Superstar

by J Santiago

  She slowly shook her head, as if she could scatter Keira’s words and make the idea disperse. “You can’t mean that,” she blurted.

  Keira smiled sadly. “I can’t do this to Tilly. I can’t walk around, second-guessing us because of what other people think. But that’s what I do now. It’s not fair to him and—shit!” Tears flooded her eyes and spilled over, cascading down her cheeks.

  Amber pulled her napkin out of her lap and held it out to Keira. Keira snatched it away and wiped it over her nose and under her eyes, pressing hard to stanch the flow. Amber sat uncomfortably in her chair while Keira worked to get her emotions under control.

  Amber had wanted to talk to Keira, but she didn’t want to know this. She didn’t want to have to think of Tilly and how heartbroken he would be if she left him. Keira was right about one thing. Amber did think she was a coward.

  “Have you talked to Tilly about this?” Amber inquired.

  Keira shook her head.

  “Don’t you think you owe him that?”

  Keira shrugged. Then, her indifference seemed to hit her, and she quickly said, “Yeah, of course.”

  “Ya know, Tank unilaterally decided the end of our relationship.”

  Keira looked indignant. “This is hardly the same. I’m not going to go out and cheat on Tilly.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re just going to rip his heart out because you are dealing with being a minority all of a sudden.”

  Keira’s mouth slackened.

  “So, people look at you because you’re different. So the fuck what? You’ve blended in your whole life. You grew up in a town that was basically settled by your ancestors, and everyone around you looked the same. Think about how Tilly has felt every time he walks into your house. But you know what? He’s stayed, and he loves you even though your parents are complete assholes. And, now, you’re thinking about walking away from him because people might judge you for being with a black man? Seriously?”

  “That’s not what I said, Amber!” Keira whispered furiously.

  Amber knew Keira was seething.

  “No, it’s not what you said. But isn’t that what you meant? You’ve just decided to walk away from him without even telling him how you are feeling and what you are suddenly experiencing.” Amber took a deep breath. “I’m not a minority, and I can’t even imagine what it feels like to always be one of just a few. But I know what it’s like to be judged because of how you look. And it takes a thick skin. It’s okay if you don’t have one yet. But you’d better fucking grow one. Because you owe that to the man you fell in love with.”

  “Says the girl who is the master of denial.”

  Amber cocked a brow. “This powwow isn’t about me.”

  “Well, maybe it should be.”

  “You’re deferring a lot. What are you really scared of?”

  Keira didn’t speak for a long time, and Amber was content to allow her to come to terms with the real issue.

  Keira ran her hands through her hair in frustration and helplessness. “I’m afraid that our marriage can’t survive without the support of my family.”

  “I get that. So would Tilly.” Amber leaned back in her chair. “I am absolutely the last person qualified to give you advice. But I just think you are underestimating your fiancé and yourself. I get that you’re scared and torn. But none of this mattered before you got engaged. So, I think you need to figure out why it’s such an issue now.” She glanced down at her phone. “And I hate to get the last word in”—she smiled, trying to take some of the bite out of their interaction—“but I’ve gotta go. I’m supposed to meet Tank at Franco’s in twenty minutes.”

  Keira’s eyebrows shot up, and for the first time since their lunch began, she looked like herself. “Well, that ought to be fun.”

  “I know, right?”

  “How’s it going?”

  Amber didn’t even try to fight the involuntary curve of her lips at the thought of Tank. She shrugged though, reluctant to show her excitement. “It’s good. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m looking forward to hanging out with the whole family today.”

  “So, why are you?” Keira looked too giddy, enjoying turning the tables and asking some hard questions of her own.

  Amber pondered her answer. “Well, as much as I would like to spend the whole entire weekend in Tank’s bed, it seems safer to be around other people.”

  “Hmm, that’s an interesting take.”

  “Yeah, well, full doses of Tank Howard can be deadly.”

  “How’s that?”

  “It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of him. The reality is pretty harsh, so I’ve found myself limiting our one-on-one interactions. Lunch with you, dinner with Franco and the kids. Perspective.”

  “Or you know, seeing if he fits into your life.”

  “There’s no fitting in. My life isn’t here. And his has to be.”

  “Talk about denial.”

  Amber laughed. “No denial. I am being straight-up honest with myself about this whole thing.”

  “Okay,” Keira said simply. There were other words, but she held them back, and Amber was grateful.

  She didn’t want to talk to Keira about all the doubts Steele had managed to stir up yesterday. Keira wasn’t exactly a Lamarcus Steele fan—mostly because of Tilly. Suddenly, Tilly’s weird distrust of Steele seemed to make some sense to Amber, and she didn’t like the feeling. She wanted to think the guy she’d been so close with over the last couple of years was just in a weird place and that Tilly was merely insecure over his place in Tank’s pecking order of friends. But that assessment didn’t sit well with her either.

  “Seriously, I have to get on the road,” Amber said before she dropped money on the table and turned toward the door. But the devil inside her reared its head, and she found herself moving back to where Keira remained. “Hey, have you seen Madison?”

  A self-satisfied smirk settled on Keira’s face. Then, she shook her head. “She’s been out of pocket. She’s been working on some report.”

  “Oh. Okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She started for the exit again.

  “Tilly and I are busy tomorrow, so don’t call, asking us to meet you for brunch or dinner or anything. And I think all of Tank’s boys are otherwise engaged, too.”

  There was a mischievous twinkle in her friend’s eye, and even though Amber was the reason for it, she was thankful to see it.

  “You’re an evil bitch,” Amber said with a wide smile. “Love you anyway.”

  The drive to Franco and Molly’s house seemed both infinite and brief. As much as Amber wanted to deny the little pockets of excitement at the thought of seeing Tank, it was hard to do in the confines of her head. Sometimes, you just had to go with it because the constant battle to remain disengaged was exhausting.

  Her meeting with Steele yesterday had been disheartening for a number of reasons. Either one of her closest friends was lying to her and manipulating her or Tank was being less than honest about his interactions with Madison. Not much chance of a win in that scenario.

  Keira’s information about Madison had made Amber feel better. But was she secure enough to be okay with Madison as a permanent fixture in Tank’s life? She wasn’t so sure.

  On her drive to Atlanta yesterday, she’d made the decision to trust Tank—for the time being. That was why she didn’t say anything to him about her confrontation with Steele. It appeared to be a good decision. And, based on the night they’d had, it was the right decision. The dinner he’d ordered, the goddamn flowers. He was a walking orgasm. His nervous retelling about his utter cluelessness about what to do with the flowers had her gasping with hilarity. A nervous Tank Howard was like a billboard of a hot fireman with a helpless puppy. Panty-melting, panty-dropping, panty-combusting. And he was rewarded well for his cold take-out dinner and the forgotten, wilted flowers.

  But, with all of that, she was relieved that she’d planned ahead and arranged a lunch with Keira and a dinner at her dad’s
. She and Tank needed perspective—or at least, she did. A whole weekend with Tank had to come with an escape clause. How else could she be expected to maintain any distance when he was being sweet and sexy as hell?

  When she finally pulled into Franco’s driveway, she was excited about all the people waiting for her—the As, Molly, Franco, and Tank.

  Is there such thing as a quintuplet crown?

  She jumped out of the car and practically ran to the door. She didn’t bother knocking. She entered an eerily quiet house. Glancing at her watch, she knew the twins had already napped, and she found herself bummed at the lack of activity. She’d been bracing herself for the tackle she usually got when she walked in the door. She made her way down the hall, toward the kitchen. Peeking around the corner, she was surprised to find Molly standing at the counter, chopping vegetables.

  “Seriously?” she asked.

  Molly turned her head. “Oh, were you expecting a welcoming committee?” She grinned at Amber and then placed the knife and the carrot she’d been dicing onto the counter.

  Molly came over and greeted her with a warm hug. Amber found herself leaning into it, accepting all the warmth and love Molly always gave to her so freely.

  When she stepped away from the embrace, she looked around the kitchen, her curiosity getting the best of her. “Where are the As?”

  “Oh, sweetie, your baby siblings got a better offer.”

  Amber tried not to let her disappointment show. “They’re not here?”

  “They’re here.”

  Amber frowned.

  Molly nodded to the patio. “Take a look.”

  Her face scrunched up with confusion, but she made her way over to the French doors. She attempted a fleeting glance, but when she took in the sight in front of her, she couldn’t look away. Tank, Franco, Alexis, and Andy were playing football—Tank and Alexis versus Franco and Andy. She scrutinized the teams for a second.

  Probably as fair as you can get, she concluded.

  Franco and Andy were playing defense, and they were both down in a three-point stance.

  Tank was on his knees, bending down so that his head was even with Alexis’s. They were talking intently, and Amber could tell, even from as far away as she stood, that Alexis wasn’t happy with Tank’s play. He looked chagrined. He’d been tracing something on his hand when Alexis held her own hand up in the universal sign for stop. Alexis began speaking. When she was done, Tank’s shoulders were shaking with mirth. Then, he scooped her into his arms, dropped a quick kiss on her cheek, and held out his fist to her. Alexis bumped it, and when he set her down, Tank was in the position of center, and Amber’s little sister was the quarterback.

  “Amber, you’re drooling on my door.”

  Amber snapped her head away from the glass it had been leaning on and turned guiltily to Molly. She tried to be subtle as she wiped her hand across her mouth.

  “You actually moaned,” Molly teased before she burst into laughter.

  “Holy shit. That’s so fucking hot,” she gasped. “I think what’s left of my reproductive system just sputtered and clenched.”

  Molly continued laughing, the fuel of Amber’s comment adding to her giggling.

  When Molly got ahold of herself, Amber finally felt the twinge of her blush fade. Molly offered her a beer, which she gratefully accepted. They settled in the kitchen, the camaraderie between them easy.

  “Did I ever tell you when I knew I was in love with Franco?”

  Amber coughed out a mouthful of beer. “Um, maybe not appropriate to be telling his daughter.”

  Molly laughed. “I promise, it’s G-rated.”

  “It’d better be,” Amber threatened.

  “You’ll remember, I’m sure, because it involved you.”

  “Me? That’s weird.”

  Molly’s lingering smile morphed into a dreamy seriousness, the force of the memory taking over. “It was that night.”

  Amber’s stomach dropped. She didn’t need any explanation for what night Molly was talking about. When Amber remembered it, in her mind, she always referred to it with the same moniker—That Night. She didn’t like to think about it or recall it. Even the day before the night, when she’d realized she’d fallen in love with Tank, the magic of that day always got lost in the horror of That Night. That Night when the agent had approached Tank and Tank had cheated on her and her life seemed to implode. Again.

  “Actually,” Molly clarified, “it was that day, in the tunnel.”

  Amber closed her eyes for a brief second, not really wanting to remember that. If she had to subtitle that day, it would be The Tunnel, The Blow Job, The Aftermath. Shaking it off, she gave Molly all of her attention.

  “You almost ran up and hugged Franco. And you should have seen the look on his face when he realized you were going to hug him. It was like he imploded with sunshine.”

  Amber smiled at Molly’s inadvertent use of Tank’s nickname for her.

  “He didn’t look like he could be any happier.”

  “Until I ruined it, you mean?”

  “Well, not really. It was the whole thing, from start to finish—your exuberance, then your reluctance, and even the horror on your face when you seemed to remember that you’d forgotten to hate him. All of it played out in the way he looked at you. Then, when Tank introduced you to Chantel and Franco stepped in? Holy shit is right. I would have followed him to the ends of the earth in that moment. There is just something so sexy and irresistible about a man who loves a child, and he obviously loves you. I was done for. I decided right then to start looking for a new job because there was no way I was going to be able to stay away from him.”

  Amber sighed. “Okay, that’s pretty fucking cool.”

  “Yeah,” Molly concurred dreamily.

  And Amber couldn’t help smiling at the dopey look on her friend’s face. The love Molly had for Franco made Amber’s heart feel gooey, hopeful, and sunshiny.

  Fuck! This was not helping with her distant objectivity.

  Amber took a sip of her beer.

  And Molly switched gears. “How’s work?”

  Their respective careers in college athletics gave them a lot to talk about. But, this time, Amber frowned a little at the topic.

  “It’s good. But, for the first time since I’ve gotten there, I’m bored.”

  Molly’s eyebrows shot up. She placed her beer on the counter and picked the knife back up. She arranged the vegetables she still needed to cut and began the rhythmic chopping. “I thought that might eventually be the case, but I’m surprised to hear that.”

  Amber cocked her head to the side. “Really?”

  “Don’t get me wrong. The Operations job is a good fit for you, but I know your passion lies elsewhere.”

  Amber shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. But this is really the first time that I’ve felt like I’m going through the motions. I’ve done everything, and I’ve perfected all my tasks—for me. The way we’ve implemented procedures is perfect for me. So, I’m restless.”

  Molly took a quick sip of her beer. She pulled her eyes away from her task and leveled her gaze on Amber. “Are you sure it’s the job that’s making you restless?”

  “Yeah, of course. What else?”

  “Tank?”

  Amber scoffed. “No. He has nothing to do with my job.”

  Molly merely pursed her lips. “So, have you thought about looking for something else?”

  “No!” Amber exclaimed, amazed with the direction of the conversation. “I couldn’t leave Whitey.”

  “Sure you could. He expects you to at some point.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far.”

  “Amber, do you think Whitey is surprised when coaches leave? His staff, those positions—they are merely stepping-stones for the best and the brightest. Whitey knows that.”

  “I haven’t really thought about it like that.”

  Molly took a deep breath, like she was girding herself for what she was about to say. “I wasn’t going to
bring this up. Franco and I have talked about it, and we haven’t heard any complaints, so I didn’t think you’d even be interested.”

  “Interested? In what?”

  “Our Director of Player Personnel position is about to open up. I bet Ken Swonson would be ecstatic to have you.”

  Amber didn’t say anything for a minute. It would be a lateral move. In some football offices, it would be considered a step down, depending on how the head coach ran things. She wouldn’t necessarily have a direct line to the head coach. But running the recruiting activities at a major Division I institution? She could get on board with that. She knew Molly was noting her reaction, watching every pro and con form in her head.

  “I need to think about it.”

  Molly looked pleased. “You should absolutely think about it.”

  “But, Molly, don’t mention it tonight, okay?”

  Molly nodded. “Okay. But why?”

  “If I make the decision, it has to be because of everything, except for Tank. And I need to do that without him knowing.”

  Molly wrinkled her brow. “Amber,” she scolded, a tone of disapproval.

  “I just…” Amber started, attempting to explain. “I just need to make this decision in isolation. I don’t want to think I’m planning my life around him.”

  “Well, first, this is the perfect job for you, so I don’t know how you can say that. You’d be moving closer to your family and most of your friends.”

  Amber waved her hand. “I know, I know, but please, I just have to do this my way.”

  Molly reached out and touched her hand. “When I took this job, I was running away from something, from Franco. Do you know how much better it would have been to know I was running toward something instead?”

  Amber had an answer to the question, but the doors behind her swung open, and all the noise she’d been expecting when she walked in surrounded her. The As scrambled in the door, vying for her attention. Before she knew it, she had both of them in her arms, and each one was attempting to talk louder than the other as they explained the football game.

  “’Ber, we tied,” Andy said after Alexis conceded the floor.