ASHTON

by Ellie Fox

  “For starters, he’s not my boyfriend. We had a fling. It’s over now. Second, if you want him, maybe you should try being a boyfriend instead of a stalker.”

  “He won’t…he won’t let me.”

  There were tears in Jacob’s eyes. “Jacob, he doesn’t let me either. There’s nothing we can do when people reject us other than let it go. It hurts. It’s hard. But there’s no other way. You need to rip off the Band-Aid. It’s the only way your wounds will start to heal. Otherwise, they’ll just fester. And a few years down the road, you’ll be worse off.”

  He hadn’t touched his latte. Or the biscotti. I could tell he was lonely. I remembered how that old lady’s fussing over a meal made me feel better for some reason.

  I pushed the plate of biscotti toward Jacob. “Eat. You look thin and pale. Do you ever feed yourself?”

  He kept staring at the plate. “I don’t remember the last time I ate. I never get hungry anymore.”

  That’s when it occurred to me. He wasn’t fashionably thin, he was anorexic. How did I not notice?

  “Even if I eat now, I’ll get sick.”

  I pushed the plate a little more. “Its okay if you get sick. Just eat. Please. And finish your latte.”

  He stared at me. “Why do you care? Is it out of pity?”

  “Of course not. I just want us to be friends.”

  I don’t know why this was the thing that made him cave. “I was horrible to you.”

  “No, you weren’t. You were just hurt. And suffering.”

  He paused. “Marv, he was the only one who forced me to eat. When he was around, I wanted to be healthy. I was happy.”

  “Jacob, Marv wasn’t your soulmate. He just showed you that having a soulmate was a possibility. He came close, but he wasn’t the guy for you. That guy is still out there, waiting for you with a double cheese pizza and beer.”

  He laughed. “You’re crazy.”

  “I know!”

  He was still having a staring contest with his plate. “Ill take this home.”

  I stayed adamant. “I’m going home with you then. You don’t have a choice. You’ve been a stalker this long, but I’ll show you real stalking.”

  My phone rang, and I took it out. It was Aaliyah. I picked it up and moved away from the table because she was asking me about Jacob. I was telling her everything was okay, when I stole a glance toward the table and Jacob was gingerly picking up the biscotti. I was afraid he wouldn’t go through with it when he started sipping his latte.

  For some reason it made me happy. I hung up and walked over to the table and started casually eating my dessert and coffee.

  We were almost done when he looked up at me.

  “Would you like to come to my apartment?” he said and then added. “That is if you want my address for your stalking needs.”

  I finished my coffee. “I would love nothing more.”

  We stood and walked up to the door and I held it open for Jacob. He wrapped his heavy coat around his body tighter when the cold wind hit us. I was about to get a cab when I saw him.

  “Can we talk?” Marv asked, and Jacob stood a couple of steps away from us and took out his phone.

  “Sure,” I said and turned my attention to Marv.

  “Thanks for taking care of the situation,” he said. “I don’t know what might have happened if Jacob—”

  “He won’t be bothering you anymore.”

  Marv scoffed. “You don’t know him. He’s relentless.”

  “Actually, he’s a decent guy who thinks he’s in love with you because you keep leading him on.”

  “I’ve never led him on.”

  “You can fuck just about anyone. And yet you keep fucking him. You keep going back, you refuse to sever those ties because you like that his life revolves around you. You like the attention.”

  “Ashton, that’s really unfair.”

  “Maybe. All I know is, he won’t be bothering you again.”

  “You barely know him.”

  “Did you know he has an eating disorder?”

  Marv looked embarrassed. “Yes.”

  “And you didn’t try to help him? You know how much your yo-yoing could hurt him? He could really harm himself one of these days.”

  “Can we please stop talking about him?”

  “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Can I see you sometime? This weekend maybe? We could call Ben or just hang out, you and me.”

  It took a whole lot of courage to say the next words. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’m not interested.”

  “What’re you talking about? Ash, we really hit it off, do you really want to end it?”

  “Marv, you and I, we want different things. I don’t want to have a fling with you. I want something meaningful. Just hot sex doesn’t cut it anymore. I’m sorry but seeing you so terrified of your friends and colleagues finding out, I realized this isn’t what I want.”

  “You lie to your friends too.”

  “Something happened the other day at work. Long story short, I don’t have to keep lying anymore. I can be whoever I want.”

  “Look, I’m happy for you but I’m just not ready.”

  “And you’ll never be.”

  “Come on, Ashton.”

  “Marv, you’re set in your ways. You don’t want to change. And I get it. You don’t have to be a hero. But I can’t be with someone who doesn’t know how to make me a priority. With you friends and work will always come first.”

  “Well, if you change your mind.”

  I turned my back to him and started walking away. “I won’t!”

  Jacob looked up from his phone. “What, no goodbye kisses?”

  “Kisses are for beginnings. Not for endings.”

  “Are you really going to ditch him?”

  “How much did you hear?”

  “Everything.”

  “Can I borrow your phone?”

  He looked at me strangely for a minute and then gave in. He handed me his iPhone. I took it and started looking though the contacts. “What’s Marv’s number?” I continued typing.

  “Its in my contacts list, I don’t know it by heart.” I kept doing what I wanted to do and finally stopped and handed the phone back.

  “I deleted Marv’s number,” I said. “I also deleted the texts. You have a clean history now. Start fresh.”

  He was angry. “You shouldn’t have done that!” I could see the panic and the fear on his face. It bothered me, but I tried not to show it. I went up to him and grabbed his face and kissed him. “What was that for?”

  “I’ve been meaning to do that for some time. I just didn’t have the courage,” I said. “You have to let him go. I can’t fall in love with someone who stalks some other guy. If you need someone to call and stalk, let it be me.” I saw the shifting emotions on his face as he tried to let go of his past. I didn’t expect him to do it right away. I didn’t expect anything but loyalty and devotion. Honesty. All the things I knew he was capable of.

  Finally, he smiled. “You’re crazy.”

  I grinned and grabbed his arm as we started walking to his place. “You keep saying that like it’s a bad thing!”

  He poked me in the ribs. “Ow!”

  “It’s a great thing because I’m also crazy.”

  Isn’t that the dream? Someone’s crazy matching yours? I grabbed his face and kissed him again. “People are going to think we’re rubbing it in their faces!” He said but he was smiling.

  “I’ve lived in secret long enough to accommodate others. It’s about time they let me live my life.”

  He was a little sad. “You know tomorrow will be my first Valentine’s day without Marv,” he said.

  I smiled. “No,” I corrected him. “Tomorrow, will be your first Valentine’s day with me.”