Beautifully Tainted

by A. M. Guilliams

  “That’s because you try to be their friend. You shouldn’t let them get away with as much as you do.”

  “I just can’t always be the hard ass you are. They’ve already been in trouble and I don’t want them to get into even more.”

  “Then set boundaries, babe. Putting my foot down from the start makes the kids I oversee know I mean business. Word travels that I’m a hard ass because they come to me knowing how I am,” I said with laughter in my voice.

  “Ha ha ha. My strategy needs to be reevaluated then. Well, gotta run. Wanna get together on Saturday, order in, and watch some movies?”

  Oh dear Lord. Now I have to confess that I have plans with Mattie. She’s going to want details. Thank God she’s in a hurry.

  “I can’t this Saturday. I have plans.”

  “Since when do you ever make plans unless it’s with me or Jeremiah?”

  “Well, Mattie asked me to go with him somewhere.”

  “OH MY GOD! It’s going to snow. Emily Jackson has a date.”

  “I don’t have a date. We’re going as friends. I made that perfectly clear when he asked me. Now, don’t you have a meeting to get to?”

  “Yes. I want details, missy. ALL of the juicy ones,” she said over her shoulder as she was walking away.

  She’s never going to let this go now. At least I had time to come up with something to tell her. She can’t know about the kiss because she would read too much into it.

  After I had replenished my coffee, I went back to my office. As I was walking back, I noticed that the young man I was meeting with was already there. He was early. He was learning how to get on my good side. I motioned for him and his father to go into my office and we started the meeting.

  They went by rather quickly and before I knew it, lunch time had approached. Looking at my schedule one more time, I noticed that the three surprise home visits were not as close together as I originally thought. A lot of driving back and forth would be involved either way I looked at it, so I needed to get a move on with getting my lunch so I could leave. I needed to see if Mattie knew anything else about this case yet. I couldn’t wrap my head around someone wanting to hurt Mia on purpose. Why were people so cruel? From my experience, I knew how cruel people could become, especially with the right motivation. Two years ago I made a promise to myself that if I could help someone that was in a situation just like hers, I’d do everything in my power to get them out if at all possible. She wasn’t making excuses for his sorry ass anymore, which made me happy. Now it was up to Mattie and his team to find the asshole so he could pay for what he did. As I was walking out of the building, I texted him asking him for an update. I grabbed myself some lunch from the deli up the street and headed back to my car. As I was heading back, I checked my phone for any messages. All he said was that they were still searching for him and that he couldn’t talk about an ongoing investigation. I knew that technically he couldn’t because I’ve been there and done that. He just didn’t know that. I was going to have to watch what I said to him more carefully than anyone else. Sometimes I would use lingo only police officers and detectives used, but luckily for me no one questioned me when I slipped up. My slip-ups were few and far between now, but he seemed to pay more attention to what I said than any other person has before; therefore, I’d have to be extra careful now.

  Three hours later, I was done with all of my meetings and surprisingly all of the children had complied with their terms; which made my job easier. Turning kids in was hard, even if it was for their own good. Driving back in the direction of the office, I debated on whether I was just going to head home. My notes were always in order, so I decided that going home early for the day was what I’d do. I texted my boss to let him know my plans and he quickly responded, stating that as long as my reports were finished he was fine with it. He knew that I never got behind so that wasn’t going to be a problem.

  My body was drained by the time I got home. My thoughts kept going back to what happened with Mia; which caused old wounds to surface. Ones that I didn’t want to relive. Changing into some comfy lounge pants and a tank, I made my way into the kitchen to start an early dinner. Relaxing tonight with a glass of wine and catching up on shows that I’d missed sounded perfect. Hopefully, it would get my mind off of everything, especially that handsome detective and the day he had planned that was fast approaching.

  By the time I was finished with my dinner, I was on my second glass of wine. I started to feel sleepy, but decided to try and watch one more of my shows. Sleep consumed me before the first ten minutes of the show had passed.

  Today was a really good day. I was finally leaving the station on time for once. It was Valentine’s Day and Damon had insisted that I left when I was scheduled to leave. For some reason, he loved to celebrate this senseless holiday more than most men did. I had received numerous texts throughout the day and none of them had given me a hint as to what he had planned. He was lucky that I loved surprises. I don’t have a clue what he could be planning. He knew that our wedding was in three months and I didn’t want to do anything too over the top because I was stressed over all the details. Plus, we were going on our honeymoon in Hawaii, so we could make up for not celebrating this ridiculous holiday then. I was in the parking garage, walking to my car, when my phone chimed with a text from Damon. Glancing down at my phone, I noticed he was demanding that I better be walking to my car. I couldn’t help but laugh. Making him sweat was the least of what he deserved. Standing beside my car, I started digging for my key when I felt someone’s presence behind me. I wasn’t one of those girls who jumped at getting scared. When I turned around, whoever was behind me, pushed me up against the car and put a cloth over my face. As I started to struggle, he spoke. “You’re going to pay for what you’ve done,” he growled. That was the last thing I remember before everything went black.

  I jumped up into a sitting position on the couch and could barely breathe. This dream was a reoccurring one and I knew that Mia’s assault was the cause for it coming back with a vengeance. I hated this dream. I just wish my past wouldn’t haunt me all the time. Especially while I was sleeping. As I calmed myself down, I got up from the couch to take my dishes into the kitchen. The clock in the kitchen said it was only nine o’clock. I just hoped I could get back to sleep soon and wished that those strong arms were here holding me, helping me feel safe again. Even though I knew it couldn’t happen, it was a nice thought.

  I cleaned up the dishes, shut off the lights, and made sure the door was locked before I headed to my room. I should probably take a sleeping pill to help me get back to sleep, but I only took them when I was desperate. Laying down in the bed, I silently prayed that sleep would come and my dreams weren’t haunted from my past. His smell was still on the pillows and I buried my head in the one he used, hoping that his scent would be the cure to keeping the nightmares at bay.

  ***

  Matt

  This case was seriously starting to piss me off. The guy wasn’t in our system. Mia didn’t know his exact address and only knew his hangouts. She had given us a picture of him so we knew who to look for, but the stakeouts have given us no leads. We had questioned some of the other kids that hung out in the same spots he did, but they stated they hadn’t seen him since the day that she was attacked. Either this kid knew that she’d decided to turn him in or he was lying low. Word had traveled fast and some of them we questioned had asked how she was doing. Since we couldn’t give them any information, Mason and I told them that she’s at home taking the time to heal. Some of them also seemed quite angry that she had been hurt and were possibly looking for revenge. Mason and I had told the ones that put off the revenge vibe that they needed to let us do our jobs. My experiences taught me that they didn’t listen to the police, so we would just have to wait and see if any of them got the payback they were seeking. She seemed to be healing and recovering from the assault, but the emotional trauma was very evident when we spoke to her. She tried to act like she wasn’t af
fected, but I could read people better than she could hide her emotions. She said she was willing to talk to someone about what she was feeling, but she needed time to come to grips with what happened first. I just hoped that she didn’t wait too long. From what I could tell, she was a vibrant and bright child and I wanted her to get some semblance of the old her back.

  I was about to close up shop for the day. The endless search for this guy was getting exhausting. I just needed to get home and try to relax. The only problem with that thought was that my brain never seemed to shut off when I was alone. This case was getting to me and bringing up thoughts that I was trying to avoid. It also had me questioning what Emily had been through. I know she thought she had hidden it well in the few times we’ve been around each other, but she didn’t. She tensed whenever people touched her, especially if they took her by surprise. Her facial expressions at the hospital when she was with Mia also gave her away. There was more there, but I didn’t know how to broach the subject.

  She obviously had been so closed-lipped about her past since she arrived in Maine. If the people who’ve come to know her in the past couple of years barely know anything about her, I doubt she would open up to me. I just had to keep myself from trying to search for the answers. The answers could be found in a matter of minutes, but I had to keep reminding myself that I shouldn’t snoop. Plus, she didn’t want anyone to know and she must have good reason to hide it. I really should stop thinking about her, even though I’ve decided that I can’t stay away from her. There was something drawing me to her that caused me to not put up much of a fight. My guard could stay up while I hung out with her. At least that’s what I kept telling myself so I could rationalize being around her.

  I made my way home and took a beer from the fridge. The late lunch I had caused me not to be hungry. Laying on the couch with my beer in my hand, I let out a deep breath. Mia’s case and thoughts of Emily consumed my mind, but I couldn’t force my brain to stop. This was getting frustrating. Maybe I needed to talk to a professional and get some help dealing with the stress of my past. Admitting that I should get help was hard, but the sleepless nights were starting to take a toll on me. I finished my beer and decided a shower and bed would be what my night consisted of.

  I quickly showered, dried myself off, and climbed into bed. Thankfully, I had already locked the door when I entered the apartment. I don’t think I had the energy to get back up and lock it. Closing my eyes, I wished for a dreamless sleep.

  “Anderson, you need to decide what we’re going to do. I don’t think he’s going to release the hostages without a fight. It’s now or never.”

  “Let me try one more time before we go in with our guns blazing. I’m trying to get everyone out alive, and I think I’m wearing him down.”

  “It’s your call man. Just hurry. I don’t want him to snap and do something in the process.”

  He was right, but I didn’t want a man to die today if I could help it. I picked up the phone and hoped he would answer me again.

  “Yeah,” the man yelled into the phone. He had taken his ex-wife and daughter hostage, and the neighbors had called the police when they started shouting at each other. When the police had tried to enter the home, he lost it and told them to get out as he held a gun to his daughter’s head.

  That’s where I came in. I’m the hostage negotiator. When no one else could get the situation under control, I’d be called in. I just hoped that I could rein this guy in, so everyone came out in one piece.

  “This is Matt Anderson again. How’s everything going in there?”

  “I’m getting restless. I wish all of you would leave so my family and I can get on with our night.”

  “You know we can’t do that. It would just be better if you let your ex-wife and daughter go.”

  “SHE’S MY WIFE AND THAT’S MY DAUGHTER. THEY’RE GOING NOWHERE. THEY’LL LEAVE OVER MY DEAD BODY,” he yelled into the phone. That’s when I lost him.

  DAMNIT ALL TO HELL! I thought I’d be able to control him. I told the officer in charge to make his move. I wanted everyone to come out alive, but this man was making it all difficult.

  As he gave the command to enter the home, three shots were fired.

  Officers were running into the home, but I couldn’t make myself move. All I could do was hit the ground on my knees and scream into my hands.

  I jumped from the bed breathless. This is the dream that haunts me on a daily basis. It’s also what made me leave Texas. That day changed my life. I just hoped that my new life would help me get over my old one. The past should eventually become just that, the past, right? I lay back in the bed to try and get some sort of rest before morning. As I was lying there, thoughts of Emily ran through my mind. I wondered if she suffered from the same thing. I had determined that she must be running from something, but the question is what is she running from? Treading carefully and asking the right questions might get me somewhere. I was a hypocrite for wanting to know her past and not wanting to reveal mine, but I just wanted to help her. The only problem was, after that kiss, I wanted to do more than just help her. That thought alone scared me. I went back to sleep thinking of what that meant and how much I was willing to do to get her to give me more.

  Chapter 8: Getting Friend Zoned

  Emily

  Today is the day where I put my big girl panties on and go out with him. He’s texted a few times over the past few days with links to jokes or some other form of humor. It’s nice that he can keep the conversation light. I think he senses that I need to keep things simple for which I’m very grateful. If he started asking the wrong questions, I don’t think I could handle it. Sophia knows the most about me out of everyone here, but all that information is lies. Lying isn’t always right, but in my case it was necessary. IF the truth ever comes out, I hope that everyone will understand that I did what I had to do to protect myself. The lies did get easier to tell, but no one had asked questions about me for years. The good thing about the people in my life is that they have taken everything at face value. They didn’t keep questioning me to try and get more information. I have a feeling that isn’t going to be the case with him though. He’s a detective for crying out loud. He’s trained to spot liars and to keep questioning until he’s satisfied. I need to come up with a plan to keep him from trying to dig further into my past. I just hope that I can keep up with a storyline that I’ve told everyone else. All it would take for my world to come crumbling down is to slip up once. I can’t have that because I’ve worked too hard to get to get to this place just to have one person ruin it all. Keeping him at arm’s length will allow us to get closer without the possibility of me revealing too much. He’s on a need to know basis and right now he only would be told the basics.

  I need to get out of this bed, but I can’t seem to make myself. The time on the clock suggested that I still had a couple of hours before he would get here. Oh, the dilemma I was in. Faking an illness or saying something came up were options, but did I want to back out? He was trying to weasel his way into my life and on one side it was annoying, but on the other it was nice to have someone that seemed to be interested in me. It wasn’t a date or anything. He had already been informed of that. He made me feel safe when I was around him. He just had that vibe about him. It’s been so long since I felt that way that I didn’t know how to handle it. When I first moved here, I was always on edge with good reason. I just needed to make it very clear to him that being friends was all I could handle.

  My phone chimed indicating a text message. It was from Mattie.

  Mattie: Is noon okay with you?

  Me: Sounds good to me.

  Mattie: C U soon.

  I reluctantly got myself out of the bed and went to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. I undressed and turned the water on as hot as I could stand it. Scalding hot showers always helped ease my tension and clear my mind. I got in and just let the feel of the water consume me. Fifteen minutes had gone by before I started to wash my body and hai
r. I knew that I was stalling, but I needed this in order to be able to function today. I stepped out of the shower and grabbed the two towels from the towel rack and began drying off. This day was already starting to drain me, and it hadn’t even begun. I wrapped a towel around myself and put my hair up in the other. I brushed my teeth and then went into the bedroom.

  I went through the closet and found the comfiest pair of jeans I owned and a sweater. After I’d put on my bra and panties, I saw my reflection in the mirror. Images from my past flooded me. I typically didn’t look in the mirror unless I was fully clothed for this reason. I couldn’t stand to look at myself naked. Every time I did, I would see the how I looked in the pictures that were taken. I hated that I had them in my head, but the fact of the matter is, that they were imbedded in my brain. I couldn’t get them out even if I tried. That’s why I avoided situations that would cause them to arise. I turned away to try and get back into the right frame of mind. I quickly put on my jeans and sweater, then grabbed some socks. He said casual that’s what he was going to get. I put on my socks and then headed to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Once my hair was blow dried and put into a ponytail, I went into the kitchen to fix a much-needed cup of coffee. Screw the makeup today. I never needed it anyway. I slowly drank it and let the caffeine sink in. Peaking at the clock, I noticed that he’d be here any minute. I took longer to get ready than I thought. After I had put on my tennis shoes, I grabbed a coat from the closet. The weather for today was supposed to be sunny, but the wind would make it feel colder than it was. I hoped that I liked where he was taking me. If not, it’s going to be a long day.

  ***

  Matt

  I can’t believe Saturday is already here. I was sitting at the kitchen table going over some emails on my phone while I drank a cup of coffee. This week has flown by. Staying busy at work has helped with that. That asshole was still eluding the police, but what he didn’t know was that we’re getting closer to catching him. We had eyes and ears everywhere, and that’s paid off. It also helped that his friends didn’t like what he did to Mia, and they were willing to assist us in any way. I needed to get work off the brain and focus on today.