by Liann Snow
So now I've got some secrets. It's strange to have secrets from Don. Feels very odd. I can hardly tell him, though, can I? He's better off not knowing, I should think. My sister-in-law's still a dyke and lives round the corner, and I've just had sexual intercourse with her girlfriend. And I liked it. And I was good at it. Perfect.
These are my secrets.
~ ~ ~
Faith gets home barely an hour before Don.
"Hi, Don. How are you? You look tired. Good game?"
"What? Oh yeah. I didn't think you were talking to me."
"Me? Oh, well, as you like... Don, it's my birthday next Saturday."
"So that's what this is all about."
"What?"
"The sudden thaw! End of the Cold War!"
"Don, I'm trying to tell you something."
"That you're sorry, I hope."
"Don, I don't think it's me that should apologise, but if you insist, Sorry! There you are. Now I just wanted to say I've invited a couple of people round for tea on my birthday."
"You're having a party?"
"No, just a couple of people, Pearl for one."
"From your work. Not that Owen as well?"
"Of course not! Just this woman I met."
"What woman? Where did you meet 'just this woman'?"
"You'll laugh Don. At the launderette. I met her the other week, you know, when the water flooded everywhere."
"The launderette! A friendship forged in the fires of adversity, or should I say the floods of adversity? Is she a girl guide too, always ready to do her bit?"
"Sometimes Don, it goes right over my head. You know that, don't you?"
"Faith, have your soiree! I assume I'm invited, too?"
"Of course."
"I'm getting used to your hair, by the way."
"It's grown a bit."
"Thank God and Mother Nature!"
Sunday, March 13. PM.
At the same time, less than a mile from Faith and Don's terraced house, a tall dark woman enters a warm, shabby living room. She is dressed for cold weather in a long slate-blue overcoat with a turned-up black fake-fur collar. A stockier, fairer, older woman turns to greet her as she enters. The older woman smiles and speaks, but remains seated.
"Hi, Eva. How's your mum."
"No change."
"What's up with her exactly?"
"Old person's disease. I don't know! Why the sudden interest? You a doctor now – or what?"
~ ~ ~
"You believe that little rat, that weasel woman, rather than me? She must have fucked your brains out!"
"Tell me it's not true then! Tell me to my face! Say it! Your mother's still alive, say it!"
"Of course she's alive! Why are you saying this? D'you think I go back to Manchester for no reason? D'you think I love the place? You know I hate it. You know I had to get away. I told you, I thought you understood. I do it just for her – because she's sick. You wait till your mum's sick. Then you'll know."
"I never see my mum. I probably never will. Why bring that up?"
"I don't know. Don't pressure me. I've had enough. You're the one that's in the wrong – shagging little miss mouse behind my back –"
"Look, I was wrong to do that, maybe. Calm down now. Anyway, you said I could sleep with other women if I wanted."
"You never have before. Why her? Why now?"
"She's friendly. Nice. I was drunk. Mad at you."
"Because I couldn't stay for your birthday? That's unfair. I had to go to see my mum. Your birthday coincided; what could I do? I think it's just an excuse. Do you fancy her? What about her – does she fancy you? I bet she does!"
"Shut up, Eva! I don't know. I hardly know the woman."
"She could give you a disease."
"Shut up Eva! Lay off me, will you?"
"She's evil that one, poisoning your mind against me."
"I don't know what to think."
"She makes you think I'm a monster using my own mum as an excuse."
"Excuse for what? She just said your mother is dead. That's all she said."
"That's all? That's enough I should think. You see? You see what she's done? How many years have we been together? And what? I trust you, you trust me. Harmony! And now, some nutty little woman gets the hots for you, tells you a great big lie and you fall for it, like a ton of bricks."
"She says you're her sister-in-law."
"Don't tell me anymore, I can't bear it."
"She must be crazy."
"There you are. Now you're beginning to see. Come here, baby. Tell me what she said. Everything she said."
"She asked me to her party."
"What party? Where?"
"It's her birthday, next Saturday. We're both Pisces. We're astrological twins."
"Shows what crap astrology is – she's nothing like you. You're complete opposites."
"What d'you mean? How d'you know that?"
"I mean in looks. Remember? I've seen her. When she brought the card round."
"Oh yes. That seems a long time ago."
"I should have stopped it then."
"How could you? Anyway it's my life, Eva. We're not married."
"We can't be, can we – obviously. But, I mean it's just so destructive. It's not entirely my fault, though."
"I don't see that it's your fault at all. Or mine, for that matter. It's just one of those things. Out of the blue."
"Some things are creative. Some are destructive. I don't want us to split up."
"Well, neither do I. So we won't, will we? No one can make us."
"I hope not."
"Maybe I should come with you next time you go up to Manchester."
"We'll see. You'd be bored."
"Not if you're there. How could I be?"
"It'd keep you out of trouble anyway."
"You too."
"All right. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Come here. Give us a cuddle. That's right."
~ ~ ~
"Eva?"
"What?"
"I thought you had somebody else."
"You're enough of a handful... Who? ... Who did you think it was?"
"Who? Oh, don't let's talk about it anymore."
"No. Tell me. Who?"
"That redhead where you work."
"Oh, her… Not my type... Now go to sleep."
Monday, March 14
"Pearl, it's my birthday on Saturday –
"Many Happy Returns, Faith!
"Would you like to come to my little tea-party?"
"On Saturday, Faith? I would certainly like to. I'll have to see, though, if I can make it. I have a lot to do at home, as you know."
"I know, Pearl. Please come if you can. It's just a few friends."
"It's very kind of you to think of me, Faith. I will certainly do my best to come."
Tuesday, March 15
And tomorrow it's my wedding anniversary!
Wednesday, March 16
"Don! You remembered! How lovely! Flowers!"
Don takes a large bottle from behind his back. "And champagne too, Faith. By way of an apology."
"For sulking."
"Yes."
Thursday, March 17
I should feel guilty. But I don't.
Friday, March 18
"I've decided I will come to your 'do' tomorrow, Faith. I deserve the break. I'll see you at six, if that's okay."
"That's lovely, Pearl. I look forward to seeing you."
= CHAPTER 7 =
Saturday, March 19
"Well, where is she then, your famous friend?"
"I don't know. She said she'd come. Maybe she got held up."
"I don't know ... these women. Putting you all on edge for no reason."
"I'm not all on edge."
"Well I am. I don't know what she was coming for anyway. What did you say? You met her at the launderette? Didn't know that was a social club. I remember now though, it was apres la Deluge, wasn't it? Might have been fun to meet your heroic friend with
her trusty mop and bucket, but still I'm glad it is just us after all. We don't get much chance to get together."
"Only nearly every night."
"Not on our own, girl. You know that. There's always Carol to consider."
"She doesn't take much considering. Anyway it's always me that bothers, you never do."
"That's what I mean, girl. It's you I'm thinking of."
"That makes a change."
"Come on now. Cheer up. Put a smile on your face. It's your birthday."
"Yes. I'm thirty-seven, Don. Not much to celebrate."
"And I'm thirty-nine. So what? Neither of us is getting any younger. But you've got to live your life. It's all there is. Put a brave face on it."
"I am."
"You're not going to cry are you? Come on, have some cake! I'll make us a pot of tea."
"Oh, it's all right. I don't want any. I've had cake. I've had tea. It's you that hasn't had anything."
"Let's have a look at this cake! One of Owen's specials I suppose! Not one of his leftovers, I hope! Don't worry, I'll have a slice. Pass me a plate! I'll have a bit of marzipan, too. See? Very tasty. Come on, girl, dry your eyes. You'll make your face go all puffy otherwise. This is nice now. Not at all stale. Go on, have some more, or d'you want a bit of icing? It's nice, not too sweet for once.
"Give us a smile then! There. You look seventeen. Like when I first saw you."
"You're just saying that, Don. Still, it's a nice thing to say. Give us a bit of cake then. Just a small slice."
"There you go! Lovely."
"Why didn't she come though, Don? Why say one thing and do another?"
"People are like that though, aren't they? Look at that Pearl, she didn't turn up either. You didn't really expect her to though, did you?"
"Why not? Of course I expected her."
"Faith, she's not a free agent, is she? She's like a prisoner in that house, a servant. They only let her go out to work because they depend on what she brings in."
"I can't believe that, Don. That's a very cynical view."
"Ah well, I won't argue with you on your birthday. It's meant to be a happy day. Did you like the chocolates I bought you?"
"My favourite."
"Any left?"
Sunday, March 20
Neither of them turned up! First time I've invited people round on my birthday since I was a kid and this is what happens. Pretty stupid, I suppose. Too old for that kind of thing, obviously.
They both said yes, though. Why do that? Why say you'll come and not turn up? I hope I wouldn't do that to anyone. At least they could have let me know they weren't coming, not leave me sitting there waiting, looking stupid in front of Don.
Looking at it another way though, I suppose it was a bad idea in the first place. They might not have got on. Pearl hardly knows Don (though he seems to have strong opinions about her, and the way she lives) and no one knows Joan, not even me, in spite of everything. Hard to explain who exactly Joan is anyway, especially when you're trying not to give anything away. "My friend from the launderette," sounds a bit peculiar. She wouldn't have been prepared for that introduction anyway, she doesn't even know I told Don that's where we met let, alone anything about the supposed flood that he seems totally obsessed by.
Even if he hadn't have brought that up it could have been embarrassing. I can imagine him just sitting there staring, trying to read our relationship from our body language. Then, when he thought he'd had got us sussed (Heaven forbid!) he'd have asked all sorts of questions – maybe the wrong ones. Pearl would have just sat there too, but probably not staring. She would sit in silence until I made her giggle. Then she would have done that for a while, very prettily, of course. Then she'd have gone home – probably early. Leaving me and Don and Joan in some nightmarish sort of triangle.
Oh! I should probably count myself lucky it didn't happen after all!
Monday, March 21
"Did your get-together go off all right, Faith?"
"For what it was, Pearl. Thanks for asking. I was sorry you couldn't make it, though." Pearl didn't respond, but then she doesn't always, unless asked a direct question. "I expect your husband talked you out of it." (That was as direct as I was prepared to get.) Pearl still said nothing. "They do that kind of thing, husbands. It may be what they're for."
Pearl hid her broad smile in a sudden cupped hand, and disguised her quick giggle in a short sharp bark of a cough. Her delighted laughter was visible though, in her glittering eyes and trembling shoulders.
"Well, never mind, " I said. "Perhaps another time."
Tuesday, March 22
First thing Tuesday morning. Faith and Pearl have just finished stacking a batch of loaves on the shelves. Faith is standing in the lurid glow of the hot snack cabinet packing it with sausage rolls. Pearl is in position behind the counter. They are expecting Mr. Owen at any minute. Both are wearing freshly pressed white overalls.
Eva sweeps into the shop, a whirlwind in slate blue gabardine. "Don't look so surprised, Faith. You knew I'd turn up in the end. We're neighbours after all, aren't we? I've come to ask you to meet me for lunch – no, not today, you may have other arrangements – tomorrow, I'll pick you up. Say about noon? Right! Oh yes, and Happy Birthday for Saturday. I'm sorry I missed your party. Must go. See you tomorrow. Bye."
"You look shocked Faith," said Pearl quietly into the silence. "I'm thinking you were not expecting her visit."
"You're quite right, Pearl."
"She also did not attend your celebrations."
"She wasn't invited, Pearl."
"No?"
"That's my sister-in-law. Eva!"
"The one you've been telling me about? Oh. She's a handsome woman."
"Right again."
Wednesday, March 23
Eva and Faith are sitting in a pub near Hampstead Heath. Horse brasses hang from the low ceiling, their glowing surfaces reflecting the flames of the fire that flickers in the grate.
Eva and Faith sit opposite each other, their half-full glasses, and their elbows, on the heavy dark wooden table between them. Eva gazes at Faith. Faith looks flushed.
Eva breaks the silence. "What happened to your hair, little one?"
"I cut it."
"It was much longer when I saw you last. Longer than mine."
"That was two years ago. People change."
"No, no, a month ago. You had long hair then."
"How do you know? Anyway, I can cut my hair if I want. Don't you like it?"
"I didn't say that. Quite the little butch now, aren't you?"
Faith went a bit red at that remark. How was she to know what she is? She had been hoping someone would tell her. Perhaps Eva was doing just that. (Butch. She would know, I suppose. Maybe I should wear lipstick again. Maybe I'd be bitch then instead!)
"Where did you see me a month ago?" she said coolly, "Tesco's I suppose, where everybody sees everybody. It's like Piccadilly Circus in there. What is it they say? If you stand by Eros long enough you'll see everybody you ever knew."
"A romantic idea," said Eva. "A bit scary, too. The God of Love controls us all. Even in Tesco's"
"No male controls me. I've given that up!"
"Poor Donald."
"He doesn't suffer. Look, where did you see me? You haven't said."
"Well, at home of course."
"At home?"
"Popping a letter in the door. A Valentine card. 'To a beautiful blonde from a mystery admirer'."
"Oh, God! And you knew it was me! Why didn't you say? Things could have been different."
