Cyprian the Fair

by C. L. Cattano

  “Yes, and all those women were either half-crazy or lying to get Rafe in bed,” Julia argued, though she wasn’t sure why. “Rafe never took any of it seriously—no one took those propositions seriously.”

  “Why was she telling us to have a nice time here?” Eden asked at a loss. “She must know I’m here to see her. Why is she telling us she’s glad we’re happy?”

  “I don’t know,” said Julia. “She was using her ‘I don’t want to be here, but I have to be polite’ act on us too.” Julia followed Eden as she started toward the hotel again. “Maybe she was just caught off guard,” she suggested. “She did tell you to call Gabri so it seems like she may want to talk to you.”

  “She could have talked to me right then,” she retorted. “This is just so frustrating, Julia. I can’t just talk to her. I have to make an appointment through someone. I never thought she would treat me like this. Is she trying to tell me it’s really over? Is she still trying to push me away?” Eden couldn’t hold in tears that she was fighting any longer. “Is she telling me there’s no hope, and she really doesn’t love me anymore?”

  Julia stopped and pulled Eden into an embrace. Her opinion was ‘yes’ to all those things, but she knew to say so to Eden wouldn’t help the situation.

  “Don’t worry. I’m here for you,” Julia said softly. “I’ll always be here for you.”

  15

  TAKING HER GLASS of wine to the small wooden kitchen table, Rafe Salvaggio sat down, opened her drawing notebook, and began to draw. After getting home from the festival, she made sure Nora was safely in her bed. Then Rafe unloaded Gabri’s instruments and put them in the studio. After Rafe had taken care of things in the main house, she made her way back to her cottage. She took a shower, hoping it would relax her so she could sleep, but sleep eluded her.

  The vision of Eden and Julia filled her mind, and she tried to convince herself that the two of them being together was probably for the best. Rafe knew she had a long way to go before she could resolve all the issues she was struggling with, and Eden deserved someone who could take care of her. She knew it was too much to expect Eden to wait on her, especially being a continent away.

  So much had happened that it felt impossible for Rafe to imagine any resolution between them. Being here, far away from everything, made Rafe feel disconnected from it all now. It was like a bad dream she couldn’t shake. Sometimes, it was literally a nightmare, and it made it hard for her to want to go to sleep.

  Gabri could help take Rafe’s mind off things during the day, but when she was alone, especially at night, the things she struggled with came flooding into her mind. It would not be so bad if just one thing came into her mind at a time, and she could focus and be able to resolve the issue. But it wasn’t how things were working. Her thoughts and issues seemed to tangle together and come out as a big knot. It seemed with every advance at untangling things, another knot was there to add to the tangle. It sometimes became too much, and she had to do anything she could to stop herself from thinking. Tonight, she found it impossible to push her thoughts away.

  She had known Eden was in Italy because Gabri had told her. She even guessed Julia was with her. But seeing them together made it real. She wondered what Gabri had told Eden about her problems if anything. She tried not to think about it. She agreed months ago to allow Gabri to handle everything where communication was concerned so she could focus on getting well. Maybe Eden didn’t want to be with someone with problems like hers. She could not blame her. She couldn’t blame anyone. She wondered how long Gabri would be out at the party and if she should ask for a sleeping pill when he came home.

  Papa made sure to keep everything quiet about the time she spent with the doctor when she was younger here in Italy. They even hid the few times she needed help while living in New York. For a while, it seemed every serious relationship Rafe was in had to be evaluated and picked apart. It had to be decided if the person was trustworthy and would be able to handle the responsibilities of knowing about her illness and what it entailed.

  Sometimes, it felt as if she would always be on the cusp of a relationship, never to have anything complete and real. No one ever seemed worthy to her father, and Rafe always agreed with him to break things off—until Eden. It was harder with Eden. When things started getting serious, her papa would broach the subject of whether or not Eden was worthy enough to tell about her past. At the time, she struggled with the fact she didn’t want to make her past the reason for ending a relationship again. Rafe felt she couldn’t end the relationship because she was in love with Eden. But she couldn’t tell Eden about her past, either. In fact, she begged her papa not to tell Eden about what had happened in her childhood.

  Rafe finally convinced her papa, and herself, telling anyone about her past would hurt more than help at that point in her life. She was older and hadn’t had any problems for a long time. Plus, Rafe thought with Eden’s anxieties that it would make her have doubts and second thoughts about being together. She knew it was dishonest, but she swore to her papa she would tell Eden if she ever had to. He had been insisting she tell Eden since they were planning to have a child, but Rafe still couldn’t bring herself to do it. He died, then Eden left, and everything else happened. None of those secrets seemed to matter anymore.

  When Eden came back, Rafe thought that telling her about the past would only complicate things more. She did try to tell Eden before she left home with Gabri. She told her a lot of things, but she just couldn’t stand the look in Eden’s eyes afterward. Now it was too late to come clean, and it probably didn’t matter anymore anyway.

  Rafe looked up at the knock on her door. Putting down her pencil, she got up and answered the door wondering if Gabri had come home already.

  “Nora,” Rafe said with surprise. “Is everything okay?”

  “I was going to ask you the same,” she said as she stepped inside out of the night. “I got up to use the restroom, and I saw your light was still on.”

  “I’m fine,” Rafe said with a small smile to reassure her.

  “Good,” said Nora and gave her a hug, “then you can make me some tea to help me get back to sleep.”

  “Sure.” Rafe chuckled and led her to the small kitchen. She closed her drawing pad and moved it off the table then went to the stove to start the water for tea as Nora sat down. She set out everything for tea then sat down across from Nora. “So, why can’t you sleep,” Rafe asked with concern. “Is the baby moving too much?”

  “The baby’s fine,” she said and took Rafe’s hand across the table. “I was worried about you and what happened tonight. Who were those women and why did they upset you?”

  Rafe looked down at their hands, gave Nora’s hand a squeeze, and then sighed. She didn’t want to tell Nora what was happening. She didn’t want Nora to be upset if Bronte couldn’t visit. Nora loved watching the videos of Bronte with her. She said it was like getting a sneak preview of what her baby would look like. She helped Rafe pick out gifts and helped her and Gabri make videos to send to Bronte. They made a lot more videos than they sent, but someday, Rafe hoped Bronte would see them all, especially the ones all three of them were in. She looked up into Nora’s eyes and could see she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  “It was Eden,” she said softly.

  “Eden? Your Eden?” Nora asked in surprise. She put her fingers to her temple and shook her head in disbelief. She berated herself for not recognizing Eden from all of Rafe’s drawings. “Why didn’t we talk to her? We could have stayed and had a coffee with her, or invited her here. Did she bring Bronte?”

  “Gabri is going to set up a time for me to see them,” said Rafe as the kettle whistled. She got up and poured the water into the teapot to steep the tea, then brought it to the table as Nora watched her.

  Nora wrinkled her brow in disbelief. “Gabri? What are you talking about?”

  Rafe shrugged. “Eden came to see Gabri today. She asked him to tell me she was here with Bronte.”

 
“Wait. She was here at the house today?” Nora asked confused.

  “Yeah.” Rafe nodded and hung her head. “Gabri told her he would talk to me and set up a time for us to meet and spend time with Bronte.”

  “Okay, I’m confused,” she said with a frown. “Why does she have to have an appointment to see you, and why does Gabri get to decide when it is?”

  “I don’t know,” said Rafe feeling helpless under her unhappy gaze. Now there was someone else she was disappointing. “It’s just better if he handles it. The doctor told him I should have short or monitored visits to make sure I don’t get too pressured or stressed.”

  Nora stared at Rafe for a moment not understanding the situation. “What do you have to feel stressed or pressured about? The way you talk about Eden, I would think you’d be happy she’s here.” Nora watched as Rafe poured their tea but said nothing. “Why aren’t you happy she’s here?”

  Rafe fidgeted with her cup a moment then looked up at Nora sadly. “I think she’s here to get closure... maybe.” She shrugged and shifted uncomfortably. “The other woman she was with is Julia. I think they’re together now.” She stopped not knowing what else to say.

  “You think?” Nora repeated. “What makes you think they’re together? Did she tell Gabri something?”

  “No,” said Rafe softly. “It’s just things they did, things I saw.”

  “Like what?”

  “Just things,” said Rafe and took a sip of her tea. “Drink your tea.”

  Nora shook her head at Rafe then took a sip of her tea. “Aw, is this chamomile?”

  “Yes.” Rafe smiled because Nora recognized the tea.

  “Why do you and Gabri always make this?” she asked annoyed. “I swear between the two of you I’ve had more chamomile tea in the past seven months than I can stand.”

  “But it’s good for you,” said Rafe with a frown. “It helps with everything and helps you relax.”

  Nora sighed heavily and shook her head. “First, it doesn’t cure everything,” she insisted, “and second, there’s only so much of the stuff a girl can take, especially a pregnant one.”

  “We don’t give it to you all the time,” said Rafe with a sulk. “Just when you say you’re not feeling well or need to relax. I know it doesn’t cure everything, it just helps, and it’s fine to drink in moderation when you’re pregnant. I use to make it for...”

  Nora frowned at Rafe’s hurt expression, knowing she meant to say Eden. “Fine, don’t worry, I’ll drink it.” She took another sip of the tea to prove her words. “Now, tell me why you think she’s here for closure. What things are you talking about?”

  Rafe took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I guess one thing is I saw Julia outside the Uffizi today, and she didn’t tell me Eden was here. Why wouldn’t she tell me?” Rafe looked down into her cup. “I think maybe it’s because she knew Eden was here asking to see me. She probably didn’t want to say anything until Eden could talk to me.”

  “Okay,” said Nora as she considered Rafe’s words. “What else?”

  “Tonight,” said Rafe, “you saw them. They were holding hands and sharing food and looked so happy together.”

  Nora sat back in her chair and thought about the two women and what she remembered about them. “They looked like two tourists enjoying dinner in Italy,” she said thoughtfully. “They shared a bite of their meal, so what? They knew each other, so they touched hands, so what? I don’t think it means anything.” She saw Rafe wasn’t convinced. “Well, what do you think they saw when they looked back at us?”

  Rafe frowned then sat back in her chair and wished Nora had not come down. “I don’t know,” she said edgily.

  “Let’s think about it,” she said seeing Rafe was uncomfortable. “Between you and Gabri, neither of you think I can take a step on my own, especially over the cobblestone, so I was holding tightly onto your arm, and you were holding on to me when you weren’t dancing around. You were a little drunk, and we were joking, laughing and even shared a few friendly kisses. We’re very good friends, but do you think, to her, it’s all it looked like?”

  “But you’re pregnant. Eden would know I’m not with you,” Rafe scoffed.

  “Oh, please,” Nora reproached with a weary groan. “Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I couldn’t be your lover. I’m sure you made love to Eden while she was pregnant. If you didn’t, then she should leave you,” said Nora with a small laugh. “But I think I know you, so I’m probably right.” She watched Rafe try not to smile, knowing she was right. “She could think you’re the one who needs closure.” Nora watched as Rafe considered her words. “So, don’t you think you should talk to her before you jump to conclusions?”

  “Maybe,” Rafe asserted then looked up at Nora. “Before I left,” she paused, “I kind of pushed them together, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m right.”

  “You were sick,” she countered. “I’m sure you did and said a lot of things you didn’t mean. I remember Gabri having to deal with some of the things you were saying. But now you’re getting better. Did you mean the things you said? Do you really want them to be together?”

  Rafe threw up her hands in frustration. “I don’t know if what I want even matters. I don’t know why she’s here or what she wants.” She couldn’t hide the misery in her eyes. “I’ll just be happy if she lets me see Bronte and will let her come back when the baby is born.” She put her head in her hands. “I’m just having a hard time right now. Too much is running through my head,” she said sadly.

  Nora stood up and went to Rafe. She took Rafe’s face in her hands. “One thing you shouldn’t have going through your mind is what Eden might have to say. You should meet her and let her tell you. Good or bad. Don’t torture yourself when you can know by asking.” She kissed Rafe’s forehead. “Come on. Let’s get you in bed,” she said and pulled Rafe up then led her to the bedroom.

  “You know it’s easier said than done, right?” said Rafe as Nora pushed her gently into the bed.

  “Yes, because you love her,” said Nora and sat on the bed next to Rafe.

  “No, because I need a pill,” shot Rafe.

  Nora frowned. She didn’t like Rafe asking for pills again so she pretended to ignore the comment for the moment. “If you didn’t love her, you wouldn’t think so much about her.”

  “No, I think about her so much because I’m fucked up and confused,” said Rafe crossly.

  Nora sighed and shook her head. “Scoot over,” she said, and Rafe moved to give her room in the bed. She lay down and got herself into a comfortable position. “Try to sleep. I’ll tell Gabri to check on you when he gets home to see if you really need a pill.” She put her arm around Rafe. “I know you love her,” she whispered into her ear.”

  “How?” Rafe asked softly as she stared at the wall.

  “Because I know how much you and Gabri are alike,” she said softly. “I see how you two are together. It’s scary how even when you’re apart you think alike. I see how much you love each other. I’m positive about how Gabri loves you. I was so jealous when you first came,” she confessed. “I was his pregnant wife, and he was spending every moment with you. Then I saw you two one night, and you were both drunk and crying as you held each other. You could have ended up in bed together, but you didn’t. Then I knew there was something else going on. I put my jealousy aside and got to know you. I talked to Gabri about you, and I really listened to him. You two went through so much together and are so close because of it all.”

  “Then you found out I was gay,” Rafe reminded her with a chuckle, “so you knew I wasn’t a threat. I don’t do men.”

  Nora laughed softly. “There is that,” she agreed. “But it’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about how you two love. I think because of your love for each other, and the things you went through together, you can’t help but pour all your feelings and love into the person you decide to give your hearts. You both even picked blonds from America,” she teased. �
�He showed me your drawings of Cyprian the Fair from when you were young. You drew her blond and fair, and he told me she was also called Venus by some.”

  “He showed you those drawings?” Rafe shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Those are terrible.”

  “You were a teenager, and actually, they’re excellent,” said Nora. “He was thinking of using one on his CD cover.” She listened to Rafe groan about the news and smiled. “I think you two fell in love with Eden and me because of those drawings and your American mother. Otherwise, you would have fallen in love with each other.”

  “My mother?” asked Rafe confused.

  She chuckled. “Yes, Gabri told me how he was in love with both you and your mother when he was young.”

  “I don’t know anything about that,” said Rafe trying to wrap her head around the information. “We couldn’t fall in love with each other. I’m gay, remember?”

  “Anyway,” Nora said ignoring her stubbornness, “don’t think you can change the subject.” She shifted to get comfortable again. “I know Gabri loves me more than he loves his own life, and he proves it in every move he makes, every decision, every look or touch. It’s like this cloak he puts over me.” She moved her lips close to Rafe’s ear. “I think you love the same way. I can feel it and know you love me. Not like you love Eden, but it’s like your love for Gabri covers the baby and me now. I think you love Eden like Gabri loves me. I think you can’t help yourself.” She took a calming breath. “I believe it’s why she’s here,” she said softly.

  “I do love you,” Rafe said quietly. “I’ll always love you.”

  “I believe you.” Nora smiled to herself. “I think, if Gabri ever left me, you’d be by my side taking care of me.”

  “He would never leave you,” she whispered.

  “I think you’re right,” she said feeling a surge of love for Rafe and her reassuring words. “But, if he ever did, I don’t think you’d have any problems convincing me to become a. . .” She hesitated as she searched for the Italian word.