Buddha's money gsaeb-3

by Martin Limon

  When I hit the surface I gasped for air and sputtered. Ernie clamped his hand over my mouth, leaned forward, and hissed: "Monks."

  I eased out of the pool, shivering. I rose and held the jade skull in front of my chest.

  As the beam of Lady Ann's flashlight ran through it, an expanding aura emanated from within. The skull glowed eerily, shooting off emerald rays into the darkness, filling the world with its green-toothed grin of death.

  Lady Ann's face remained impassive but tears ran down her smooth cheeks.

  Ernie sneered, as if to say, "What's the big deal?"

  In the distance I heard men talking, footsteps.

  Motioning for me to grab ahold of the hemp rope around her waist, Lady Ahn also made it clear to Ernie that he was to keep track of me by grabbing the elastic band of my shorts.

  My body rattled with cold. Lady Ahn tucked the bundle of my clothing under my arm, switched off the flashlight, and moved forward. The voices followed us through the maze of tunnels like whispers in a nightmare.

  Lady Ahn knew the tunnels well. She never faltered. She never slowed.

  Soon, we were running.

  When we finally emerged from the mountain of Mysterious Peace, I blinked, blinded by the light. Actually, the morning was heavily overcast and almost as dark as night. The cloud cover above rolled fast, pushed by an impatient wind. Still, nothing could make me go back into the dank bowels of the volcano from which we'd escaped.

  We hadn't heard any monks behind us for some time, so we stopped, and I enjoyed the luxury of slipping into dry clothing.

  "Let me see this damn head," Emie said.

  Lady Ahn offered the skull to him and he held it up to the sky. Its grin was sinister, as if it came from the wickedest man in the world. But even in this shadowed world, it was clear that the etchings circling the jade sphere were of an exquisite quality.

  Lady Ahn stared at Ernie nervously, probably afraid he might drop the skull.

  "Come on," she urged. "We have much jungle to cross before we reach the boat."

  We were about a half mile from the spot where we had originally entered Bian Mountain. After gently prying the jade skull from Ernie's grasp, Lady Ahn led us through an opening in the thick foliage. The passage was narrow, overhung with branches, and seemed more like a game trail than a pathway for humans.

  "I hope they don't have any warthogs around here," Emie complained.

  "Are you kidding? People would ve killed them off for bul-kogi centuries ago."

  "I don't know," Ernie grumbled. "I don't think many of the locals are dumb enough to come to this island. Only us."

  We must've been less than a hundred yards from the shore when the clouds opened and rays of sunshine filtered to the ground. Lady Ahn paused long enough to smile back at me, both of us appreciating the golden slivers of light.

  Above her, crossing over the path, loomed a large knot- ted branch. She ducked under it, and Ernie was just about to follow when the knot quivered.

  I'm not sure what warned me, but somehow I knew that this wasn't good. I shouted and leapt at Ernie's back.

  I slammed into his spine, tackling him forward, and his head jerked down toward the ground.

  "What the-?"

  As we fell, two wickedly curved spikes of brown ivory swished down in a vicious arc. By a fraction of an inch, the spikes missed Ernie's skull. We crashed into the ground. I rolled and watched the dark knot unravel itself from the bark. As it dropped from the sky, I realized that the spikes I had seen weren't spikes at all but claws.

  The creature thudded on top of Ernie.

  He grunted, air exploded from his lungs, and then he screamed.

  I scrambled to my feet. The beast, whatever it was, was large and furry and brown. A bear? A giant monkey? No time to think about it now. I grabbed a rock.

  The creature shrugged when the rock hit but made no sound. It didn't release its grip on Ernie's neck. Again I slammed it with the rock: It just seemed to cling tighter.

  Lady Ahn was back now, a sharp branch in her hand. Screaming. Poking at the beast.

  It rolled Ernie over and I realized what had fallen on him. It had a tiny face and huge hairy arms, longer than a man's. A short body. Clicking claws dug into Ernie's back.

  A sloth! A goddamn giant sloth.

  Ernie had a grip on its paws and with all his strength was barely managing to keep the big ivory spikes from ripping his face apart.

  I grabbed one of the arms and pulled. No dice. The thing was incredibly strong.

  Ernie's face was blue from lack of oxygen.

  I crouched and grabbed a better hold, with two hands, on one of the sloth's arms. Bracing my feet against a rock outcropping, I managed to slowly force the arm away from Ernie. Once I was above the open arm, I leaned down on it, letting my weight do the work. It took forever.

  When I finally shoved the big clawed limb to the ground, I stepped on it, pinning it firmly with all my weight. Bone and ligament crunched beneath my heel but the ugly beast didn't let out so much as a whimper.

  The other furry arm was still wrapped around Ernie. I grabbed it. As it started to budge, Ernie croaked out a choking sound.

  Lady Ahn dragged Ernie away.

  But now I had a giant sloth spread-eagled between my feet and my outstretched arms. How in the hell was I going to get out of this?

  The sloth kept trying to close his powerful arms. I held him back, but my strength was ebbing. His hadn't lessened at all.

  Menacing beetle eyes watched me, huge curved claws twitching and clinking together, just waiting for the chance to slash my neck.

  Lady Ahn knew what to do. As soon as Ernie was safe, she grabbed her sharp branch. When she jabbed the creature's neck, the arms spasmed. Stumbling at the unexpected movement, I almost lost my grip. Lady Ahn stabbed down with the stick again. The ferredike face beneath me twisted from side to side, trying to avoid the sharp point of the probing spear. A slice opened in the sloth's neck. Shoving down, arms straining, Lady Ahn jabbed the stick deep into the creature's throat.

  Hot blood squirted upward, splattering my pant legs. Droplets splashed across Lady Ann's muddy linen leggings.

  The sloth strained with its long muscles one more time, so violently that I almost fell. Finally, it shuddered and lay still.

  I watched the sharp claws slap into the mud. Lady Ahn stepped back. She grimaced at her bloody spear, then tossed it into the foliage.

  Still rubbing his neck, Ernie stumbled to his feet.

  "What the fuck was that?" he wheezed.

  "Just a teddy bear," I said when I could, breathing heavily. "It wanted to hug you."

  Lady Ahn took three quick breaths, scooped up the jade skull, and started down the trail. Ernie and I glanced at one another, amazed at her resilience. Then we turned and followed.

  As I heard the first crash of breakers on the shore, I noticed Lady Ann's shoulders were heaving. I hurried forward. Her cheeks were wet with tears. When I tried to speak to her, she turned her face away.

  At the tree line we finally halted. There, on the pebbled incline along the beach, stood Fisherman Yun next to the prow of his ancient skiff.

  Nothing ever looked so wonderful.

  The three of us rushed forward.

  As we stumbled across the rocks, Fisherman Yun's weathered face broke into a broad smile. Just as suddenly as the smile had appeared, however, it faded. Yun gaped.

  Out of the trees emerged a line of seven men with shaved heads and long robes. They strode quickly toward us. Lady Ahn moved behind me, covering the jade skull with her hands.

  Ten feet away, the men stopped.

  "Anyonghaseiyo," one said. Good day.

  Another opened his robe and raised an AK-47, pointing the business end of the automatic rifle directly into my face.

  Ernie stopped. Air seeped slowly out of his mouth. He leaned toward me. "I hope they're here for the clambake."

  18

  The sloth, I figured, was an import.


  It was a dangerous, slow-moving tropical animal that would never have survived in Korea during all the thousands of years the peninsula has been populated by aggressive hunters and rice farmers.

  The species must've been brought to the island of Bian-do by Lady Ann's ancestor, Ahn the Righteous Fist, to help protect the treasure hidden deep in the bowels of the mountain. Who knows what other sorts of creatures lurked in the thick foliage of Bian Island? I didn't want to find out.

  As we stood on the rock-strewn beach gaping at the mouth of the AK-47, Ernie decided to act nonchalant. He stared at the monks, like a punk on a street comer trying to intimidate the gang from another block.

  One of the monks stepped forward. His head was shaved, and the brown leather of his skin stretched tightly across high cheekbones.

  "Chosim heiya ji," he said. You must be careful. "Yogi ei dongmul manhayo." There are many animals here.

  I translated. Ernie nodded toward the automatic weapon still pointed at us. "You ought to be careful with that thing, too."

  The leathery monk barked an order. The AK-47 was lowered.

  Lady Ahn stepped forward, arms wrapped around the jade skull, head bowed. Gracefully, she lowered herself to a kneeling position on the beach.

  "We have greatly bothered you," she told the monk in formal Korean. "For that I am full of regret."

  Ernie fidgeted, not liking all the groveling, even of a formal kind, but I shot him an evil look, warning him to shut up.

  It was our only chance. Koreans have to work these things out in their own way. Ways that have been mapped out by thousands of years of culture.

  While they talked, Ernie and I moved a few feet farther apart. If we had to charge, one of us might be able to reach the gunman.

  The leather-faced monk narrowed his eyes at us. "Umjiki-jima!" he said. Don't move. Ernie and I froze.

  He spoke to Lady Ahn in rapid Korean. So rapid I had trouble following it all. But in general he was berating her for having stolen the skull, for not coming to him and explaining why she wanted it. He knew of her descent from the last emperor of the Sung dynasty; he knew, too, that the precious jade skull held the key to untold wealth.

  Lady Ahn raised her voice and interrupted him. Ernie grinned. I held my breath. Pissing the monk off was a gamble. This guy held all the aces. Nobody even knew we were on this island.

  "If I had come to you," Lady Ahn said, "would you have turned the jade skull over to me?"

  The monk thought about it for a moment. "No. I would not have."

  "Then I had no choice. I had to devise a plan. I had to seek help. Not from Koreans. It would be too tempting for a Korean to betray me and keep the wealth for himself. So I had to seek help from these foreigners, who have no family here. Who have no ties to ancient clans or to secret societies. Had I asked for the jade skull, you would've laughed at me."

  "No." The monk shook his bald head. "I would not have laughed. I understand your desire to see the Sung dynasty rise again. To see a fully Chinese emperor once again sit on the Dragon Throne. Not a Mongol. Not a Manchu. Not some intellectual with political ideas stolen from the West. But a true Chinese leader of royal blood. Don't you think we have wanted the same thing, too?"

  Lady Ahn raised her head, staring up at the monk, her jaw clamped tightly. The monk continued.

  "But where would we find such a leader? The answer is simple. No one can find such a leader. Such a leader must rise by his own strength. No matter what the obstacles. So the answer is no. Had you asked for the jade skull, I would have turned you down. But you didn't ask, you took it!"

  The other monks murmured in assent.

  Fisherman Yun crouched silently in his boat, a look of grave resignation on his face, as if he expected to be executed any moment. Ernie's teeth clicked madly on his ginseng gum, his eyes darting like two bumblebees swarming from a hive. He was about to make a move, no question about it, and there was nothing I could do to stop him.

  The monk turned to his own men. "She took it," he said again. "And with a bold plan. With fierce warriors performing daring feats at her command!"

  The monks murmured again, a little more fiercely this time. Ernie didn't understand enough Korean to follow this. The monk with the AK-47 raised it slightly.

  The chief monk turned back to Lady Ahn and held out his open palm. "Rise, Lady Ahn," he commanded. "Rise!"

  Ernie picked this moment to dart for the shore. A monk stepped in front of him.

  Ernie flung out his elbow, catching the monk square in the jaw with a loud crack, slamming his bald head back.

  Everyone on the beach exploded into action. One monk leapt at Ernie and grabbed him by the ankles; another snatched the skull out of Lady Ahn's hands. Three more swarmed toward Ernie. They piled on until he lay on his back punching and cursing and kicking.

  I tried to pull them off of him, but somebody threw me to the ground with a deft judo move. When I looked up, the monk with the rifle held the barrel on me. Smiling.

  After a few well-placed karate chops, Ernie lay silent on the blanket of pebbles. I watched his chest rise and fall. He slept as soundly as a lifer after Happy Hour.

  The monks dusted off their robes and resumed their positions behind their leader.

  During the fight, Lady Ahn had risen to her feet. She now stood staring solemnly at the leather-faced monk.

  He motioned. A young monk stepped forward. Holding the jade skull out with two hands, the monk said, "You earned the jade skull." He offered it to Lady Ahn. "It is yours, good lady. Do with it as you wish."

  She accepted it, then bowed. He barked another order. The monk with the rifle pulled out the curved ammunition clip, switched the rifle to safety, and tossed both the rifle and the clip to me. Startled, I barely caught the weapon before it hit the ground.

  The chief monk spoke again, this time in English.

  "The rifle belonged to the man who tried to invade our island two weeks ago. He wore the uniform of a North Korean commando and carried one of their weapons, but he wasn't one of them." The monk waved his arm behind him. "This island has no military value. The man was a mere thug. His mission was to sneak into our temple and steal the jade skull. However, he was careless, and the brown sloth caught him before he could complete his job." The monk turned and stared into Lady Ann's eyes. "The man was hired by another foreigner who stalks our land. This foreigner is a Mongol, a member of a people who have plagued our peaceful country before. This foreigner knows of the Tomb of Genghis Khan and he knows of the jade skull. He is ruthless; he will stop at nothing to possess it. We have no use for that rifle. But if you and your soldiers insist on keeping the jade skull, you will need it."

  Lady Ahn bowed until her head was level with her waist. "We are grateful, Honored Monk."

  She stood upright and the monk looked her over one last time. "Make your ancestors proud," he said.

  With that, he barked a final order and he and his entourage disappeared into the trees and shrubs that lined the shore.

  Ernie came to and jerked his head up.

  "Where are they?" he said. "I'll knock me some bald-headed monk out."

  "Relax, Ernie," I said. "They're gone."

  We were in the boat now, Fisherman Yun rhythmically pulling on the oar, Lady Ahn sitting forward, clutching the jade skull, staring into the distance.

  Ernie rubbed the back of his head. "What happened?"

  "You got your ass kicked."

  "I mean, besides that."

  "The monks decided they liked Lady Ann's style. They let her keep the skull."

  "What do you mean they let her keep it? We all stole it, right? Fair and square."

  Lady Ahn didn't move, although she must've heard Ernie's comment.

  "She still plans to trade it for Mi-ja," I answered. "Don't worry about anything else."

  This time I noticed her back tense a little. Maybe she was having second thoughts about releasing the jade skull after all she'd gone through to possess it. I had no such doubts. The skull
had to be traded for Mi-ja. I'd see that it was. One little girl's life was more important than all these bitter squabbles over ancient treasure.

  Mi-ja was real. And she needed our help. And she needed our help now.

  I decided to keep an eye on Lady Ahn.

  Not that I hadn't before.

  Lady Ahn's mother was so sad to see her daughter go that she couldn't hide her tears. As we left on the ferry, Lady Ahn held hers through what seemed to be a massive display of will.

  After the ferry stopped at the first island on its way back to the mainland and picked up a few more passengers, Lady Ahn told us about the KNP inspection routine at the dock in Ok-dong.

  "They don't inspect every bag," she said. "Just the ones that might produce a tip for them."

  A bribe is what she meant.

  Plenty of smuggling went on in these islands. Foreign products not stamped by the Ministry of Customs were illegal. A few hundred won, however, would convince most KNPs to look the other way. But they wouldn't look the other way for an AK-47 automatic rifle. Or an antique of such obvious value as Kublai Khan's jade drinking cup skull.

  Our problem was how to slip both items past them.

  Lady Ahn shoved the jade skull deep into a twenty pound sack of unhusked rice, threw away some of the excess grain, and slung the heavy bag over her shoulder. The sack looked big and awkward. It might work. It might not.

  Ernie had dismantled the stock from the main firing chamber of the AK-47. The disassembled mechanism fit easily into the bottom of his leather bag.

  Still, it was a big risk. Either item, if discovered, would set off alarm bells from here to Seoul. The first thing that would happen is that they'd be confiscated. The second thing that would happen is we'd be thrown in jail.

  Ernie and I would almost certainly be court-martialed for carrying a Communist-made weapon. I thought of getting rid of it. In fact, I damn near told Ernie to toss it over the side. But finally, I reconsidered. Now that we had the jade skull, there was no telling who might be after us.