Score

by Jessica Ashe

  I waited until Jenny had walked into the living room before sneaking down the stairs and out the door. I didn’t want Jenny to catch me, so I walked out barefoot. The rough tarmac dug into the soles of my feet as I walked. My manager would kill me if he saw me risking an injury to my feet. Eventually I made it to Aaron’s car and knocked on the window.

  “Hey,” Aaron said quietly. This was the first time I’d seen him in the flesh since that night four years ago. He’d sent me a few messages to see how I was getting on, but I’d ignored most of them. He was a reminder of Jenny and what I’d lost.

  “Hey,” I replied. “What’s up? Your message sounded a little panicky.”

  “I just had dinner with Jenny. She talked about you a fair bit.”

  “Oh. We’re having to work together at the moment. It’s not ideal, but there’s nothing going on.”

  “I know, but I think she wants there to be something between you two again. She never said as much of course, but I could tell from the way she spoke about you. Her eyes still light up whenever she says your name, just like they used to four years ago.”

  “What did you say?” I asked.

  “I said you weren’t good enough for her. I didn’t know what else to say.”

  “You did the right thing.”

  “Did I? You’re healthy again now. Why do we have to maintain this lie? I understand why you did what you did four years ago, but now you can come clean.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not as simple as that. I went to the hospital today for an appointment and got bad news. It’s come back.”

  “Jesus, I’m sorry. I had no idea. I thought they’d given you the all clear.”

  “So did I. Look, the important thing is that Jenny needs to hate me again. Or at least not want to be with me. I’m not going to do anything drastic like last time, but I’m going to stay out of her life as much as possible. I’d appreciate it if you could keep convincing her that we wouldn’t make a good couple. Anything to put her off.”

  Aaron nodded. “Let me know if there’s—” Aaron froze and stared at me.

  “What is it?” I asked. At first I thought he was staring straight at me, but as a car drove past, its headlights illuminated Aaron’s face and I noticed he was looking over my shoulder. I turned around and saw Jenny standing just three yards behind me.

  “Jaxon?” she asked. “What’s going on?”

  I caught Jaxon sneaking across the driveway as I returned to my bedroom and went to pull the curtains closed. My ‘date’ tonight had been orchestrated to make Jaxon jealous, but I hadn’t realized he would actually run out of the house and try to chase after Aaron. That certainly wasn’t part of the plan.

  Jaxon hadn’t even stopped to put shoes on. I saw him half hobbling, half running down the street even though Aaron’s car must have been long gone by that point. I would have expected soccer players to take more care of their feet, but apparently not when there was a chance to find out who I had been on a date with.

  Aaron probably wouldn’t have even noticed Jaxon, who would just be a small dot in his rear view mirror, but just as I was closing the curtains, I noticed Jaxon slow down as he approached a car stopped by the side of the road. The car was largely covered by the leaves of a large tree, so I could only see the glare of the red brake lights and couldn’t make out the make of the car. Perhaps Aaron had seen Jaxon running behind him and had stopped out of curiosity?

  I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if Jaxon took out his jealousy on Aaron, so I decided to go downstairs and back outside.

  The air felt colder now, even though only a few minutes had passed, so I popped back inside the warm house to grab a light sweater that I’d left on the stairs. As I walked to the end of the driveway I saw Jaxon bent over by the driver’s side window talking to the driver. I didn’t know Aaron’s license plate number but the car was a silver Camry—the same as Aaron’s—and given that the street was quiet at this time of night that felt like far too much of a coincidence.

  As I got closer, I spotted the 2008 political bumper sticker that Aaron insisted on keeping on the car even though that election had been and gone a long time ago. This was definitely Aaron’s car and that meant Jaxon was talking to Aaron right now. That couldn’t be good.

  Jaxon’s stance didn’t look overly aggressive, but he could be saying anything. I didn’t want Aaron knowing anything about my relationship with Jaxon other than that he was my stepbrother. If Jaxon went into a jealous rage then it would be a heck of a lot harder to pretend Jaxon and I had an entirely platonic relationship.

  The first word I heard was ‘hospital.’ Even though my mind had been racked with worry about Jaxon’s recent hospital visit, I’d initially assumed the word was used by Jaxon as a threat, along the lines of ‘if I see you with her again you’ll end up in hospital.’

  I didn’t want Jaxon or Aaron to see me just yet, but I moved closer, ready to step in and pull Jaxon away—or at least try to—if the situation so required.

  Aaron’s words were muffled because Jaxon was standing so close to him, but I quickly picked up on something strange—Aaron and Jaxon knew each other. They talked in a light, but friendly, tone of voice and Aaron had definitely asked Jaxon something about me because he replied saying that it was important I hate him for some reason.

  Why would Jaxon want me to hate him? He’d spent the last week trying to get me to sleep with him. Jaxon told Aaron he was going to stay out of my life from now on. That was supposed to be what I wanted, but hearing Jaxon say those words made me realize I needed Jaxon in my life right now. He might be making things difficult, but sometimes difficult was a good thing. If life was easy it would also be boring, and who wanted a boring life? I hadn’t exactly gone to Harvard University with the goal of falling for my stepbrother, but at the very least it did add a touch of sparkle to my otherwise uneventful life.

  At that moment, a car turned into the road and its headlights shined directly into my face. I threw up my arm to shield my eyes, but when I lowered it again after the car had passed I found Jaxon looking directly at me.

  I hadn’t planned to confront Jaxon with what I’d overheard—not just yet—but it was now too late to sneak away unnoticed. I’d caught him in the act and even though I hadn’t overheard enough to know the full story, this was likely the best chance I would have to get the truth out of him once and for all.

  “Jaxon? What’s going on?” I asked.

  “I… er, I... “Jaxon looked lost for words for the first time. Usually his mouth moved at a mile a minute—faster than his brain for the most part—but right now he looked like someone who had been caught red-handed.

  “Aaron?” I asked, looking past Jaxon to my friend. “Do you want to explain this? How do you know Jaxon?”

  “I don’t,” Aaron replied. “Not properly. Look, I should probably leave you two to discuss this.” Aaron looked back up at Jaxon. “Tell her everything. She deserves to know. I think you’ll be surprised how she takes the news. I Iearned a long time ago never to underestimate Jennifer.” Jaxon stepped away from the car and Aaron slowly drove off.

  “You should listen to him,” I said. “Tell me everything and don’t hold back. I don’t know if I’ll like what you have to say, but I’m damn sure not going to like it if you lie to me again.”

  “Fair enough,” Jaxon replied. “Let’s go inside. You have some nosy neighbors, and I’d rather this conversation wasn’t all over the Internet by tomorrow morning.”

  Jaxon and I returned to the house in silence. Dad was in the living room watching the news, while Carrie was working in what used to be a playroom for me when I was younger, but had since been converted into an office so that she never had to stop working. Carrie was so focused on her work, she wouldn’t have noticed us if we’d gone into the office and started making out right next to her.

  We headed upstairs and went into my room. Jaxon’s room still had his bags all over the floor where he hadn’t properly unpacked, whereas mine
was so tidy you would think I was still living at college. I’d always kept my room immaculate. It was a habit I’d gotten from my mom. She’d wanted to instill a work ethic into me at a young age. I’d tried to argue that if I didn’t have chores then I would have more time to study, but Mom insisted that doing chores and studying were two different types of work and that I needed to learn to manage both. She’d probably been worried that I wasn’t academic enough to go to a good college and get a decent job.

  My first couple of years at school hadn’t exactly been stellar—certainly none of my teachers had pegged me as future Harvard material—but at the age of about thirteen or fourteen I seemed to come into my element. Subjects that had always been a chore—mainly math and science—suddenly clicked, and I was put in classes with the clever kids. When I started high-school I was officially one of the smart ones and my new teachers made no secret of the fact that they had high expectations for me.

  For the most part, I had lived up to those expectations by graduating cum laude from Harvard, but I couldn’t help but think my teachers would be disappointed in how my life had developed since then. Working for New York United just to help the club sign some new soccer player was not exactly on par with what many other Harvard graduates achieved. I was also willing to bet that none of them were obsessed by their own stepbrothers.

  “Okay,” I said to Jaxon, sitting down on my bed. “Tell me what’s going on? Start with how you know Aaron all of a sudden.” More than anything I wanted to ask Jaxon about his health, but I felt sure the news was bad, and didn’t know if I would be able to stomach it just yet.

  Jaxon sat down next to me on the bed, but he left a small gap between us so that our legs weren’t touching. He wasn’t sitting next to me so that he could seduce me; he just wanted to talk.

  “I’ve known Aaron for four years now,” Jaxon said, “so I’m not sure you can describe it as sudden.”

  “Four years,” I exclaimed loudly, forgetting that we should keep our voices down for this conversation in case one of our parents happened to walk past. “I can’t believe he never said anything.”

  “We haven’t exactly been best friends all that time,” Jaxon explained. “In fact, we barely talked at all.”

  “How did the two of you meet?” I asked.

  “He’d come round the house one afternoon to drop off a sweater you’d left at his place. This was not long before we… you know… nearly had that date. You probably don’t realize this, but you used to mention Aaron a lot in conversation and I’d gotten a little suspicious about your relationship with him.”

  “Aaron and I are just friends,” I said. “Always have been.”

  “That’s what he said. So you two were never tempted to hook up?”

  I shook my head vigorously. “We kissed once when we were about thirteen, but that was just because neither of us had kissed anyone else yet and we wanted to practice. It was gross. Like kissing your brot--.” I cringed as Jaxon looked down at his feet, and I wished the bed would swallow me whole.

  “Well anyway,” Jaxon continued, “Aaron made it perfectly clear that there was nothing between the two of you and so we left it at that. I felt guilty as hell afterwards. I never should have doubted you. I’ve never been that close with a woman and just been friends, so I didn’t understand the nature of your relationship with him.”

  I gave a gentle shrug of the shoulders. “Most people don’t. You wouldn’t believe how many people assume he’s gay, as if a girl and a guy can’t be best friends without the guy being gay. He used to play along with it sometimes, but then one of my girlfriends set him up on a blind date with a guy, and suffice it to say he doesn’t do that anymore.”

  Jaxon smiled and I immediately lost myself in his eyes again. When he looked at me like that I didn’t see the arrogant soccer star who could have any woman he wanted. I saw the stepbrother who I’d fallen for four years ago. The man who treated me with respect and compassion. Until he’d betrayed me that is.

  “I assume you met Aaron again?” I asked. “You wouldn’t have kept in touch with him just from that one meeting and there must be a reason why the two of you kept your friendship from me.”

  “There is,” Jaxon replied. “Do you remember when we were spending a lot of time together and I kept complaining about headaches?”

  I nodded. We’d gone to see a movie one afternoon and Jaxon had had to leave the theater about half way through. When I’d realized he wasn’t coming back in, I found him outside complaining about a headache. From that point on, I’d noticed him taking aspirin on a semi-regular basis, but he said it was brought on by the stress of a new diet and exercise regime.

  “My physio didn’t know what was causing the problem, so I went for a checkup at the hospital. The doctor referred me for a few scans, and eventually they figured out what was causing the headaches.”

  I stared at Jaxon with baited breath waiting desperately for him to continue talking, but he paused for a few moments, before placing his hand on mine.

  “I’m going to say some things that will sound bad, but I need you to promise you’re not going to panic.”

  I nodded and said “I promise” after Jaxon insisted I speak the words aloud. I didn’t know what my reaction would be, but I knew I would at least pretend to remain strong for Jaxon’s benefit, even if inside I was having a full-blown panic attack.

  “They found a tumor,” Jaxon said slowly. “A brain tumor.”

  “But… but you’re young,” I stammered. “And healthy.”

  “Tumors can hit anyone,” Jaxon replied. “It was just a freak occurrence.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. “We were about to go on an official date. You could have told me about it.”

  “I didn’t tell anyone,” Jaxon replied. “Not at first. I didn’t know what to do. It took a few days for the news to sink in, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a bad one. The doctors called it a “stage three” tumor and those can kill you if not treated successfully. After a few appointments, the doctor explained that I needed an operation, but even with the operation there was still a chance I would die in the next year.”

  Die? If he thought he was going to die… I couldn’t even imagine what that must have felt like.

  “What happened?” I asked. “Obviously they treated the tumor and you’re okay now, right?” I’d conveniently pushed the memory of Jaxon’s recent hospital visit to the back of my mind. I couldn’t deal with that right now. One life-threatening brain disease at a time.

  “I had brain surgery, and within nine months my doctors gave me the all clear. But you have to remember that at the time I genuinely thought I was going to die. The odds were not in my favor. I canceled all thoughts of playing football and became a bit of a recluse.”

  “I could have been there for you,” I said. “You didn’t have to go through that alone.”

  “You were about to start college,” Jaxon said. “You had better things to do than spend your time with someone who was probably going to die soon anyway.”

  I nearly threw up. His words felt like a punch to the gut. How little did Jaxon think of me that he assumed I would put studying before helping him with a life-threatening sickness?

  “Fuck you,” I responded, raising my voice slightly. My choice of words was less elegant than I’d have liked. I didn’t know if I was actually mad with him right now or not, but the words escaped my mouth anyway. Jaxon hadn’t been expecting that reaction, and looked thoroughly bemused before finally laughing hard. “What’s funny?” I snapped. “I’m serious. You obviously don’t think very much of me if you think I would put Harvard before being with you when you need me.”

  Jaxon forced himself to stop laughing, but the grin was still there on his face. I was about to yell at him again when he suddenly went serious.

  “Sorry,” he said. “It’s not funny, except, well, it kind of is. I knew full well you would do anything to help me through the treatment, because that’s the k
ind of person you are. That’s why I didn’t tell you. And that’s why I betrayed you. That’s why I kissed Emilia that night.”

  I’d never heard Jaxon utter her name. On the few occasions he had broached the topic of what happened he just referred to it as ‘that night’ or something equally generic. Just hearing her name muttered by his lips sent my heart plummeting and caused a wave of nausea to wash over me.

  “I don’t understand,” I said finally. “What does you cheating on me have to do with your illness?”

  “Please don’t say it like that,” Jaxon pleaded. “I didn’t cheat on you. Not really. You had to think that so that you’d move on from me, but that wasn’t how it went down.”

  “I saw you,” I said. “I saw you kiss her. You had your hand on her leg. God knows what happened after that, but I saw enough to know you were cheating on me.”

  “Nothing happened after the kiss,” Jaxon insisted. “As soon as you left the bar we stopped kissing.”

  “Oh how kind of you,” I said sarcastically. “You’re just too generous for your own good sometimes.”

  Jaxon rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger while his other hand squeezed mine tightly. “I’m not doing a very good job explaining this,” he admitted. “I couldn’t tell you I was sick. You wouldn’t have gone to college and that would’ve messed up your entire life. You’d spent years working towards a place at a college like Harvard, and we’d only known each other for a few months. I couldn’t let you give that up for me.”

  “I could have just deferred for a year,” I said. “I could have stayed with you while you got better and then gone to college once you had the all clear.”

  “You’re forgetting something,” Jaxon said. “I didn’t think I was going to get the all clear. The doctors didn’t give me a good chance of surviving longer than six months. The odds of the treatment working was less than fifty percent. If the treatment hadn’t worked I could have dropped dead at any minute. That’s why I had to have you hate me. I couldn’t let you get any closer to me than you already had because I might have died and then you would have been devastated.”