Manbuns & Martinis (Drinking #1.5)

by R. L. Griffin

  The door opens and a woman walks in. I put Mad down, adjust my pants and clear my throat. Hurriedly, I grab my mail and then Mad’s hand. We walk back to the apartment where I throw all the mail on the table.

  “Dunc, I’m headed to Mad’s. I got my stuff for in the morning, feed Snape?”

  “Too loud,” Duncan whispers.

  “I’ll meet you at your house okay?”

  “I’ll stop and grab dinner for us.”

  “You’re amazing.” I slap her ass and I can see her cheek bounce firmly. “I don’t like those shorts,” I call as she closes the door.

  “Don’t care,” she yells back.

  I knock on the front door of Mad’s house, which is weird because I usually just go in. I have my duffle on my shoulder. My stomach flips weirdly, my stomach never flips unless I’m getting paid for something. I stand there and stare into the stained wood door where I’ve never had to wait. The door knocker is in the shape of a heart; when you pick up the knocker it shows a gigantic crack. Her door knocker is a fucking broken heart…

  The door pulls open and Mad is standing there, not quite smiling. I want to make her smile.

  “Hey,” she says letting me in.

  “Hey,” I mimic and I brush her as I push past her.

  Things are awkward. I reach into myself. “So I’m assuming you saw the pictures of Duncan?”

  She full on laughs.

  “I mean we were so drunk...he had a threesome and doesn’t even remember.”

  “What a waste,” she says as she follows me into the kitchen. “You have your hungover face. I got burritos.”

  “Oh, my God you’re perfect.” Once the words leave my lips I realize how true they are. She’s perfect for me. Since I was seventeen I didn’t think I was good enough for her. I lived in a trailer and she lived in a mansion. I had clothes from thrift stores and she could wear whatever she wanted. Her parents hated me and she didn’t care. Her friends looked at me condescendingly in middle school, but she still hung out with us.

  Once I was quarterback in high school I was pulled in several different directions, but she remained my and Duncan’s friend. Her senior year of high school her boyfriend dumped her the week of homecoming. I was on my way home when I saw her car pulled over on the side of the road, she had a flat tire.

  I remember everything about that night. Tears streamed down her face, her mascara looked like some sort of horror show, but I thought she was beautiful. I’d changed her tire and then had been changing my shirt when I felt her arms around my waist. Needless to say, she climbed into my truck and took off her clothes and asked me to have sex with her. She knew I was a virgin and she walked me through everything.

  I blink and she looks at me. The last six years of unspoken lust, regret and love pass between us. I pick her up and carry her into the den, where I put her feet on the hardwood floor. Unbuttoning her jean shorts, my eyes don’t leave hers.

  “These shorts are like a pair of panties, you can’t be wearing this out of the house.”

  I pull them off, along with her black lace thong.

  I push her against her couch and she leans over grabbing the back of it. I kiss her neck and put my finger inside of her. Everything about her is perfect I think as I take my finger out and roll it over her clit. She lets out a long breath and pushes her ass toward me. Sliding myself inside her from behind, I sigh in utter bliss. I grab her tits, but they’re still in her bra. I thrust in and out, pinching her nipples through the fabric. I move my hands down to her abdomen. I keeping going, hoping she’ll be quick because I feel like shit. Her breathing is heavy and she gasps as my fingers find her clit again. I circle it. My other hand is in her hair. “Fuck, Mad. Fuck.”

  Her hips press into me and I spread her wide and circle hard, like I know she likes and she clenches around my dick, milking me for all I’m worth. “MAD!” I yell and I come all in her. I love her too. Should I tell her?

  Are we doing this?

  I rest my chin on her shoulder and breathe her in. I kiss her shoulder and wrap my arms around her. Fear can do strange things to people. I’ve always been afraid of this because I didn’t think I was good enough. I never told her how I really felt, shit I never admitted it to myself, for fear she’d disappear on me. I felt safe in what we had because it was comfortable.

  I pull out of her and the silence hangs in the room. She twists her hair into a knot, then walks toward the bathroom to clean herself off.

  I zip my pants and walk over to the table and sit down. I’m sweating from the exertion. I pull the burritos out of the bag and see my carnitas burrito with guacamole, no rice, she knows exactly what I order. See, perfect? I unwrap it and take a huge bite.

  Mad walks into the kitchen and stands in the doorway, her hip jutted against the door jam. I look up from my burrito. All she has on is her black bra, her bikini area bare except for a small landing strip of hair.

  “Come here,” I say, my mouth full of food.

  Her phone buzzes and she looks at it. “Who is it?” I pull it to me from the other side of the table and I see a picture of her with a dude. Then I push it away from me with so much force it falls from the table and the screen shatters.

  We both stare at it.

  “Mad,” I say. I didn’t mean to break her phone, but I feel...jealous. I’m jealous.

  I see her swallow her words. She leaves the phone on the floor and her eyes rise to meet mine. She’s worried. She doesn’t know what’s happening either. We can do sex, we can do friends. Hell, we can do best friends. I need her. I need to step up. I have a pair, I need to remember it. I get up and walk over to where she’s still leaning against the doorframe. I wrap my arms around her, my skin hums when it slides across hers.

  I lean down and put my chin on her head. “I’m sorry,” I whisper in her hair.

  “For what?” Her words are muffled against my chest.

  “For not being enough for you.”

  “Ellis,” she starts trying to pull away from me, but I hold her against me.

  “No, listen. We’ve been together and not together since I was seventeen. We’ve been best friends since I was thirteen. I need you in my life Mad, I can’t breathe without you. I’m sorry I’ve never told you that. I’m sorry I let you date other guys since I was inside of you. I’m sorry that I treated you like you weren’t exactly who and what I wanted. I’m sorry that I made you feel any less than what you are.”

  She’s still and silent. My heart is pounding, this is the most important thing I’ve ever done. It’s so hard. I can’t get it wrong. I’ve got to go all in.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t been honest with you because maybe if I had we wouldn’t be here.” She looks up into my eyes, hers glistening with tears. I wipe a tear from her cheek. I drop a kiss to her lips. “If I’m honest, I wanted to be the right one for you. Look at you, you’re twenty-four and have your own home and a kickass career. I planned on playing football and being able to provide for us, when I was injured I didn’t know who I was without it. I didn’t know who I was to you.”

  She inhales and exhales slowly, her lips part.

  “I kept thinking if I could just get my shit together you’d want to be with me. I keep saving so that I can open the gym and show you that I am good enough for you.”

  She’s full out crying now and shaking her head.

  “I want to be good enough for you Mad. I want you to be proud to be with me. I want us to be equals and in this life together. I want my life to be with my best friend and that’s you. I’m sorry.” I squeeze her, hoping she understands what I need, what I want and that she’s it.

  “You’re such a fuck up,” she whispers.

  I step away from her.

  “You forgot one thing in all that…”

  I rack my brain trying to remember what I forgot.

  “First of all, you’ve always been good enough Ellis. The problem is that you didn’t trust that I thought you were.”

  “It’s not that Mad, it�
��s that I wanted to come to the table with something. Right now I don’t have shit.”

  “You have everything Ellis. You have my heart and that’s all you’ve ever needed.” Now that’s some romance book shit, right? All she ever wanted was to know that I loved her back.

  “You need me to tell you something?” I smirk at her.

  She holds her breath.

  “You need me to tell you that I’ve loved you since I heard you moan my name that first time in my truck? You need me to tell you that I still loved you when you started dating Jason after that and I felt like my chest was going to explode. When you asked me my freshman year of college if you could stay with me for a bit, I loved every second of your stuff mixed with mine. I love that I know you so well. I know when you laugh because you feel like you have to, but I love your real laugh. I love that you stuck with me, sort of, even with everything we’ve been through. I love that you believe in me.”

  She jumps into my arms and wraps her legs around me.

  “I love that we are going to have the most gorgeous kids,” I whisper this into her ear because I don’t know if this is okay to say, but after admitting to myself that I love her all these thoughts flow together and I need to start saving money for a ring fit for my queen.

  “Take me to our room,” she moans.

  My smile could crack my face and I basically run to her bedroom with her clinging to me.

  I ran back to the apartment after work on Monday to grab Snape and some clothes, but other than that I’ve been at Mad’s. I’ve been in her house and her bed since I told her I loved her, since I finally admitted to myself that she could love me even if the timing isn’t perfect. Maybe that’s the problem with waiting until something is perfect, it never is. Something is always going to happen to stop you from doing what you want to do or take that next step if you are waiting for everything to fall into place. Life never settles down enough to give you the comfort of things being exactly how you think they should. You get the job you always wanted, but have to move away from your family. You finally meet the girl of your dreams, but she’s dating someone. You finally reach a time in your life where you can breathe and something else comes by and knocks the wind out of you. That’s life, right?

  It’s Saturday and I’m finally sitting down to eat lunch. My smile hasn’t left my face all week, I’m not sure it is physically possible for me to stop smiling. Mad and I have talked about everything. She’s just as insecure and uncertain about things as I am, but we know each other so well that it doesn’t matter. We work, we click and now that we’ve admitted that we want to be together it is like the entire world has opened up for me. I posted a picture of her and me, messy hair, drinking coffee one morning with the caption “My perfect morning with my perfect girl.” She didn’t say anything, but I know it meant a lot to her for me to put it out there that we’re together. That I’m only with her. I’m proud she’s mine. She didn’t like some of the comments, but she’s going to have to deal.

  Shelly is leaving the gym after our training session and Duncan cranes his neck to watch her leave. I chuckle at his antics and then look back at my kale salad with no dressing. Duncan waltzes into the office and collapses into the chair next to me.

  I’ve sold another picture for a book cover and Duncan’s penis has gone viral. My passed out body is in the video as well, but that doesn’t really compete with his penis. I’m so lucky I passed out, I wouldn’t have Mad back if I hadn’t. That I’m sure of...

  “So I’m worried I’m going to get fired.”

  “Why?” I ask, my mouth full.

  “Because millions of people have seen my dick.” Duncan kicks his size thirteen running shoes up on the table.

  “Dude,” I mutter at his shoes on the table. He throws them back on the floor. “It’s actually probably good advertising for the gym.”

  “My abs did look amazing as I was thrusting.” He grins. “I have had several new clients this week.”

  “All women?”

  He nods and picks a piece of my baked chicken out of the salad. I stab my fork at his hand.

  “I miss Snape,” he says.

  “You miss him, but not me?”

  “Yep, just him. He used to sleep with me, keep me warm at night.”

  “I bet you can do just fine without Snape.” His social media account has blown up. He now has over two million followers on Instagram and one million on some other app he’s been telling me to join.

  “His snore soothes me like nothing else can,” he quips.

  I go back to eating because I have another appointment before I head to a woman’s house to paint her office. Mad referred her to me, which happens regularly. Nothing like an extra five hundred dollars to sock away to my “buy Mad a ring fund.” Don’t tell her or Duncan, they don’t know. I know what you’re thinking, you just had the balls to admit that you love her and now you’re buying a ring? It may seem soon, but you don’t know that we’ve already done all the things you do when you first get together. I’ve met her entire family and sometimes even get to go to family functions.

  Last summer, before I went to Vegas, Mad and I had spent all day in the pool at her parent’s Memorial Day party with all the big wigs of Austin, Texas. They moved when Mad went to college. Her family now has real estate offices all over Texas.

  Her brother uses me as his wingman when he’s back from LSU.

  “So are you moving in with Mad? I mean I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” Duncan’s voice shakes me from my reverie.

  “Well, I’m still paying rent, if that’s what you’re worried about.” I do want to move in with Mad, but I’m not sure I am mentally prepared for it.

  “I can’t afford it on my own,” he comments. “Maybe I’ll do porn. I think I’d make good money at that. Women seem to like my dick.”

  “Do women really pay for porn though? There’s plenty of that on the Internet for free. Plus, I think women would rather read erotica than watch it. Men are very different that way. I want to see it.”

  “Men watch porn. I don’t care if they like my dick, but fucking women on camera is okay. I did that for free, even though I didn’t know I was doing it.”

  “Well, lesson learned, right? No more getting blackout drunk.”

  “I hate that I was that stupid, but my name is out there now. I’m waiting for Playgirl to call. Everyone wants to see this.” He motions to his dick.

  “Everyone has already seen that.”

  “Touché my friend, touché.” He gets up and heads to the door. “Got a few more clients today. We’re still saving, right?”

  His face is casual, but I can hear the anxiety in his voice. I know him as well as I know myself. He’s nervous. What he’s really asking me is now that I’m with Mad have I forgotten our dream. Am I going to be saving for a ring instead of the gym?

  “Dude, I’m painting an office today for an extra five hundred bucks, straight into the gym fund.”

  “Okay,” he says, relieved.

  What I don’t say is I’m planning for Mad and me, but it’ll take a while. I want to buy her a ring that she will be proud to wear. I learn some lessons, but being competitive will always be part of my personality.

  The next morning Mad and I are having brunch on a quaint patio of a restaurant near her house. We clink our Bloody Marys in cheers for a week of being together, truly together, when Duncan calls.

  “Can you swing by? Your mail and bills are piled up and I want to make sure we’ve covered everything.”

  Sunday is usually the only day I take off and I was looking forward to going home and fucking Mad for the next few hours.

  “Yep, I can swing by,” I agree. I hang up and Mad winks at me.

  “Your boyfriend needs you?”

  “Yes, you two are both so fucking needy.”

  “I only need the dick,” she jokes.

  I dig into my egg white omelet, I’m having cheese in this one. I don’t have a shoot anytime soon so I’m taking a little bre
ak from being so strict with my calorie intake.

  “You know, my dad offered to hire you,” she starts.

  I hold my hand up to stop her from continuing.

  “Think about what you’re doing,” I warn.

  “I’m just telling you he offered. I told him you want to do it your way, yourself. It’s one of the reasons I’ve loved you for so long.”

  I reach across and push her hair behind her ear.

  “You remember homecoming my freshman year?”

  She nods.

  “I remember you were dating someone, I can’t remember his name because I knew he didn’t matter.”

  She smiles and takes a sip of her drink.

  “You wore that light pink miniskirt that barely covered your ass. He got so drunk that when I was finished playing you were already at my apartment, waiting for me.”

  “We watched Bridesmaids and I kissed you.” Her smile is shy and I remember that night like it was yesterday.

  “Why are guys such dickheads?” Mad asked as she threw her sky-high heels off and made her way over to the couch where I had just sat down and opened my first beer after the homecoming game.

  She flopped down on the couch and kicked her legs up so that they were resting on my lap. Her glare made me chuckle. “Well, God gave us dicks so that we could be dickheads to pretty girls like you,” I push her.

  “I’m serious. You’re not that big of a dickhole. Why are other boys so fucking stupid?”

  “Well, I’m not going to argue with that compliment. ‘Not that big of a dickhole…’” I take another swig of my light beer. My head hurts a bit and I’m already sore from the game, I just want to take the edge off. I was planning on hitting a few parties, but then Mad surprised me when she swaggered into the apartment.

  She crosses her arms over her chest and pouts.

  “You need a drink?” I offer her my beer, which she plucks out of my hand and chugs.

  She wipes her mouth with her forearm. It reminds me of the field parties in high school, she can drink as much as any guy.