The smile on my face diminishes. “How much money do you think you’ll need?”
“Well, either I need to have enough to stay home with the baby, or I need money for child care. And then there’s the cost of formula and diapers, not to mention moving to a larger place.”
The reality of the situation settles heavily on me, and despite the urge to scowl, I force my expression to remain neutral. I don’t want to jeopardize the progress we’re making. “Do you want to stay home with him, or do you want to go back to work?”
“Since you’ll have him half of the time,” she says, “that will give me a lot of free time. Plus, I don’t want to lose the momentum I’ve made in my career, so I’m going to go back to work.”
“Okay.” We talk numbers and come up with an amount we both agree on. I’m glad the courts don’t have to get involved and that we’re able to be on friendly terms, and I hope it stays that way.
We discuss specifics about custody arrangements and decide we’ll trade off weeks of caring for him. He begins to fuss in my lap, but despite the urge to give him back to Megan, and despite my self-consciousness to have both her and Ashley watching me, I do my best to calm him. But he won’t settle down. “Do you think he’s hungry?” I ask Megan.
“I fed him recently.” Then she reaches into the diaper bag and pulls out a pacifier. “Here. Give him this.”
I do, and he finally settles down. “Thanks.”
She smiles tightly. “Are you sure you’re up for this, Drake? Having him half of the time? He can be pretty demanding.”
After caring for him earlier that week, I have a pretty good idea of the time demands he’ll make, but I believe a child needs his father and I’m determined to raise my son. “I’m up for it.” My voice lacks confidence, but I’m not going to change my mind.
Megan smiles. “Good. Because I’ve told my boss that I’m going to start back again on Monday, so I’ll bring Colton over tomorrow morning and pick him up later in the week.” Wistfulness fills her eyes. “I might have to come over and see him though…” She laughs. “Or maybe pick him up early. I know I’m going to miss him.”
Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears and I feel like I’m the bad guy. “We don’t have to start the joint custody so soon.” Besides not wanting to force her to separate from her baby, I’m also slightly panicked at the prospect of already having the responsibility of caring for him. I don’t feel ready at all.
“No,” she says. “I need to get back to work. I’ve taken these last few months off, so it’s time for me to go back.” She smiles. “Besides, if you’re going to be part of his life, you need to start now.”
I can’t argue with that. “Do you have someone in mind to take care of him during the day?” I can’t take the week off from work.
Her mouth turns up in a small smirk. “I’m going to leave it to you to find a qualified caretaker, Drake.”
Glancing sideways at Ashley, who’s stayed silent as promised, I’m half-hoping she’ll offer to take care of him. But I know that’s too much to ask. She has a job of her own. Not to mention that I know she’s having doubts about everything. No, it will be up to me. I’m the father, and I know I can’t expect Megan to handle everything. “Fine.”
Megan’s eyebrows rise. “I have to admit,” she says. “You surprise me, Drake.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You’re really coming through on this.”
I don’t like the implied meaning, even though I can’t deny the validity of what she’s saying.
Megan looks at Ashley a moment before looking back at me. “Maybe your fiancé has something to do with it.”
I know Ashley’s made me a better man, so I nod. “She probably has.” I look at Ashley and see her smile, and I hope she knows how much I need her.
ASHLEY
Pleased to hear Megan credit me with Drake becoming more responsible, I murmur, “Thanks.” Still, I can’t help but wonder about the timing of her appearance, of letting Drake know he has a son. She didn’t say a word to him throughout her pregnancy or for the first few months of Colton’s life. Was it only when she realized she wanted Drake’s money and Drake’s help that she decided to come forward?
Then I reconsider. After all, when she first showed up she told me she had come to realize that she couldn’t raise the baby on her own.
Does it matter why she waited? At least she told Drake the truth now. How sad would it be if he didn’t learn about Colton until he was older and then the boy wanted nothing to do with him?
Taking in the sweet picture of Drake holding his son, I’m glad he’ll have the opportunity to know his son from the start. Even if that son is not mine.
Once everything is agreed upon, Megan takes Colton back from Drake and promises to return the next morning. Then with a final smile, she leaves.
The moment the door closes behind her, Drake turns to me with a panicked expression. “What am I going to do about childcare?”
A little surprised at the change in his demeanor from when Megan was here, I ask, “If you’re not ready, why didn’t you tell her?”
He laughs. “I’m not about to tell her I’m not ready. I’m gonna make this work, Ashley. I know it won’t be easy, but I’m not going to take the easy way out.”
Impressed by his determination, I smile. “Okay.” Then I try to come up with an idea of where to find childcare. “Is there anyone at Drake Consulting who has small children? Maybe you can ask them where they take their children.”
A blush rises on his cheeks. “Even though that’s a good idea, I’m not quite ready to announce to the world that I have a surprise baby.” He gazes at me a moment. “What about your co-workers?”
I imagine word getting around my work that the man I’ve barely become engaged to just found out he has a baby by an ex, and I hesitate. “I don’t know, Drake.”
“You don’t have to tell them you’re asking for me.” He looks pained as he says this, which makes me feel guilty. But then I remind myself that he just said he’s not eager to announce Colton’s existence to his staff, and my guilt recedes.
I know of a couple of women at my work who have children in daycare, so taking pity on him, I agree to ask.
“Can you call them today?” He frowns. “I really can’t work from home all of next week.” He chuckles. “Not that I can get much work done while I’m taking care of him anyway.”
Dreading the phone call, I agree.
Twenty-Eight
ASHLEY
I’m having second thoughts about leaving Drake to go to Vegas, but I want to talk to my parents. I decide to call my mom after I talk to Nicole, the receptionist at my work who I know has small children in daycare.
Using the corporate directory, I call Nicole, and when she answers, I keep my voice casual.
“Sorry to call you on a Saturday,” I say after I greet her. “I have a friend who’s kind of in a bind with childcare and I was wondering where you take your kids.”
She tells me the name of the place, then gives me the name and number for the director.
“Thanks! I’ll pass it along. See you on Monday.”
After we hang up, I hand Drake the slip of paper with the contact info.
Smiling, he says, “Thanks. I’ll give her a call.”
Glad he didn’t ask me to call the daycare director as well, I say, “I was thinking about calling my parents rather than going down to Vegas.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “You have a lot on your plate.” Trying to lighten the mood, I add, “We probably need to do some shopping today for baby stuff, don’t you think?”
I can’t help but contrast the shopping I did two weeks earlier for my wedding gown with the shopping we’ll do today. Then, with a jolt, I realize we haven’t talked about our wedding at all. Not since Colton came into our lives.
He smiles. “Yeah.”
I leave him to call the daycare director and go into the bedroom to call my mom. She answe
rs right away.
“How are things going?” she asks.
Where to begin? “I bought a wedding gown a couple of weeks ago. Emily helped me pick it out.”
“That’s great, Ashley. I wish I could have been there.”
“Me too.” I picture my mom’s face and suddenly miss her terribly.
“You’ll have to send me a picture of you wearing it,” she says. “I know it must look stunning on you.”
Unable to speak because of the knot that’s formed in my throat, I nod and whisper, “Thanks.”
Obviously hearing the emotion in my voice, she says, “Maybe I should come up there and you can show me in person.”
I reconsider my decision to not go down there, but when I picture Drake shopping for baby gear all by himself, sadness nearly swamps me. He needs me. “That’s okay.” My voice is thick with tears.
“If you keep crying then I’ll come up there for sure,” Mom says with a soft chuckle.
I laugh and get my tears under control. “I do miss you, Mom, but that’s not why I’m crying.”
“Then what is it?” Now she sounds concerned.
“Something happened.” I draw in deep breath and slowly release it. “Mom, Drake and I just found out that he has a baby boy.”
“What?!” Her reaction is loud and immediate. “Wait, let me put your father on the extension so you can tell us both at the same time.”
Kind of horrified that I have to tell my parents this momentous news—news that I had nothing to do with, but which puts Drake in a bad light—I lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling as I wait for both of my parents to get on the phone. A moment later I hear Mom tell Dad what I just told her.
“That’s pretty serious, Ashley,” he says when he gets on the phone.
A blush rises on my cheeks at Dad’s tone. “I know.” Then I tell them all that’s happened.
“I’m glad he’s stepping up,” Dad says when I’m done. “But how are you feeling about everything?”
So glad to be talking to my parents about this, I shake my head. “I don’t know. I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, the baby is adorable—he looks so much like Drake. But on the other hand, he’s not mine. He’s the child of a woman Drake used to date.”
“It’s a huge responsibility to take on,” Mom says. “Are you ready for that?”
That’s the question of the century.
“What you should be asking yourself,” Mom says when I don’t reply, “is whether you love Drake enough to make this sacrifice. Because it absolutely is a sacrifice. Not only on your time and financial resources. But, Ashley, you’re going to fall in love with this baby.” She pauses a beat. “I hate to say this, but what if after you’re married, what if something happens and you break up? You’ll have no legal rights to this child that you’ll be spending so much of your time raising. Then what?”
That is something I never would have considered, a complication that I don’t want to have to think about. But I know it’s not an unreasonable thing to ask. “I don’t know.”
“You have a lot to consider,” Dad says. “You know you can change your mind about marrying him up until you say ‘I do’, right?”
“Yes.” I hate the thought of doing such a thing.
“Okay,” he says. “Then you don’t have to decide right this second.”
Relieved to hear him say that, calm settles over me.
“See how it goes for now,” Mom adds. “But whatever you decide, you know we’ll support you.”
“Thank you.” Fresh tears fill my eyes. “I’m so lucky to have you as my parents. I love you both.”
“We love you too, honey,” Mom says.
“Call us if you need to talk,” Dad adds.
We say our good-byes and I disconnect the call. Closing my eyes, I imagine all kinds of scenarios—a happily ever after with Drake and Colton and our own children, spending years raising Colton and then Drake and me divorcing and me never seeing Colton again, dealing with Megan over the years with bitterness creeping in.
Only the first scenario is acceptable, and I know it’s up to Drake and me to make it happen.
“Did you talk to your parents?” Drake says as he walks into the bedroom and stretches out beside me.
I turn towards him and prop my head up with a bent elbow. “Yeah.”
Worry brackets his eyes. “And? What did they say?”
I want to reassure him that I’m not going anywhere. At least I don’t think I am. I hate that deep inside I’m not one hundred percent committed, and as I gaze at the man I love with all my heart, frustration that things have turned out this way cascades over me.
Then I realize it’s fortunate we learned about Colton before we were married. At least that way I feel like I have a choice.
Then the thought I had the other day fills my mind—what if there are other children of Drake’s out there?
Pushing that aside to deal with if it happens, I touch the stubble on Drake’s face with one finger. “They were surprised, of course, but they said they’re there for me.” I don’t add that their support will be there whether I decide to stay with him or not.
“Okay.” He softly sighs. “I hope they don’t think less of me.”
So do I. “They didn’t say anything like that. In fact, my dad was glad to hear that you’re taking your responsibility seriously.”
He frowns slightly. “I hope he wouldn’t expect anything less of me.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t.” I smile to show him I know he’s a good man. “What did that woman at the daycare say?”
Brightening, he says, “She said they can take him starting Monday.”
“That’s a relief.”
“Yeah.” He tugs me against him. “Are you ready to go shopping?”
Since we’re shopping for baby things for a child who’s not mine, I’m a bit less enthusiastic than I would normally be. Still, the baby is Drake’s, so I push a smile onto my mouth and say, “Sure.”
Twenty-Nine
ASHLEY
“What do you think of this one?” Drake asks as he stands beside a crib at a baby supply store.
I walk over to him and stare at the white crib. Imagining Colton lying in the bed, his little hands stretched up to Drake to be lifted out, I smile. Then a picture of Megan standing beside Drake fills my mind.
Both of Colton’s parents together.
Holding back a frown, I focus on the task at hand. “Yeah, this looks like a nice one.”
“Can I answer any questions?” a saleswoman asks as she approaches.
Drake turns to her with a smile. “Yeah. I need a crib and all that goes with it, and I guess a car seat and a stroller.” He looks at me as if I know what else he should get, then he turns back to the saleswoman. “And whatever else I need.”
She laughs. “Sounds like you’re furnishing the entire nursery.”
“Yeah,” he says. “You could say that.”
The woman’s eyes shift to my belly and I wonder if she’s thinking I’m the mother. Feeling out of place, I pretend not to notice her glance.
An hour later we’ve loaded a crib, changing table, stroller, and car seat into Drake’s truck, and as we drive home, I think about the saleswoman’s confused expression when, after she asked if we knew if the baby was a boy or a girl, Drake told her the baby is a three-month-old boy.
I suspect she was wondering why we were just now getting baby equipment, and where was the baby? And damn, didn’t I look good for having a baby only a few months before?
Trying not to shake my head with despair, when Drake takes my hand in his, my spirits lift.
“Thank you for coming,” he says. “I know this isn’t easy for you.”
He’s right, but I don’t want to come across as selfish, so I smile and say, “You’re welcome.”
Once home, Drake brings everything in to the guest room, then says, “There’s not enough room in here. I’m going to have to take the bed down.”
Where will
my parents stay if they come for a visit? “Right.”
I help Drake remove the bedding from the guest bed, then we carry the mattress and boxspring into the garage. As we stand in the garage, Drake turns to me with a half-smile. “I think we should start looking for another house right away. What do you think?”
Since I’m still undecided about whether our relationship is going to survive, I don’t want to influence him one way or the other. “I think it’s up to you.”
Tilting his head, he stares at me a moment. “You’re going to be my wife, so it’s up to you as much as it’s up to me.”
With just the two of us standing there—no babies, no distractions—it’s easy to let the warmth of his love and the strength of his conviction wash over me. I gaze at him, remembering how ecstatic I was when he proposed, how much it was a dream come true.
The addition of Colton in our lives shouldn’t stop me from enjoying the happiness I was so certain of only a few weeks ago. In fact, this challenge should bring us closer together. This is a major test of our relationship. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.
Not completely convinced, but feeling more confident, I nod. “Yeah, we should start looking.”
Drake smiles, then he pulls me into his arms and holds me against his broad chest.
DRAKE
I’m pleased to hear Ashley’s agreement. It shows that she’s on the same page as I am, and despite her misgivings, I believe she’s going to stick with me. I have to believe that or I’ll be crushed under the devastation I know I’ll feel.
“I should probably put the crib together,” I say as I release her.
She chuckles. “Do you know how?”
I’m not the handiest guy, but I’m confident I can follow the instructions. “I’m sure I can figure it out.”
I take her hand in mine and lead her into the guest room where I set to work.
Drake and Ashley: The Complete Story Page 57
