Mattie

by Jeanie P Johnson

  “I see your point. I think the same thing about you. You are different than anyone I ever did anything with. You are all upfront and not shy about anything. You want to learn, and not simper around pretending like you didn’t expect that, and shy about even doing it. I think Matthew likes your boldness too, but at the same times it frightens him cause he thinks you are going to take over and not let him be the man or something.”

  “You aren’t going to tell him about me staying and working for you, are you Dusty? Cause if you do, I will hightail it out of there. Don’t even invite him to come to your place. No reason why he would want to, is there?”

  “I don’t think so. This morning is the first time he ever came by, and I bet he had to get directions from one of the boys.”

  “Good. I think I would like being partners with you, Dusty, cause you understand me most and we don’t argue about things. You just know the right things to say. So I guess I do love you just a little. Besides, it’s fun kissing you to boot. And if you feel like going out and being with other women, that’s your business, not mine.”

  “Mattie you can drive a man to distraction, with one look, and one touch,” he whispered.

  Then he turned his head and kissed her soundly on the mouth.

  “Partners then?”

  “It’s been sealed with a kiss,” she pointed out.

  “Then here is my key. Just go to my place. Do you remember how to get there?”

  “I think so.”

  “Then go there and have free run of the place. There’s plenty of food there, so you don’t have anything to worry about on that account, except for fresh produce if you want some. I’ll be back in a few days with that mare in tow, and then I am going to check on the mustangs.”

  “Matthew paid me way too much today. Take some of my money to spend on the Mustangs,” Mattie insisted, as she dug into her pocket and handed him some bills.

  “The man is hooked on you, Mattie. He paid you a month’s worth of work for the week you spent there.”

  “I told him it was too much, but I knew he wouldn’t take it back, so I decided to keep it.”

  “Okay. I will put it in the ‘horse fund’ and while I can’t pay you, I’ll keep you in food and put a roof over your head and all the food your horse needs to eat.”

  “Sounds great, Dusty. I’m glad I know you.”

  “I’m glad I know you too, sugar. Now get on your way, before Matthew ends up coming down the road, and spots us.”

  “Sure thing, Dusty.”

  She gave him a quick kiss and climbed up on Apache’s back.

  Dusty sat in his truck and watched Mattie cantering Apache down the road. Man, he loved that little girl more and more. But she would never look at him the way she always looked at Matthew, even if she had no qualms about being with him naked. He shrugged and reminded himself not to get too used to having her around. Matthew would be showing up one day and claiming what he believed to be his. Even if he didn’t, it was a sure thing Mattie would end up going to him somehow. It seemed inevitable, Dusty thought.

  Mattie only looked once over her shoulder at Dusty, sitting in his truck, watching her. She had never had a close friend before. This was the first, and her heart swelled when she realized that Dusty was out to protect her in a way that wasn’t aggressive or demanding. He didn’t tell her what she could or couldn’t do. He just let her be herself and she liked that about Dusty. She just couldn’t figure out why she didn’t love him in the same way she loved Matthew?

  Matthew made her feel all weak in the knees and breathless, just standing near him, but the moment he got close to her, he always managed to push her away somehow. It was just infuriating. Maybe she loved Matthew too much, and Dusty not enough, she thought, as she tried to untangle her feelings. Then it dawned on her, the only way she was going to find out just how she felt about Dusty or Matthew was to do the same things with Matthew that she had been with Dusty. On top of kissing Dusty, she had actually had fun with him. Maybe the reason she didn’t know how it felt with someone you had deep feelings about, was because she didn’t know what her deep feelings were for Dusty or Matthew. She sure knew it felt good when Dusty was kissing her, which made her long for more than just kissing. She never had to worry about him pulling away, or making her do anything she didn’t want to do. Still, he never said he loved her like Matthew had, and even Dusty claimed he could tell she was in love with Matthew. She wondered if she even knew her own mind?

  By the time she reached Dusty’s place, she was pretty tired, and all she wanted to do was rest. It had been a long night, and then she had slept half the day away. Even though it was still light, it was getting late. She put Apache away and then headed for the house and put the key in the door. Mattie brought her backpack in with her and she took it up to the room she and Dusty had spent the night in. As she pulled out her few belongings, she noticed she had stuffed Matthew’s shirt that he had put around her shoulders when he dragged her from the shower, in her backpack. She lifted it to her nose and the scent of him was still on it.

  Slowly, she removed her clothes and put on Matthew’s shirt and crawled up on the bed, snuggling into the pillows, as she thought of how Matthew had looked at her when she was trying to explain about seeing how it would feel to be with someone you had deep feelings for. She didn’t mean it to come out the way it did and he was begging her to have those deep feelings for him, so it would mean something. Only her independent spirit just jumped in and took over before she knew what was happening.

  Why couldn’t she just give in, she wondered? Why had she told Matthew that she wasn’t going to choose anyone until she knew how she felt? She was sure she loved Matthew and he had said he wanted her to marry him, so why couldn’t she tell him that’s what she wanted too? Then she wondered if she really wanted that? Maybe she was just too independent for her own good. Maybe she was too independent for any man.

  Dusty never said anything about marrying him, if she became his partner in his horse ranch. He never put any conditions on it. It was just, ‘come be my partner, Mattie’, so she would have something to do with her life.

  She didn’t remember when she fell asleep, but she knew she was dreaming. She was nestled safely in Dusty’s arms. It seemed right that she was there, she thought. He was just holding her and telling her not to worry about anything because he was going to watch over her. He was kissing her cheek, and when she opened her eyes, Dusty was there, sitting on the bed and he had bent over and kissed her on the cheek.

  “Hey sugar, I came to see how you were settling in. I thought you might be lonely.”

  “You planning on staying?” she asked, still trying to wake up from the dream.

  “If you want me to. Don’t have to be into work until Monday, but that’s not why I came. I brought you something.”

  “You did?”

  “Yep. Hope you like it. I figured you would be lonely out here with just you and your horse and you couldn’t very well sleep with your horse, so I brought you a sleeping companion.”

  He reached down to the floor and brought up a fluffy ball of fur.

  “He’s not very big now, but he’s got some paws on him, so I think he will grow into them. He’s just a mutt, but they were giving them away down at the feed store, so I took one.”

  Mattie looked at the pup Dusty was holding out to her. It was mostly white with black spots.

  “Sort of matches your horse,” he said, waiting for her to respond.

  A tear started rolling down Mattie’s cheek.

  “Oh Dusty…” she couldn’t finish.

  “Why are you crying, Sugar?” he asked as he reached a hand to wipe the tear away.

  “He looks like a dog I used to have, that got killed. I would never get another dog after that.”

  “Don’t you want the dog?” he asked, taken back a little.

  “Of course I want it, Dusty. I was just remembering my old dog.”

  The puppy waddled over and licked the other tear
away and Mattie giggled.

  “See, he’s all anxious to take care of you, Sugar,” Dusty pointed out.

  “Not as good as you take care of me, Dusty,” she breathed and she reached her arms up around Dusty’s neck and pulled him down beside her, with the puppy in between them. “You know, before you came in the room, I was dreaming about you, Dusty. You were holding me and telling me you would watch over me. Are you going to do that, Dusty? Was my dream real?”

  “You’re damn right I’m gonna do that for as long as you need it,” he said, kissing her forehead and smoothing back her hair with his hand.

  Dusty noticed that she was wearing Matthew’s shirt, and swallowed hard, trying to hold back the feelings that suddenly were pouring out of him for the girl he didn’t even believe he understood.

  “I see you brought a reminder of Matthew with you,” he said, touching the shirt.

  “But even though I am wearing it, I was dreaming of you, Dusty,” she said a little awed. “I felt so contented in that dream. I have never felt contented around Matthew.”

  Dusty didn’t say anything. The pup was whimpering, so he placed it back down on the floor so it could explore its new surroundings, in order to distract himself. He started to get up from the bed.

  “Don’t get up, Dusty,” Mattie said.

  She took his hand and pulled him back beside her.

  “I want to touch you, Dusty. I want to touch you in a way I have never touched a man before, so you know how much you mean to me. And you better not stop me.”

  “I’m not even going to ask why, Mattie. You are always free to do what you want.”

  “I know, Dusty, that’s why I like you so much. You let me be me.”

  She started undoing the buttons on his shirt and pushed her hands across his chest.

  “You really have some nice muscles,” she whispered. “they look good on you.”

  She pushed him back against the mattress, as she lay her head against his chest and began kissing him lightly.

  “Your skin feels so taut and smooth and I like the salty taste of it,” she told him, as she licked her tongue over his skin. “Mind if I explore your body with my mouth?” she asked but didn’t wait for an answer as she continued to kiss across his body. The feel of his skin against her mouth excited her and she could tell that Dusty liked what she was doing as well. She had learned to read some of the signs when he had been kissing her while holding his deeper desires back.

  Dusty tangled his fingers in her hair.

  “You showing me more than I taught you, Sugar?” he breathed.

  “This isn’t a review, Dusty, this is all what I feel,” she said, as she moved her mouth over him. Dusty took in his breath, and then she took her time kissing up to his neck, taking the skin into her mouth, and sucking it in. As she reached his lips, she could feel the roughness of his day-old beard and she rubbed her cheek against his, feeling the prickles it caused as it scraped her soft cheek.

  “You have the softest lips,” Mattie whispered as she licked lightly over them. “I love how they smile, sort of crooked like. It reminds me of Peter Pan or something, the way you look when you smile.”

  She put her lips against his and moved her tongue between them until her tongue was dancing with his tongue, and they were fighting over who got access to the other’s mouth. She reveled in the kiss as she hugged her body against him. Mattie pulled away and planted kisses on his eyes and forehead, then lowered her mouth to his ear, blowing into it, taking a lobe into her mouth, playing with it between her teeth, then tracing his ear with her tongue. As she was doing that, she could feel his hands coming under Matthew’s shirt, finding her breasts, teasing her nipples with his fingers.

  “You do have magical hands, Dusty. I know now why I like kissing me. It’s not because you make me feel so good, it is how you go about doing it. You never seem to be in a rush. You let me anticipate every little touch like you want my body to beg for your touch. Which I did, but you turned down,” she frowned.

  Dusty was trying to get a hold of his senses. This did not feel like kissing cousins any longer. There was something subtly different in the way Mattie was touching him and kissing him and talking to him. There was something in her voice that had not been there the night before when it was all giggles at new surprises. It seemed like she knew what she was doing and seemed to have a purpose in it, but he hadn’t quite figured out what it was. Dusty was afraid to hope what he wanted it to mean. So he just let her continue. He knew if he started to complain, like with Matthew, she would be stomping out of his life.

  Mattie was unsnapping his jeans and zipping them down, helping him spring from the confines, her touch caused him to catch his breath. Now she was causing him to gasp, as his body begged for more, dying for her touch, just like she said he made her body beg for his touch, he thought. He realized no other woman he had tangled with responded to him in this way.

  Now Mattie was pulling away from his embrace, going to the foot of the bed and removing his boots, then finished removing his jeans. When his jeans were off, she crawled up the bed, laying her cheek against his skin.

  “You feel so smooth against my cheek,” she told him, while he was trying to control the surging of desire that passed over him as he felt her curls lightly brush against him, as her cheek lay against him against. Then she turned her mouth to his anxious skin, caressing him in a way that curled his toes.

  “I think you are at least eight inches right now,” she whispered, and he laughed softly.

  “I want to feel you inside of me, Dusty,” she said, and he jerked away.

  “Nothing doing, Mattie. You’re a minor, you’re a virgin, and I thought you were saving yourself for Matthew anyway.”

  “I thought I was saving myself for Matthew too. Only something’s changed, Dusty. Something inside of me has changed.”

  “You’re just doing this cause it feels good, Mattie. That’s all,” Dusty tried to convince her. “You are feeling your power as a woman and it is going to your head, not to mention what it is doing to me.”

  Mattie started unbuttoning Matthew’s shirt.

  “Don’t know why I’m wearing this thing,” she said as she threw it on the floor. “What difference does it make if I wait for a month, or do it now? And it’s not because I think it feels good, Dusty. You know what Matthew said to me in the barn? He said that I shouldn’t want to do anything with him because I wanted to compare him with you. I should know how I feel about him before I do it, and then do it because of how I feel about him. I know how I feel about you Dusty. You are the kindest, sweetest, fairest, person or man, I have ever met. You don’t want something from me like Matthew does. You just want to give me something. You were willing to let me learn about kissing and things I wanted to know about touching. You wanted me to have a place to stay and something to do with my time. You didn’t put any conditions on the partnership you offered me. You let me be who I am, and don’t ask anything from me. You always ask if I really want to do it or not, and tell me I don’t have to if I don’t want to. You make me feel good about myself, Dusty, and you even brought me a puppy so I wouldn’t be lonely.

  “That’s real feelings, Dusty. You are full of real feelings. Not wanting or needing or demanding, but real feelings for how I feel. Well, I know how I feel right now. I want to give you that part of me that no man has had before. And you are about the only man that I have ever touched, except when I tried to touch Matthew. But you never drew away, Dusty. You never told me I had to feel a certain way, in order to touch you. You don’t have to tell me that, Dusty, because you bring it out in me. Matthew said he didn’t want you to be my first. I want you to be my first, Dusty. I want you to be my first and I want you to be my last.”

  “Giving you a pup brought all this on?” Dusty breathed in unbelief.

  “It wasn’t the pup, Dusty. It’s you. All the things we have been doing together. Playing the piano, dancing, skinny dipping, kissing, its like we know what the other needs and
likes without asking. I just realized it, when you gave me the pup. You gave me the pup out of love and concern for me for how I was feeling. You knew I loved Matthew, and still, you were not only trying to make me see reason about Matthew, but you were trying to make up for what Matthew couldn’t make up for. I want you, Dusty. I want you to be my first, and if you don’t take me, I will just take you, whether you like it or not.”

  “You think so?” Dusty grinned.

  “Don’t mess with me, Dusty. I beat you in arm wrestling, and I can beat you in this too,” she warned.

  “Sugar, if you have to fight me down in order to have me, I would be a willing victim.”

  “No one will know, Dusty. No one knows I’m here, and you don’t have to tell them until I turn eighteen. By then, it will be too late to do anything about it.”

  “You sure you want this?”

  “You know why I want this?”

  “Well you just explained it to me, I think.”

  “But there is another reason, Dusty. Another reason that is a lot more important than all the rest.”

  “What is it, Sugar?” he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

  “I love you, Dusty. I love you more than I love Matthew, or ever thought I loved Matthew. I want to do it with you because I know how I feel about you and I want to do it because of how I feel about you. I don’t want any more lessons, Dusty. I want you to make love to me. I want the real thing.”

  Dusty just looked up into Mattie’s eyes as she hovered over him, her breasts barely touching his chest, her hand still resting on him, absently caressing him, her lips smiling in a way he had never seen before, but now he noticed something that he had seen before. The way she was looking at him, was the way she had looked at Matthew when he thought she would never look at him that way.”

  “Sugar, now you’re gonna make me cry. I never thought….I never hoped…Do you really love me? You’re not just saying this so I will let you feel me inside of you, are you?”