Barbara L. Clanton - Going, Going, Gone - Suzie's Story

by Barbara L. Clanton

  "Y yo te quiero tu también. Mucho."

  Susie tried not to laugh at Marlee's butchered Spanish. "You've been practicing your Spanish."

  Marlee nodded. "How else am I going to talk to my future grandmother-in-law?"

  They both jumped when Marlee's mother called for Marlee. "Marlee?"

  "Be right there, Mom." She opened the bathroom door and started to leave, but then darted back in to hand a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a bag of clothes to Susie.

  "Thanks," Susie said to Marlee's retreating back.

  Marlee turned and flashed a quick grin at her. She shut the door behind her.

  After Susie brushed her teeth, she changed into one of Marlee's old t-shirts and a pair of her sweats. The t-shirt was a little tight across her chest, but she was too tired to care. Once she was dressed, she hobbled out of the bathroom. Marlee was waiting right outside and ushered her toward the couch in the living room. Marlee's mother had apparently been busy, because the couch was made up for Susie to sleep on.

  "Thanks for letting me crash here," Susie said to Marlee's mother.

  "No problem. If you need anything in the night, just yell up the stairs."

  "Thanks, Mrs. M."

  Marlee's mother gave Susie one of those mom smiles that said everything would be okay. "Marlee, I'm heading up. Don't stay up too late."

  "Okay, Mom."

  They listened as Marlee's mother made her way up the stairs. As soon as the bedroom door clicked shut, Susie slid over to make room for Marlee on the couch. Marlee snuggled in next to her and they lay face-to-face. Susie hadn't realized how tense she had been until Marlee smiled and the tension eased. It would be back in the morning, she knew, but for now, it was dissipating.

  Marlee reached up and caressed Susie's face. "You can live here with me if you want," she said barely above a whisper. Her eyes were sympathetic, but there was desperation in them, too.

  "Someday we'll live together, mi vida, someday."

  "Promise?"

  Susie nodded, and even though she didn't mean to, she yawned.

  "I have to let you sleep." Marlee started to get up.

  "No." Susie pulled her back down. "Just a few more minutes, okay?"

  "Okay." Marlee lay back down and kissed Susie chastely on the forehead.

  "Mmm, that was nice." Susie tried to keep her eyes open, but they kept closing.

  "It's okay, sweetie." Marlee stroked her cheek. "Don't fight it. You're safe now."

  Susie smiled and let her eyes close. She vaguely remembered Marlee brushing her lips across her cheek, but then she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

  She woke slowly the next morning, not quite sure where she was. Her chest felt heavy. Was she having a heart attack? Her eyes popped open when the heavy feeling moved. She was face to face with Marlee's white calico cat.

  "Hi, Patches," Susie petted the cat behind the ears. "How long have you been here?"

  Patches didn't answer, but simply purred, obviously enjoying the attention. Maybe having a cat wouldn't be so bad. Susie yawned and stretched her arms overhead. She flexed her swollen feet and winced. Maybe she'd have to use Marlee as a crutch for a while more. She'd figure out how bad her feet were once she stood up and put her full weight on them. Marlee's mother had been so nice letting her stay, but things might be different in the light of day. Susie decided to apologize to Marlee's mother the first opportunity she got.

  "Okay, little Patches," Susie said to the still-purring cat lounging on her chest, "you have to get up, 'cuz I have to pee." The cat meowed her disapproval at getting picked up and placed on the floor. Susie was about to stand up and hobble her way to the bathroom when she heard voices in the kitchen. Even though the living room door was closed, she heard the voices loud and clear.

  "Do you want more coffee?" Marlee's mother asked someone in the kitchen with her. Marlee maybe?

  "No thanks, I'm going to float away as it is," an unfamiliar woman's voice said. "So how bad do you think that fight was between Susie and her parents?"

  "Just the mother, I think. When I spoke with Susie's father this morning, he seemed pretty supportive."

  Alarm bells rang in Susie's brain. Marlee's mother had talked to her dad? She groaned. How much trouble was she in? What time was it?

  The stranger's voice sounded grim. "Hmm. That's terrible. How can a mother reject her child?"

  "I don't know."

  There was silence in the kitchen, and Susie wondered if she should make her presence known by loudly heading to the bathroom. She changed her mind when Marlee's mother spoke again.

  "Marlee was devastated when Bill died. I think a little of her died that day, too. Oh, she always had friends, played softball, got good grades, and, if you didn't know her, she seemed fine. But there was always a somber mood about her, you know? Like a dark cloud hanging over her head."

  "I've seen it."

  "But, Joan, then she started talking about her friend Susie. Susie this, Susie that. And she started doing things with her all the time. Best friends, I told myself, even though she already had a best friend in Jeri, you know?"

  The woman named Joan must have nodded because Marlee's mother continued. "But this was more. Suddenly my baby was all lit up. Inside and out. She was smiling all the time and humming and taking the stairs two at a time. The happy carefree little girl I knew before her father died had come back." Marlee's mother's voice cracked with emotion. Susie got choked up listening. "There could only be one explanation for it."

  "She was in love," Joan said.

  "Yes." Marlee's mother cleared her throat. "It took me by surprise, I have to tell you, but if my baby's back, I don't care."

  "Oh, Marge, Marlee's got a good head on her shoulders."

  "I know. Her, uh, her friend--"

  "It's hard to say the word 'girlfriend' isn't it?"

  "Yes. Okay, I'll say it. Girlfriend. Marlee's girlfriend, Susie, is a wonderful young woman. Polite, funny, intelligent." She laughed. "She wants to be a geologist."

  "Nice."

  "And she's attractive, too. If she were a boy, she'd be exactly what Bill and I always wanted for Marlee."

  "Are you okay with the fact that Marlee's in love with a girl?"

  "Actually, I think I am okay with it. It freaks me out that I'm not upset. I should be upset, right?"

  "I don't think it's a requirement, but Paulie and I don't have kids, so I'm no judge."

  Their conversation turned, and Joan teased Marlee's mother about finding a new love of her own one day. Susie definitely didn't want to hear about Marlee's mother's love life, so she yawned loudly and coughed a couple of times. She was trying to stand up on her still-swollen feet when there was a knock on the door.

  "Susie?" Marlee's mother called. "Are you all right?"

  "Yes." Susie laughed. "I'm trying to stand up, but it's not working out too well."

  "May I come in?"

  "Sure."

  Marlee's mother opened the door and walked in the room. Right behind her was an older woman with gray hair pulled back into a ponytail.

  "Oh, Susie? This is my good friend Joan."

  "Nice to meet you," Susie said.

  Joan walked over and shook Susie's hand. "I hear you had a rough night."

  Susie rolled her eyes and laughed. "You could say that."

  Joan smiled at her. "You probably need to use the facilities?"

  Susie nodded and tried to stand up again.

  "Hang on, youngin'." Joan scurried out of the room. She came back in with a beat up silver wheelchair. "It doesn't look like much, but she's got a lot of good miles left in her." She patted the back of the chair. "C'mon, hop in."

  Susie decided it was pointless to protest, so she shifted her weight on the couch and threw herself in the chair without putting too much pressure on her feet.

  "Now, youngin', once you're done primping, I'm going to have a proper look at those feet, okay?"

  Susie nodded, but looked up questioningly at Marlee's mother. />
  "This is Dr. Joan Aldwell. She's our family pediatrician as well as my good friend."

  Dr. Aldwell nodded once. "Go on. Get yer wheels movin', kid." She pointed toward the bathroom.

  Susie did as she was told and only had a little bit of trouble navigating the turn into the hallway. She had to leave the wheelchair outside the bathroom, since it was too big to fit in the doorway. Once she was done 'primping,' she plopped back into the chair and wheeled herself to the kitchen where everyone had gathered. Marlee was up, pulling out two bowls for cereal.

  The smile that lit Marlee's face melted Susie's heart. How nice it was to get up in the morning and not only have Marlee there, but making breakfast for her as well. Marlee's mother and her friend Joan noticed Marlee's smile. Susie was sure of it, because they exchanged a knowing look. If Susie hadn't overheard their conversation, she might have been worried about them seeing the affection she and Marlee shared. Marlee had been freaking out in her quiet Marlee way about coming out to her mother, but now Susie knew it would be okay. Susie had to find a way to reassure her that all hell wouldn't break loose like it had at her house.

  After a quick breakfast of Kellogg's corn flakes, Dr. Aldwell examined Susie's feet.

  "Whoever cleaned you up last night did an excellent job." Dr. Aldwell smiled approvingly at Marlee's mother. "I'm going to clean out this open wound again, put this salve on it," she held up a tube of antibiotic cream, "and then I'll re-bandage both of your feet. Do you know when you last had a tetanus shot?"

  Susie shook her head.

  "Okay, that's a question we'll need answered from your folks. You'll need another if it's been too long. Who knows what you stepped on in your journey." She took one last look at Susie's feet. "Your dogs are still pretty swollen, kid, so I think it's the chair for you for a couple of days, and softball's probably out for at least a week."

  Susie tried her best not to react to the "no softball" rule. "Thank you so much, Dr. Aldwell."

  "Call me Joan. And you're welcome, kid. Marge'll get the chair back to me eventually. It's a spare one we have in the office."

  Susie thanked her again, but didn't call her Joan. It seemed too disrespectful. "How much do I owe you for helping me?"

  Dr. Aldwell smiled and exchanged a glance with Marlee's mother. "You're fine. I don't charge family."

  Susie sat up taller in the wheelchair. Family. Yes, that would be nice. She wanted to be part of Marlee's family. Someday.

  "All right, ladies. I have a medical practice to run and must head out the door." Dr. Aldwell turned toward Marlee's mother. "I'll come by later to check up on our patient. If I don't like the looks of those feet, I'll prescribe some antibiotics. Actually, let me just go ahead and do that now." She pulled out her prescription pad and scribbled on it. She handed the prescription to Marlee's mother.

  Marlee's mother walked her friend out to the driveway and to her car.

  Once they were gone, Marlee took that opportunity to steal a kiss from Susie. "Ha. Looks like I have you hostage. Maybe you can look at cars with me today. Think my mom will let me get a van?" Marlee blushed and then grinned mischievously. "I kind of like us in that van."

  "I do, too." Susie waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "But I think I have to deal with my own dead car today."

  "Actually, my mom said that your dad was on his way to get your car this morning." Marlee glanced at the kitchen clock. "In fact, he probably already met Paulie with the tow truck by now."

  "Dr. Aldwell's husband?"

  Marlee cocked her head. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

  Susie realized her mistake too late. "Oh, uh, Dr. Aldwell said something to your mom about him before." Not exactly a lie, but she didn't want Marlee to know that she'd listened in on her mother's private conversation. "So is my dad coming here?"

  "Yes," Marlee's mother said from the other side of the screen door. She opened it and walked back into the kitchen. "I told him you'd call once you were up."

  "Okay." Susie smiled at Marlee's mother. "Mrs. McAllister?" She paused trying to gather up her strength. "I'm astronomically sorry to drag you and Marlee into my family drama. My mother just--" Susie's throat choked up with emotion, and she couldn't finish. Not that she had any idea how she was going to finish the sentence. She willed herself not to cry again.

  The silence hung thick and awkward in the McAllister kitchen until Marlee's mother said, "It's all right, honey. She'll come around. It might take her some time, but moms usually come around eventually."

  Susie nodded and attempted a smile, one that she didn't quite feel.

  "Girls," Marlee's mother said, "I'll be upstairs if you need me."

  Marlee waited until her mother had gone up the stairs. "I think my mom is onto us. I think she knows exactly what your fight with your mom was about."

  Susie nodded. "I think you're right. Maybe it's time you came out to her."

  "I don't know. When you tried it with yours, it didn't go so well." Marlee gestured at the wheel chair.

  "Maybe we should tell her together." Susie shrugged. "Power in numbers, maybe? I get the feeling she already knows. And, hey, she wouldn't beat up an invalid, would she?" She gestured to the wheelchair.

  Marlee laughed. "No, but I'm not in a wheelchair."

  Susie leaned forward for a kiss, but the phone rang and Marlee pulled away.

  "I'll get it," Marlee called to her mother. To Susie she said, "Maybe that's Sam or Lisa." She picked up the phone. "Hello?" Marlee waited for a moment. "Is anybody there? Okay, well, I can't hear you, so I'm hanging up now." She placed the phone gently in its cradle and headed back to Susie at the table.

  Marlee was the one who leaned forward this time demanding a kiss, but a knock on the screen door interrupted them. Susie's father stood on the other side.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Fight or Flight

  "¡PAPI!" SUSIE TRIED to stand up, but her hand slipped on the arm of the wheelchair, and she fell back down.

  "Oh, no you don't." Marlee snapped her fingers. "Stay right where you are." She opened the screen door for Susie's father. "C'mon in, Mr. Torres. I'm Marlee."

  "Nice to meet you." He entered the kitchen, and Susie could tell by his posture that he didn't feel entirely comfortable. "Thanks for taking care of mi mariposita."

  "Any time." Marlee gestured for him to sit in the chair she had just vacated and then turned to Susie. "My mom and I'll be upstairs, okay? Yell if you need anything."

  Susie nodded, grateful for the care that Marlee and her mother were giving her.

  Susie's father stood a few feet away taking her in. Her wheelchair, her bandaged feet. In a rush he pulled her into a hug and held on a long time. Susie held on, too. He wiped at his eyes when he pulled back and sat down hard in the chair.

  He pointed toward the screen door. "Did you see today's canvas?"

  "No." Susie looked out at the vibrant blue but cloudless sky and smiled. "A roller."

  "Sky blue paint." They both chuckled, and Susie relaxed a little.

  Her father's smile was sad, though. "Estás bien, mi princesa?"

  "I'm fine, Papi. La señora McAllister tiene una amiga que es una doctora." Susie told him how Dr. Aldwell checked out her feet. She also told him she had to stay in the wheelchair for at least another day, but left out the part about not playing softball for a week.

  He looked at her feet for a long time. "Your car was almost six miles from that gas station. I tracked the mileage. Did you walk it?"

  Susie looked down at her hands on the table and nodded.

  "In the dark?"

  She looked up at him again, this time with tears in her eyes.

  "With no shoes." It wasn't a question.

  Susie nodded once.

  He pressed his lips together obviously trying to keep his emotions under control. Susie teared up, ashamed that she may have made her father angry.

  He took a deep breath. "This is my fault. If I'd just gotten your car fixed at the first sign of trouble--"


  "Papi, this isn't your fault. It's mine. I didn't know what to do or where to go, so I took off. I didn't check the gas gauge or anything. I didn't even know where I was going."

  "Why didn't you tell me what happened? You didn't have to run away."

  "I didn't want to hurt you, too."

  "Me?" The look of shock on his face surprised Susie. "You were worried about hurting me?" He sighed. "Your mother, she goes to extremes sometimes."

  "Sometimes?"

  Her father shrugged and then nodded. "She'll come around, mariposita. I think this is just like that 'Elect Joe Wilson' thing all over again. We just have to wait for that switch to turn around in her brain. ¿Comprende?"

  "I understand, Papi. I just hope it happens in my lifetime."

  He looked skyward for a moment as if trying to figure out what he wanted to say next. "Throughout every walk of life, there will be people who, for whatever reason, won't like who you are or what you do. Sometimes it makes no sense, but the important thing to remember is that the loss is theirs." He pointed at her. "You can't let other people's opinions of you stop you from being who you are."

  Susie nodded and looked down. It was amazing how they could have an entire conversation about her liking girls without saying any of the actual words like queer or gay. She looked back up at her father. "Does Mami hate me?"

  "No, she's just confused, I think." He sighed. "All of this is new for her, and I don't think she's thought it through yet. She doesn't realize how happy you are." He sat back in the chair. "When we first came to New York from Puerto Rico, we moved to Brooklyn. Your Tío Emilio had moved there first and found a Puerto Rican neighborhood. We thought it would be a good place to start our family. Lots of opportunities for school. Such a big state." He smiled at the memory. "But then we realized soon enough that not everybody was fond of our kind moving in. People shouted nasty things at your mother and me, calling us wetbacks, and other derogatory names."

  "Isn't 'wetback' an insult for Mexicans?"