Return to Cheshire Bay

by H. M. Shander

  My first reaction was a hard no, as there was no way I’d be able to be the kind of help she needed, and truth be told, having watched her at studio photo shoots, all I could picture was a bridezilla. Still, I’d be a major bitch to turn her down.

  “You have to think about this? Figured you’d be all over it?”

  Think, Lily, think.

  “Well, with the baby and everything…” I wasn’t lying, and I wasn’t being a bad friend.

  “Oh, don’t worry.” Her shoulders relaxed and her features softened. “We’re thinking we’ll need a minimum of a year, maybe even two or three years to plan the wedding of the century, so you have lots of time to lose the weight.” She patted my stomach for good measure.

  I snorted. “That wasn’t my first concern, but thanks for pointing that out.”

  “Lil, you’re carrying a baby. Of course, you’re going to put on weight. Your face is so much rounder than it was when you left.”

  It didn’t feel rounder, but my hands touched my cheeks just the same. I pushed myself to a stand and moved around. Two to three years was a long way away, lots could happen in that time.

  “You know what, sure. I’ll do it.” I nodded my head and agreed to the honour, unsure of what that would entail at this point.

  “Sure? Wow.” Her lips curled into a sneer. “Thanks for the enthusiasm. It wasn’t too long ago that you would’ve been all over that.”

  “I know.” Because it was truth. “I was a different person.”

  She threw her hands in the air and punched her finger in my direction. “I knew coming here would change you. I knew it was a bad idea right from the start. I said it many times to Archie. She’s going to move back there, and she’ll be different. She’ll lose her edge. And look at you. I was so right; it makes me sick.” She narrowed her eyes and popped up onto her feet. “You’ve gone soft. Before you were hard core, a go-getter, and now you’re falling apart.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m not falling apart, we’ve fallen apart.”

  “We?”

  “Yeah. We’re two different people, living two very different lives.”

  “That’s not true and you know it.”

  “Isn’t it?” My hands fell to my side in defeat. “Tell me something I’ve shared with you since I’ve moved back here. I know, better yet, tell me the name of the guy I’m interested in.”

  She took a step back. “You’ve never mentioned his name, because I would’ve remembered.”

  “I have. At least three times.” I wanted to add you’ve even met him, but that would be giving her too big a hint, and I wanted to make my point.

  “Well, you don’t know anything about me.”

  She stood there, in total silence, while I listed off all the things about her, and those were just the recent ones I’d learned in my absence.

  My voice softened as my heart tore a little. “Face it, Beth, we’ve grown apart. It happens to the best of friends, and it’s happening to us. I can’t keep up with your lifestyle, and you know what, that’s okay.”

  Tears streamed down her cheeks, and I hesitated. In the years I’ve known Beth, crying wasn’t something I’d ever witnessed, and I wasn’t sure if she was angry or truly upset by the truth.

  Instead, she took a sharp breath and moved around the living room, gathering her items, and shoving them under her arms. Her stomps sounded up the stairs, and a door slam followed.

  Guess she was angry.

  Chapter Thirteen

  My supper remained largely untouched as I sat on my back deck, finishing up an email. Beth’s angry stomps crossed back and forth over my head while she packed her things, and readied to leave, but with no car and no flight leaving until the morning, she was stuck. Maybe that was okay, because I wasn’t really wanting her to leave. We both needed a cooling off though.

  From under the cover of darkness, Eric hauled out a couple of chairs and a stack of wood, getting a crackling bonfire under way. One by one, my island friends arrived, first Willow and Arlo, with his guitar, followed by neighbour Jesse, who helped bring the fire to life. Eventually Mitch and Cedar arrived, her infectious giggle echoing between the houses.

  Between the twang of Arlo’s strumming, the smell of roasted hotdogs, and a bag of potato chips crinkling as it was passed around, a dull ache formed in my heart. But it was the laughter that truly did me in. The sweet snorts from Cedar as Mitch shared a story I didn’t quite understand were like a current under the water, it pulled on my heartstrings, tempting me to join in the fun.

  I tried to remain inconspicuous, but on a quick run to the house, Eric spotted me hiding in the shadows.

  “Hey.” He stepped closer to my deck but maintained a safe distance. “You’re welcome to come and join the party, you know?”

  “I know.” But I really felt I shouldn’t. After last night, maybe hanging out with Eric wasn’t the smartest idea.

  “Where’s your friend?”

  “Sulking in her room.” I deadpanned. “I think we’re breaking up.”

  Eric cocked his head and ran his hands through his hair, before walking onto the deck and grabbing the chair nearest me. “You okay?”

  “I’ll get over it.” My body sagged, and my gaze wandered over to the fire, watching the occasional spark shoot into the air with a pop.

  Now, I wasn’t really upset over the loss of friendship, since deep down I’d maybe seen it coming. Perhaps it was karma coming back to slap me in the face, destined to be alone in life, as a payback for being a bitch. Thinking about all my past crimes, tears slipped freely and streamed down my cheeks, cooling as the ocean air breezed past me.

  I sniffed.

  He wrapped his hand around mine. “You’re clearly not okay.”

  What I really wanted was to cradle into someone and feel arms wrapped around me, whispering how everything would be fine, but that was never my reality.

  “Coming back here has been a real eye opener, more than I expected. I wanted a change of scenery, to think through my life, and instead of all that, I realized it wasn’t a change I needed, it was insight. I met you, or got reacquainted with you,” I wiped away my river, “and it seemed like you accepted me for me. And I’d been looking for that for so long that I didn’t understand it had happened, until it was taken away from me.”

  He shifted in his seat and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “I never left you.”

  “You did. Yesterday, after we did it.” Where yesterday I’d been on top of the world, now I had shame over our experience.

  “Listen, about that.” Before I went to open my mouth, he covered it with his finger. “You’re going to hear what I have to say.” There was a gentle finality to his words. “Yesterday was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time, and because of that, it also scared me to a whole new level I wasn’t expecting.” He still held my hand, but his head hung as his shoulders rolled in. “I haven’t been entirely truthful with you.”

  My eyes widened as I stared.

  “Like you said, I do have a story; I just don’t like to share it. I’m envious of you as you don’t hold anything back, and when you unloaded about Jordan and your crazy past, my heart went out to you, and I want to be as honest with you as you are with me.”

  I squeezed his hand tight. “Whatever you want to share, I’ll never tell.”

  His chest vibrated with a sigh and he twisted away from me, checking out the fire.

  I understood the need to make sure a private moment stayed private.

  “People are never truly how they present themselves to the world, and I just got tired of the constant lies.” He shook his head. “And it’s not just hiding an illness from your social media accounts, or anything like that. It’s the illusion of perfection and an utter fakeness. It’s too much.”

  A long, lingering sigh breeze out of him. “The last few attempts at a relationship have revealed a different persona than the person they pretend to be to complete strangers. Where’s the honesty? Where’s t
he vulnerability? Why do women have to project this ideal of being a size zero, when it’s all smoke and mirrors?” His voice had a haunting lilt to it, and his words were soft and distant.

  “This one girl I was seriously into, she’d wake up before me, sneak out of bed, and reapply her makeup and brush her teeth, so when I rolled over, she was already perfect looking. Sure, maybe for the first few dates, it’s fine or whatever, but she refused to let me see her in her raw and natural state even after a few months. It just got to be too much. We’d go out and she pretended to be this warm and generous person, but the second the door closed to the outside world, she was spewing nastiness.”

  He sighed, and his voice drifted off as if trapped in a memory he needed to work through before it’d let go of him. “The last girl I dated; things were super serious. She was a B list celebrity, working in Vancouver, but based in LA. Her social media pics showcased her flawless beauty, but it was all lies. She was gorgeous without all the clown makeup.”

  I rubbed my fingertips over my face. Not sure I’d refer to it as clown makeup, but I never left the house without a bit of mascara and some colour on my lips.

  “Her twitter platform boasted of her charitable causes, one of which… well, let’s just say behind closed doors, it was the polar opposite. Learning how she really was versus her portrayed image, it terrified me. It made me start to wonder if I’d ever find someone whose outside beauty matched their inside beauty.” He snapped out of his reverie and stared at me. “Until you arrived.”

  I focused on him, his beautiful silhouette against the backdrop of a glowing, rusty-coloured fire, sparks shooting out in all directions.

  “When I first arrived, people talked, and I let them have their glory. They were just words, and they didn’t know me, or know what I’d been through. It’s exhausting on a whole other level trying to be someone you’re not, but here, I was me. Laid back, happy to walk around with my hair messed to get the mail.” He covered his mouth in mock horror. “But after time, the gossip faded. I gave them no fuel for their fire. There wasn’t the daily drama they craved.”

  My voice lowered to a barely audible whisper, and I pulled away from him and crossed my legs. “I wish I could be like that and not have the whispers bother me as much. And no offence, dating a high-profile celebrity and being there when someone jumped to his death are two different things.” A shudder rolled down my body, like a wave on the beach.

  “But you are innocent. You were not responsible for Jordan’s death. This town knows it, you’re just an outlet for their misplaced anger and in time, they’ll see how wonderful you are.” He stretched out an arm and wiped away a small trail of my tears. “And truly, if they can’t see that, then it’s on them. Not you. You’ve paid for your mistakes, and you’ve moved on.”

  He had a point, however…

  “But yesterday, you brought them up.” Hurt coursed through my veins. Things had been going so well too.

  He held his head in his hands. “Yeah, and for that, I’m beyond sorry. I wasn’t bringing the past up to hurt you.” The tiny fray on the edge of his shorts grew as he tugged and pulled on a few of the loose threads. “It was me trying to verbalize my thoughts, and I screwed up by leading off and using that as an example. I wanted to tell you how we’re the same, even though we’re different.” His breathing increased as the clouds breezed by. “But my feelings muddled everything up, and I got so confused.”

  “You’ve mentioned that.” I recrossed my legs and rubbed my belly as I leaned back. The chair was no longer comfortable, and I needed to stand and stretch.

  “Thing is I…” He shifted in his seat and reached for my hand. “I have feelings for you, but you keep saying you’re not here for a long time, so it’s been hard for me to move forward, to not push us forward together.”

  Yes, that would make things confusing. “I’m sorry.”

  “And after this afternoon, it got me thinking if I could handle it. You, the baby, and you know, more.”

  My heart pounded with every word and breath he took, my eyes searching his as the bonfire behind him blurred.

  “And I do want it all, but I know I can’t. You’re leaving soon, and I’ve struggled with holding back my feelings because you’ve made me crave it all. You and the baby, even though I know it’s not possible as I can’t live in the city again.” Ripples of electricity bolted up my legs when his fingertips grazed my knee.

  “It makes me happy to hear you say that.” More tears slipped from their holds. “I can’t either.”

  “What?”

  I smeared dampness across my cheeks.

  “When I was in the city, I was like Beth, or I had to be since I hung out with her and thought she was a superstar as I channeled that energy and personality into my business. But when she landed, and was acting well, like herself, it came across to me like she was being a total bitch.” I lowered my voice, even though I didn’t need to, I was pretty sure Beth was upstairs thinking the same about me, or at least, telling Archie as much. “I knew something changed. I no longer wanted to be that person. When my life fell apart, it was actually a blessing in disguise, I just didn’t see it until today.” I twisted in my chair to look him deep in the eyes. “Even though this town hates me…”

  “They don’t hate you.”

  I tipped my head from side to side, occasionally watching my island friends. The laughter had died down, and there was no more singing and guitar playing.

  “Yeah, they do, but that’s okay. I know I can live with it, or at least learn to try. It’s a reminder of who I was. And me remembering that isn’t a terrible thing because it’ll keep it from ever happening again.” I uncrossed my legs and scooted closer. “Eric, I really like you. I love being around you, and I want to stay here with you. I have no intentions of going home.”

  “The hell you aren’t!”

  The hairs on the back of my neck sprung to attention, and my breath lodged in the back of my throat.

  Parker.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Out of the shadows, my former boyfriend showed himself.

  “Parker, what the hell are you doing here?” I jumped to my feet, but not as fast as Eric, who stood in front of me.

  “Your ex, I take it?” He whispered out the side of his mouth.

  “Unfortunately.”

  “Unfortunately? Really?” Parker moved closer, but his features turned sinister in the mix of light and shadows. Enough to cause the hairs to remain standing.

  “What are you doing here?” I swallowed down a lump of budding fear. Never in our entire relationship had I had reason to feel threatened by him, but my whole body was on alert regardless. “How did you…”

  “Find you?” He finished my question before I had a chance. “Easy. Beth has geo-tags on her pics.”

  I shot a glance up to the top floor where Beth was.

  “She posted pictures to her IG account. It wasn’t that hard to figure out, especially after hearing her talk to her secretary about flying to the island.”

  Parker was a gifted IT guy, that’s how I knew how to turn off geo-tagging. He’d taught me on our second date.

  “What do you want?”

  “I came for you and the baby. It’s time for you to come home.”

  Eric inhaled sharply and inched to the left to cover me more.

  I stepped around him. This was about my past. My indiscretions. My giant assed mistakes. “Parker, you left. You packed your drawer and took off. I didn’t hear from you for a week.”

  At least. Maybe more. I was more surprised he’d physically left than I was heartbroken about it.

  “Well…” He tilted his head back as his arms gently swung by his sides. “I’ve had time to think and reassess my life. Sure, I’m young to be a father, but think about it. The kid and I can grow up together. I’ll teach him all about The Avengers and Star Wars, and he can help me mature. It’s a win-win situation.”

  Young would describe it. There were eight years between us,
and he’d only graduated from university last year.

  “I came here to make amends. To apologize and bring you back home. Your friends are waiting. They miss you. I’ve missed you.”

  I huffed. “Oh yeah?”

  The joke tickled me because it was only Beth who had kept in contact. To the others, I’d gone crazy, and they never returned my calls or texts. I didn’t believe for a nanosecond they missed me.

  “They’re worried about you, Babe.” His voice softened. “Come home.”

  There wasn’t anything drawing me in that direction. Despite the rumours and whispers, I was much more at home here in Cheshire Bay than I was back in my trendy apartment. I belonged on the beach; it was part of my soul. And I wanted to make something of my life with Eric. He’d been saying the sweetest things moments before Parker’s arrival.

  “I’m not interested. In fact, I called a realtor, and the apartment is going on the market at the end of the month.” I rubbed Eric’s arm. “I’m staying here.”

  “The hell you are.” His voice raised a full octave and echoed between mine and Eric’s place.

  Enough to attract attention, and the light from the bonfire flickered as the group walked towards my deck, with Mitch, Arlo, and Jesse in the lead.

  “What’s going on?” Mitch asked, his voice one of no nonsense.

  Eric cleared his throat. “This is Lily’s ex-boyfriend, who has tracked her down despite her refusal to see him.”

  “She’s carrying my child. I have every right to be here.”

  “Bullshit.” Eric’s voice gathered strength. “You gave up that right when you walked away.”

  “But that’s my DNA in her. She can’t keep me away. The people on the internet said I have every right to see my child. To watch it being born, if I choose, and to be a part of its life.”

  “Actually…” I started speaking, but quickly snapped my jaw shut. One thing at a time.

  Eric carried on. “Any man worth his salt would never abandon his baby or his baby momma. And you did both by walking away like a god-damn coward.”