by L. Ann Marie
I’m so relieved when Tess finally leaves. She’s so sweet and I love her, but she makes me nervous with the visions and knowing things before I tell her. My hair is up in a French braid and my makeup is done, but I’m just standing here looking at the clothes Tess picked. She said it’s what I need to wear, but I’m not so sure about the skirt. It’s a short jean skirt and the blouse is silk that fits tight on my chest with a band right under, then it flows down, but it’s not long either. There is no one to yell at me if it’s too short, so I pull up my big girl panties and get dressed. Once I get the heels on and look at myself, I’m stunned. My legs look longer than they are and I look confident and grown up. Wow, Tess was so right! I’m excited now for Digs to see me.
I clean up the room and have enough time to clean the glasses and dishes we used before the doorbell rings. I’m smiling when I open the door. “Hi, Digs.”
He’s looking at me like he’s surprised. Without jeans and sneakers or a flowery dress, I do look older. “It’s going to take everything in me not to touch you tonight. Fuckin’ good look on you.”
Wow! He likes it and I get a tingle knowing that he wants to touch me. I want to fan my face, so I must be blushing. “I just need to get my purse.” I turn and hurry away, almost slipping in the heels. Fiddlesticks! I hear him make a noise, but I don’t turn around. I need a minute to collect myself.
When I get back to the door he’s standing inside, making me stop short. He’s big and looks strong. My mind jumps back to Lenny and I take a breath. He’s not going to hurt me. Tess said he’s not going to hurt me. I keep repeating it in my head and make my feet move. “What the fuck? If you don’t want to go, just say so.” He’s not yelling, but he’s not happy either.
I pull my eyes away from his chest and look at him. I have to be honest and tell him. That’s what Anita says we’re supposed to do when we’re nervous. “You’re not as big as the other guys, but you’re bigger than me. When I saw you I got nervous. I want to go.” He nods and I look away. He’s going to think I’m too crazy to take anywhere. I don’t get it. I wasn’t this nervous going out of the town with Jake. Digs is taking me right down the street.
“Look at me, Penny.” I look at his face again. “You want to get takeout and eat here, I’m good with that. You want to go to my house and eat, we can do that too. We can sit by the water where there’s cameras to make you feel safe. I don’t give a fuck where we eat, but I’m hungry and you look like that.” He waves his hand at me, making me smile. “We need to do something or I’m going to start eating you right here right now.”
Holy Moses! “No, we can go. I was just nervous.” I look away and walk closer, trying to breathe normal. I’m not sure I don’t want him to start eating me. I shake my head. I am crazy. What am I thinking? He grabs my hand and pulls me into him. I look up and hear the whoosh of my breath leaving my lips. It’s like slow motion. He’s bending closer to me and I can’t move. His back bows as his face is getting closer to mine. I can’t look away and I don’t move a muscle until his lips are on me. My whole body feels tingly, then his tongue is in my mouth and I’m on fire. My arms go around his neck and I want to climb up his body, but he’s got his arms all the way around my waist. I can’t do anything but stay plastered against him. He growls in my mouth and I snap out of it. Holding my waist, he kisses my lips then straightens, watching me. “Um, thank you.”
He laughs and I’m struck by how dang handsome he is with that smile. “Thank you? That’s a first. Let’s get the fuck out of here before I start skipping numbers.” Opening the door, he guides me out. Since my brain is mush I don’t say anything else that would be as dumb as thank you. He puts a helmet on me, then swings his leg over the motorcycle and leans it to the side. I should have thought about this. Heels and a short skirt on a motorcycle are not a smart move. “Pipes are hot.” He looks down at my skirt and I wonder what to do. Pipes are hot, is that biker code? “Put your hands on my shoulder and slide in behind me, Penny, or I swear to God I’ll get off and put you on like a fuckin’ kid.” He’s smiling. How can he say swear words and smile like that, and why am I smiling? Dang it! I use him to slide on and try to sit with my knees closed. He laughs and reaches back with both hands, pulling my knees apart and me forward.
“Oh.”
Looking back, he catches my eye. “Yeah. Oh. It’s going to be the longest twelve blocks I ever rode. You need to put your arms around me and hold the fuck on.” He puts his hand behind me and scoots me closer. Now I’m plastered to his back and feeling all tingly again. Great. He starts the motorcycle and I moan. This is not going to be pretty. Dear Lord. He moves my hands around his waist and puts them flat on his stomach. He’s got a flat stomach. Yikes. He squeezes my thighs against his hips and holds them tight against him for a couple of seconds. When he lets me go I breathe again. I can do this. I am a grown woman that is in control of my body and life. I think if I repeat it enough I can actually get through this. We move and I hold on tight, wondering if anyone has ever fallen off the back of a motorcycle. I can’t remember any stories about it and relax. When we get to the intersection he goes faster and I yelp. His laugh rumbles his stomach, making me smile. “Hold on, Penny, when I lean you stay with me.”
“Okay!” I yell and he laughs more. We go fast for a couple of blocks, then he slows down, but I’m having fun. I feel free and don’t want it to end. “No! Can we keep going?” I yell and he speeds up, driving right by the restaurant. I try to see around him, but I can’t, so I loosen my hold on his stomach and lean my head to the side. The wind hits me straight on and I laugh. This is the best date! We hit a bump and I tighten my hold and lean into him. I really like riding on the motorcycle and see why Amanda and Tess love it so much. With so many bikers around I should have thought about why they love it so much before now. We ride right out of town into the next and I wonder if we should have told someone. I’m not supposed to leave without telling surveillance, but Digs is surveillance, he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. Tess sent him to help me and she says this is how it’s supposed to be. I need to relax and just enjoy myself, so I do. We ride on the side of the water until the next town, then he turns around. It’s been a nice ride and I start thinking about us having to go back. Imagining what it would be like to just keep going, I don’t realize he’s slowed down until he shuts the motorcycle off. “We can eat here, then ride through the back roads of the reservation to the backyard, if you still want to ride.”
“Yes! I like riding.” I’m so glad he wants to ride more.
He tips the motorcycle again then laughs. “You need to get off first. I’m not getting off this bike until your legs are closed. That skirt is too short for the bike and there are too many people watching.” My legs feel like jelly, so I hold on to his shoulders to get my leg over, then his arm to settle myself on the heels. I adjust my skirt while he gets off. He’s not moving, so I look up at him. ”Perfect for off the bike.” He reaches for my face and I smile. He’s so sweet. Then he unclips the helmet. I am such a moron. I look away so he doesn’t see how ridiculous I almost acted again. ”Perfect,” he says and runs his fingers down my cheek. My eyes meet his and he’s smiling. “You like the ride.”
I think I want to plaster my body against his again but just smile and nod. He takes my hand and turns me around, walking toward the building. Oh dear. Lenny used to come here. Looking around for his car, I’m relieved he’s not here. Digs lets my hand go and opens the door, putting his hand on my back as he guides me in. I really like that he’s decided to touch me tonight. It feels nice.
* * *
Digs
I’m going to die trying to follow Patches’ fuckin’ list. We sit and order our drinks. While she’s reading the menu, I click my watch and ping in my location. They track me, but I want them to know we’re stopped for a while. It’s a good feature and when the tracked Brothers let us know they’ll be stopped it throws relief on the surveillance team. They know we’re aware that we are out of the video feeds and we will be a
t the location for a while. I can picture the boards and a Security team moving this way. They won’t leave town, but they’ll be close just in case.
When she puts the menu down she’s smiling. “Fish and chips.”
I nod and look for the waiter, then give our order. “Do you want to take the long way home?”
“Yes, please, I like riding on the motorcycle.” She’s bobbing her head up and down like a bobble head. I can’t believe she’s out with me, showing me that smile.
“We call them bikes. I’m glad. Is this your first time on a bike?” I really want to know whose bike she’s been on but can’t ask her that.
“Yes. Jessie was going to take me for a ride a couple of weeks ago, but Danny didn’t think that was a good idea, so I never went.” She looks confused.
“You don’t ride on the back of a Brother’s bike if you belong to someone else.” Fuckin’ Jessie and Jake. Sometimes women get off on the bike, especially when they’re new to riding. I can’t even think about that. I want to hit the both of them. They’d probably kill me, but I’d get my shot in.
Her head turns like a confused puppy. That’s fuckin’ adorable. “I don’t belong to anyone. Danny watches out for me but that’s it.”
Is she serious? “You were at the Club with Jake, went out with him. He’s a Brother and Jessie had no business offering you a ride. Jake would have been fuckin’ pissed. You don’t piss off the SEALS. They’re crazy when they get pissed.”
She’s shaking her head no. “I didn’t belong to Jake. We met at the Club and went for breakfast the next morning but that was it. You asked me out and I told him. I never belonged to him.”
I look at her and know she’s telling me the truth, but did they go for breakfast because he was already at her house or did he pick her up? Fuck, I wish I had my computer. “Still shouldn’t have offered knowing Jake was there.” Why the fuck am I telling her this?
She looks away. Damn, I’m a shit. “It’s just a Brother thing, Penny. Have you been through the res at night? It’s eerie and exhilarating at the same time. On the bike it’s like you can feel the energy moving through you.”
Looking back at me, she gives me that smile. “I’ve never been through the reservation. It sounds scary and fun. I’d like to feel that.” She looks down.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why did you let me ride on your mot...bike?” She’s still looking down.
I reach over and lift her chin so I can see her. “You were done with Jake and Rich keeps telling me we work. Either of those didn’t happen, you’d have been in my truck.”
“Tess says that too. It makes me nervous and excited. I’m glad I got to ride with you and hope you bring me through the reservation on the way home.” She’s nervous and talking fast.
“Look, Penny, I don’t date. This is new for me too. Patches said just be honest, talk and have fun. If you’re nervous, you won’t have fun, so relax. If we fuck it up, we can fix it and move on.”
She tilts her head again. Why the fuck is that so cute? “You’re right. Trying to make everything I say perfect is exhausting.” I like that she’s honest. She looks embarrassed but she’s looking at me.
“There is perfection in flaws. It’s what makes us who we are. I’m so fuckin’ far from perfect, but all I’m trying to do tonight is have fun and make it so you say yes to a second date.”
I get her smile. “That’s what I’ll do too then.”
We get our food and I notice she keeps looking around. Even as we’re talking she’s watching people come and go. “Who are you looking for?”
Her eyes swing back to me. “Well, my ex comes here. It makes me a little nervous.”
Fuck! She couldn’t have told me? I take a breath and keep my voice low. “Why didn’t you say something?”
She looks like a puppy that I just kicked. “Anita says we have to start living somewhere. I wanted to start living on our date. I’ve already done two things I didn’t expect to and I lived through them. This is my chance to live without worrying about the past.”
“You looking around every time someone moves isn’t letting go of the past, that’s being scared shit of it. That’s not what you’re supposed to be feeling on a date. Let’s go.” I stand and throw money on the table. She looks scared, but I take her hand and pull her out with me. “There’s a shop we can get a grinder right up the road. You’ll be relaxed there.” It’s back in the yard too.
At the bike I put the helmet on her and she’s searching my face. I smile so she knows it’s okay. These shelter women are fuckin’ exhausting. We have classes where we get all the information, but we never use it. I’m fuckin’ IT, I never see those women. Being with Penny is going to take some work. I’m wondering if it’s worth it, when she smiles back. Fuck. I look down at her fuckin’ long ass legs and remember what they felt like against my hips. Yeah, it will be fuckin’ worth it. I swing my leg over before she sees just what that look did to me and tilt the bike down. She’s smiling the whole time, so I figure she either knows or she’s excited to ride again.
At the shop I ping in again and order a large Italian. We sit at the picnic table and I give her the half with the wrapper. Since she’s smiling, I guess this is more comfortable for her. “When we go out you have some input in that. You tell me if it’s not the right place or it makes you uncomfortable. You can’t have fun looking over your shoulder every time we’re out. Yeah?”
She stops eating and looks at me. “Yeah, I like that. I’ll tell you.” She goes back to eating.
I take a bite and watch her. She likes that? It’s the fuckin’ control shit. She gets some by telling me if she’s comfortable. Fuck. I wonder if all this thinking about every move is normal. Maybe this is what makes everything so nuts when Officers take old ladies. It’s not going to be easy always having to think about her side. I’m going to miss shit if I don’t figure out something quick. The crazy ass Brothers are just waiting for a reason to shoot my fuckin’ toes off.
I hear the car behind me but don’t pay attention until Penny screams. Jumping up, I move to the side of the table and pull her up. She’s not helping, so I yank her up and carry her away from the table. Hearing the crash, I don’t stop until we reach the side of the building. It’s all of six steps. When I look back my bike is under the fuckin’ car. What the fuck? Chet pulls in, going right to the car with his gun pointed at the pussy’s head. His partner, Lyrec, comes over to us. “Stay here,” I tell him and start walking.
“No! Don’t go near him!” Penny says. She’s crying. What the fuck?
“I’ll be right back. Chet has a gun on him. I’m pretty sure I’m good.” She looks at my face and nods once.
As I get closer, I’m getting more pissed. I hear the guy yelling, but I’m taking inventory of my bike under his fuckin’ car and tune him out. He ran my fuckin’ bike over! Chet looks at me then back at the asshole. “Her ex.”
What? This isn’t his normal car. I open the door and pull him out while he’s yelling about something. I hear whore and hit him. I don’t stop until Chet holds my arm. The pussy falls and I just look at him. Fuck, I don’t really remember hitting him. My fuckin’ hand hurts, though. “Go back to Penny. I got this. Danny’s on his way.”
“Fuck. On his way to kill me or on his way to make sure Penny’s okay?” I ask before I move. I need to know which way I’m heading.
He laughs. “On his way to give you a ride home.”
As I’m walking back, Penny runs and hugs me. I’m not saying a fuckin’ word. I hold her to me as Lyrec walks by us. “Nice job, Digs.” He throws chin. I look back and see Danny’s truck. He gets out and talks to Chet, then laughs, looking over at me. I shrug. I don’t know what the fuck came over me and I’m not going to try and figure it out.
He walks to us. “You okay, Penny?”
She moves her head but doesn’t let me go. “He was going to drive right into us. The motorcycle stopped him.” She hiccups.
“Looks like it. We’l
l take care of this. Digs, get her home, don’t leave her alone tonight. Take my truck. I’ll have Security switch it with yours later.” He doesn’t look pissed, but he’s concerned.
I throw him chin and turn Penny around, which isn’t easy since she’s not letting me go. The pussy is still on the ground. I don’t know why she’s scared. I look back at Danny. He’s watching but doesn’t say anything. “What about my bike?”
“I’ll get it up to the shop. Call Dave tomorrow. Don’t leave her, Digs, she’s your priority.” His eye is intense, letting me know he’s not fuckin’ around.
“I won’t.” Fuck. Was I not supposed to ask about my bike?
I get her in the truck on the driver’s side. She doesn’t move from where I put her, so I move her over and slide in. I get us back to her house, thinking this didn’t turn out like I planned. At the door I take her keys. She’s still shaking and can’t get it in the lock. She doesn’t look at me but moves aside. I walk her to the couch and go to the kitchen, looking for a drink for her. She doesn’t have any beer or liquor, so I call a Prospect to make a run for me and grab glasses of water. “A Prospect is getting something a little stronger. This will have to do right now.” I hand her the glass and see she’s still shaking. “You’re safe, Penny. Nothing is going to happen to you.”
Finally, she looks at me. “You made sure I was safe. You never even checked to see what it was. You just got up and made sure I was safe.”
She says it like there was an option there, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. “That’s what we do. It’s not normally my job, but it’s what we’re trained for in High Security.”
“You beat him up. He called me a whore and you beat him up.”
He ran my fuckin’ bike over. Yah, I beat the fuck out of him. I just shrug because I don’t remember what made me start hitting the guy. Explaining that to her doesn’t seem like a smart move. “So after all these years he’s still pulling shit. What’s his deal?” I’ve seen Security deal with him, but he’s always reasonable and just leaves. He picked today to do crazy. My fuckin’ luck.
