by Donna Alward
“I can’t.”
He let out an exasperated sound and began to walk away. But he didn’t get far. He spun back around and his face was dark and angry and perhaps, she thought, a little bit hurt.
“I was wrong,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I thought if I was honest, if we took it slow…but you have to be willing to meet me halfway. And you’re not.”
“So you’re giving up on me too?”
He shook his head. “No. You gave up on yourself. You know where to find me. I’m not going anywhere.”
He turned away and started walking. Back to the clubhouse. Away from her. Panic started to thread through her veins, making her heart beat fast. He was right. She knew he was right. But was it enough?
Was she strong enough? She was in love with him. She finally admitted that the feeling she’d been holding in was love. In love with how he made her feel. How he made her laugh, how he held her when she cried, how he seemed to understand what she was feeling without saying a word. She loved how he touched her and lit her on fire, and how he went up in flames himself beneath her touch. She loved him for his honesty. His…integrity. All the things she’d never known he was. In the short time they’d known each other, he’d shared them all with her.
And she’d shared so little back. And still he thought she was worth it.
How could she love him and survive him walking away?
But he was already walking away, wasn’t he? And she might never know what it was to be loved by him—truly loved.
He was halfway across the lawn now and he’d never paused. Never once stopped and looked back.
“Jake!”
She called out to him and started across the grass, careful steps as her chest constricted. He halted and turned around. The tenuous connection that always seemed to run between them flared to life. Her footsteps quickened until she was nearly jogging. And when she reached him she didn’t think, didn’t hesitate, didn’t analyze. She simply threw her arms around his shoulders, stood up on tiptoe and pressed her mouth to his.
His arms came around her and held her close as he kissed her back—full-on, open-mouthed, holding nothing back. His hand slid up her back and cupped the back of her head as he took control, holding her on her toes by cinching a strong arm around her waist.
“Don’t walk away,” she cried softly. “Please. I don’t want you to walk away.”
“I’m right here.”
“I know.” She kissed his cheek, the corner of his mouth. She tasted something warm and salty and realized she’d started crying. For a fleeting moment, she was embarrassed. They weren’t exactly being private, and any number of people could be witnessing the moment, including his parents. But for the first time in her adult life, she didn’t care.
“I’m so scared,” she confessed in a rush. “So afraid and unsure and lost. It worked for me but it’s not working anymore. Because if I stay that way I won’t have you. And suddenly that seems very, very important.”
“I never said it would be easy,” he murmured. “I never said it would be fast. And I don’t want to make promises you’re not ready for.” He cradled her face in his hands and kissed her, long and slow and deep. “That I might not be ready for either. But what can I say? I’m falling in love with you, Kendra, and I want to take the time to work at just being us. Because I think this might be it.”
He held her back at arm’s length and looked into her eyes. “But you need to be in it with me.”
She nodded, reassured by the warmth of his hands on her shoulders. “I’m in.” She swiped at the tears on her face. “Because I think I might be falling in love with you too.”
He pulled her close and tucked her head against his shoulder. Her visor was getting in his way so he reached for it and dropped it to the ground. He kissed her hair. “Then that’s all we need to know,” he whispered. “And we take the rest day by day.”
They stood there for long moments, settling, accepting, strengthening. Finally, Kendra stepped back and wiped the remaining moisture off her face. When she looked up, Jake was smiling at her.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Okay,” she answered, smiling back. It was a new feeling…this not being alone anymore. Scary, but good.
“Then there are some people I want you to meet,” he said, taking her hand. “My mom and my dad, properly this time. And the parents of the girl who’s sick. Are you up for that?”
She nodded, picking up her visor.
“You’re sure?”
She put it back on her head, pulling the ponytail through and giving the elastic a satisfying jerk. “We’re a team, aren’t we?”
He squeezed her fingers. “Yes, yes, we are.”
And together they walked toward the clubhouse.
Epilogue
Six months later
Kendra curled under the blankets further, snuggling against Jake’s back. The clock radio beside the bed was dark, and she lifted her wrist a little to push the button that illuminated the face of her watch. Ten past four. “Power’s out,” she murmured, shivering. “Heat’s off.”
Jake stirred. “For how long?”
“I don’t know. It’s flipping cold, so a while.”
A nor’easter blew outside, whipping snow and wind around the building as the temperature plummeted. Jake had closed the pub early due to the storm and they’d taken advantage of the early night to spend some time together. “Dammit, Jake, I’m going to have to put some clothes on.”
“We could always keep warm another way.”
She chuckled. “And last night you said I’d ruined you for a week.”
“I lied.”
She slipped out of bed in the dark and felt around for her underwear. Jake took a flashlight from the drawer, and she put on a pair of his sweatpants and a sweatshirt and hugged the fleece close to her body. The wind buffeted the windows and she shivered. “It’s really nasty out there.”
“I’ll build a fire in the fireplace. Maybe it’ll keep the pipes from freezing,” he said, pulling on sleep pants and a hoodie.
The living room was dark, but soon Jake had a fire blazing and he’d lit a few candles on the coffee table. “Come here,” he said, holding out his arm. She sat next to him on the sofa, curled into his embrace as he covered them with a blanket.
“This is cozy. All we’re missing is the hot cocoa and marshmallows.”
Jake smiled. “Maybe later.” For a few minutes, they stared at the dancing flames. Kendra looped her arm around his ribs and held on tight. Being with Jake was so good. She’d never thought she could love anyone this much—never thought she could ever trust anyone to love her back. But Jake showed her every day what patience and trust meant. He’d invited her into his family and she’d been welcomed there. It wasn’t always easy, and sometimes she was afraid it would all be taken away, but she was learning. And she got the feeling that whatever the future held for them, it was worth it to have this. Right now. Right here.
“I love you, Jake.”
He dropped a kiss on her hair. “I love you too.”
The fire snapped and crackled, and the apartment seemed incredibly peaceful without the hum of any lights or appliances. It was almost as if they were in a world all their own, just the two of them. She swallowed against a thickness in her throat, a feeling so sweet she was filled up with it. She could stay like this forever, she realized.
“Ken?”
“Mmm?”
“I’ve been thinking.”
“Yeah?” The fireplace was beginning to throw some heat now, and Jake was warm. She was getting a bit dozy.
“I can’t live above a bar for the rest of my life. I’ve been thinking about getting a house in the spring.”
Her eyes opened wider as she began to pay attention. “Really?”
“And a house is kind of big for one person. I thought you might like to live in it with me.”
She sat up, fully awake now. The blanket fell from her shoulders and puddled on her lap as she looked
into his eyes. It was the half-grin that did it. She couldn’t resist that crooked smile and the gleam in his eyes.
“You’re asking me to move in with you?”
He shook his head. “Not exactly…” He took a breath, shifted on the couch and took her cold hands in his. “I’m asking you to live with me…as my wife.”
She bit down on her lip. Jake was proposing. In the middle of the worst storm of the winter, at four-thirty in the morning during a power outage, he was asking her to stay with him forever.
“The promises I couldn’t make to you last summer,” he said softly, “I want to make them to you now. I still don’t know what the future holds for us. No one does. But I know I want to promise you that I’ll do everything in my power to make you feel happy and loved and valued. I love you, Kendra. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to make that commitment.”
“Oh, Jake.” Her lower lip quivered. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Sure you do.” He grinned. “You weren’t the only one who was wandering through your life. You’re the one who made me want to look to the future again. I needed someone to challenge me, and you sure did that.”
Her answering laugh was full of emotion…was it joy? She thought it might be.
“Come on, Constable,” he said lightly, but there was a gleam in his eyes that spoke of a deeper, more beautiful emotion than she could name. “You know you want to.” He held out his hands, wrists together. Just like he had the night she’d put him in handcuffs and thrown him in jail.
“This isn’t the drunk tank,” she cautioned. “You don’t get out the next morning. You’d be shackled to me forever.”
“I certainly hope so.”
She smiled and put her hands over his wrists. “Then my answer’s yes.”
He gave a whoop and pulled her into his lap, kissing her lips and holding her close. She held on to him tightly, feeling for the first time ever like he was absolutely, irrevocably hers. The future seemed laid out before them, wide and unknown and full of possibilities.
“Just one more thing, Officer,” he whispered cheekily in her ear. “I do hope I get rewarded for good behavior.”
She giggled and shifted her weight suddenly, pinning him down on the sofa beneath her. “Oh, definitely,” she promised, and pulled up the blanket.
About the Author
A busy wife and mother of three (two daughters and the family dog), Donna Alward believes hers is the best job in the world: a combination of stay-at-home mom and romance novelist.
An avid reader since childhood, Donna always made up her own stories. She completed her Arts Degree in English Literature in 1994, but it wasn't until 2001 that she penned her first full-length novel, and found herself hooked on writing romance. In 2006 she sold her first manuscript.
Donna loves being back on the East Coast of Canada after nearly twelve years in Alberta where her Harlequin career began, writing about cowboys and the west. Donna's debut Harlequin Romance, Hired by the Cowboy, was awarded the Booksellers’ Best Award in 2008 for Best Traditional Romance.
Donna loves to hear from readers; you can contact her through her website at www.donnaalward.com, visit her facebook page, find her on Twitter at @DonnaAlward or through her publishers.
Look for these titles by Donna Alward
Now Available:
The Girl Most Likely
Almost a Family
Sold to the Highest Bidder
Breathe
First Responders
Off The Clock
Coming Soon:
Into the Fire
The last thing she needs is a hero…
Off the Clock
© 2011 Donna Alward
First Responders, Book 1
Paramedic Gabe Brennan’s job is saving lives. When he witnesses an accident and rushes in to help, the victim brings back memories of the night that marked him forever. The night he almost couldn’t save his best friend, Brandon. Brandon’s sister is in the car. She’s pregnant. And his longing for her is just as sharp as ever.
Carly’s never been so glad to see a friendly face. Gabe’s gallant rescue—and the gentle kiss he bestows upon her at the hospital—resurrect feelings she buried long ago. Having just closed the book on a crumbling marriage, she’s not too keen on opening herself up to hurt again. Not even for the one man who’s always seemed to be there when she needed him most.
Gabe knows he shouldn’t be falling for Carly, especially since she insists she’s off the market. But the chemistry still simmering between them after all these years is no accident. Now all he has to do is convince her she belongs in the empty space he’s always held open for her. The one next to his heart…
Warnings: Contents—and paramedic hero—may be too hot to handle!
Enjoy the following excerpt for Off the Clock:
Now he had a chance and he didn’t want to ruin it. She was too important for that, too special. He was smart enough to know that she was overwhelmed right now with adjusting to parenthood. Not just being a parent, but a single parent. Now it was Carly who needed time, and he’d give it to her. He stuck the spoon in his mouth, trying to divert his thoughts.
But it was no use. It was why he’d stayed away the last few times he’d mowed her grass. He knew what he wanted. And it was too important to push. Not now.
“What are you thinking, Mr. Serious?” Carly opened her eyes. “It looks as though you’re pondering the world’s problems.”
Not the world’s, just his. He needed to take it slowly. He’d known Carly for so long that the idea of wooing her seemed funny. It also gave him a kind of strange, jumped-up feeling. Some might call it anticipation. He wanted her so much he ached. But it wasn’t a matter of slaking his thirst for her and letting go. It wasn’t anticipation. Gabe called it being scared to death of screwing up.
“Not much.”
She laughed a little. “It has to be something. You need to lighten up.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You could start with why you’ve been avoiding me.”
He put down his gelato cup. “I haven’t.”
Nathan’s eyes had opened and Carly rocked the carrier seat lightly with her foot. “Sure you have. You haven’t even stopped in to say hello lately.”
“I was busy,” he said, knowing it sounded like a paltry excuse. Maybe he had been avoiding her, but only because he wanted to be with her, not the opposite. But how could he possibly explain that without putting any pressure on her?
“It doesn’t matter. I know I’m not the best company these days. I always end up with something on my shirt and my house generally looks like a tornado blew through it. Who knew one tiny baby could cause so much havoc?”
Even with mystery stains and messy hair she was the most beautiful woman he knew. And again he bit his tongue, knowing his compliment would be unwelcome. “You think I stayed away because of some spit-up and dust bunnies?” He crossed his ankle over his knee and put an arm along the back of the bench. “Believe me, that’s not the reason.”
“Then what is?”
Why had he responded at all? Now she was neatly boxing him in to a genuine answer and he wasn’t sure what to say. He looked out over the fields below them and watched an eagle catch a draft of wind, gliding on the current. Maybe the truth was best.
“To give you space.”
“Space?”
“You said it yourself, Carly. You have enough to deal with without me hanging around. I know how much the divorce must have hurt you. I know this isn’t how you expected your life to be. You’re adjusting to a lot. I wanted to give you room to do that. A little yard work—that’s just my way of giving a little helping hand to a friend. No strings.”
It sounded perfectly reasonable when he put it that way, didn’t it? And it was a complete and utter lie. What he knew for sure was that if he’d gone in to see her—again—he’d end up kissing her. Wanting to take her to bed. And probably ruining everything in the p
rocess.
If the shoe fits…run with it!
For Kicks
© 2012 Jenna Bayley-Burke
Breeze Cohen senses something is missing from her life, but her career doesn’t leave time for anything but retail business strategy—particularly the upcoming product launch for her cornerstone client, Nitrous.
No way is she going to let live-for-the-moment Logan Chandler tarnish her professional reputation. Even if the ex-athlete poster boy for Nitrous makes her heart pound like she’s run a marathon.
After surviving a near-fatal accident, Logan doesn’t want to waste a minute of life. It’s meant to be lived, ravished, enjoyed—and there’s no one he’d like to ravish more than Breeze. There’s a deep pool of mutual desire beneath her icy façade. He can feel it every time they touch.
When a training snafu at Nitrous launches Breeze into damage control, Logan is ready and waiting to lace up and take her for a run on the wilder side—if he can catch her.
Warning: Side effects may include a desire to melt chocolate with body heat, spontaneous phone sex, and an intense drive to find loopholes in your workplace fraternization policy.
Enjoy the following excerpt for For Kicks:
“No.” She shook her head, the dark ringlets that escaped her clip swaying. “This is a business dinner.”
“And after dinner?”
He’d sensed the mutual attraction all day, but she’d opposed his flirtatious advances with her arsenal of retail knowledge. He knew she was just trying to keep her own attraction at bay. And all day he’d let her, especially since they were in her stores.
But this was a restaurant. A quiet table in the back with low lighting. The only business going on was in her head.
“It would be unprofessional for anything to happen between us.” She spoke in her ever-efficient manner, which he already found disturbingly endearing.
