by L. Ann Marie
Just tell him he said. “This feels safe,” I whisper.
“You’re fuckin shaking and feel safe. You’ll need to explain that.”
“You feel safe. I never had a choice before,” I whisper, afraid if I say it louder he’ll yell.
“Okay, so you feel safe with me. Does that mean you want me to stay?”
I nod my head and feel silly, so I tell him. “Yes, please. I don’t want you to leave. I’m scared, but you moved the sugar.”
He kisses my head and I remember last night. He’s been doing it right along. Why does it feel like so long when it’s been less than twenty-four hours? “You want me to stay because I moved sugar?”
I giggle and relax. “No, I want you to stay because you make me feel like fire runs through me. You moved the sugar, so I didn’t have to get up. No one has ever done things like that for me. I serve, I’m not served unless I’m with the girls and we go out.”
“Fuck, I don’t want you serving me unless you want to. I never lived with anyone, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that. We do things because they feel good to do them not because we’re expected to. Yeah?”
He’s perfect. I smile against his shoulder. “Yeah.”
“I’ll take what I can get seeing as I’m homeless if you kick me out. You aren’t used to someone doing things for you. So all the things on the list already put me golden. Since you aren’t used to that, you don’t know how to ask for what you want, do you?”
I shake my head and whisper, “No.”
“You need me to pick up something from the store, you text me a list. You need me to do something around the house, you sit just like this and tell me, you don’t seem to have a problem like this. You want me to take you out, you tell me where you want to go, leave a Post-it on my keyboard. Find a way that works for you to tell me things and do that.” I nod. “I’m easy. I’ll get the cleaners here once a week, that’s what they do at my house. If you want them more, just tell them or leave a note. I do my laundry and don’t like cleaning, so I’m good at cleaning up after myself. I don’t like my desk messed with, the cleaners know not to touch my shit. You leave a note on the keyboard. Don’t ever stick anything on the monitor. What else do we need to talk about?”
“Food?” I whisper, liking that he’s willing to talk it out.
“I eat simple and grill most of my food or go out to eat. I’ll ask Danny about the stove, mine has the grill top. I don’t cook much else because I’m one person, but I know how to cook. We can shop on your regular day. I need it to be earlier sometimes because I do the riding class for the kids every other rotation. What else?”
“I do Little Sisters on Thursdays and sometimes Saturdays.”
I feel him nodding. “Yeah, I have your schedule. I was going to the Club a couple of times a week. I won’t need to go as much. The Officers usually alternate Friday and Saturday nights, we can do that. I have Church on Sundays and I’ll want you on my bike for runs. I do a lot of work at home, but I’ll try to make it when you’re sleeping.”
I smile. I get to ride on his bike for runs. I always want to do that when Tess, CJ, and Amanda go.
“Am I missing anything?”
“What is your name?” I whisper.
He laughs. “Wesley Michael Brighton, and no, the famous Brightons aren’t relatives.”
I giggle. Wesley Michael Brighton. It’s a nice name. “Why does everyone call you Digs?”
He moves, but I don’t lift my head off his shoulder. I’m afraid to ask him questions while looking at him. He doesn’t get mad like this. “I was a hacker as a teenager. I got into Geek’s files and he tracked me down and beat the shit out of me. When he was done he threw his card at me and told me to come see him when I turned seventeen. I did. He had me Prospecting and working for him, finding information for Security. My screen name was Digger. He shortened it and I’ve been Digs ever since.”
“He beat you up when you were a kid? He’s not a nice man.” I squeeze him, feeling bad.
He laughs. “He could have killed me. I never got far into his files, but he was the MC and I hacked in. Geek is a legend in the hacker world and he wanted me. When I was Prospecting I gave up hacking on my own and went strictly MC. If it weren’t for Geek, I’d probably be in jail. He’s taught me more than I ever learned in school and I have a clean record. If I fuck something up, he’s right there to fix it.”
“I thought you were HS?” I’m pretty sure that’s what Tess told me.
“I am. I head HS IT. That’s High Security Information Tech. Geek is my direct supervisor. He’s in charge of all IT departments. When Ops are running I’m the lead console. Sticks is my second. That’s like my partner. I can’t talk about my job much, though.” He moves again. This makes him uncomfortable. I know how that feels.
“You came and fixed my computer when you have a job like that? Now I really feel stupid.”
“You shouldn’t. I couldn’t tell you how to make a T-shirt. Computers is what I do.”
“Thank you. What time do you want dinner?” He didn’t make me feels stupid because I don’t know anything about computers. Lenny would have been yelling at me or worse already.
“When I get home and cook it. We’ll figure that out as we go. Are you good now?”
“Yes.” I’m smiling. He’s very easy to like.
“I need a refill and I have to get some work done. You’re closed today, are you going to the Center?”
“Yes. I need to see my counselor.” I hold my breath and wait for him to be mad.
He stands up with me in his arms and kisses my head. “I’ll take a quick shower and drop you off. You call me when you’re done. Yeah?” He lets my legs down and puts his hands on my face, turning it up to his.
“Yeah,” I say before he kisses me and I can’t think straight.
* * *
Digs
Fuck. I need to step back. I pull away and kiss her nose then forehead. What the fuck is that all about? “I need a shower.” I let her go and get the fuck out of the kitchen. Grabbing my clothes, I duck into the hallway bathroom. It’s small with just a shower unit, but that’s all I need. This will work out well.
Showered and dressed, I go back to the computer room, looking for my shaving kit. Not finding it, I wonder about the Prospects, not grabbing even a toothbrush. I did their job. I know the shit you’re supposed to pack. I flip through my phone and call Racks, letting him know they missed some stuff.
“It’s on the seat of your truck. The Prospect was freaked when he saw Penny’s stomach. I had him working in the kitchen and didn’t think about the rest of the boxes until he called telling me he didn’t bring them in. Is she okay?”
Fuck. I don’t want everyone knowing this shit. “She’s fine. Thanks for getting me in. I’ll get the shit from the truck.”
“Is she like Tess with the PTSD? We should know that so we know to watch out for her. I knew she was Danny’s, but I didn’t know why.”
Shit, he’s not going to let it go. “She just had a nightmare. With the pussy getting so close it’s understandable and she should be watched out for because of the shit she’s been through.”
I hear him take a deep breath. “Yeah. Let me know if you need anything, Brother.”
“I will, thanks, Racks.” I love the fuckin Brotherhood. I know he’ll watch out for her and he’ll get his new Prospects on it too.
I get my boxes in and emptied, then brush my teeth. Penny knocks, telling me she’s ready in a scared voice. When I open the door she’s looking at the floor. Shit. “Let me grab my boots and I’m ready.”
She looks up then away. I just walk by, not knowing what to do with that. I need to ask Kate while I’m at the Center. I check the back door and walk through to the living room. She’s waiting by the door, twisting her hands in front of her. “All set.” I grab her hand and walk her out. I’m ignoring the nervousness radiating off her and try to get her to talk about stupid shit on the way over. It’s literally three mi
nutes to the Center, but she’s monosyllabic.
When I park she looks at me. “Thank you,” she whispers. She did that this morning. “Sometimes we get coffee.” She looks away. I get out and go around to open the door. She looks surprised but doesn’t say anything.
“I need to talk to Kate. I’ll walk you in. Call me when you’re ready to be picked up after coffee or lunch or whatever the fuck you women do.” I’ve seen Tess, Amanda, CJ, and Penny doing all kinds of shit together. “Whatever you do, you need to stay in the backyard. Rich has extra Security around.” She looks around, making me laugh. “You won’t see them. They’re HS.”
Inside, I kiss her forehead because my fuckin body won’t listen to my head, and she goes to a meeting room while I ask for Kate. The girl calls, then sends me back to her office. “Thanks for seeing me, Kate,” I say as I sit in front of her.
She’s like everyone’s mom and smiles at me like I’m her kid doing something right. I’m not going to lie, it feels good. “I sent Anita with Doc for my training session this morning. I had a feeling I’d see you especially after yesterday’s drama.” I can’t help smiling. She’s the best mom I ever had. Mine is too busy to be a mom but likes to parade me around her friends when she feels the need for attention. At least she used to. I haven’t talked to her in a couple of years.
“Thanks for that. Danny must have told you he moved me in with her. She’s taking it well, but she’s nervous as fu—hell. She doesn’t know how to ask for what she wants, so we did that this morning. I gave her ideas and shit, but when she had to leave she wouldn’t look at me. I ignored it, but I need her to tell me what she needs, especially with the pu—jerk running around.”
She’s smiling like I did something right again. “Ignoring it may be the best thing you can do. She’ll change that reaction the more she doesn’t get one out of you. Her ex was her only relationship. She watches the families but always has a confused look on her face. She’s never had normal.”
He was her only. Shit. “I haven’t either. I’ve never dated and now I’m living with her. How do we make that normal?”
She laughs. “Patches can help you with that part. They went through it with Tess. You need to follow your instincts with her. She had bad then nothing but time to remember the bad. She’ll get there, but she needs help taking the leap, I think you’re the perfect person for her to leap with. She wouldn’t have let you in if she didn’t feel safe and Tess says it’s supposed to be.”
“Fu—damn Tess and the visions. She doesn’t tell us how to get there, only the outcome.”
She gives me a sad smile, making me think something is definitely coming that no one is telling me. “It’s just the way it is. She’s been right in what she sees. There is something coming, but I don’t think it has to do with Penny. You need to keep your focus on her even when it gets crazy around here.” Is she giving me a warning? I wait, but she doesn’t say any more.
“She has scars on her stomach. They look bad for how long she’s been away from him. What happened to her?”
“It’s not just her stomach, Digs. He was making sure no one could have her. She has had multiple surgeries to correct some of what he’s done. She hasn’t gone back because she thinks no one will want her. Tess camouflaged her scars with tattoos and little Ben covered his grafts with them. I can suggest she talk to Amanda, but the scars are not just on her body but in her head and they’re deep.”
She stops talking and watches me. “You didn’t say what he did to her.”
She gives me an indulgent smile. “No, I didn’t, it’s not mine to tell. More importantly, it shouldn’t matter.”
I think about that. I haven’t seen her naked, and what I did see didn’t change how I feel about her. “No, it doesn’t matter. I wanted to kill him for giving her those nightmares. I never thought about the scars.”
She sits back. “You? Wanted to kill him?”
I look away, embarrassed. “Yeah, I can’t seem to control what my body is doing lately. I beat the fu—shit out of him.”
I turn back to her laughing. “That’s priceless! Just keep following your instincts and you’ll be fine. Did you have anything else? I need to get into the group. Anita is at the training today.”
I stand and kiss her cheek. “Thanks, Kate. You’re still the best mom around.” She slaps my chest and pushes me toward the door.
“Go see Doc and have him run tests to make sure you’re clean to start your life with Penny.” I stop and she walks into me.
“I don’t do uncovered.” I’m so fuckin glad I’m facing the other way. “I’m not talking panties with you either.” I start walking again.
“Get checked anyway and talk to Danny. He’ll set you up for panties with Victoria’s, no talk involved that way.” I know she’s smiling, but I keep walking without looking back. Fuckin’ women.
Fuck. Sitting in my truck, I think about getting checked. I guess it can’t hurt, but I’ve never fucked uncovered since I’ve only been with the whores or Club girls. I drive to the Clinic and get the blood test. Sally tells me I’ll know in a couple of days.
At home the electrician is just leaving, so I get into finding information for Danny. When he calls to let me know Jessie got in I ask him about the stove then panties. He’ll have a stove delivered tomorrow and he gives me the name and number to get new shit every couple of months for Penny. I’ve only seen one pair of panties and I’m getting shit sent. I need my fuckin head examined. I can already hear Geek yelling, “See, this is what I’m talking about!”
I get back to work smiling because she’s going to have new shit for me to see. When she calls I know her head is down. She whispers she’s done with coffee. I ignore it like Kate said. “I’ll be right over, pretty Penny.”
I make it in three minutes and walk into the Bakery, thinking living close isn’t so bad. Tess is all smiles as she runs to hug me. “I’m so glad you came in!” I don’t know what to do, so I pat her shoulder. I know Rich is on the boards and I’m not giving him a reason to shoot me.
Penny laughs and I look over at her. “Thanks, Tess. I’m going to grab a coffee before I get Penny home.” Thank God she lets me go. I kiss Penny’s head and walk to Peg. She has my coffee ready before I get to her. I thank her and turn to see Tess hug Penny and wait until she starts walking toward the door so she doesn’t hug me again. “Do you want to get something for the morning, Penny?” She looks at me then down. “Come pick some stuff so I know what you like.” Peg waits. I know she knows what everyone eats, but she’s going to help me out here. Penny gets up and tells Peg what she wants softly. “I’ll have my usual,” I tell her. She smiles and gets me a box with some extra in it. “Thanks, Peg.”
“Take care of my girl here.” Even with the smile I take it as a warning. I sign my slip and look at her.
“Yes, ma’am, too many people will point guns at me if I don’t,” I tell her seriously. She laughs, then Penny does. I grab her hand and get the hell out of there before I get another lecture or order to do something else. I love the Brotherhood, but it comes with a price.
I get her in the truck and notice Colby waiting on the side of the Bakery. I’m glad it’s a nice day for him. Tess would warrant HS on her, she must be in with Jess today. “Did you need anything before we head home?”
She looks at me quick then turns her head. “Yes, milk and bread. I was going to pick it up if I walked home.” She’s not whispering, but it’s not her regular voice.
“Since I’m off, let’s run to the grocery and get a couple of things. I ate all the fruit while I was working and we need some meats.” I pull out and feel her eyes on me. “Did you want to do something else?” I look over and see her smiling.
“No. You really do shop?”
I laugh at the question in her voice. “Only if I want to eat.”
“There is that,” she says, making me laugh again. I’m relieved she’s playful and not still scared.
We make it through the fruit and vegetables and
she stops. “I don’t know what you eat.”
“Just get what you normally do and I’ll add what I normally get if it’s different.”
She gets Fruit Loops and I grab Mini Wheats. She gets Oreos and I get crackers, wondering how the fuck she’s skinny eating like that. When we get to the meat I order the box I normally get with steak, hamburger, roast, and ribs and she gets two chicken breasts. In the frozen aisle she gets pizzas and burritos, sending a chill down my back. I go back and grab wraps, cheese, and beans and still make it before she’s out of the aisle. I get frozen vegetables then chips and salsa since we’re obviously having a Mexican night. She gets caramel covered popcorn, making me laugh through the next aisle. I pull over to the yogurt and look at her. She smiles, reaching for the kids yogurt with candy flavors. I get two packs of vanilla and she laughs. I go through the Bakery and get a loaf of sliced Italian bread and she comes back with candy and a peanut butter jelly mix. “How the fuck are you skinny?”
“I eat right, exercise and get plenty of rest,” she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm and cracking me up. “It’s the water. I drink coffee and water.”
“All right, water girl, let’s get the fuck out of here before your processed foods melt into plastic.” She doesn’t say anything, but she’s smiling. At the register she tries to separate the food. “Just leave it, I got this.” She opens her mouth and I give her a look that has her looking at the floor. Fuck. “We can go over what we pay at home when I can write it down so I don’t fuck anything up.” She looks up at me then gives me her smile. I pay and get us home, happy she’s talking. I remember Danny having a conversation about Kate still working and needing to feel like she’s helping pay her way. I guess all the women are like that. I leave some hamburger and the stuff for burritos out and help get everything else put up.
