Mattie

by Jeanie P Johnson

  “Come on,” he said, grabbing her hand.

  He pulled her out of the pasture and into the barn.

  “You didn’t seem to mind looking at Dusty in the nude, or measuring him, so you wouldn’t mind that much if I saw you in the nude, now would you? It is the only way you are going to prove to me that your pretty face is just that, a pretty face on a young boy.”

  “What if I refuse?” Mattie asked with a shaking voice.

  “Well then, I had another test in mind.”

  “Such as?”

  “Heaven help me if you are a boy,” Matthew groaned, and in the next moment, he was pulling her to him. “I thought I would give you a kissing lesson, to show you how I want a woman to kiss me,” he whispered, and then Mattie felt his lips covering hers. She stood shocked as his kiss shot through her senses and almost made her weak. However, she managed to push him away.

  “Cut that out!“ she bellowed, even though her body was yearning for more of his kiss. “That won’t prove nothing!”

  “You don’t think so? I never kissed a boy before, but the way you were starting to respond, tells me you are either a girly boy, or you aren’t a boy at all!”

  He held her shoulders, looking down into her face. “If you are a boy, your lips sure feel like a woman’s. I dare you to tell me you are not a woman because if you do, your clothes are coming off to prove it.”

  Mattie didn’t say anything.

  “Well?” he asked.

  “I guess you are going to have to prove it,” she said with a sly grin on her face, hoping to call his bluff.

  “Damn it! You’re not a boy! I could swear you are not a boy!”

  Suddenly he was tearing her tee shirt over her head. When he saw the ace bandages wrapped around her breasts, he gave a little smile.

  “Hmmm. This is interesting,” he said, reaching out and putting a finger on the end of the bandage. “Should I continue?” he whispered in her ear.

  “It’s up to you,” she whispered back, feeling defiant.

  “Damn! You want me to do this, don’t you? I don’t know what you are trying to prove, but you look too young to be someone I would want to get mixed up with.”

  “Then why’d you kiss me?” she asked.

  “To find out for sure what kind of game you were playing. What is this all about, Mattie? Are you just trying to figure out what it would be like to be with a man?”

  Mattie shook her head.

  “My daddy tried to show me once. That’s why I came out here.”

  “What?” he jumped back? “Your daddy tried to have sex with you?”

  “He said I should learn what pleases a man,” she said, “But I didn’t give him a chance to give me the lesson. Maybe you would like to do it,”

  Matthew grabbed her tee shirt and pulled it back over her head.

  “How old are you anyway?” he asked, staring at her, not believing what she had just told him. “I am sure you are under-age and I could get myself into hot water if I so much as touch you.

  “I’ll be eighteen in two months,” she told him.

  “Damn! This is crazy, Mattie. Why were you egging me on?”

  “It wasn’t me. I was just trying to hold my on out in the bunkhouse back there. You were the one who kept looking for answers and started pulling my clothes off,” She told him truthfully.

  “You could get Dusty in trouble too if anyone found out,” he bellowed. “You are too young and stupid to know what trouble you could cause!”

  “No one is going to find out. I’m gonna continue being a boy and you aren’t going to say anything about it,” she informed him.

  “Like heck, I’m not. My Dad and I are the ones who hired you. Had we known you were an under-aged girl, that never would have happened.”

  “That’s why I didn’t tell you. I had to escape my daddy. I had to find a way to support myself. All I know is horses. After I turn eighteen, in a couple of months, it won’t matter.”

  “Your daddy is still alive, isn’t he?”

  “Not to me, he isn’t,” she said stiffly.

  Matthew looked at her and then started to pace back and forth.

  “You were dishonest with me and my Dad. We should just report your daddy to child protection. It’s a sure thing, you can’t remain in the bunkhouse,” he told her.

  “Why bother? I’ll be an adult pretty soon. If you make me stay in the house and the guys discover I am a girl, everything will change. They won’t respect me, and you said yourself, women are a bother. Your Dad would send me packing if he finds out the truth.”

  Matthew rubbed his chin, as he took in her words.

  “I suppose you are right, but I can’t let you continue with this charade!”

  “Yes, you can. I already saw all I need to see of a man, to make a maiden blush, which by the way at first it did, and so what else would be new?”

  “You playing with fire, Mattie. There could come a time when you won’t be able to handle the boys the way you just did a while ago, especially when they discover you are a girl. What’s Mattie short for, anyway?”

  “Matilda.”

  “Okay, Matilda, sweetheart…”

  “No more sweetcakes?” she asked with a grin.

  “No, I think it is sweetheart now. I’m not gonna let any of those yokels, touch you, and…”

  “They are not going to touch me, as long as they believe I am a boy.”

  “But I could tell, Mattie. Can’t you see? I think Dusty knew it instinctually too. I called your bluff. What if one of them did? How in the hell are you going to shower with them all in there?”

  “You let me figure it out. If they find out, then the game is up and you can tell me what you want me to do. Only I am not going back home. You know that. I don’t have anywhere else to be. And it would be worse if everyone here really knew I was a girl. You know it would.”

  “Not if you were my girl. They would know better than to…”

  “You wanting me for your girl now? What was all that ‘women are a bother’ stuff?” she asked feeling astonished.

  “They are a bother, and you are just proving it. Only someone has to keep you safe. It seems like it is left up to me to do it, since you plopped yourself here, and we fell for your trick.”

  “Oh,” she sounded disappointed.

  “But you do kiss pretty good. Maybe I should test that out again.”

  “You don’t think that would be too dangerous, considering I’m so under-age?”

  “Who would know? After all, you are supposed to be a boy.”

  “What happened to all that, ‘oh if you were only a girl, Mattie’ stuff? You just about proposed to me, when you thought I was a boy, telling me how I had all those things you are looking for in a woman.”

  Matthew stared at her.

  “Did I?”

  “Yeah, so is this going to be your goodbye kiss?” she asked as she lifted her lips to him.

  “Or maybe a hello kiss,” he returned, and then she was rewarded by his picking up the kiss where they had left off.

  In spite of the precarious situation, Matthew, felt himself deepening the kiss, not realizing what an effect she was having on him. The first kiss was to test her, but now that he started remembering all the things he had been saying to her about the kind of woman he wanted, it seemed she might just fill that bill if it weren’t for the fact she was under-age.

  He found his hands wandering under her shirt, getting tangled in the ace bandage, and pulling it free, wanting to know how much of a woman she felt like. He could feel her shiver and then he realized what he was doing and pulled his hands away.

  Two more months, he thought. That seemed like a lifetime. Only he knew better than to get mixed up with a minor. Everyone thought she was a boy and he was the only one, so far, that knew otherwise. Matthew pulled her into an empty stall and closed the door. He tossed her the bandage and then walked back outside the stall.

  “Better put that back on,” he mumbled. “Sorry, I sort
of lost it for a moment there. It was such a shock to discover you weren’t the boy you pretended to be.”

  Mattie felt a deep disappointment, as she started to wrap herself again. His mouth had felt so good on hers and she was still trembling at the memory of it.

  “Why are you afraid of kissing me all of a sudden?” she asked, as she pushed the stall door open.

  “Because you are under-age. I told you what a mess we could all be in if anything happened to you. I could get put in jail if it came out I was even kissing you.”

  “Just for kissing me? I wouldn’t tell anyone,” she said, eyeing him.

  “But I wasn’t just kissing you. I started to touch you, and… I wouldn’t be any better than your father if I went any further.”

  “If I was willing, they wouldn’t…” she said anxiously, grabbing his hand.

  “It doesn’t matter if you are willing. I am the adult. I should know better!”

  “When I was with Dusty, you didn’t seem to care how old I was.”

  “That was different.”

  “What makes it different?” she wanted to know.

  “First of all, Dusty wasn’t touching you. Also, I thought you were a young boy and figured you knew want a man looked like. I tried to intervene and you brushed it off.”

  “I know what a man looks like now,” she laughed.

  “You are impossible,” he said laughing with her. “I think this has gone as far as its going to go. You are under-age. I proved you weren’t a boy, so I think this test is over now.”

  “You just did this to prove I wasn’t a boy?” she asked, widening her eyes at him. “All that kissing on me, when you found out I was a girl was just another kind of test? A test for what? To see if I liked it? To see if you liked it? To find out if sex really has to be done with someone you have deep feelings for?”

  Matthew looked at her with a stunned expression. He should never have touched her, he berated himself.

  “I wasn’t having sex with you. I just kissed you, and I didn’t mean…”

  “Yeah, I know you didn’t mean it! When I was a boy, I had all those qualifications you talked about wanting in a woman, and now that you discover I am a woman, it is just a stupid test since you believe women are just a bother!”

  Mattie pulled her hand from his.

  “After this, Matthew Douglas, you keep your lips off of me. Just try and convince yourself that this test was a failure! To you, I will remain a pretty-boy, and that is all!”

  She pulled away from him and started to run from the stable.

  “You gonna come to dinner?” he asked.

  “I’m not hungry,” she stormed and kept running.

  He went to the door, he heard her whistle, and then Apache was galloping towards her. He could see her swinging up on his back as she grabbed a handful of mane. Then they were galloping out towards the back of the ranch property, no saddle, no bridle, just a horse and a rider, that seemed to be part of the horse she rode. His mouth fell open in astonishment and he knew in that instant that she was the woman he wanted in his life. She had all those qualities he had been looking for in someone to have deep feelings for. Only now, he had screwed it up proper, he thought, and she needed to do some growing up first.

  Tears streaked down Mattie’s face. She couldn’t remember the last time she had cried. Even the treatment of her daddy had not made her feel sorry for herself. It had only made her angry. What she felt now was beyond anger. It was humiliation, after all those nice things he had said about her before he discovered she was a girl. It meant nothing. He had just been teasing who he thought was a young boy. Then she practically threw herself into his arms, forcing him to take off her shirt, hoping he would touch her when she had never been with a man, other than her pitiful daddy, before. All that talk about sex being something special to share with someone you had deep feelings for. She hadn’t expected him to have sex with her. She just wanted to feel his arms around her.

  She could just scream! So she did. She screamed as loud as she could, but it didn’t help any. She let Apache run until he had all the spunk and then some run out of him, and she kept going. Maybe she would not go back, she thought. Or if she did, just to get her saddle and belongings. Now Apache was walking, just plodding in no particular direction. She had never been out here. She didn’t know where she was going. She was just going. She wondered how much of this land belonged to the Double D Ranch?

  It started to get dark, but she still did not turn back. She felt spent and completely at a loss. At least when she left home, she had some sort of plan to go by. Now she had nothing. She hadn’t expected to have these strong feelings about a man, and it just practically happened overnight. She had only been there two days, for pity sakes. But he didn’t even want to touch her. No one would have known, even if she was under-age. It was only two months before she became an adult, anyway! Dusty would have been happy to have her hand on him, even when he thought she was a boy, but not Matthew. Even when no one would ever know, he didn’t want anything to do with her.

  Apache stopped. He perked up his ears.

  “What is it boy?” she asked.

  And then she heard it too. It was someone calling.

  “Mattie, Mattie. Where are you, Mattie?”

  She listened. It was Matthew. She wondered if anyone else was with him? Only she didn’t hear anyone else calling her. Then she saw a light in the distance, coming in her direction. It was a flashlight searching back and forth, as it came closer.

  She didn’t say anything but just stood still on her horse, watching him approaching her. Then his light picked up Apache’s white coat and he nudged his horse into a gallop, coming to a stop when he reached her.

  “Mattie,” he breathed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. You can’t just stay out here like this. Come back with me.”

  She didn’t say anything. She just clicked her tongue and spurred Apache into a gallop, back in the direction of the ranch. Matthew caught up with her.

  “Don’t be mad at me, Mattie. Stop and talk to me, for Christ sake.”

  “Go to hell,” she said. “I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say. You are a hypocrite, just like Dusty. All sweet talking when you want a woman to fall into your arms, but you don’t know the first thing about ‘deep feelings’ as you put it. Go find someone else to tease.”

  She was right, Matthew thought. In the beginning, it was all a tease as he tried to figure out why he was attracted to a pretty boy. He had been afraid that the boys would tease Mattie and make her take off, and hell, he was the one who ended up doing it.

  “Okay, I’ll go to hell if you want, Mattie. But don’t you take off. Promise me. Dad wants you to stay. We need your kind of talent on the ranch. You don’t have any other place to go to anyway, and if you play this game at another ranch, it may turn out worse for you. Say you will stay. That is all I am asking you, and then I won’t ever speak to you again if you don’t want me to. Everyone is worried sick about you. Dusty thinks it’s his fault and wants to apologize to you. You gotta stay, sweetcakes.”

  Mattie pulled Apache up. “Sweetcakes, huh?” she sneered. “Whatever happened to sweetheart?”

  She gave a bitter laugh.

  “I’ll take you up on that. You stay the hell away from me and I’ll wrangle your horses for you. However, if anyone even looks sideways at me, or calls me a pretty-boy or sweetcakes, I’m out of here. So you just let them all know for me,” she said and then clicked her tongue. Matthew watched in amazement as she squeezed the sides of her horse with her legs and guided him in the dark at the pace she was going.

  She must be part Indian, he chuckled to himself. Now he was going to have to figure out a way to convince her that she was the woman he wanted in his life. He wished her to know he wanted to call her sweetheart. He would at least have to wait until she turned eighteen though, he decided. He just didn’t know how he was going to hold out, not coming near her or talking to her for that long. At least
, she was going to stay and that was all that really mattered right now, he told himself. But his heart felt like it had been ripped from his chest when she had told him to go to hell.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Daniel stood staring at his son. They were in his office and the door was closed.

  “How do you know he’s a girl?” Daniel asked.

  “I kissed her, and well, I started to touch her,” he admitted.

  “Let me get this straight. You kissed her, while you thought she was a boy?”

  “It was just a feeling. She was too pretty for a boy. Her name is Matilda, by the way.”

  “So why are you telling me all this?”

  “It’s like this, dad. I love her. I swear I love that little girl, but she won’t be eighteen for a couple of months yet. Besides, she is so spitting mad at me, she won’t have anything to do with me.”

  “For kissing her?”

  “No, for not having sex with her. Or at least, I think that is the reason. She seems pretty confused. You know her Daddy tried stuff with her,” he said. “That is why she is out here posing as a boy.”

  “Hmmm, things are starting to come together now,” Daniel said, rubbing his chin.

  “Anyway, she doesn’t want me to blow her cover and I don’t blame her. Only I want to marry her, eventually, but she refuses to talk to me or let me talk to her. I don’t want her taking off in a huff. I just figured you needed to know.”

  “That little girl can sure handle horses,” Daniel said, shaking his head. “So what about this abusive father. You think he is looking for her?”

  “I don’t’ know, but when she turns eighteen, even if I have to tie her up, I am going to get her to marry me. Then he won’t have a say in anything.”

  “Don’t think that is going to work. Tying her up, I mean, to get her to marry you,” Daniel chuckled. “She seems to like me though,” he grinned.

  “Well, you sure as heck are not going to ask her to marry you,” Matthew teased.

  “If I were twenty years younger…”

  “So what should I do?”

  “Nothing. If she is staying, then you don’t have to worry. Just keep tabs on her. Make sure she doesn’t get hurt either physically or emotionally.”