Jordan Reclaimed

by Scarlett Cole

  Jordan let out a deep breath. He’d always thought his name was the most wonderful gift, and even though he didn’t believe in any God, the reasoning behind it made it all the more powerful. More of a talisman than just six letters.

  “I knew you’d make it to this moment, because in 2 Kings 5:14, it says, ‘So he went down and dipped himself seven times in the Jordan, according to the word of the man of God, and his flesh was restored like the flesh of a little child, and he was clean.’”

  Jordan struggled to take in everything she was saying, and point-fucking-blank refused to give in to the tears that threatened to fall when the woman he used to pretend was his mom said shit like that about him. “Maisey, sweetheart,” he said, “I can’t deal with Bible quotes this morning.” Humor was the only way he could think of to get through this, and knowing him well enough, Maisey laughed.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not trying to convert you. It simply means I think you are more than good enough for anybody. And I would wager Lexi does, too. You asked me earlier why your being in a relationship is news. Well, it means you have started to realize your own worth, Jordan. And all of us have been waiting to see that.”

  Jordan looked down at his food and blew out a long slow breath as Maisey’s words cut through everything else he’d been feeling. “I think I screwed up last night, Maisey.”

  Maisey reached for his hand across the table. “Tell me.”

  “I told Lexi about the attic. About the day I was found. About some of the shit I’ve had to deal with. But I couldn’t find the words to tell her all the rest. She was looking at me, crying and shit. And I didn’t want her to hurt anymore. So I glossed over it. And then I just needed to escape it all and . . . I . . . I mean, I didn’t. Fuck.”

  Maisey took a piece of his toast, buttered it, and handed it back to him. “Here. You have the time it takes you to eat that, and then you’re just going to spit it out.”

  Jordan took the toast. “You used to do this when I was young.”

  “Yes. Well. It worked when I needed you to confess that you’d been the one who attempted to break into the liquor store. I’m sure it will work now.”

  He shook his head but ate the toast anyway and wiped his hand on his napkin when he was finished. “I was rough with her sexually,” he blurted out as fast as he could.

  “Was it consensual?”

  “Of course,” he shouted. He looked around to see if anyone had heard. “Of course. But I can’t help but feel I used her. What if she hates me?”

  “Do you honestly think she could?”

  He was too scared to find out.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Lexi stepped off the plane, grateful to be back on Canadian soil. She yawned as she dug around in her purse for her passport, eager to clear immigration and make her way home.

  For once, she was going to spend the night in her own bed and catch up on the sleep she’d missed the night before. When she was the other side of immigration, she’d figure out what to say to Jordan.

  She’d awoken alone in chaos that morning to the sound of Nikan and Elliott making breakfast. None of them had known where Jordan was, and he wasn’t answering his phone. When they’d told her the time, she’d rushed upstairs, pulled on her clothes, and, thanks to Lennon and his maniacal driving, had been able to make it home, through the shower, and to the Toronto Island Airport in time for her flight.

  Thoughts of Jordan and where he’d gone bothered her. In the departure lounge, she would start a text message to him and then delete it, repeating the process over and over until she’d boarded the plane and had been forced to turn the stupid thing off.

  The meeting with Pavel Tatarinov at the ABT had been considerably more successful than she anticipated. It appeared her father had placed them both in equally untenable positions. As the new associate artistic director, there was only so much influence Pavel could have straight out of the gate, so he was relieved to find out that Lexi’s interest was less than tepid. He’d confided in her that he’d only agreed to the meeting as a favor between former peers and friends.

  Once they had gotten the awkwardness out of the way, Pavel had relaxed and Lexi had been able to use the meeting to feel out the American Ballet Theatre. In preparation for the meeting, Pavel had watched many of the videos of her that were available online, and he was able to give her some really insightful feedback. The way he talked about her was so different from the way her father did. He was supportive, offering suggestions on training exercises she could do to improve the height of her jumps. She’d been thrilled when he commented that she looked tinier in real life than she did on the stage. As she’d readied to leave, he’d asked her about her father. Pavel then shared the email her father had sent. It was rambling—aggressive in parts, and bordering on morbid in others, and embarrassing overall. And it had been the reason he’d replied out of concern for his old friend.

  Over a week had passed since the night in her apartment when her father had fallen down drunk in front of Jordan. A small part of her felt guilty that she hadn’t really spent any time with him since, but in truth, being around Jordan was showing her everything she’d missed out on in the past few years, and there was no way for her to go back to being the on-call daughter her father clearly needed. She’d called the family doctor and had explained the situation, and he had taken the unusual step of suggesting that he come to their home if Alexei would not go to him.

  She cleared passport control without incident, took the little ferry back to the mainland, and hopped in a cab. Lexi gave the driver her address and pulled out her phone. There were a number of messages from Jordan.

  “Sorry” doesn’t begin to cover what an ass I was last night, Lexi, but I am.

  Please call me when you get back from New York.

  P.S. I wish I’d never left you this morning.

  Now that she’d had time to think about it on the flight home, she was angry that he’d run again. The day he’d left her at the AGO, she’d understood that there had been some external force at play. However, the previous evening it had just been the two of them talking in the dark, and the sex had been incredible, so much so that she wanted Jordan to take her like that again. But she wasn’t certain she wanted the kind of relationship where she could never be sure if she was going to wake up with him or alone. Clearly the path with Jordan would not be an easy one as he continued to process everything that had happened to him as a child. For a moment she debated changing the destination of the taxi to his home because she definitely didn’t want to have that kind of discussion by text, and the back of a cab was most definitely not the place to have that kind of conversation by phone.

  But no matter how badly she wanted to clear the air with Jordan, first she was going to talk with her father. Even if she hadn’t wanted to go to New York, her father deserved to hear it from her firsthand that she would not be moving anytime soon. Lexi focused on her breathing, consciously urging it to slow down. It was wrong, she knew, that her palms sweated and her heart raced at the thought of breaking the news to him. But no amount of reminding herself that this was her life and that she was doing the right thing, could stop the nervous energy from flowing through her. When the taxi pulled up outside her home, she paid the driver and ran up the porch steps. On the flight home, she’d prepared exactly what she was going to say to her father to explain what had gone on in her meeting with Tatarinov.

  “Hey, Dad,” she said, dropping her purse on the bottom step of the stairs. “Where are you?” Lexi shrugged out of her coat and jacket and hung them on the hook in the doorway.

  She wandered into the living room and through to their rehearsal space. Her father was sitting on the floor, dressed in his dance clothes, his back against the mirror and an empty bottle lying on its side next to him. The cane he used when they danced sat across his legs. Her stomach dropped. “I really can’t work out today,” she said. “I’m exhausted and really need some rest.”

  “Of course you do,” he said. Someth
ing about the tone of his voice caught her attention. It was too cold, too indifferent.

  “I had a good meeting with Pavel,” she continued. “He sends you his very best regards. He—”

  “I know, I know. You will not be moving. He already emailed me to let me know.”

  Shit. She should have considered that Pavel would get to her father first. Now she just needed to stand her ground rather than explain, rationalize, and argue the point with him.

  “Dad, I haven’t made it any secret that—”

  “Enough. You embarrass me for the final time. We will deal with this now. You will—”

  “I won’t,” Lexi said without hesitation. “I think it is time for you and me to stop living with each other,” she began, summoning her courage. “It isn’t healthy—for you, or me. I’m done having you second-guess my decisions, and I’m sick of you making them for me.”

  “But you make bad choices. You need my help,” he shouted. “Your career will amount to nothing without me as your manager.”

  “Yes, well. I spoke to the accountant, Dad. I’m severing that relationship, too.”

  “So you leave me with no job, too?”

  And then it came to her, what she needed to do. “I’m selling the house.” Just saying the words sent adrenaline running through her. She looked at the dark walls and heavy wood, the ornate furniture and depressing lighting. The house had never really felt like a home, but by getting rid of it, she might be able to find one. On her own. “By the day we close, you need to have somewhere else to go. I hate that it’s come to this, and I know Mom would too, but I think it’s the only way forward. I need to focus on my career, and you need to figure out what you want from the rest of your life because I can’t do that for you anymore.”

  “Yes, yes. I know,” her father said, running his hands along the length of the cane. “You are too busy with your boyfriend. You are too important to worry about me. Yes, yes. I know everything, Lexi.”

  The hair on the back of Lexi’s neck stood at attention. “I’m not going to throw you out onto the street,” she reassured him. Property prices had boomed in Toronto since she bought the house, and while money was tight on a day-to-day basis, there was some equity in the bricks and mortar. “I’ll give you some money from the sale of the house to rent a new place for a little while, and you can take all of the furniture with you, or sell it if that’s what you want.”

  Her father stood and slowly paced back and forth in front of her. “What I want?” he hissed. “What do you care about what I want?” He came to a stop in front of her. “Let me see. I wish my wife were here instead of you,” he snapped. Lexi looked toward the door, and for the first time in her life considered running from her father. But instead she took just a step back. He was her only family, and he had never hurt her beyond the soft smacks of his cane. She hated hearing this hatred from him, but she loved him.

  “Dad, it wasn’t a question. It was a statement. And this conversation only goes to show why this is the right thing for us to do.”

  “Right thing to do?” Her father’s eyes were wide and wild. He stepped forward, closing the gap between them. “The right thing to do would be what I should have been doing from the start.”

  She felt the searing pain against her thigh before she could comprehend what was happening. Her father raised the cane again and she put out her hands automatically to protect her face. “Dad, no,” she screamed.

  “You need discipline, Lexi,” he shouted, but before she could gather her wits and move, he whipped her with the cane again. Harder this time, and lower, catching her skin between the hem of her skirt and her boots.

  Lexi ran to the door, her head spinning at the combination of adrenaline, hunger, and the icy cold fingers of fear that prodded her. She grabbed her purse from the stairs, but before she could get the door open, her father brought his cane down one more time, this time on her back, slicing through her blouse. Lexi let out a scream, yanked on the door handle with shaking hands, and ran out onto the street. For a moment she considered running to the side entrance of the house and letting herself into her apartment. But she had never seen her father like this. In this state, he might even kick the door in.

  She ran down the street and fished in her purse for her phone. There was only one place she could go.

  * * *

  “I’m fucking gassed, man. It’s hard enough performing the gig, but I totally forgotten how hard rehearsal is,” Lennon said, pulling his car onto the driveway of their home.

  Jordan nodded in agreement. “Yeah, might be time to up the training for a little while to make sure we can do this night after night.”

  “So, how are you and Lexi gonna make it work while you’re on tour? How does time off work for her?” Lennon said, killing the car engine.

  Jordan got out and waited for Lennon before they trudged their way to the mudroom. The middle of February had finally brought around some relief from the biting temperatures, but it was turning the snow on the ground to slush. He kicked off his boots when they stepped inside.

  “I’m not sure,” Jordan said. “She’s rehearsing ballets months and months in advance, so I’ve gotta believe her time is pretty committed. But I guess I’ll just do what Dred does and fly her to Europe on a private jet at every opportunity. Maybe she can travel with Pixie sometimes, too.”

  He heard Elliott’s car pull onto the driveway and was confused by the loud beep of his horn. Jordan poked his head back out of the door just as Elliott pulled alongside it, window down.

  “Bro, there’s a problem,” he said, flicking his head back toward the gate. “Just saw Lexi getting out of a cab, no coat and blood all down the back of her shirt. Nikan jumped out to help.”

  Jordan rammed his feet back into his boots and ran down the driveway, terror coursing through him. Sure enough, Lexi was walking stiffly toward him with Nikan. He shrugged out of his coat and wrapped it around her as soon as he reached her, covering the large tear and lash mark down her back. The bitter taste of rage filled his mouth.

  Her eyes were glassy and red-rimmed, her face gaunt. “Come on, Angel. Let’s get you inside,” he said as softly as he could, trying to keep a lid on the need to kill someone. It had to have been her father. After Jordan got her settled, he’d head over to Lexi’s house to see how Alexei dealt with a larger opponent. The motherfucker wouldn’t last five minutes before his face broke.

  “It hurts, Jordan,” she said, resting her head against his shoulder.

  “I know, sweetheart,” he said. And he did. There were days when his father had beaten him so badly that he could barely breathe through the pain in his ribs. “I’d carry you, but I have a feeling it would just hurt more.”

  Once they made it inside, he took the coat from her shoulders and led her to the sofa, trying his damnedest to get a grip on the raw fury that had replaced the blood in his veins. Nikan placed a bowl of warm water and some clean cloths on the coffee table, and Elliott brought in some antibiotic cream. Jordan quickly washed his hands. Jesus Christ. He was going to have to clean her up, and it was going to sting like a motherfucker. The goddamn asshole who did this was going to pay.

  “Can I get you anything, Lexi?” Lennon asked, crouching down in front of her. “Water? Whiskey?”

  Lexi shook her head and looked at Jordan as he returned to her. “He hit me three times,” she said, her voice wavering. She turned her leg toward him, where he could see another bleeding line that had ripped through her hose. Fuck.

  “Nik, can you go to my room and grab a T-shirt from my drawer?” He tilted his head toward the rest of them. “Then can you guys give us a little bit of space?”

  Without question, the guys started to move. Nikan reappeared with an old concert T-shirt. “If Jordan doesn’t kill the fucker who did this to you, Lex, I promise you I will,” he said before heading back upstairs.

  “Angel, I’m gonna have to get you out of these clothes to fix you up, okay?” Jordan said, helping her stand.

>   Lexi winced. “I know,” she said. “I’m just kind of dreading it.”

  Jordan began to open the buttons on her wrecked blouse. “Gotta be honest, I’m not loving the idea of hurting you, either. But we need to make sure it doesn’t get infected. Once we got you cleaned up, we can figure out what to do next.”

  He placed the blouse on the table and dropped to his knees in front of her to unzip her boots. Lexi placed her hands on his shoulders as he removed the boots then swiftly took off her skirt and hose, leaving her standing in only her underwear. Three red welts, two of which were bleeding, marred her perfect ivory skin.

  “Goddamn, Lexi. What the fuck did he do to you?” He pressed his lips to her stomach and kissed her gently.

  Lexi sniffed. “I told him I wanted to sell the house. That he needed to move out. And I said some other things . . .”

  Jordan looked up quickly. Had she agreed to a transfer while she was in New York? Whatever the reason, it could wait. All that mattered now was being there for her. “Whatever you said to him, you didn’t deserve this. Was he drunk?” Jordan dipped one of the cloths in the water and gently began to clean away crusted blood from the mark on her thigh. She hissed at the contact.

  “Sorry, Angel,” he said, trying to rub the cloth over her skin with as little contact as possible.

  “I’m fine. It’s okay, Jordan,” she said bravely, even though her voice wavered. “I saw an empty bottle, but he didn’t slur or stumble or anything. When I got home, he was in our rehearsal space, waiting. He’s often used the cane to draw attention to parts of my body when we practice. Occasionally, it’s been a little harder than necessary, but he’s never hurt me, certainly not deliberately.”

  “This might sting a little,” Jordan said, putting some antibiotic cream on his finger. He winced for her as he ran his finger down the welt on her thigh.