To Love and Protect Her

by Margaret Watson

  He swore under his breath as he climbed the stairs to the loft. It was going to be an endless night.

  Willa emerged from the bedroom the next morning to find Griff drinking coffee and listening to the news on the radio. He didn’t turn around when her door opened, but she saw his back straighten.

  “Good morning,” she said.

  He turned around—reluctantly, she thought. “Good morning.” He looked away quickly, but not before she saw the shadows beneath his eyes. Apparently, he hadn’t gotten any more sleep than she had.

  “Is there more of that coffee?” she asked brightly.

  “I value my life.” His voice was dry. “Of course there’s more coffee.”

  She poured herself a cup and took a gulp. She needed something to wake her up. She would need her wits about her this morning.

  She knew why Griff had told her his life story. He’d hoped she’d be repulsed by it, be put off by the horrible tale. He’d told her about himself only because he wanted to create some distance between them.

  But his story had done just the opposite. It had simply given her another reason to admire Griffin Fortune. He’d struggled back from an appalling childhood to become a strong, honorable man, a man who always did the right thing. A man she cared about.

  She refused to think about him as anything more than that. Down that road lay certain heartache. Griff, she knew, didn’t want to get involved with her. He was attracted to her. He wanted to make love with her. But that was as far as he would allow himself to go.

  And maybe it was better that way. At least, that’s what she’d told herself during the long, lonely night.

  After taking another scalding gulp of coffee, she set the cup down on the counter, and said, “What excitement do you have planned for today?”

  “I’m figuring on a nice, dull day,” he said without turning around. “No generator breakdowns, no trips into El Paso, no trucks following us on the road. Dull and boring are the keys to happiness.”

  “Sounds good to me,” she said, gripping her coffee cup more tightly. They had to do something other than sit around the cabin. They would both go mad. Or they’d end up tearing off each other’s clothes. She wasn’t sure which would be worse. “How are you going to keep yourself occupied?”

  “I noticed a few maintenance chores that needed to be done outside. I thought I’d take care of those for Mary Ellen. It’s the least I can do.”

  And it will keep me away from you. The words were unspoken, but they echoed between them in the room. “That’s a good idea. I’ll see if anything needs to be done inside.”

  He stood up abruptly. “I’m going to call Ryan tonight. I’ll see if he’s found anything.”

  “All right.” Clearly, Griff was hoping they’d go back to College Station, and the sooner the better. But her life at the university seemed so far off—more distant than the hours it would take to drive back to her apartment. She’d changed in these few days she’d spent with Griff. Everything she’d thought she knew about herself had shifted and turned upside down. Now she wasn’t sure what she wanted from her life.

  Griff grabbed his jacket and hurried out the door. He closed it carefully behind him, but she knew it would be hours before she saw him again.

  That was just as well, she told herself. She should do something more useful than daydreaming about Griff. She finished her coffee, then poured herself another cup and began to assess what needed to be done to the cabin.

  Several hours later the cabin gleamed. Everything had been cleaned, polished and washed, and there was nothing left to do. Griff hadn’t been back inside, but she’d heard him throughout the morning, hammering, sawing and pounding on the cabin walls.

  Willa stretched and looked outside. The sun was shining and the sky was cloudless, and suddenly she yearned to be outdoors. She slipped into her coat and walked out onto the porch.

  It was far warmer than she’d expected. The scent of the pine trees wafted to her, carried on the balmy breeze. It almost felt like spring, although it was close to Christmas. Inhaling deeply, she stood on the porch and let the sun work its magic on her.

  Griff walked around the corner of the cabin, stopping short when he saw her. “Is something wrong?”

  “No. I just wanted to come outside. It’s a glorious day.”

  He walked up the steps and past her, then set down the can of wood stain he was carrying. “Don’t go anywhere that I can’t see you.”

  “I won’t,” she snapped, annoyed at him for ruining her mood by reminding her why they were here. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He grunted as he applied stain to a new piece of wood on the floor of the porch. She watched him for a moment, then moved to a lower step and sat. The sound of Griff working behind her blended with the whisper of the wind in the trees. Birds fluttered in the pines, and as she listened to their calls and whistles, a quiet peace settled over her. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine that none of the ugliness in College Station had happened. She could imagine she and Griff were a couple, happy to be spending time alone in their secluded cabin.

  Deliberately she opened her eyes and drank in reality. She was just setting herself up for disappointment if she started imagining happy scenarios between herself and Griff. He’d made it very plain how he felt.

  Cupping her chin in her hand, she stared into the distance. She didn’t realize Griff had moved until he dropped down on the stair next to her.

  “Did you find a lot to keep you busy inside?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “Two adults don’t make much of a mess. But I cleaned it, anyway. How about you? Did you find many things that needed to be repaired out here?”

  “Not much. Mary Ellen keeps the cabin in good shape.”

  He stared out at the trees with her, finally rousing himself to say, “What do you want to do with the rest of the day? It’s barely noon.”

  “Maybe we should try another hike. The weather is too wonderful to stay inside, and I can probably manage not to humiliate myself this time. My head is completely healed, and I’m sure I’m used to the altitude by now.”

  “We’re staying off the mountain,” he said firmly. “The rock is too crumbly. I don’t want to take any more chances.”

  “Then what would you like to do?”

  Silence hung between them for a moment, heavy with unspoken desires. Suddenly the tension that had eased for a few hours rushed back with a vengeance. Griff stood up and moved away from her.

  “Why don’t we make some sandwiches and go for a walk?” he said. “When I was out yesterday, I saw a little meadow not too far away. We might as well enjoy the weather while we can. It’s supposed to turn colder again tomorrow.”

  “A picnic sounds like a great idea.” Willa jumped up and headed for the house. “I’ll get some food together.”

  Griff didn’t follow her into the house, and she was grateful. The kitchen was so small that they would constantly be bumping up against each other, continually touching. And that wouldn’t be a smart thing right now.

  It took only a few minutes to pack a simple lunch of sandwiches, fruit, and cookies. This time Willa included two bottles of water in the lunch. She remembered how easy it had been to get dehydrated in the dry air.

  “Let me carry that,” Griff said, when she came back outside. He stashed the bags in his backpack, then swung the pack up onto his back. “Ready to go?”

  She nodded. “All set.”

  They started walking through the trees that surrounded the house, but they veered away from the mountain. “Where did you see this meadow?” she asked.

  “I saw it while I was up on the mountain. I wanted to get a better feel for our surroundings, so I made a point of looking all around. This meadow is really just a small area where there aren’t any trees, but it looks like it’ll have a great view. And we don’t have anything better to do than explore.”

  Willa could think of several better things to do, and she suspected that Griff could, too. B
ut she’d tried to convince herself during the night that she and Griff would both be better off if they didn’t get involved. So she plastered a smile on her face and said, “Since we have all this time on our hands, we might as well act as if we’re on vacation, right?”

  “Right.”

  He didn’t sound as if he were on a carefree vacation, Willa thought, but then, she didn’t feel that way, either. The tension between them was becoming a strain, particularly since Griff clearly wanted to stay away from her, and she had decided that would be best. But she could put up a front with the best of them.

  So she followed him as he walked through the trees, and tried to keep her mind off the way his jeans fit and the way his wide shoulders moved beneath his shirt.

  Ten

  It didn’t take long to get to Griff’s little meadow. And he was right: the view was spectacular. She forgot all about the trouble between them as she stood at the edge of the clearing and gazed out at the magnificence of the mountains surrounding El Paso.

  “It’s quite a sight, isn’t it?” he said softly next to her.

  “It’s wonderful. I love the area near College Station, but this is breathtaking. I could stand here and just look for hours.”

  “I thought you would enjoy the view.” She heard the satisfaction in his voice. “Come over here. There are a couple of boulders that will make perfect back rests.”

  He led her closer to the edge, and she saw that the meadow ended at a steep drop-off. Set back from the edge about ten feet was a jumble of large rocks. They looked as if they had been set there deliberately to form a cozy, secluded spot on the edge of the world.

  “This is perfect,” she said, turning to Griff with a smile.

  “I can’t take credit for it,” he said. “I just saw it from above.” He gestured at the mountain that towered above them. “But it does look like a good spot for a picnic.”

  Griff took a blanket out of his backpack. “I didn’t know what the ground would be like,” he explained. “I wanted to make sure we had a place to sit.”

  “That was very thoughtful of you,” she said with a grin. “It looks like you’re an expert at this picnic stuff.”

  Instead of scowling at her teasing, as she expected, he surprised her with a smile. “I can manage to be civilized once in a while.”

  “Can I thank your mother for that?”

  “And my sister.” He looked nostalgic. “When she was just a kid, she always wanted to tag along with Brody and Reed and me when we worked on the ranch. In order to distract her, we had a lot of picnics. I learned early to bring a blanket, or Mattie would go home looking like she’d rolled in every dirt hole on the ranch. And my mother would be very unhappy.”

  “I like your sister very much,” she said, knowing he would hear the wistful tone in her voice. “I’ve always wished I had a sister.”

  “She was a hellion as a kid, but she’s grown up pretty well,” he said, sounding studiously gruff. “And she seems blissfully happy with Dawson.”

  “Did you think that both of your brothers and your sister would get married when you came to the U.S.?” she asked, turning to look at him.

  “Not a chance,” he said immediately. “Reed wasn’t looking for any kind of relationship since he’d broken up with his girlfriend. The last thing I expected was that he’d fall in love and get married here. And Brody has been all business for a long time. But I guess he was using his work to hide his disappointment over losing Jillian. I’m glad they found each other again.”

  “And you were the one who set Mattie up with Dawson,” she reminded mischievously.

  “Not on purpose.” He scowled at her. “I didn’t think Dawson even liked Mattie.”

  “Apparently he liked her more than you realized.”

  “It looks that way. They got off to a rocky start, but she couldn’t stop smiling the last time I saw her. I guess that’s all that matters.”

  “It’s going to be hard for you and your parents and brothers to be separated from her, isn’t it?” she asked gently. “Australia is a long way from Texas.”

  “I’ll manage to get to Texas pretty often,” he said. “I have a fair amount of flexibility in my job. And I suspect my parents will make the trip frequently, too. Especially when the grandchildren start to come along. Now that we’re going to have close ties with Ryan and the Fortune businesses, my brothers will all be back and forth between Texas and Australia. So it’s not like we’ll never see Mattie again.”

  “It won’t be the same, though.”

  He turned and looked out over the mountains that spread in front of them. They looked as if they went on forever. “Nothing is ever the same, Willa. I figured that out a long time ago. Everything changes. Sure, I’ll miss Mattie, and our relationship will be different. But I’m pleased for her and Brody and Reed. It’s good to see them all so happy.”

  “You sound very lonely,” she said, without stopping to think.

  At that he turned and looked at her. “Why do you say that?”

  “You sound like you’re on the outside, looking in at your siblings and at a life you can’t have.”

  He stared at her for a moment, then he looked away. “You’re very perceptive, Willa. I guess you were right when you said you pay attention to people. I’ve always felt a little bit like an outsider with my family. I’m different from them. There’s always a part of me that I have to hold back, a part of me I can’t share. I’ve never told them the details about my job.”

  “You’re trying to protect them,” she said. “Maybe they don’t want protecting.”

  “It’s more than that. I’m trying to protect myself, too.”

  Willa wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her head there. “You’re not that little boy sleeping under the bush anymore. You don’t have to protect yourself from your own family.”

  “Maybe protect was the wrong word. I guess I don’t want to disillusion them. I don’t want them to think less of me. And they would if they knew what I do.”

  “I don’t think you’re giving them enough credit.” She turned her head so she could watch him. “They worry about you, Griff. I’ve heard Mattie talking about your job. They’re frightened for you. I think they need to know the details. And nothing you can say will make me believe they’ll think less of you if they know what you do. They love you.”

  She took a deep breath and touched his arm. His muscles were as hard as the rock they leaned against. “Your parents and your siblings know what kind of man you are, Griff. They know you’re an honorable person. Tell them what you do.”

  There was silence as Griff stared out at the vista. “You make it sound so simple,” he finally said. “And I know it isn’t simple.”

  “Why not? Most things are simple, if you cut to the heart of the matter.”

  To her surprise, his lips curled into a faint smile. “I’m not sure if you’re good or bad for me, Willa. But you make me think. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I do need to tell them about my job.”

  “They’re always going to worry. But I think they’d worry less if they knew more about what you do.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  She shifted on the ground and grabbed for her courage. “I know what kind of person you are, too, Griff. Nothing you could tell me would change how I feel about you.”

  He turned to meet her gaze. “You know far less about me than you think you know.” His voice was flat.

  “You’re wrong. I’ve spent several days with you now, and I’ve seen all I need to see. You’re a good man, Griff, even if you don’t want to think so. You may do a tough job, but that doesn’t change the kind of person you are, deep inside. And that’s all that counts.”

  She saw something that looked like wonder in the golden-brown depths of his eyes. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” she said, and her voice rang with conviction. “Absolutely.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t want to disillusion you.”

/>   “You never could. You told me you would protect me, and you have. Even though you really didn’t know me, you dropped everything to keep me safe.” She plunged ahead. “You won’t even touch me, because that might distract you from your job. Even though I want you to touch me.”

  “These are unnatural circumstances,” he said, and his voice was harsh. “You wouldn’t feel that way if we hadn’t been thrown together like this.”

  “That’s not true. I’ve been fascinated by you since the first time we met.”

  “I’m fascinated by the snakes at the zoo, but that doesn’t mean I want to get in the cage with them. You’re attracted to me because I’m so different from you.”

  “You’re not giving me much credit,” she said, and she struggled to keep her voice even. “Don’t you think I can see beyond the superficial differences between us? We’re a lot more alike than you want to think we are.”

  He swiveled to face her, and now he was so close she could feel the heat from his body surrounding her. In his eyes she could see denial, but beneath that was a glimmer of hope. “We’re as different as two people can be,” he said evenly.

  She focused on the glimmer. “We’re not, Griff, and I think that’s why you’re so determined not to get close to me. You can see that we’re alike. We’re both lonely, even though we both have lots of people who love us. We both grew up thinking we never really belonged. And we spend far too much of our lives on the outside, looking in.”

  “Even if what you’re saying is true, that doesn’t change anything.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m no good for a woman like you,” he said roughly.

  “What kind of woman is that?”

  “You’re a good person,” he said. “You’re kind and gentle. You’re a lady. And I don’t even know my real name.”

  “Your real name is Griffin Fortune,” she said, leaning forward to face him, her voice full of heat. “Your real name has been Griffin Fortune since your father found you under that bush.”

  “What I do for a living is a dirty job.”