Persuasion

by Jane Austen

  Chapter 8

  From this time Captain Wentworth and Anne Elliot were repeatedly in thesame circle. They were soon dining in company together at MrMusgrove's, for the little boy's state could no longer supply his auntwith a pretence for absenting herself; and this was but the beginningof other dinings and other meetings.

  Whether former feelings were to be renewed must be brought to theproof; former times must undoubtedly be brought to the recollection ofeach; they could not but be reverted to; the year of their engagementcould not but be named by him, in the little narratives or descriptionswhich conversation called forth. His profession qualified him, hisdisposition lead him, to talk; and "That was in the year six;" "Thathappened before I went to sea in the year six," occurred in the courseof the first evening they spent together: and though his voice did notfalter, and though she had no reason to suppose his eye wanderingtowards her while he spoke, Anne felt the utter impossibility, from herknowledge of his mind, that he could be unvisited by remembrance anymore than herself. There must be the same immediate association ofthought, though she was very far from conceiving it to be of equal pain.

  They had no conversation together, no intercourse but what thecommonest civility required. Once so much to each other! Now nothing!There had been a time, when of all the large party now filling thedrawing-room at Uppercross, they would have found it most difficult tocease to speak to one another. With the exception, perhaps, of Admiraland Mrs Croft, who seemed particularly attached and happy, (Anne couldallow no other exceptions even among the married couples), there couldhave been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings soin unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were as strangers;nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. Itwas a perpetual estrangement.

  When he talked, she heard the same voice, and discerned the same mind.There was a very general ignorance of all naval matters throughout theparty; and he was very much questioned, and especially by the two MissMusgroves, who seemed hardly to have any eyes but for him, as to themanner of living on board, daily regulations, food, hours, &c., andtheir surprise at his accounts, at learning the degree of accommodationand arrangement which was practicable, drew from him some pleasantridicule, which reminded Anne of the early days when she too had beenignorant, and she too had been accused of supposing sailors to beliving on board without anything to eat, or any cook to dress it ifthere were, or any servant to wait, or any knife and fork to use.

  From thus listening and thinking, she was roused by a whisper of MrsMusgrove's who, overcome by fond regrets, could not help saying--

  "Ah! Miss Anne, if it had pleased Heaven to spare my poor son, I daresay he would have been just such another by this time."

  Anne suppressed a smile, and listened kindly, while Mrs Musgroverelieved her heart a little more; and for a few minutes, therefore,could not keep pace with the conversation of the others.

  When she could let her attention take its natural course again, shefound the Miss Musgroves just fetching the Navy List (their own navylist, the first that had ever been at Uppercross), and sitting downtogether to pore over it, with the professed view of finding out theships that Captain Wentworth had commanded.

  "Your first was the Asp, I remember; we will look for the Asp."

  "You will not find her there. Quite worn out and broken up. I was thelast man who commanded her. Hardly fit for service then. Reported fitfor home service for a year or two, and so I was sent off to the WestIndies."

  The girls looked all amazement.

  "The Admiralty," he continued, "entertain themselves now and then, withsending a few hundred men to sea, in a ship not fit to be employed.But they have a great many to provide for; and among the thousands thatmay just as well go to the bottom as not, it is impossible for them todistinguish the very set who may be least missed."

  "Phoo! phoo!" cried the Admiral, "what stuff these young fellows talk!Never was a better sloop than the Asp in her day. For an old builtsloop, you would not see her equal. Lucky fellow to get her! He knowsthere must have been twenty better men than himself applying for her atthe same time. Lucky fellow to get anything so soon, with no moreinterest than his."

  "I felt my luck, Admiral, I assure you;" replied Captain Wentworth,seriously. "I was as well satisfied with my appointment as you candesire. It was a great object with me at that time to be at sea; avery great object, I wanted to be doing something."

  "To be sure you did. What should a young fellow like you do ashore forhalf a year together? If a man had not a wife, he soon wants to beafloat again."

  "But, Captain Wentworth," cried Louisa, "how vexed you must have beenwhen you came to the Asp, to see what an old thing they had given you."

  "I knew pretty well what she was before that day;" said he, smiling."I had no more discoveries to make than you would have as to thefashion and strength of any old pelisse, which you had seen lent aboutamong half your acquaintance ever since you could remember, and whichat last, on some very wet day, is lent to yourself. Ah! she was a dearold Asp to me. She did all that I wanted. I knew she would. I knewthat we should either go to the bottom together, or that she would bethe making of me; and I never had two days of foul weather all the timeI was at sea in her; and after taking privateers enough to be veryentertaining, I had the good luck in my passage home the next autumn,to fall in with the very French frigate I wanted. I brought her intoPlymouth; and here another instance of luck. We had not been six hoursin the Sound, when a gale came on, which lasted four days and nights,and which would have done for poor old Asp in half the time; our touchwith the Great Nation not having much improved our condition.Four-and-twenty hours later, and I should only have been a gallantCaptain Wentworth, in a small paragraph at one corner of thenewspapers; and being lost in only a sloop, nobody would have thoughtabout me." Anne's shudderings were to herself alone; but the MissMusgroves could be as open as they were sincere, in their exclamationsof pity and horror.

  "And so then, I suppose," said Mrs Musgrove, in a low voice, as ifthinking aloud, "so then he went away to the Laconia, and there he metwith our poor boy. Charles, my dear," (beckoning him to her), "do askCaptain Wentworth where it was he first met with your poor brother. Ialways forgot."

  "It was at Gibraltar, mother, I know. Dick had been left ill atGibraltar, with a recommendation from his former captain to CaptainWentworth."

  "Oh! but, Charles, tell Captain Wentworth, he need not be afraid ofmentioning poor Dick before me, for it would be rather a pleasure tohear him talked of by such a good friend."

  Charles, being somewhat more mindful of the probabilities of the case,only nodded in reply, and walked away.

  The girls were now hunting for the Laconia; and Captain Wentworth couldnot deny himself the pleasure of taking the precious volume into hisown hands to save them the trouble, and once more read aloud the littlestatement of her name and rate, and present non-commissioned class,observing over it that she too had been one of the best friends manever had.

  "Ah! those were pleasant days when I had the Laconia! How fast I mademoney in her. A friend of mine and I had such a lovely cruise togetheroff the Western Islands. Poor Harville, sister! You know how much hewanted money: worse than myself. He had a wife. Excellent fellow. Ishall never forget his happiness. He felt it all, so much for hersake. I wished for him again the next summer, when I had still thesame luck in the Mediterranean."

  "And I am sure, Sir," said Mrs Musgrove, "it was a lucky day for us,when you were put captain into that ship. We shall never forget whatyou did."

  Her feelings made her speak low; and Captain Wentworth, hearing only inpart, and probably not having Dick Musgrove at all near his thoughts,looked rather in suspense, and as if waiting for more.

  "My brother," whispered one of the girls; "mamma is thinking of poorRichard."

  "Poor dear fellow!" continued Mrs Musgrove; "he was grown so steady,and such an excellent correspondent, while he was under your care! Ah!it would have
been a happy thing, if he had never left you. I assureyou, Captain Wentworth, we are very sorry he ever left you."

  There was a momentary expression in Captain Wentworth's face at thisspeech, a certain glance of his bright eye, and curl of his handsomemouth, which convinced Anne, that instead of sharing in Mrs Musgrove'skind wishes, as to her son, he had probably been at some pains to getrid of him; but it was too transient an indulgence of self-amusement tobe detected by any who understood him less than herself; in anothermoment he was perfectly collected and serious, and almost instantlyafterwards coming up to the sofa, on which she and Mrs Musgrove weresitting, took a place by the latter, and entered into conversation withher, in a low voice, about her son, doing it with so much sympathy andnatural grace, as shewed the kindest consideration for all that wasreal and unabsurd in the parent's feelings.

  They were actually on the same sofa, for Mrs Musgrove had most readilymade room for him; they were divided only by Mrs Musgrove. It was noinsignificant barrier, indeed. Mrs Musgrove was of a comfortable,substantial size, infinitely more fitted by nature to express goodcheer and good humour, than tenderness and sentiment; and while theagitations of Anne's slender form, and pensive face, may be consideredas very completely screened, Captain Wentworth should be allowed somecredit for the self-command with which he attended to her large fatsighings over the destiny of a son, whom alive nobody had cared for.

  Personal size and mental sorrow have certainly no necessaryproportions. A large bulky figure has as good a right to be in deepaffliction, as the most graceful set of limbs in the world. But, fairor not fair, there are unbecoming conjunctions, which reason willpatronize in vain--which taste cannot tolerate--which ridicule willseize.

  The Admiral, after taking two or three refreshing turns about the roomwith his hands behind him, being called to order by his wife, now cameup to Captain Wentworth, and without any observation of what he mightbe interrupting, thinking only of his own thoughts, began with--

  "If you had been a week later at Lisbon, last spring, Frederick, youwould have been asked to give a passage to Lady Mary Grierson and herdaughters."

  "Should I? I am glad I was not a week later then."

  The Admiral abused him for his want of gallantry. He defended himself;though professing that he would never willingly admit any ladies onboard a ship of his, excepting for a ball, or a visit, which a fewhours might comprehend.

  "But, if I know myself," said he, "this is from no want of gallantrytowards them. It is rather from feeling how impossible it is, with allone's efforts, and all one's sacrifices, to make the accommodations onboard such as women ought to have. There can be no want of gallantry,Admiral, in rating the claims of women to every personal comfort high,and this is what I do. I hate to hear of women on board, or to seethem on board; and no ship under my command shall ever convey a familyof ladies anywhere, if I can help it."

  This brought his sister upon him.

  "Oh! Frederick! But I cannot believe it of you.--All idlerefinement!--Women may be as comfortable on board, as in the best housein England. I believe I have lived as much on board as most women, andI know nothing superior to the accommodations of a man-of-war. Ideclare I have not a comfort or an indulgence about me, even atKellynch Hall," (with a kind bow to Anne), "beyond what I always had inmost of the ships I have lived in; and they have been five altogether."

  "Nothing to the purpose," replied her brother. "You were living withyour husband, and were the only woman on board."

  "But you, yourself, brought Mrs Harville, her sister, her cousin, andthree children, round from Portsmouth to Plymouth. Where was thissuperfine, extraordinary sort of gallantry of yours then?"

  "All merged in my friendship, Sophia. I would assist any brotherofficer's wife that I could, and I would bring anything of Harville'sfrom the world's end, if he wanted it. But do not imagine that I didnot feel it an evil in itself."

  "Depend upon it, they were all perfectly comfortable."

  "I might not like them the better for that perhaps. Such a number ofwomen and children have no right to be comfortable on board."

  "My dear Frederick, you are talking quite idly. Pray, what wouldbecome of us poor sailors' wives, who often want to be conveyed to oneport or another, after our husbands, if everybody had your feelings?"

  "My feelings, you see, did not prevent my taking Mrs Harville and allher family to Plymouth."

  "But I hate to hear you talking so like a fine gentleman, and as ifwomen were all fine ladies, instead of rational creatures. We none ofus expect to be in smooth water all our days."

  "Ah! my dear," said the Admiral, "when he had got a wife, he will singa different tune. When he is married, if we have the good luck to liveto another war, we shall see him do as you and I, and a great manyothers, have done. We shall have him very thankful to anybody thatwill bring him his wife."

  "Ay, that we shall."

  "Now I have done," cried Captain Wentworth. "When once married peoplebegin to attack me with,--'Oh! you will think very differently, whenyou are married.' I can only say, 'No, I shall not;' and then they sayagain, 'Yes, you will,' and there is an end of it."

  He got up and moved away.

  "What a great traveller you must have been, ma'am!" said Mrs Musgroveto Mrs Croft.

  "Pretty well, ma'am in the fifteen years of my marriage; though manywomen have done more. I have crossed the Atlantic four times, and havebeen once to the East Indies, and back again, and only once; besidesbeing in different places about home: Cork, and Lisbon, and Gibraltar.But I never went beyond the Streights, and never was in the WestIndies. We do not call Bermuda or Bahama, you know, the West Indies."

  Mrs Musgrove had not a word to say in dissent; she could not accuseherself of having ever called them anything in the whole course of herlife.

  "And I do assure you, ma'am," pursued Mrs Croft, "that nothing canexceed the accommodations of a man-of-war; I speak, you know, of thehigher rates. When you come to a frigate, of course, you are moreconfined; though any reasonable woman may be perfectly happy in one ofthem; and I can safely say, that the happiest part of my life has beenspent on board a ship. While we were together, you know, there wasnothing to be feared. Thank God! I have always been blessed withexcellent health, and no climate disagrees with me. A littledisordered always the first twenty-four hours of going to sea, butnever knew what sickness was afterwards. The only time I ever reallysuffered in body or mind, the only time that I ever fancied myselfunwell, or had any ideas of danger, was the winter that I passed bymyself at Deal, when the Admiral (Captain Croft then) was in the NorthSeas. I lived in perpetual fright at that time, and had all manner ofimaginary complaints from not knowing what to do with myself, or when Ishould hear from him next; but as long as we could be together, nothingever ailed me, and I never met with the smallest inconvenience."

  "Aye, to be sure. Yes, indeed, oh yes! I am quite of your opinion,Mrs Croft," was Mrs Musgrove's hearty answer. "There is nothing so badas a separation. I am quite of your opinion. I know what it is, forMr Musgrove always attends the assizes, and I am so glad when they areover, and he is safe back again."

  The evening ended with dancing. On its being proposed, Anne offeredher services, as usual; and though her eyes would sometimes fill withtears as she sat at the instrument, she was extremely glad to beemployed, and desired nothing in return but to be unobserved.

  It was a merry, joyous party, and no one seemed in higher spirits thanCaptain Wentworth. She felt that he had every thing to elevate himwhich general attention and deference, and especially the attention ofall the young women, could do. The Miss Hayters, the females of thefamily of cousins already mentioned, were apparently admitted to thehonour of being in love with him; and as for Henrietta and Louisa, theyboth seemed so entirely occupied by him, that nothing but the continuedappearance of the most perfect good-will between themselves could havemade it credible that they were not decided rivals. If he were alittle spoilt by such universal, such eager
admiration, who couldwonder?

  These were some of the thoughts which occupied Anne, while her fingerswere mechanically at work, proceeding for half an hour together,equally without error, and without consciousness. Once she felt thathe was looking at herself, observing her altered features, perhaps,trying to trace in them the ruins of the face which had once charmedhim; and once she knew that he must have spoken of her; she was hardlyaware of it, till she heard the answer; but then she was sure of hishaving asked his partner whether Miss Elliot never danced? The answerwas, "Oh, no; never; she has quite given up dancing. She had ratherplay. She is never tired of playing." Once, too, he spoke to her.She had left the instrument on the dancing being over, and he had satdown to try to make out an air which he wished to give the MissMusgroves an idea of. Unintentionally she returned to that part of theroom; he saw her, and, instantly rising, said, with studied politeness--

  "I beg your pardon, madam, this is your seat;" and though sheimmediately drew back with a decided negative, he was not to be inducedto sit down again.

  Anne did not wish for more of such looks and speeches. His coldpoliteness, his ceremonious grace, were worse than anything.