At Seventeen

by Gerri Hill

  “Shannon—”

  “I’m trying to get on with my life. Just like you’ve gotten on with yours. So I can’t see you. I can’t talk to you.” She took a step closer. “You want to know why? Because I’m in love with you. And I can’t have you. Because you’re married. And you’re pregnant with his child.”

  She ignored the tears that were streaming down Madison’s face and walked past her, following the brick walkway through the perfectly manicured lawn down to their old gazebo. George was on his knees with a small trailer of bricks beside him.

  “Hi, George,” she said, noting her voice was thick with emotion. Madison’s tears always affected her that way.

  He glanced up, a smile on his face. “Shannon. What a surprise,” he said as he stood. “I’d give you a hug, but you probably don’t want any part of this,” he said, holding out his hands to her.

  “What happened?”

  “Oh, had a tree fall and it knocked all these bricks out of the flower bed wall. Just trying to patch it up.” He wiped his dirty hands on his jeans. “You come to celebrate your mom’s birthday?”

  “Yeah. Thought I’d take her out to dinner and visit. It’s been awhile since I’ve been home,” she said.

  “I know. Alice misses you,” he said, his tone slightly accusing. Shannon didn’t mind it. She’d known him since she was ten. With her father dead, George became the sole male influence in her life. Jarod wasn’t around enough for that. George had let her tag along with him while he worked on his many projects and he’d taught her a lot.

  “I’ve got a full-time job now, George. It’s harder to find time to get away.”

  “I suppose so. She especially misses you around the holidays. You might try to spare a few days at Christmas,” he suggested.

  She nodded. “Point taken.”

  “Good. I’ll look forward to seeing you then.”

  She smiled and squeezed his shoulder. “Thanks. I should get going. It was good to see you again.”

  “Take care of yourself,” he said as she turned to walk away.

  She paused, watching as he went back to work. She let her gaze travel to the gazebo, remembering all the times she and Madison had raced down the hill, settling on the benches, their eyes on each other and not on the beautiful flowers George maintained around it. A profound sadness overtook her, and she turned, blinking her eyes quickly, trying to erase the gazebo and all its memories from her mind.

  Madison was gone when she went back up to the driveway. Shannon was relieved and sorry. Her mother was waiting, though, and she pushed thoughts of Madison away…thoughts of Madison and Stephen making love, making a baby.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Pregnant? They didn’t waste any time, did they?”

  “I’m sure it was part of the arranged schedule her mother had planned for her,” Shannon said, her tone bitter. She glanced at Charlotte, waiting for her critique.

  “I’m assuming Madison didn’t work,” Charlotte said. “Her degree was for show?”

  Shannon nodded. “Lansford women don’t work,” she said. She cleared her throat, nearly talked out. “I should get going. It’s late.”

  “Oh, no. Not yet,” Tracy protested. “You can’t leave without finishing your story.”

  “There’s not a whole lot left to tell. I’ve only seen her a couple of times since then,” she said.

  “How about more coffee? It’s decaf,” Tracy said.

  Shannon nodded. “Okay. I’ll have one more cup.”

  “How did you manage to avoid her all these years?” Charlotte asked. “I mean, on the occasions that you did go to Brook Hill.”

  “It was five years later that my mother first got sick. Before that, when I’d go visit, I wouldn’t announce it. I would just show up. Stay one night and leave the next morning. I never saw Madison,” she said. “When my mother got sick, Jarod was already retired from the military and we’d opened our first store about six months earlier. We took turns then, being with her, taking her to doctor’s appointments and whatnot.”

  Tracy handed her another cup of coffee. “And you hadn’t spoken to Madison that whole time?”

  “No. I was able to put her out of my mind. I dated. I had friends. It was only when I went to Brook Hill that she was front and center in my mind.”

  “But you did see her again?”

  “Yes. I was twenty-eight.”

  * * *

  “Are you comfortable?” Shannon asked as she fluffed the pillows under her mother’s legs.

  “Quit fussing,” her mother said. “I’m fine.”

  Shannon sat in the chair beside her mother’s bed, worry etched on her face. She tried to hide it, but her mother smiled reassuringly at her.

  “I’m not going to die on you just yet, Shannon. Quit looking so scared.”

  “You’ve never been sick before,” she said.

  “Cancer is a scary thing, isn’t it? But the doctors seem to think we have a handle on it. I have to believe in them.”

  Shannon blew out a breath. “Have you thought any more about it?”

  “Retiring? Yes.”

  “And?”

  “And you and Jarod are right. It’s time. But where would I go? You were ten when we moved here. I know it’s not much, but it’s been home these last eighteen years.”

  “I know, Mom. We’ll find you a house. Something bright and airy, with a small yard.” She looked around. “I always kinda felt like we were in a dungeon down here.”

  “Yes, I know. That’s why you spent most of your time outside, down in the gazebo,” she said with a smile. “Or up in Madison’s room.”

  Shannon looked away, not wanting to think about that. Madison wasn’t a part of her life anymore. That was over with. It had been more than five years since she’d seen her. Eight since they’d…slept together. Amazing how here, in the mansion, that memory was still so fresh.

  “You haven’t seen her son, have you?” her mother stated. “He’s such a cute little boy. And so smart.”

  Shannon didn’t reply. Her mother knew very well that she’d never seen him.

  “Whatever has happened between you and Madison, you were such good friends at one time. I don’t understand why you avoid her.”

  “I don’t avoid her,” Shannon said. “She doesn’t live here anymore.”

  “You could make an effort to go see her. She’s been so good to me. Whenever she’s here, she always comes down to visit,” her mother said. “She always asks about you. I know she misses you.”

  Shannon stood. “Mom, don’t,” she said, turning her back to her mother. She felt a lump in her throat and she tried to swallow it down. “Madison and I don’t need to see each other.”

  “Why?”

  She shook her head. “It’s complicated.” She turned when she heard a knock on the outer door. She glanced at her mother with raised eyebrows.

  “It’s probably Stella with lunch,” she said.

  Shannon walked into the other room and opened the door, her breath leaving her as she found Madison standing on the other side. Madison seemed as surprised as she was.

  “Shannon,” she whispered.

  Shannon couldn’t speak, her gaze drawn to the little boy standing beside Madison. She looked back up. “Hey.”

  “You…I wasn’t expecting you. I had mentioned to your mother that we might stop by.”

  Shannon had to smile at this, wondering why her mother failed to mention that. “We just got back. She’s lying down.” She glanced again at the boy. “This must be your son.”

  “Yes. Ashton, say hello to an old friend of mine. This is Shannon, Miss Alice’s daughter.”

  He held his hand out. “Pleased to meet you. May I call you Shannon?”

  Shannon’s eyes widened. She knew he was all of five, but there was no childlike awkwardness to his speech at all. She couldn’t help but smile at him.

  “Yes, you may call me Shannon.”

  “Madison? Ashton? Is that you?”

&nbs
p; Madison’s gaze was fixed on Shannon as she answered. “Yes, Alice.” Ashton went toward the bedroom, proof that he and Madison were frequent visitors. Shannon and Madison followed.

  “There’s my handsome boy,” her mother said.

  “Hi, Miss Alice,” he said, accepting her one-armed hug. “How was your chemotherapy today?”

  “Not so bad this time, honey.”

  Shannon glanced at Madison. “How old is he again?” she whispered.

  “A very intelligent five,” Madison whispered back.

  “Madison, Shannon and I were just talking about you. I’m so glad you came over,” her mother said.

  “Ashton remembered your appointment today. He wanted to check on you.”

  “Well, why don’t you girls go catch up? Ashton can keep me company,” she said.

  Shannon was about to protest, but Madison had a desperate look in her eyes that she couldn’t ignore. They walked back out in silence, their path taking them—perhaps unconsciously—toward the gazebo.

  “He’s a cute kid,” Shannon said, breaking the silence. “He looks like you.”

  “Yes, thanks. But it’s a little disconcerting when your five-year-old is smarter than you are.”

  “Really? How gifted is he?”

  “Very. He was reading by age two. This next year, he should finish up his coursework through eighth-grade level.”

  “Wow.”

  “I know.” Madison met her gaze. “How have you been?”

  “Okay,” she said with a shrug.

  “Your mother says you’ve opened up a health food store. That’s wonderful, Shannon.”

  “Jarod and I did. It’s small but so far, profitable. We’ve been more than pleased.”

  “I’m proud of you,” Madison said as they walked into the gazebo, still painted a pristine white.

  Shannon watched her, her gaze roaming over her face, her body. When Madison turned to her and their eyes held, Shannon gave voice to her thoughts.

  “You’re so lovely, Madison.” Madison pulled her gaze away but not before Shannon saw tears there.

  “I don’t know how you can see that. I’m so terribly, terribly…miserable,” she said, her voice cracking with unshed tears.

  “Madison—”

  Madison looked back at her, this time unable to hide her tears as they streamed down her cheeks. “I miss you. I miss you so much,” she said, nearly sobbing.

  “Madison, don’t,” Shannon said, taking a step toward her. “Please don’t cry.”

  “I hate my life,” she said. “The only good in my life is Ashton. He’s the only thing that has kept me sane.” She wiped impatiently at her tears. “I’m so…miserable. And I’m so very lonely without you.”

  Shannon went to her then, pulling her into her arms. Madison clung to her, her tears turning to sobs. Shannon’s tears fell too. She buried her face against Madison’s hair, breathing in her familiar scent.

  “Please don’t cry,” she murmured. “Please don’t.”

  Their arms tightened and Shannon’s body reacted, pulling Madison closer against her. She recognized the change in their hug. So did Madison as she pressed even closer to her. Shannon wanted so badly to kiss her; she knew she was getting close to crossing the line. She stepped back, away from her.

  “We can’t do this,” she whispered.

  “Please, Shannon. I need you so much,” Madison said, her eyes pleading.

  But Shannon shook her head. “I can’t do this. It hurts me too much. I want to be with you. I want to make love to you. But I can’t. It hurts me to leave here, to leave you. I can’t do it anymore, Madison. Not if I want to keep my sanity. I just can’t.”

  “Shannon—”

  “No. What we had, it was special. It will always be special. You will always have a place in my heart. But I can’t see you. Why do you think I avoid you? Because it hurts,” she said, now her turn to wipe at her tears. “It hurts me right now, wanting to be with you so badly, but knowing I can’t have you. Not all of you. Not even a little part of you.”

  “I love you, Shannon.”

  “I love you too. Why else do you think it hurts so damn much?” She shook her head. “I don’t want to see you again, Madison. I can’t.” Her gaze locked with Madison’s, both their eyes still shrouded by tears. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

  Madison turned away, her arms folding around herself. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry about everything.”

  Shannon cleared her throat, getting her emotions under control again. “I should get back to my mother. I’ll be leaving in the morning.”

  Madison nodded. “I’ll be in to get Ashton in a minute. I just need some time,” she said.

  Shannon clenched her fists together, wanting so badly to go to her, to hold her again. Before she could do just that, she spun on her heels, heading back to the house. She had to get Madison out of her life, out of her head…and most importantly, out of her heart. The only way to do that was by leaving.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Oh, Shannon,” Tracy said. “You both must have been heartbroken.”

  “Yes. But that was a bit of a breaking point. I think Madison finally understood how much I was hurting. After that, I didn’t fear going to see my mother as much. I knew Madison wouldn’t come around,” she said. “And she didn’t.”

  “I wonder why you two could never talk about it,” Charlotte said.

  “There wasn’t anything to talk about,” she said. “We knew the score. What good would it have done to talk about it?”

  “Well, I think you did the wise thing by not giving in. She obviously wanted to be with you. Sexually, at least.”

  “It may seem to you that Madison only wanted the sexual part of our relationship, but that’s not true. She was honest when she told me she was miserable in her life. That tortured look in her eyes was there from the first time she told me she was getting married,” Shannon said. “Like I said earlier, she was as emotionally invested as I was. But one of us had to be strong and end our affair.”

  “So her son? When you say gifted, is he a genius?” Tracy asked.

  “Oh yeah. My mother keeps me updated,” she said with a smile. “You would think he was her grandson. He’s about to turn fourteen and he’s already graduated college with a dual degree.”

  “Child prodigies usually finish college as early as eleven or twelve,” Charlotte said.

  “Don’t know about that,” she said. “My mother said his IQ tested at 152.”

  Charlotte’s eyes widened. “That’s exceptional. Maybe emotionally he wasn’t ready for college,” she said.

  Shannon took that as a dig at Madison, but she said nothing. She’d been around the kid a couple of times. He seemed very mature to her.

  “It sounds as if Madison and your mother became close,” Charlotte said.

  “Yes, they did. I think Ashton had something to do with it. My mother talked freely about Madison whenever I did visit her. But Madison never came around. It was almost as if she was avoiding me now.”

  “Did your mother retire then?”

  “Not right then, no. Her cancer went into remission,” she said. “Four years later, it flared up again. This time breast cancer. It was after that that we convinced her to retire. Even then, she wasn’t ready.”

  “I imagine not having you or Jarod living in Brook Hill, the Lansfords were her family. Retiring from there must have been hard,” Charlotte said.

  “Yes, but my mother had maintained friendships outside of the Lansford household. There were a few ladies who she saw frequently,” she said.

  “You saw Madison again?” Tracy asked.

  “Yes. I went down to help my mother move. That was actually the last time I saw Madison. I was thirty-two.”

  * * *

  “It’s going to be so hard,” her mother said. “This has been home for so long.” She turned, taking Shannon’s hand. “You were just ten when we moved here. Do you remember that day?”

  Shan
non nodded. “Yes. I remember thinking how big everything was. The house, the kitchen.” And she remembered a young Madison standing at the top of the stairs, watching her—a memory etched in her memory forever. “You’re going to love your new place, Mom.”

  “Oh, I suppose I will. I’m looking forward to sitting on the patio, to tending to a flower garden again instead of admiring George’s handiwork,” she said with a laugh. Her smile faded quickly. “What’ll be hard getting used to is being alone. Here, there were always people around.”

  It was something Shannon and Jarod hadn’t considered. Her mother had friends, that was their main concern. They didn’t think about whether she’d be lonely or not.

  “Are you having second thoughts?” she asked.

  “It’s too late for that. Besides, I’m sixty-five years old. It’s time.” Her mother took a deep breath, then smiled. “Let’s get to it. Madison and Ashton are coming over to help too,” she said.

  Shannon stared at her. “Mom, that’s not really necessary. You and Jarod got everything pretty much packed up. He and George already have most of your furniture moved,” she said. “They don’t—”

  “I’m sure it was Ashton’s idea. He’s going to miss me being here.” Her mother paused. “And it’ll give you and Madison a chance to catch up. She says it’s been five years since you’ve seen each other.”

  “Yeah. Something like that.”

  It was her mother’s turn to stare. “I don’t understand you two. You were inseparable for so many years. What happened to your friendship, Shannon?”

  “We just…things are different now,” she said. “Our lives are very different.”

  “Maybe—”

  Her words were cut off as Ashton burst into the room. Shannon hadn’t seen him since he was about five and he’d grown considerably. The cute kid she’d first met was a handsome young boy, his face breaking out in a smile as he accepted her mother’s hug.

  “We’re all ready to help, Miss Alice.”

  “And I’m glad you volunteered.” She and Shannon looked to the doorway, but it was empty. “Where’s your mother?”

  “Grandmother had some papers for her to sign. She said she’d be right down.” He turned to Shannon. “You’re Shannon,” he said. “Is it okay if I still call you Shannon? Or do you prefer Miss Shannon?”