by Diana Currie
“Please tell me you have pictures to send me,” Nathan said seriously.
Maddie blushed. “Actually, I do. Hold on a second.”
Nathan waited impatiently until his phone beeped with the incoming message. He rolled his eyes. “Your nieces are adorable, Maddie, but where’s the picture of you?”
“I have one but it’s kind of embarrassing. I’ve got the white bonnet, the pink petticoat, even the staff.”
“You absolutely have to send me that picture now. Now, woman!”
“Fine, hold on again.”
“Don’t be shy, petticoats are hot,” he encouraged.
Maddie cringed as her phone beeped that the outgoing message was delivered. Nathan opened the message and very nearly fell off the treadmill. “I was right, petticoats are hot. Damn, Maddie.”
She was thrilled by his reaction to her picture but too shy to ask what it was he liked. Was it the thigh high white stockings? The loose curled pigtails sticking out of the bonnet? The pink corset? Or the layered petticoat?
“I’m making this my wallpaper,” Nathan announced.
“I’m glad you like it. My father wasn’t so thrilled.”
“I can’t imagine why. I had no idea Little Bo Peep was so… busty.”
“Yeah, well they only make women’s costumes one way; overtly sexual.”
“Hmmm. You didn’t take my advice about that campus party, did you?”
“No. We had fun taking the girls around the neighborhood. Kyle was grumpy though because the babies walked so slow it took us an hour to get around the block. My mom and I started calling him Little Boy Blue because of all his pouting.”
“He didn’t want to go trick-or-treating?”
“Sometimes I think that he’s focused so much on surviving the twins’ baby days that he never stops to enjoy them. They’re growing so fast and he never seems to want to do the typical new parent stuff like take pictures of them in their Halloween costumes, he didn’t save their hair from the first haircut, or come to the park with us for their first ride in a swing. They wouldn’t of even have had a first birthday party if it weren’t for my mother.”
“Guys are different about that kind of stuff, Maddie. I don’t know your brother, but he’s young, and male, and that’s not typically the scrap-booking memories kind of person.”
“Maybe you’re right, but sometimes I think the girls deserve a parent who’s enthusiastic about the little kid stuff. It’s bad enough they won’t have a mother growing up.” Maddie sighed, contemplating her next words. “I want to tell you something I’ve never told anyone before.”
“Okay,” Nathan huffed slowing his pace a little.
“Sometimes I wish it had been me that had an unplanned pregnancy and not Kyle. Don’t get me wrong, Kyle loves his babies. But I know he struggles raising them on his own. He was so young when Leanna got pregnant. They were both eighteen and still in high school. They talked about getting married after graduation but in hindsight I’m glad they didn’t. I still don’t understand how she could just leave her children and Kyle all alone. And now he has to work to support them and couldn’t go to college like he’d planned. I just think I would have handled it better, I don’t know. I’ve never told Kyle or my parents because I feel weird about it. I mean, who wishes they could have gotten knocked up?”
“I think that you have an inherent need to protect the people you love. You want to shoulder everyone else’s burdens.”
“I know I would have welcomed their births even under Leanna’s circumstances. She clearly didn’t. And I couldn’t even begin to imagine our family without these two precious little babies in it, so it makes me wish that it had been me and not Kyle. I hate that these beautiful little girls are going to grow up without a mommy. That’s why I offer to babysit as much as I do. I feel like they need a woman’s nurturing. Kyle still lived here when they were born. He didn’t get his own place until they were six months old so I was here helping him to get them to sleep each night and with feedings. I would have been a good mother.”
“Why do you say it like you assume you won’t still get that opportunity for yourself?”
“I’m not good at dating. I don’t know… I just don’t think I’ll ever meet someone here in Texas.”
Nathan wondered if there was meaning behind her distinction that she might not meet someone in Texas. Did she have another location in mind, or was he reading too much into her words? “So, your nieces were another reason you didn’t go back to school after your dad’s heart attack, aren’t they?”
“When Leanna took off someone had to fill her shoes.”
“You’re the most selfless person I’ve ever met,” he said.
“That’s not true,” Maddie retorted. She walked from the kitchen to the living room and began opening the gift from Nathan.
“I just call them as I see them.”
Maddie rolled her eyes. “I’m unpacking your video game. Maybe we can play next week.”
“Absolutely. I’ll be in Wisconsin but that won’t be a problem. I can’t believe Thanksgiving is in four days.”
“When are you flying home?”
“Tuesday morning.”
“Can you text me when you land? I’ll be worried about you.”
Nathan hopped off the treadmill and wiped his face with a soft towel. “You will?”
“Of course! I care about you. I’ve concerned myself with your safety for a long time now. It’s the reason I wrote you that letter, remember?”
Nathan smiled. “Yes, that’s right. My canary yellow letter from America’s heartland. How could I forget?”
“Do you still have it?”
“It’s on my dresser. I see it every morning,” he stated proudly. Nathan knew that Maddie had no idea how profoundly that letter had altered his life.
Maddie pushed the Xbox away from where she sat on the floor. She would definitely need help from her brother making sense of that mess of wires. “Do you have any updates on EVOL 2 to tell me about?”
“Let me think. All the original cast members will be back. There’s a few new people too that I met last week. We have rehearsals starting in December and I’ll have to get my hair cut right after Christmas. I met the director, finally. He seems cool.”
“You have to cut your hair?”
“Yeah, they want it to look the same as the first movie, you know? So, I’ll have to let the hair and makeup people have their way with me,” he grumbled.
“So other than the haircut you seem to be optimistic about the movie now,” Maddie noted.
“I felt a lot better after the meeting at Universal. Filming the first movie was so much fun; it was an amazing experience and everyone I worked with were good people. I think the media frenzy kind of clouded all those good memories with bad ones. I was just so overwhelmed by it all that I still look back on that time and cringe. Seeing Katie and the other actors at the meeting reminded me what it was like the first time around.”
“You and Katie Owens are friends, right?”
“Sort of. We got along great during filming and with all the press stuff, but we lost touch once it was all over. She’s really down to Earth and fun. You’d like her.”
Maddie bristled at his mention of Katie Owens. She knew Katie was single; the girls in the EVOL Facebook group kept tabs on all the stars of the film. She didn’t like that the actress had a hand in changing Nathan’s attitude towards the film, but there was little she could do about it. She wondered if the rumors would start flying that Katie and Nathan were having chemistry on and off screen?
“Can I ask you a serious question, Nathan?”
“What do you want to know, Maddie?”
“Are you really doing okay now? I mean, whatever drove you to call me that first night doesn’t seem to be affecting you any longer. Have you honestly turned things around or do you still struggle dealing with your life when we’re off the phone?”
Nathan walked past his bedroom and opened the door to one of the
guest rooms. He rarely ventured into any of the three additional bedrooms the house featured. Apart from a few times Gerard or other friends had crashed there Nathan had no use for them. He glanced around at the white walls and elegant furnishings and realized he hadn’t made a single change to the room since moving into the house. The space was wasted, like much of the too large house Nathan still didn’t feel at home inside.
“I promised you that first night that I’d never lie to you. I told you that I wasn’t an alcoholic or drug user and that was the truth. I was having a hard time dealing with the pressure of my high-profile life so, no, that stress isn’t gone. Putting Zero Gravity behind me was a big step though. I hated everything about that project. Then there was the stress of figuring out what direction to go from there. Now that my next two films have been decided a little of that pressure is off me. But mostly I feel different because I have a new perspective on all of that stuff that I didn’t before. Connecting with you out in the real world has made a big difference.”
“You can’t possibly credit me with the complete turnaround of your behavior. Have you really quit the partying and drinking? How could it be that easy?”
Nathan smiled and walked through the empty guest room to look out the window. “You’re like a beautiful little angel sitting on my shoulder. I think about what you would say to me every time I’m faced with a decision. I’ve barely seen my L.A. friends since I met you because I don’t think you’d approve,” he chuckled.
“You never talk about them, except for Gerard. Don’t you miss hanging out with them?”
“I do miss the nightlife. One appealing quality of Los Angeles is there are so many good restaurants and clubs here. This house is huge and empty; I hate being here alone. But I wouldn’t call those people I went out with friends. They don’t care about me like you do.”
“I really do. Care about you, I mean. I hope you know that,” Maddie replied curled up in her bed staring at the picture of Nathan in her room; not the Love Spelled Backwards poster, but the first picture he texted her that she had printed and now sat on the nightstand. Her only picture of the real Nathan.
“I do know,” he whispered. “So, the answer to your question is yes, I really am okay. There’s only one thing that’s been eating at me lately.”
“What’s that?”
“Well… I need to tell you one more thing about Tomorrow and Forever. I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it.”
“So, what is it?” Maddie asked warily.
“The decision’s been made that filming will take place in Los Angeles… and Louisiana.”
“Louisiana?” Maddie squeaked. She was surprised to hear Nathan would soon be so close to her. Gee, just one state away…
“Yeah. They have excellent tax laws about filming in Louisiana. A lot of studios try to schedule stuff there whenever possible. It’s the whole reason Duck Dynasty got made.”
“Do you know what city you’ll be near?” Maddie asked dazed by the news.
“I don’t know. They’re picking a college campus so it depends on that location.”
“So, what is it that’s been eating at you?”
Nathan laughed to himself, finding it amusing that he was suddenly nervous. His arms were covered in goose bumps. “Would you want me to visit you? When I’m in Louisiana? I’ve already checked flights and Amarillo is like two and a half hours from Shreveport…”
Maddie was quiet for a moment. Her heart was pounding and her palms began to sweat. She wondered if she were to refuse Nathan, how long might it be before he suggested that they get together again? Would he ever bring it up a second time if she told him no? She’d been growing increasingly antsy as the weeks passed, because she didn’t know how to process her feelings for Nathan. Without ever meeting him in person Maddie could only conclude that her feelings were an advancement of her infatuation with the actor. As she learned more and more about his personality and private life it was harder to write off her affection as pure celebrity idolization.
Her increasing desire to see him in real life was becoming difficult to ignore. As thrilling as his prospect seemed, Maddie knew that it would be a short visit and seeing him for real would only make the subsequent separation that much more difficult.
“Is it okay if I don’t decide right now, Nathan? It’s not that I don’t want to see you, meet you, or whatever. I’m just afraid that actually being with you would be… too much for me to bear. I know we’re just friends but if you come here I can’t guarantee that when it’s time for you to leave that I wouldn’t be sending my heart away with you. Do you know what I’m trying to say?”
“Yeah, I understand what you mean,” he replied quickly sounding defensive. Maddie didn’t know if Nathan completely understood how she felt but his disappointment was obvious.
“I’m not saying never, just not right now.”
Maddie knew it was for the best, to keep her real life separate from her friendship with Nathan. It was such a tempting offer because if he came to visit her, Maddie thought she could finally be able to put to rest the incessant need to associate a real face to his voice. But any visit, no matter how long he stayed, would end the same way. Nathan’s world was so overwhelming and different than hers. He would eventually have to leave when filming wrapped, return to his life in Los Angeles and where would that leave Maddie? With a gaping hole in her chest, that’s where. She knew she couldn’t bear to have him officially enter her world only to be plucked out of it a month later.
“It wouldn’t be until February.”
She smiled, hearing the hopefulness in his voice. “Okay, then can we talk about it again after Christmas? Maybe when you get your production schedule?” she asked.
Nathan sighed and again he cursed the states that separated them. He wished that he could see Maddie in person, even just once. But she was right to refuse him. He’d hate to lead this sweet innocent girl on, knowing that he could never be good enough for her. Maddie’s life was completely different than the one he lived and he didn’t see any way to mesh them together. Maddie had a family and an education to focus on. Nathan couldn’t leave his home without a baseball cap and sunglasses unless he wanted to be mobbed by fans. He didn’t want to drag her into that kind of life.
“I won’t mention it again until I know when I’ll be there and what my schedule will be like. I might be so busy that I won’t have a few days to take off anyway.”
“Okay.”
“Can I ask you a serious question now?”
Maddie grimaced. “Sure.”
“You said you were worried that if we met it might result in you getting hurt, but have you considered the alternative? Are you at all worried that if we met you might be disappointed?”
“Disappointed? No, Nathan. How could you think that?”
“The image of Nathan Foster that’s been created by the movie magic and the news media are some big shoes to fill.”
“The real you is already so much better than the image I had in my head a few months ago. There hasn’t been one thing you’ve said to me that’s been disappointing. I’m honestly only worried about falling… about our friendship changing and me getting hurt.”
“So, you don’t trust me to be mindful of your feelings? What is it you think I’d do to you, Maddie? All I want is to look into the eyes of the person who’s quickly becoming my best friend.”
“Nathan,” she whispered. “It’s me who I don’t trust, my heart, not yours.”
Nathan sighed. He knew that she was right, that they would be wise not to push the boundaries of their friendship so things didn’t get complicated. More than anything, Nathan needed to keep Maddie in his life in whatever capacity he could.
“We can talk about my visit again when I know when I’ll be out your way. Let’s just leave it at someday for now.”
“Okay. Someday.”
“I should go take a shower. I’m all sweaty from the treadmill. You, missy, have a mission to complete before next Sunday,” Nath
an said trying to recover from the feelings that suddenly overwhelmed him.
“I do?”
“The Xbox! Make it happen. I’ll talk to you next week.”
“I promise I will. Good night, Nathan.”
“Good night, Angel.”
Chapter Seven
The days and weeks of November and December seemed to pass quickly as they usually do during the holiday season. Maddie cooked Thanksgiving dinner with her father and enjoyed the company of her extended family. Sandy’s parents flew in from Colorado and Joe’s father was over too. Addison and Rebecca were the stars of the show, bringing smiles to all their great grandparents’ faces. Maddie was happy surrounded by the people she loved, and often thought about Nathan, hoping he was experiencing similar good times. December was spent shopping with Sandy. Oh, the endless shopping. Every weekend they bought and wrapped presents and by Christmas morning Maddie was burned out. Again, the family got together and celebrated the holiday at the Sherratt residence.
Nathan had flown to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving but only had four days with his family. Rehearsals for Tomorrow and Forever were waiting for him when he returned to L.A. the following Monday. He spent the month of December at the studio and the gym preparing for the filming that would begin the first full week of January. Time moved quickly for him as well, days and nights blending together, and before he knew what happened it was Christmas. Nathan had ten days to spend with his parents and brother between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve. He had a flight booked for Dec 31st to take him back to California where he had plans to ring in the New Year with Katie Owens and a few other Forever cast members in Palm Springs. By the time the plane touched down in Madison on Christmas Eve, Nathan was in serious need of his family.
It had been a tough year for him and he was looking forward to just being home, sleeping in his old bedroom, and spending time with his mom, dad, and brother. Nathan took the opportunity of being in town to reconnect with Garrett. They talked mostly about Garrett’s job, his relationship with Jacqueline, and reminiscing about good times growing up. He was careful not to talk about his job or anything else Hollywood related while he was home unless someone asked him something specific. His parents wanted to hear about the new project he was working on and how he was making out with the paparazzi. Jacqueline grilled him a little on what Hollywood was like and which famous people he’d met and hung out with. Other than that, Nathan felt like he was just one of the Foster clan again.
