Like Dandelion Dust

by Karen Kingsbury

  Molly was going to be sick. “I thought you weren’t done.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Okay.” Her heart was slamming against her chest. “How do we make the . . . the birth father give up his right?”

  “Look, Mommy, no hands!”

  “Joey!” Molly turned to him, frantic. “Don’t let go.”

  The child had his hands straight out, but at her alarmed voice he grabbed hold of the chains again. “Sorry.” He looked frightened. “I wanted to be a trick pilot.”

  “Be a passenger pilot, sport.” Jack’s voice was calmer than hers. “If you let go, it isn’t safe for the passengers, okay?”

  Joey grinned. “Okay.”

  A flock of birds circled and landed in the nearby maple tree. Molly wanted to shout at them to be quiet. Every breath depended on whatever Jack was trying to say. She pulled one leg up onto the bench and hugged it close to her chest. “Say it, Jack. If we can’t get him to give up his rights, then what? What can we do?”

  He turned so he was facing her straight on. For a while he only searched her face. The determination in his expression shifted to desperation. She had the feeling that whatever he was about to say, it was their only hope. He brought his hand to her face and with a tenderness that defied the moment, he touched her cheekbone. “We leave.” He didn’t for a single heartbeat break eye contact. “We take Joey and leave the country.”

  “Are you kidding?” She eased her foot back to the ground and slid a few feet away from him. She sucked in a fast breath, and then another. Her body had forgotten how to exhale. She shook her head and pulled at her hair. Was he crazy? “Everything was perfect just yesterday morning! This . . . this isn’t real.” She bent over, lowering her head between her knees. Breathe out, Molly. . . . You’re hyperventilating. . . . You’ll pass out here on the sand.

  “Molly . . .” Jack slid close to her again.

  “What’s wrong with Mommy?” Joey’s sing-song voice called out from the swings. He slowed himself and hopped off. “Is she sick? I think she was sick earlier at Aunt Beth’s picnic.”

  “She’s fine.” Jack’s voice was chipper—high-pitched and phony. “Mommy’s just a little tired.”

  Breathe . . . You have to breathe! Molly forced the air from her lungs. There. That was better. She did it again and a third time before she allowed herself to sit up and look at Joey. He was running into the grassy field, into the sea of dandelions.

  “I know how to make her feel better!” He stopped and squatted down for a few seconds. When he stood up he had a fistful of dandelions and a lopsided grin. He sheltered them with his other hand and ran, his hair flying in the wind, until he was standing breathless at her feet.

  “Here, Mommy . . . watch!” He held out the bouquet of seedy flowers, then he brought them to his lips and blew with all his might. The fluffy white seeds came apart and filled the air.

  Then they were gone.

  “That’s dandelion dust!” He tossed the green stems and held his hands out. “See? It disappears like magic!” He touched her cheek—the same way Jack did so often. “Isn’t that fun? Doesn’t that make you feel better?”

  Molly blinked back the tears. A sound that was more cry than laugh came from her. “Yes, buddy.” She wrapped her arms around him and held him close. He had the same summery smell he always had. Grass and little boy sweat and something sweet she couldn’t quite identify.

  He squirmed from her and looked at Jack. “Did you see the dandelion dust, Daddy?”

  “I did.” He held up his hands and dropped them. “You’re right. It disappeared like magic.”

  “Yep.” He turned and ran back toward the swings. “My plane needs me!”

  When he was airborne again, Molly turned to Jack. She felt faint, completely lacking the energy she needed for this conversation, this nightmare. She wrinkled her nose. “Flee the country, Jack? Are you crazy?”

  He looked at Joey for a long time. Then he turned back to her. “About my son, yes.” His eyes grew wet and for a long moment he shielded his brow with his hand. Then he sniffed and sat up straight. The determination was back. “I won’t let them take him away from us, Molly. I promised you that, and I meant it.” He leaned closer. “What choice do we have?”

  She pressed her palm to her forehead and a desperate stifled cry sounded on her lips. “How can this be happening?”

  “You have to stop asking that.” It was the first time Jack sounded frustrated with her. Immediately he leaned back and stared at the blue sky. “I’m sorry.” He put his hand on her knee. “I guess I’ve had longer to think about the idea.” He hesitated. “It’s possible, you know. Like Joey’s dandelion dust. Just . . . just disappear from everything.”

  “Disappear?” She could hardly believe the words were coming from her husband. Jack was the most upstanding citizen she knew. He was on the board of advisors for the YMCA and in charge of the Red Cross chapter at his office. He was the man who paid his taxes early and voted at every election. “You’re serious? You’d consider leaving the country?”

  He ground his teeth together, his chin trembling more than before. When he had regained his composure, he pointed an angry finger at Joey. “They will not take my son from me, Molly.” A slight sob shook him, but he swallowed it. “No matter what we have to do.”

  “And I won’t take up a life of crime.” She stood and took a few steps in Joey’s direction. “There has to be another way.”

  With that she began jogging toward her son. They were wasting time talking about leaving the country. That wasn’t the answer. There had to be another attorney, someone who would take on this fight for them. Joey would be destroyed if someone took him away now. It would be the worst possible thing for him. “Mommy’s coming, Joey!”

  “Yippee! I’m the best pilot in the world.” He grinned at her. “Hop on board!”

  Just being near him gave her strength to keep moving, keep breathing. She lifted herself onto the swing next to his and began pumping her legs with all her might. Flee the country? Was Jack losing his mind? There had to be another way . . . had to be. She flashed a smile at Joey. “You’re right, buddy. You are the best pilot in the whole world.”

  He giggled. “Where do you wanna go?”

  She said the first thing that came to her mind. “Neverland.”

  “Neverland?” He hooted his approval. “That’s the best place, Mommy.”

  “I know.” Tears slid from her eyes and onto her cheeks, but the breeze dried them almost instantly. “Because in Neverland you never, ever have to grow up.”

  “That’s right. We can stay just like this forever and ever.”

  For the next half hour, that’s just what they did. With Jack watching silently from the bench, she and Joey flew and laughed and dreamed they were in Neverland. Where children never have to grow up, and people could stay just the way they were.

  Forever and ever and ever.

  Chapter Twelve

  Joey didn’t want to cry. Babies cry, and he was a big boy. That’s what the Cricket Preschool nurse said before summer came, when Joey tripped on Timmy’s shoe and skinned his knee. So he didn’t want to cry.

  But he didn’t want to go, either.

  Mommy and Daddy told him a few days ago after dinner. He had to go on a trip with a nice lady to visit some people in Ohio. Another mommy and daddy.

  “How come?” Joey called Gus and hugged his neck. He looked at them. “How come you’re not coming, too?”

  “Because we can’t this time, sport.” His daddy looked sad. Like maybe this wasn’t the bestest thing.

  “Then I’ll stay here with you and Gus.” He rubbed his face in the dog’s furry neck. Gus turned around and gave him a big lick on the face. “Okay? That’s what I’ll do.”

  Only that’s when Mommy told him that he didn’t have any choices this time. He had to go for the visit and it would only last one single night and two single days. But that was too long, and now the lady would be there in the morning
. Which meant he could sleep one more night with Gus and then he’d go far, far away.

  Maybe a whole world away. He wasn’t sure.

  His mommy already helped him pack his bag, and a few times she wiped her eyes. “Are you sad, Mommy?”

  “Yes. Very sad.” She put her arm around him and held him for a long time. “But you’ll be back on Saturday night. So we’ll still have all day Sunday to play with Daddy before the next week starts.”

  Joey lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. He had a poster of Michael Jordan up there, even though Michael Jordan was really old. Still, he was a good player—at least that’s what his daddy said. He turned on his side. Gus mostly slept on the floor, but tonight Mommy let him sleep up on the bed. Joey put his arm around Gus’s furry middle. “How come, Gus? Why would I take a trip without Mommy and Daddy?”

  Gus took a big breath through his nose. His eyes said he wasn’t sure of an answer, either, but at least it would be a short trip.

  “I know it’ll be short, Gus.” He gave the dog a kiss near his nose. “But short’s still too long.”

  Gus nodded his head a little.

  “Good doggie, Gus. You understand.”

  Joey looked up at the ceiling again. On his other side were Mr. Monkey and Mr. Growls, his other bestest friends. He picked up Mr. Monkey and talked straight to his face. Mr. Monkey’s mouth was falling off, but that didn’t matter—he could talk even when his mouth wasn’t working. “What do you think this other mommy and daddy look like?”

  Mr. Monkey thought for a minute. Maybe he didn’t feel like talking, because he only gave Joey a look.

  “And whose mommy and daddy are they, anyway?”

  Mr. Monkey blinked. Maybe you should take me with you, he seemed to say.

  “Okay, I’ll do that.” Joey had another question. “Why would a strange lady take me to see people I don’t even know?”

  This time Mr. Monkey yawned. I don’t have any answers, he seemed to say. Joey laid him back down on the other side of his pillow. Mr. Growls said thank you because Mr. Monkey was his friend and he liked to stay next to him.

  Joey asked himself the questions all over again. Who were the strange mommy and daddy, and why did he have to go see them? Mommy told him it was something the judge said. That was scary. Judges were on TV, sometimes with big black capes. Only not the kind of capes that Superman and Batman wore. The kind that stayed in close on their shoulders and made them sit higher up than everyone in the room.

  If the judge said he had to go, then he had to go.

  ’Less they throw him in jail with the robbers. He put his face close to Gus again. “If they send me to jail, I’ll slide through the bars, okay, Gus?”

  Gus made a little whiny sound. He touched his nose to Joey’s, and Joey giggled. Even with the scared in his tummy, Gus made him laugh. ’Cause Gus had a very wet nose, that’s why.

  Joey heard the room get quiet again. He needed to sleep. Mommy and Daddy would check on him pretty soon, and they wouldn’t like it that he was still awake. But where was the strange lady taking him tomorrow? Daddy said it was Ohio, but where was that? It sounded like an Indian place, maybe. If it was, then did the mommy and daddy he was gonna see live in a teepee?

  Joey’s head had a lot going on inside. So much that he saw little circles whenever he closed his eyes. Beside him he could hear Gus making little sleepy sounds. He needed someone else to talk to, but who? He tapped his fingers on his head. Think, Joey. . . . Think of who to talk to.

  Then his eyes popped open and a big idea hit him right in the head. He could do what Jonah did! Once he spent the night at Jonah’s house. He slept in a sleeping bag on Jonah’s floor, and they talked and talked, even after lights out and Aunt Beth said no more talking. But when it was very late and they had nothing more to say, Jonah did a little yawn. “Time to say our prayers.”

  “What?” Joey didn’t know about prayers. He’d heard of ’em, o’ course. Maybe in the movies or something. He leaned up on his elbows. “Who do you say ’em to?”

  Jonah peered over the edge of his bed. “God, silly. You say your prayers to God every night.” He smiled. “Sometimes in the day, too.”

  “Oh.” Joey felt a little funny, like maybe he should know about saying prayers to God. So he nodded and lay back down. That way it would seem like he said prayers to God every night just like Jonah.

  That’s when Jonah started talking out loud, just like there was someone standing right there to talk to. Only there wasn’t anyone in the room but themselves.

  “Dear God, it’s me, Jonah. Thank You for this day and for my house and my mommy and my daddy and my cousin, Joey. But not really Cammie, because she told on me.” He thought for a minute. “Okay, thank You for Cammie, too. But please make her turn into a nice sister tomorrow. Help us be safe, God. Gee this name, amen.”

  Joey waited a second. “Amen.” It seemed like the thing to say. But Joey stayed awake for a long time that night thinking about the prayer. Jonah was lucky that he had someone as big as God to talk to. And every night! Joey was going to go home the next day and ask his mommy to teach him how to talk to God.

  But the next day came, and he forgot.

  Only now, maybe that’s ’zactly what he should do. Jonah didn’t use any special words when he talked to God. Joey looked out the window. He felt like crying again, but he didn’t. “Dear God . . .” He breathed a few hard breaths. “Hi, this is Joey. I’m a’scared because tomorrow I’m getting on an airplane with a strange lady to see a strange mommy and daddy and I don’t even know them.” His words were little whispers, and they ran together like a long train. He blinked and waited, in case God wanted to say something back.

  He didn’t hear anything.

  “God, I need someone to talk to ’cause I don’t really want to go on the trip with the strange lady.” He had an idea. One that made him feel just a little bit of happy inside. “How ’bout You go with me, God? You’re invisible so no one would even care if You came, too.” He thought some more. “Maybe You could even sit beside me. ’Cause that would make me get back home a little faster I think.”

  The scared in him seemed a little less. He yawned and remembered. “Oh, yeah. I forgot the last part. Gee this name, amen.”

  There. That was a real prayer, ’cause it sounded just like something Jonah would say. He yawned again. Sleep was coming. He still didn’t want to go with the strange lady to the place called Ohio and maybe to a teepee. But if God would go with him, then maybe it wouldn’t seem so bad.

  One more thought came into his head.

  “P.S. God . . . thank You for my mommy and daddy and Gus. Because they’re the bestest family in the whole wide world.” After that he felt a little smile on his face. He put his arm around Gus, and in a little bit of time he was sleepy.

  Just like it was any other normal night.

  Chapter Thirteen

  At five o’clock that morning, Molly sat straight up in bed and gripped the down blanket close to her chest. Her sides heaved as if she were running a marathon. And she was. The marathon of surviving the past week, the race for a way to keep Joey home, to stop him from getting on a plane in just a few hours and leaving for Ohio.

  But it was too late. All the running and striving and planning amounted to nothing. Joey was packed, ready to leave, and in five hours he would walk out their door. She relaxed her grip on the sheets and looked at Jack. He was sleeping still, though neither of them had more than a few hours’ at a time before reality jolted them awake, forcing them to go through the possibilities one more time.

  Molly crept out of bed and walked to the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror. Who would she be if she wasn’t Joey’s mommy? Her chest tightened and she banished the thought. It was one visit—just one night. He’d be home tomorrow. She showered and dressed, and at least six times a minute she wondered if she’d ever be able to draw a full breath again. She needed sleep, needed a good meal.

  She needed Joey.

&nbs
p; Her heart beat hard against her chest, so loud she wondered if it would wake Jack. She tiptoed down the hall. Joey’s door was open. She took a few quiet steps inside and held her breath. Gus was stretched out along the wall, and Joey was curled up, soft little snoring sounds coming from his mouth. Mr. Monkey and Mr. Growls were tucked in close to his chest. Maybe it was her imagination, but in the shadowy early morning it looked like he was smiling. Poor baby . . . Chills came over her and she folded her arms. You don’t have any idea why you’re leaving today. How could he possibly understand?

  For a moment she considered crawling into bed beside him, but there wasn’t room. Besides, she didn’t want to wake him. Morning would come soon enough. Instead she stood there, barely able to think, teeth chattering, and watched him. Every memory took a turn playing on the screen of her mind. He was big now, but the face was the same one she used to watch sleep when he was an infant, when he first came home to them.

  She would wake up in the middle of the night and think she heard his cry. Then she’d creep into his room and look at him. Just watch him, watch his little chest moving up and down, up and down, up and down. Just in case, sometimes she’d hold her fingers a few inches from his nose. Only when she felt his warm damp breath would she take a step back and smile, relieved. He was a wonder boy, a sunbeam, and as long as he was sleeping down the hall, as long as he was okay, she, too, could sleep.

  It was the same way all through his baby time and his toddler days. Some nights she wouldn’t feel peace, couldn’t find sleep, until she spent a few minutes watching him, listening to him breathe. Tears stung her eyes. It wasn’t even possible that tonight he’d be sleeping in another state.

  She moved closer, stooped down, and studied him some more. He was beautiful, a piece of stardust with a heart laced firmly to her own. Maybe if morning never came, if she could stop time and keep ten o’clock from ever crashing in on them . . . She leaned down and gave him the softest kiss on his cheek. “Don’t wake up, baby. Not yet.”