a quick fix, we’d share a doobie around a campfire, and he’d ignore me having gotten what he needed. You’d think I would’ve learned. But no. It went on that whole summer, until Jordan jumped. Then I had no one.

  I stared across the small table at the man before me. Even twelve years later, what happened? I had sex with the guy who lavished his attention on me, and same thing happened. He was pushing me away now that he’d had his fix and reminding me of everything I did wrong. All this time, I’d thought Eric was different.

  Instead of saying anything, he leaned back in his chair and surveyed the change in the atmosphere. The air was getting thick with humidity from the approaching storm, and there was a chill breezing over my way.

  I leaned back and crossed my legs, keeping my back to the others in the restaurant, debating if I should stay or leave. Leaving was the easy way out but staying with someone who believed the worst about me wasn’t really a better option, especially when I played right into his goal.

  Lure her in with sweetness, have some mind-blowing sex, and ditch the bitch.

  For a while, I believed I was special, and for a time, I’d considered staying in Cheshire Bay and seeing what could become of us.

  How stupid and foolish I had been to hope there would ever be anything more, even if deep down it was all a pipe dream.

  “Listen.” I inhaled and crossed my arms over my chest. Everything inside was hurting, and my heart was breaking in pieces. “That summer was the worst one of my life, and if I could change it, I would in a heartbeat. I did a lot of dreadful things, and I wasn’t a great friend. I wasn’t even a good person.”

  I searched his eyes which were locked on me. At least he was listening.

  “But I’m not that same person. Not completely. I still want the same things – to be loved and to be accepted, and I’m definitely not going to ever find that here.”

  My best bet was to sell the house, and like Beth said, tuck my tail between my legs and come home. Oh, how right she’d been. It had been a giant mistake coming back.

  “I’m sorry, Eric. I’m sorry you knew me back then, and I’m sorry you can’t see that I’ve changed.” I rummaged through my purse and pulled out some cash, dropping it on the table as I rose.

  “Lily, wait…”

  Tears fell down my face. “I’m sorry.”

  He turned his head away.

  I hailed an uber, and on the way back to my place, I texted Beth. “It’s on.”

  Chapter Eleven

  I was in a mood to fight. The ride home did nothing to settle me down. I didn’t want to cry anymore, I wanted to punch something, or better yet, yell and scream until I had no energy remaining and felt all my anguish was gone. My key nearly bent from being stabbed into the lock repeatedly. After twisting it open, I stepped inside and slammed the door shut.

  The loud staccato beats of the Imperial March sounded.

  Duh duh duh, DUN DA DUN, DUN DA DUN

  For once, Parker’s timing didn’t stink. Gloves on and blood already boiled, I was ready.

  “What do you want?” I barked into the speaker as I stormed up the stairs to the master bedroom.

  “Finally, you answered.” There was a time when hearing his voice once soothed me, but now the very sound of his Newfie-ish accent grated my last remaining nerves.

  “What do you want?”

  “I want to see you again. Where are you? You haven’t been home in a month.”

  My heart stopped beating despite the quick cardio workout. “What do you mean? I had the locks changed.”

  Two days before I left for Cheshire Bay, three weeks after he walked away from us.

  “Yeah, and thanks for the heads up on that. I had to ask the super.”

  I braced myself against the wall and inhaled sharply. “And he gave you a set?”

  I’d been pretty clear when I had the locks changed the reasoning behind that. It seemed my next call to make was to the superintendent of my building to give him a solid piece of my mind.

  “Of course. Johnny and I go way back.”

  Fantastic. They were likely comic book buddies or something. The blood in my veins chilled faster than the air around me as I entered my master suite. I’d left all the windows open, and in desperation to feel warm and secure, I slammed them shut and quickly raced to the unlocked patio door.

  “So where are you, Babe?”

  “Not with you.”

  “Right? Our bed is so cold without you.”

  Ew. He’s still sleeping in my bed, in my apartment, even though I wasn’t there. The ethics and violations being smashed left and right were upping the anxiety levels in me. Dizziness was settling in, and I needed to sit down. The first available space was the deck chair on the balcony.

  “I went to your office.”

  My mouth dried in an instant and even a quick swallowing did nothing. My legs weakened. I wanted to throw up.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you got fired?”

  I was given a buyout, not fired. Although it didn’t really matter. No doub
t my perfume was still lingering in the air when they removed my name from the door. I grasped the arm rest of the chair and slid into it.

  The karate kid was waking up and stretched, pushing against my dress with a noticeable bump. I rubbed it until it smoothed out, trying to calm myself down. But it wasn’t working. The longer the air cackled between Parker and I, the harder my heart pounded.

  Parker was in my apartment. He’d been to my work. What else was he capable of?

  “You know, since you haven’t been home or to work, I’ve been trying to figure out where you are.”

  A cold sweat built across the back of my neck.

  “And that’s when I had a moment of brilliance.”

  The audacity of Parker having any smarts was laughable. What had I ever seen in the guy? He was gorgeous and amazing in bed, but other than that? He had an entry level position with a marketing company and zero desire to move up. He spent his free time–

  “So, I contacted Beth.”

  I laughed. “As if she’d tell you anything.”

  “You’re right, she refused all my calls.” His breathing was heavy, calculating, and it caused the hairs to stand upright on the back of my sweaty neck. “Turns out she’s away this weekend. Catching a flight to the island?”

  A weight of a thousand nightmares sat on my chest, rendering me speechless. I gazed across to Eric’s house, as one by one the lights flickered to life. Thank god he was home. Knowing that meant the world to me.

  “So, I did some more digging.”

  A bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, the static echoing over the phone before a clap of thunder nearly rendered me deaf. Long gone was the fight instinct, instead it had been replaced by the flight portion. I pushed the end button and stormed back into my house, securing the patio door.

  I checked the guest suite and bathroom, ensuring all windows were closed and locked tight with the lights all on, before heading downstairs and repeating my security check there. After a long while of pacing, which did nothing to calm my racing heart, I finally gave up and sat on the couch.

  Maybe Parker had been baiting me, hoping to find out where I was? Beth sure as hell wouldn’t tell him, and it was unlikely her admin would’ve said anything.

  It should’ve put me at ease, but it didn’t. It only made things worse.

  A deep vibration rumbled under my cheek, and I blinked myself awake. My phone buzzed again, and I pulled away my hand, the phone still tightly gripped in my hand. It wasn’t the Imperial March, so I hit the answer button.

  “Where are you?”

  I shot up and rubbed my crusty eyes to read the name on the display. “Beth?” My throat was raw, as if I’d swallowed razor blades.

  “I’m about to board the plane. You still going to pick me up?”

  I coughed to clear away the frog. “That was today?”

  “Yes.”

  The note of distain in her voice was a little too much for me, especially since I’d yet to have a coffee and had managed a few shitty hours of sleep, if I were being generous.

  “When do you land?”

  “Forty-five minutes?”

  “I’ll be there. Don’t you worry.” She hung up before I had the chance to say goodbye. It wasn’t much time to get ready, but it would be enough.

  I gave a quick glance to Eric’s house, wondering what kind of night he’d had. His lights shut off before midnight, and a couple of times he made it out onto the deck but retreated after a few breaths. I managed to sneak out onto my own back porch for a moment, hiding in the shadows as he glanced over to my place. Sadness settled over his features, but I wasn’t too upset by that. He deserved it for bringing up my past and throwing it in my face.

  Was he going to be Beth’s pilot? It was a good thing they didn’t know who the other was, Beth would make his flight unbearable. Normally, that would’ve made me smile, but now, it caused untold worry.

  Eric wasn’t a bad guy, the opposite in fact. He’d been the first one to welcome me back, and to make Cheshire Bay a home. He was a reason for me to stay and enjoy my time here. Without asking, he’d helped me settle in and offered his hand, and his heart, more than once. But like everyone else, he couldn’t let my past go.

  Why did things need to be so complicated?

  I pulled up outside the green building, only slightly bigger than three of the beach houses combined; hardly airport sized. Pacing outside and fanning myself as the humidity levels were reaching the unbearable stage, I headed into the air-conditioned building for reprieve.

  I wasn’t three steps in, when a voice called out.

  “Welcome to Pacific… Hey, Lily.”

  Eric’s friend from the bonfires strutted by. “Hi, Cedar.”

  She hopped out from around her little desk and gave me a big hug. “How’s it going? Look at you, so full of life.” Her hands hovered over my belly and the scarf she wore, loosened as she bent over. “How’s the baby?”

  “Good. Do you want to feel? He’s not moving much right now.”

  Her eyes grew as large as saucers as she placed her hands on either side of the bump. “Are you here to see Eric? He’s on final approach.”

  “No, not Eric.” I avoided her eye contact. “However, he is bringing a friend of mine over.”

  “Oh, okay.” A door behind us opened. “Mitch,” she yelled, and I pulled my head back from the volume. “Guess who’s here?”

  Mitch emerged from the door, dressed in coveralls. His hands were black with engine dirt and grease.

  “Hey, if it isn’t the beautiful addition to our bonfire.” He walked over and carefully, without touching me, air-kissed each cheek. “Are you here for–”

  “Nah,” Cedar jumped in, saving me from any explanation. “Her friend’s on the 145.”

  “Are you joining us at the fire tonight?” he asked, flipping a hopeful gaze from Cedar to me.

  I shook my head and glanced around. “I’ll politely decline since I have company.”

  Mitch waved his hand in the air. “Whatever. Bring them along. No one’s going to mind, and you know there’s always enough food.”

  I nodded at the truth. “I make no promises.”

  “Fair enough.” He looked over my shoulder, and I turned just in time.

  Eric set the plane down perfectly on the runway.

  “145. Touchdown. I need to go. Later.”

  “It’s okay.” Cedar pointed to the wall of windows, after Mitch ran through the door. “Once the plane stops, you can go out there. Just tell them you’re with Eric, and no one will give you any hassle.”

  With Eric. My heart constricted. Don’t I wish?

  After Cedar’s prodding, I inched my way to the door, and simply watched. At the end of the runway, the plane turned, and taxied its way toward the building. The plane was much bigger than I thought, like something out of a movie, and it was cool watching it drive right up and stop about fifty feet from the door. No way that was ever happening in any major city.

  The stairs unfolded and a couple of minutes later, Beth stood at the top of the steps shaking her perfectly styled bob. The epitome of business, she was dressed as though she’d just left the office after meeting another high-profile client - pencil skirt, blazer, and high heels. She stuck out like a sore thumb as she made her way onto the tarmac and over to the belly of the place where the luggage doors were opening.

  Two more passengers ventured off the plane after her, but they didn’t capture my attention like the last man did.

  Freshly shaven, Eric stood at the top, wearing aviators and a captain’s hat, dressed nicely in a crisp blue shirt and khakis. He had more of a professional but laid-back style than my friend who was currently barking orders at a young baggage handler.

  “Damn.” I stepped outside and kept my head down but stayed within touching distance of the building. The overpowering scent of jet-fuel turned my stomach.

  Mitch walked by me. “You can come out further.”

  “I’m good here. I’ll wait
for her to get her belongings.” I expected Beth to have an overnight bag. I did not expect a small crate plus two giant suitcases. She was only staying the one night.

  She wheeled her luggage over and dropped the handles to give me a solid once over. “Look at you.” She touched my belly before I had the chance to offer. “You’re so huge.”

  “Thanks.”

  She ran a perfectly manicured finger down my cheek. “I thought pregnant women slept lots. You look like you haven’t slept since you got here. I bet it’s because you missed me and your old life.”

  “Rough night, and yes I do miss you. Listen, I need to talk…” My voice faded away as she continued to speak over me.

  “Gawd, Lil. You should’ve told me you needed some clothes. I would’ve grabbed some from that boutique you like. I’m sure they must have maternity clothes, or at least something in a bigger size.” She eyed me up and down.

  “This is new.”

  It was a beautiful maxi dress in a nice linen material. It was airy and light and had lots of room for expansion. I’d bought it from one of the shops on the main drag where, for the first time since getting here, they treated me like a customer and not a disease.

  Her hand waved through the air. “When you come home, we’ll go shopping at one of those upscale places, Boudoir et More, or whatever it’s called.” She passed me one of the luggage handles. “Here. Someone’s going to bring over the crate, so we’ll need to get to your vehicle.”

  “What’s in the big box?”

  I glanced over her shoulder where Eric stood at the base of the stairs, staring in my direction. The urge to walk over and say hi was strong, but after last night… It was best I let him go. Between Parker and things back in Vancouver, it was the better idea.

  Beth carried on. “I brought a few things for the photo shoot. Nothing much since you’ve done really well with my suggestions and the beach home looks great. Your bag has all the camera equipment so be easy with it and don’t let it drop.”

  One more time, I looked in Eric’s direction.

  “C’mon, Lily,” Beth called out. “We’ve got work to do.”