by Jayne Castle
"Please, Josh," she managed thickly, making the crimson tie her whole point of reference. Something about its incongruity made it easier to concentrate on what she must say. "Let me go. You gave me your word not to
... to force me tonight, and if you go on that's how I'll regard it. The one thing I was sure of four months ago was that I could trust you. Don't destroy that now. . . ."
"Reva," he protested in a voice that tore along her nerve endings like sandpaper. "You'll want me as much as I want you. I swear it! Don't deny me the softness and the warmth I've been dreaming about all these months. I'm going to marry you as soon as possible, little one, I've told you that. You needn't be afraid I'll leave you alone again."
She heard the desperation and the blatant need in his words and her willpower almost collapsed. Who would have thought it would have been so difficult to fight the sheer intensity of his open and honest desire? Or that her own reaction to it would be so weakening? But that's all it was, Reva reminded herself forcibly, struggling to lift her head off his shoulder and meet his eyes. Desire. There could be nothing deeper or more important between herself and this man who lived and acted as if he'd grown up in the same alley as Xavier!
"Josh, listen to me," she pleaded, gazing up at him with anxious determination. She was supremely conscious of his physical superiority and the heat in his eyes as they swept over her disarrayed figure. She was completely at his mercy, lying across his lap like this, and she knew it. Her only weapons were words. "I'm truly sorry if you thought I was waiting patiently here in Portland to marry you. That's just not the way things are. I have a life of my own here and you're not a part of it. I shall always remember you and what you did for me, but I have no intention of furthering our relationship. We have absolutely nothing in common, Josh. Nothing at all!"
His hand stroked her hair as he continued to hold her close and the lion eyes looked searchingly down at her desperate expression. "Reva, honey, we have all we need
together. Don't worry about the little things. They're not important. Only you and I are important." There was a curiously soothing quality in his words, as if he were calming her, quieting her the way he had the night she'd awakened from the nightmare.
Reva shook her head. "No, Josh. Don't blow up out of all proportion that one night we had months ago. It was simply the result of the tension and fear I was going through at the time."
"Reva, it's not just that last night which made me so certain," Josh murmured gently. "There have been other nights and other women. I'm old enough not to read more into a situation than is there. You have to believe me, sweetheart. I'm a man, not a boy. I knew I wanted you the first day when I found you cornered in that kitchen, ready to use a knife against that bastard calling himself a revolutionary. You were so fierce and so gallant even though you didn't stand a chance against the gun he was wielding. For a split second after I'd taken care of him you held onto the knife and I could see in your eyes that you weren't sure but what I was just another one like the guerrilla had been. Then you calmly stepped over his body, put your hand in mine, and followed me out into the street. My God, Reva! I wanted to shout to the world that I'd found my woman at last. That she'd trusted me without asking any questions. Just put her hand in mine and walked out the door with me!"
Reva wanted to argue, to say something that made her action sensible. But the truth was she had taken the risk of trusting him without real evidence that he was any different from the man he'd shot in front of her. In many ways he'd looked vastly more dangerous than the young, violent guerrilla who'd attacked her. But she'd taken one
look at the honey-brown eyes and known that everything was all right. This man would take care of her. "You took care of me, Josh, and I'll never forget it, but . . "
"I'm going to take care of you for the rest of our lives, honey," he promised simply. "You're mine."
"No," she said in a steadfast, utterly determined voice. "I don't belong to any man. What you're offering is not the sort of relationship I want, Josh. And soon enough you'll be going back to your . . . your job and forgetting all about me."
"You've really convinced yourself of that, haven't you?" he said after a moment's silence.
"Yes. It's the truth."
"And you'd send me away tonight? Leave me cold and hungry for you after all these months of waiting?" he went on in disbelieving wonder.
"Just because I made the mistake of sleeping with you once under very trying circumstances doesn't mean I'm foolish enough to repeat the error!"
"You're so sure it was a mistake?" he sighed, his face an unreadable mask as he watched her.
"Yes, Josh. I'm sure." She could feel the clash of wills begin to go in her favor. All she had to do was stay firm, Reva told herself. She kept very still in his lap, afraid to make a movement that might provoke him.
"You trusted me once, Reva," he began carefully.
"And I trust you now not to ask any more of me than I'm willing to give tonight," she interposed softly.
Without a word he tucked her head against his chest, under his chin. "I'd never hurt you, Reva, you must believe that." There was an ocean of feeling in the words, and against her will Reva felt them pull at her heart. She must not weaken!
"I believe it."
"But this matter has to be worked out, little one. You can't expect me to simply walk back out of your life now that I've found you again. I made up my mind the day I rescued you that you were going to belong to me. I can see you've built up some silly barriers in your head, but I can tear them down, and I will. But I'm going to resent every minute of the time that will be wasted teaching you the facts of life all over again," he added with a startlingly lighter note in his dark voice.
Reva raised her head in quick suspicion, nearly fetching up solidly against his chin. "Josh, I'm not just being stubborn! I know what I want and you'll only make things unnecessarily difficult if you persist in thinking there's something special in our acquaintance!" Her brows drew together in a frown as she wondered what he was planning.
"But fortunately," he went on with great calm, "I have plenty of time off to bring you to your senses. Where do I sleep, since I gather you're not going to offer me your bed?" He quirked an eyebrow at her in patient inquiry.
"You're not staying here, Josh!" There was a trace of desperation in her voice, Reva thought, trying frantically to get it under control.
"Yes, I am," he told her, setting her firmly on her feet and getting to his own. "I've already checked out of my hotel and I have no intention of hunting up another. Furthermore, I'm the man who saved your life four months ago. It seems to me the least you could do is put me up for the night!"
Reva stared at him, not quite certain how to take his new mood. He'd banked the fires of his passion with the iron will of a man who can exercise complete self-control when he chooses, but she wasn't sure what his next move
was going to be. Before she could summon up further arguments, however, he was already striding toward the front door.
"Where are you going?" she demanded; annoyed with his strange actions. Xavier the cat lifted his head in casual question from across the room.
"I'm going to get my overnight bag," Josh explained to both of them, leaving the door open as he stepped out into the hall and knocked on the door of the adjacent unit.
"Josh, come back here!" Reva heard herself exclaim as she realized what he was doing. But it was too late. A moment later her neighbor Sandy opened the door. While Reva couldn't see her, she could hear her friend's voice quite clearly.
"Did you find her all right? Good. Here's the bag you asked me to hang onto for you. Perhaps we'll see you in the morning? Tom and I would love to get to know you better. After all, Reva's a great friend of ours. Give her my congratulations, will you? Tell her I'll see her tomorrow." Reva could almost picture Sandy's bright auburn head and attractive features as "she peered around her door.
"Thank you and thank your husband for the directions to the restaurant. I
had no trouble finding it at all," Josh said politely. A moment later the other door closed and Josh reappeared, bearing a battered leather bag which looked as though it had seen as much action as he had.
"Nice neighbors," he remarked laconically, kicking the door shut behind him and turning to throw the dead bolt. He tossed the leather bag down onto the carpet.
"Josh," Reva began boldly, "I won't have it. Do you understand? I don't have any obligation to provide you with a place to sleep tonight!"
"You owe me your life," he retorted with a wholly unexpected touch of brutality, coming toward her as he
stripped off his jacket. The lion eyes clashed with her blue-green gaze and it was Reva who glanced away.
"All right," she whispered, knowing she couldn't demand that he leave tonight, not if he was claiming a place to sleep as repayment for the way he'd saved her life. It was little enough she could do. And, besides, she wasn't at all sure how to get rid of him. Then there was Sandy and Tom next door. They'd surely hear the fracas if Reva tried to force her unwelcome visitor to leave. They would ask all sorts of questions. Questions she didn't feel up to answering tonight. In the morning she would explain everything to them. They would understand.
Head high, she faced Josh across the distance of the room. "The couch makes into a bed. I'll get some sheets. But this is it, Josh. In the morning you'll have to leave. Is that clear?"
"I hear you, little Reva," he half-smiled, halting a few feet away from her and watching her with such an intent look that she was suddenly afraid to say any more on the subject. She turned and went toward the hall closet to get the sheets and blankets.
Half an hour later Reva tumbled into her own bed, the bedroom door shut firmly behind her. For a long time she lay quietly thinking about the man sleeping on her couch. She had never tried too hard to imagine what a reunion between them might be like because she had firmly refused to contemplate that such a reunion was a genuine possibility. And now it had taken place and somehow it seemed vastly more difficult than she would have thought.
He would have to leave in the morning, she vowed to herself. He would have to leave. He was a hardened, weathered man but surely he couldn't be completely insensitive. He wouldn't stay when he realized she had no intention of being his 'dream' woman. And he would get
over this strange fixation he'd developed about her. She wondered how often he had come out of the jungle in this sort of mood, and shivered. Were there other women scattered about the country who had felt the impact of his pent-up desire? Somehow she thought this situation was a little unique, just as he had claimed. Josh Corbett had no doubt known plenty of women, but she didn't see him as the type who vowed to marry each one with whom he had slept!
The thought brought a tiny smile to her face for the first time since she'd left the restaurant in his grasp, and Reva turned over on her side to settle down to sleep. She was going to have a job explaining all this to Sandy tomorrow!
It wasn't fair that the nightmare which had left her in peace for several weeks chose that night to return with a vengeance, but it did. Two hours after she'd closed her bedroom door Reva awakened in the darkness, perspiration soaking her green satin nightgown and her heart pounding. Had she cried out? Surely not, she thought, almost as terrified at the thought as she had been in the dream when she ran through the streets of the little town on the edge of the jungle, frantically searching for a place to hide. The sporadic gunfire cracked all around and the shouts and screams of a sleepy village caught up unwillingly in a revolution made her want to scream herself. But had she? She wished she'd let Xavier into her room before closing the door. More than once she'd comforted herself after the nightmare by hugging his warm, furry body close. But tonight she was alone in the room and the cat would have been unable to get inside.
Deliberately Reva forced herself to take deep, calming breaths. The dream had been stronger than in the past. A result of having the memories reinforced by Josh's presence? Perhaps. Whatever the reason, Reva seemed
strangely unable to control the trembling which still wracked her body. The screams and the gunfire still rang in her head and she was always unable to find the safety she sought. In her dream she had clutched her passport exactly as she had that day, some instinct telling her to cling to it. But it could not stop a bullet or a man bent on rape and murder.
Damp and exhausted, Reva lay back against the pillows wondering over and over again if she had cried out during the dream. And then the door to her bedroom opened and she had her answer. Josh stood framed there, a large, dark, shadowy figure in the moonlight. Josh, who knew all about her nightmares.
CHAPTER THREE
"It's okay, Reva honey, I'm here.'' Josh's voice was soothing, calming, filled with the promise of protection. He came toward the bed, the dim light gleaming briefly on the broad expanse of his naked chest. He had taken the time to throw on his slacks, but that was all he was wearing.
Reva stared as he crossed the room on bare feet, making no sound on the pale, plush carpet. She knew she should order him out of her bedroom at once and she would, she vowed, as soon as she could be certain her voice wouldn't sound cracked. Her heart was slowly beginning to return to its normal rate but she still felt the aftermath of fear the dream always left behind.
"You are still having the nightmares, aren't you, sweetheart?" Josh murmured gently, sinking his heavy, smoothly muscled frame down onto the exotic Chinese print sheets and reaching immediately to scoop her up against him.
Reva wanted to object, pull away from the warmth and safety of his body, but somehow she couldn't seem to find the strength yet. She felt his hand in her hair, stroking through the thickness of it as it curved loose around her shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Josh," she whispered, "I didn't mean to disturb you. Just a dream. Did I scream or something?"
Almost unwillingly she began to relax under the quieting feel of his hands.
"You called my name," he explained, as if it were the most natural thing in the world that she had done so. She felt the hand holding her against his chest as it burned warmly through the thin material of her nightgown. "And I'm here to take care of you. Everything's all right, Reva. You can relax and let me hold you until the dream is completely gone." There was a pause and then he added with a touch of wry amusement, "At least your instincts are still sound, even if you have managed to convince yourself you don't belong to me!"
"No, Josh," Reva tried to protest weakly, "it was only a dream! Probably caused by seeing you again and having all the old memories brought back!" That wasn't altogether fair, she realized, but she needed some defense. The heat and strength of him were becoming much too enticing and she knew it but still couldn't find the will to pull away. A few more minutes, she told herself reassuringly, and then she, would disengage herself from the comforting embrace.
"Does being here in my arms bring back all the memories, Reva?" he asked deliberately. "Do you remember what happened after you awoke from the nightmare that first time? How you huddled against me like this and I held you until your pulse had slowed and your breathing was normal and the fear had gone from your body?" His voice was strangely, comfortingly hypnotic, Reva thought dimly, realizing she was far more vulnerable now than she had been earlier. The aftereffects of the dream, the slightly otherworldly feeling provided by the moonlight, and the sheer impact of Josh's presence were a potent combination. She shivered again but this time it wasn't from fear.
"Josh," she husked against his chest, turning her face
into his shoulder, "I don't want to remember the rest. I've tried so hard to forget."
"I can see that, honey, but it wasn't meant to be forgotten," he told her, his lips in her hair. "What we had four months ago was too special, too important."
"No." But the single negative was almost a whimper and Reva was keenly aware of Josh's fingers lying alongside her breast. Her feet twisted in the sheets as she shifted slightly in a vague effort to free herself. But when his hands tightened she
stopped trying and allowed herself to be held.
"Yes," he corrected firmly, with total conviction, "and I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to break through all these silly defenses you've spent your time putting up during the past few months and show you that the only thing that really counts is us. Together. Can't you see how you cry out for me when you're having bad dreams and see how you cuddle against me when I soothe you? Doesn't that tell you anything, honey?" His hands moved gently over her, but Reva was suddenly aware that there was no passion in them, only an offer of comfort. She settled instinctively closer even as she tried to marshal her arguments.
"Josh, please don't make more out of this than it deserves." Automatically she raised her head to meet his eyes but when her chin came up, he bent his head and took her lips quite gently and inevitably.
"I think your problem," he murmured against her mouth, "is that you've overintellectualized the whole matter. A woman like you should trust her emotions more." His lips moved slowly, invitingly, sensuously on hers.
The hands which had held no threat of passion only a few seconds earler were stirring along her body in a differ-
ent way. But Reva was trapped. She had relaxed too much, accepted the calming touch and let the soothing words wash over her when she should have been laughing off the dream and telling Josh to leave. Now it was quite suddenly too late and she knew it as surely as she had known in the restaurant that there was no chance Josh would fail to spot her in the crowd. Since she had first seen him that evening there had been an inner knowledge that it would eventually end like this.
Without any further mental arguments or lectures, Reva stopped fighting both herself and Josh. It was so much easier to simply let him take over for a time. The need to feel his strength enveloping hers and know the hard leanness of his body once again was too much. She trembled beneath the touch of his hands and he felt it, responded to it.
With a kind of wonder Reva touched the curling hair on his chest. Gingerly at first and then with increasing fascination and urgency she began toying with the dark crispness of it, searching out the male nipples and caressing them even as Josh found the tips of her breasts. Feeling as if she had temporarily suspended the rational portion of her mind, Reva arched deliciously, languidly against Josh's hand and reveled in the groan she elicited from him. The strong fingers which had begun by gently teasing her nipples turned more passionate and demanding, providing almost a pleasure-pain as she responded.
